Ill never get past the past

How does one recover from trauma and PTSD? This area is for people who have been attacked by CPS and are having a hard time getting over it.

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simplebirdsnest85
Posts: 42
Joined: Sun Sep 28, 2008 9:21 pm
Location: Not home....

Ill never get past the past

Postby simplebirdsnest85 » Wed Apr 20, 2011 12:32 pm

Ill never be able to move on from what happened to our daughter because every time i turn around theres a reminder. The Pediatrician claims she needs PT/OT/ST when she had all of those things done when they had custody. Well, thats not the part i cant get past...its when i called today to schedule it and I was told I couldnt bring her in until the county said they no longer have custody because no one from the county ever called them and told them. :x why cant i just go 1 doctor's place without having to explain everything? Even the pediatrician was SUPER nice and new, seemed to really care until we just went and hes like " i read through her file" (umm, does he realize just how BIG her medical file is?!) and suddenly she needs therapy. I have been wondering, is this because he wants to cover his own butt? Is it because no one will EVER let me live down just how sick our daughter was? I think he wants to schedule it because IF something happens again he can say " well i referred them"....I dont want therapy for my 3yr old. I want the OLD daughter I use to have without medical issues.

On top of this, I feel like i dont know my own daughter, we go to playdates and things and I cant relate to anything they are saying about when their babies were little, I didnt have my daughter then. I dont know when she learned to walk or throw a ball. i didnt have her.

I have found its not 100% personal forgiveness, because i own what part I had. I just wish I wasnt wearing a neon sign " i starved my daughter, please have some pity". and i wish i didnt wear it forever because of CPS. I hate answering the door, I hate going to the doctor. I hate wondering if im doing it right because everything i WAS doing, apparently wasnt right. The daughter that left me at 1yr old is not and never will be the daughter I have now or got back a year ago. How do you get past that?
Ive found "they" are like roaches. It doesnt matter what you do, they keep coming back and multiplying. -my 2c on CPS
~Now just to get my igloo ready so i can move to Alaska. They cant find you in an igloo, they dont have addresses.
~~~~~~~~
Jan '09- Lost our daughter due to FTT. Went to my moms until March '09, then to my brothers until June '10..when she FINALLY came home to her parents. Oct 10-no longer court involved.....and FINALLY Nov 10- case CLOSED!
But the past cases, too many to number, keep haunting us and they keep finding us for more cases. They will never leave us alone and we will never be the same people we were before we had children.

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family_man
Posts: 1138
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2010 8:02 am
Location: TX

Re: Ill never get past the past

Postby family_man » Tue May 03, 2011 9:15 am

Once Cps enters your life, they ruin your reputation in the community. Everyone looks on your like a child abuser. They're always especially careful to look at your children the signs of recurring abuse. They gossip behind your back. They spread malicious rumors. This was true in our case within our own church. Instead of acting with compassion, they basically ostracized us.

The best remedy for all of this is to move to a different community, where people give you the benefit of the doubt. It's just one more upheaval that is caused by CPS, but for us it was well worth it.
Disclaimer: I am not an attorney, and this is not legal advice.

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monkette31
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Joined: Tue Oct 05, 2010 1:12 am
Location: Los Angeles, California
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Re: Ill never get past the past

Postby monkette31 » Wed May 04, 2011 7:08 pm

I agree with you family man. I have at least been lucky to have had my children for a few years before dcfs involvement. There is nothing better I believe I can do than tell them I love them at every possible moment and make this so very clear that it's the only thing they will ever remember of me, should the worst happen.

I was not the best parent either, none of us were or will ever be. I am in a better mood today, so take my words as just today's ones. You can grow this bond with your children, just start today and the next time you see them or talk to them, document things in a blog (be careful, don't disclose personal info...just saying, had a weird day at court), just keep informing them, telling them, writing them that you love them and will always love them no matter what. You will know you are doing the right thing when you hear your own words coming from yourself.

Stigma to me is bullshit and I hide in a warehouse from old friends, ha, but the most important thing I do everyday is tell them I love them, I am your mother and there will never be anyone who loves you more, as I believe this too. Your relationship with your children must grow personally more between you and them, than between society and whatever they think. You have many years to do this. You can only do this stuff today, in the present. Do not be ashamed, there are too many of us to back you up and keep you going. We number in the thousands if not hundreds of thousands. Try not to focus on the norms of society, you will never be like them. You are more special than them now, you and your kids are going through god awful times and this is what will help you make your life special with them. Yep, we been through hell together, we know more than the regular folks, thus we are smarter than them and our bond is different and so much more special.

I know this must be harder with smaller children, but you know, you start today and only give them what is most important to them, your love and your words of love. Your goal is to never make them doubt. Screw the rest of the world. You have a story to tell.....
I'm not a lawyer but will try and help you any way i can. My postings may seem harsh but they all stem from personal experience with DCFS. I am not a victim and take responsibility for my part in my life, but I will always help ANYONE learn about the corrupt sick system.


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