How to get an apology

[DanZ]

I put our story on the newbie forum. The case ended about 6 months ago, but it left huge scars. My son, who is now 4, is hostile towards strangers, especially strangers who speak English, who he thinks might try to take him. He refuses to speak a word of English, because he thinks that his lack of English knowledge is what saved him from the social workers.
My wife and I still have nightmares, and my wife and children left the country, so that we don't have this dormany file and crazy system hanging over our heads. So now we live in different countries.
You know, what would really help would be for them to come clean, admit they were wrong, and ask for forgiveness. But that's far from being their attitude- and I'm worried that if I press, they'll simply re-open the case. (And my wife and chidren aren't even in the country- how rational is that?!) I want to call the head of the JFCS, and tell him that what they did was wrong, and I want him to tell me that they realize their mistake, and are working to make sure that they don't make the same mistake with other people.
I don't really know how to get over it- how to recover. I don't know if we ever will. I mean, the system is blatantly insane- but how can one do anything at all about it? And those people who come and invade your home, inspect you, treat you like a criminal, threaten to take your children...

[Beatthescammers]

You will likely never get any form of apology, but by sharing your scary story, you will help other families.

The director of your CPS service was hired by someone. Find the CPS director's boss and go speak with that person. Write letters to reporters at your local newspaper and tell them your frightening story. Tell everyone you meet about the insane behavior of CPS and how it has deeply negatively affected all of your loved ones' lives. Very few people actually have been educated on how CPS is a dangerous organization that destroys the lives of children and healthy families.

You have experienced emotional trauma from the worry of a government agency stealing your child. Seek emotional support from your family and friends by talking about what happened. If you cannot sleep, feel frequently anxious, or become depressed, talk to your health provider about what you have experienced and how it is affecting you life.

I am so very sorry your wife and children are not here with you for support. Have you thought about moving to another county (not country) where you are currently residing? If your CPS case is closed, moving out of the county where CPS harassed you might allowed your family to resume living with you and be safe from old CPS investigators.

[DanZ]

Thank you for this!!

I don't know how to find the director's boss, except that JFCS is part of United Way, an umbrella group for charities (!!!). I can write to United Way, and ask whether they really want a hand in the market for human children. I could tell them our story, and hope that they review their membership- it would hurt JFCS to not be able to portray itself as some Mother Teresa group, I'm sure. But somehow I'm not quite sure how to go about doing that mechanically- how strongly do I want to phrase things? On what grounds can I claim that they should be thrown off United Way, in a way that United Way would understand?

About our caregiver: The person most at fault, perhaps, was the original psychiatrist who filed the report with the JFCS. Based on a 20 minute talk with my wife, she concluded that my wife had Chronic Depressive Disorder and was unsuitable to serve as a parent. That's why JFCS were after our children. This is a false diagnosis. Her depression directly resulted from not being allowed to see an obstetrician, and therefore was Adjustment Disorder, not Chronic Depressive Disorder. I got their former head psychiatrist to attest to this. But fighting a false psychiatric diagnosis is extremely hard. This is why I don't want to see any further psychiatrists right now.

Moreover, the family doctor supported them, and told us we were wrong and unreasonable. It turns out his brother is a CPS case worker. We need to find a new family doctor, but again, that's a huge hassle. But in general, telling people made us social outcasts, because we're branding ourselves "child abusers". This also caused stress- we're telling you the JFCS has done wrong, and now we're the criminals?! Some people offered superficial words of support, but we got badly stigmatized, and I don't know if anyone here believes in us. They all have some mental image of terrible child-abusing parents, and if we say anything, we get placed in that category by this society. But maybe I should speak out anyway, because they'll do that to one person or to two, but if dozens begin to speak out, maybe it will dawn on these geniusses that there are major issues going on with the child protection system in this country.

So it's become difficult for me to discuss this with anyone- it's become like some dirty secret, although we really did nothing at all wrong.

I visit my family every vacation I get, and I'll leave this job as soon as I get another job somewhere else- so yes, I'll leave this country and never come back. I don't want to live somewhere with an organization like the CPS menacing my family. But careerwise, it might take a year, or two years... time my children are without their father.

[Beatthescammers]

Google your United Way's mission statement. Explain how JFCS does not meet their mission statement and how it has violates their code of ethics. Use graphic details from your family’s nightmare in your letter.

You might also find that your spirits are lifted by filing a complaint against this psychiatrist or psychologist. Research him/her on the internet. What are the letters behind his/her name? Find the address for these professional organizations and send them a letter regarding the incompetence of this practitioner. Does this monster work for himself/herself or a corporation? Contact his/her boss and describe your family’s nightmare and how his/her incompetence was responsible for your family’s suffering. A malpractice attorney might also be interested in hearing what happened to your wife and family. Malpractice means the failure to exercise a degree of skill that would be reasonably expected of a doctor in similar circumstances. Spending 20 minutes with your wife is highly suspect for deciding that she had chronic Major Depression which jeopardized her children’s lives. Clearly there is a link between his/her incompetence and the injury to your family.

Posters on this forum understand how difficult it is to talk with others about CPS. CPS has been elevated to “child savior” status and they are seen as incapable of doing harm. Keep reaching out for others to talk to about your trauma. Sadly, there are too many others that have also had their families unjustly threatened or destroyed by CPS.

[monkette31]

This is a great site, keep coming back! Also wanted to let you know that there are some facebook groups on the net for us families who have been victimized by cps. There are quite a few of them, some are even intent on protesting, but most of all, it's a support system where you won't feel alone. There are thousands of stories like yours on the net and I am so glad there is the internet now. Before the internet, I bet people felt so alone and hopeless with this all, but now we can clan together and maybe one day, change something...

[Daruma]

My guess is, even if your caseworkers realized they were wrong and truly felt sorry, they would still never issue an apology. An apology is an admission of guilt. Even if they believed they were wrong, they'd be afraid you might decide to sue them and use their apology against them in court. They will not take that kind of risk.

[missmyboyssomuch]

My guess is, even if your caseworkers realized they were wrong and truly felt sorry, they would still never issue an apology. An apology is an admission of guilt. Even if they believed they were wrong, they'd be afraid you might decide to sue them and use their apology against them in court. They will not take that kind of risk.

I have never found them to be apologetic even when they KNOW they are in the wrong! Literally they might make an error in the visitation like forgetting to tell the group home I have a visit (therefore they can't send my son) and when I get ahold of them they hardly acknowledge that they are wrong and definetly no apology of any sort. I have never met such a condescending group of people! (but thats another story)

[Trying123]

I don't understand why you don't sue them. I understand that CPS is always getting sued and end up settling out of court quite a bit. CPS is an underfunded agency and one of the reason is the incompetence of the social workers. Once there are enough people who win lawsuits, law makers will have to change the system. If you were falsely accused than there is some justice. My counselor told me to take myself out of the victim role and sue them! You need to do so also.

[DanZ]

Maybe I should sue them... I'll talk to a lawyer, perhaps. My son is demontrably traumatized by their bullying, and surely that alone is grounds for a lawsuit.

[Michelle R. Lemke]

File a state admin hearing is what i have heard, and a due process, and ask everyone