No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

How does one recover from trauma and PTSD? This area is for people who have been attacked by CPS and are having a hard time getting over it.

Moderators: family_man, LindaJM

LynMCo
Posts: 61
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 11:25 am

No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby LynMCo » Wed Nov 02, 2011 11:29 pm

Might. Hi everyone, 282 days today. Halloween was very difficult. I'm dreading Christmas. I'm trying to figure out a way to go to Boston for the holidays. At least then I'll be around family. It's been hard enough w/out throwing all the Xmas in to. When I'm out in the stores, I can't seem to stop looking and listening. Always searching the crowd. Or driving on the freeway, always glancing at the other vehicles. I still cry all the time. Tomorrow I am going to talk to the Dr. about getting on Paxil. Took it for a year in mid 90's, so I know it works. 10 months is long enough. I know the meds. will help the depression. Too bad there's nothing for a broken heart. If time does heal all wounds, I wish it would kick in for me! Lol! Hah! Not even upcoming knee surgery, or my 25 yr. marriage ending distracts me. A piece of my soul is missing and it's hard to believe things will ever be okay again. My latest post is an open letter to the substitute re: denying us a chance to say goodbye. When I read over it, I thought about editing the ending but, left it as is after all. It may be a tad harsh. But, it's how I feel and it's the truth! Anyone else who've lost a child or children When we gave all of her things in Aug. I briefly considered sewing a GPS into one of her Winnie the pooh's. In the end, of course I didn't. Now I'm wishing I had. Even though we're in the same city, San Diego is so big, there's no way I'd see her accidently. Might as well be different states! It hurts just as much now as it did in Jan. If only I got to say goodbye! Thanks for listening. When will my heart stop aching??

annakenc
Posts: 163
Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2011 12:57 pm

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby annakenc » Fri Nov 04, 2011 9:26 am

Know how you feel.
Time does heal, and reveal......but you know time...tick...tock...tick....tock, slow.
What happened? Sounds like what I am going through.
Don't say can't cause I was walking through Walmart one day, fast as I can as always (hate shopping in crowds)
and went by an aisle, and what do you know?
There right there was my dear boy, in a shopping cart.
No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person life, liberty or property without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

User avatar
monkette31
Posts: 1657
Joined: Tue Oct 05, 2010 1:12 am
Location: Los Angeles, California
Contact:

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby monkette31 » Fri Nov 04, 2011 9:28 pm

Ya, that happened to me as well. At one point I knew the town he lived in and I went there and my connection to him was so strong, it made my care drive psychic-like straight to his foster home. It was a a couple zigs and zags and I drove into the driveway to turn around and go home and there he was just standing there. THAT really happened! and I have not been back to that area since, nor was I ever there before.
I'm not a lawyer but will try and help you any way i can. My postings may seem harsh but they all stem from personal experience with DCFS. I am not a victim and take responsibility for my part in my life, but I will always help ANYONE learn about the corrupt sick system.

User avatar
monkette31
Posts: 1657
Joined: Tue Oct 05, 2010 1:12 am
Location: Los Angeles, California
Contact:

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby monkette31 » Fri Nov 04, 2011 9:31 pm

And I don't expect anyone to believe this but I know this happened and I bet there are some of you that might have had similar experiences with your children?
I'm not a lawyer but will try and help you any way i can. My postings may seem harsh but they all stem from personal experience with DCFS. I am not a victim and take responsibility for my part in my life, but I will always help ANYONE learn about the corrupt sick system.

annakenc
Posts: 163
Joined: Fri Aug 26, 2011 12:57 pm

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby annakenc » Sat Nov 05, 2011 5:57 pm

I BELIEVE YOU! I TOLD YOU FIRST! IT HAPPENED TO ME TOO...DON'T DOUBT IT SWEETIE...THATS YOUR CHILD, THATS PART OF YOUR BODY...NO ONE SHOULD BE MANIPULATING YOUR BODY WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION! THAT IS A GOD (WHO IS LOVE) GIFT...YOU SHOULD ACCEPT IT AS A VALIDATION OF WHAT YOU KNOW IS RIGHT...YES YOU ARE RIGHT, AND THOSE OTHER PEOPLE ARE WRONG!
LETS HOPE THERE'S MORE...SOMETHING THAT CAN GET THESE OTHER PEOPLE OUT OF OUR WAY FOR EVER!
No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person life, liberty or property without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

Beatthescammers
Posts: 259
Joined: Wed May 18, 2011 7:04 pm

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby Beatthescammers » Sat Nov 05, 2011 8:08 pm

Lyn,
You must go see a physician and get started on an antidepressant. Don't let the CPS btards destroy you. I think you were not supposed to say goodbye because it was not goodbye forever. There are sooooooooo many people that reunite with their children later. Your child will look for you and she will find you. Take care of yourself so you will be there when this awesome day arrives.

I like your blog and your daughter will be delighted to read it too. One day when she is old enough to chick peck type, she will get on the computer or smart phone and start looking. I am sending a long hug to you. Hang in there and you can be reunited.

LynMCo
Posts: 61
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 11:25 am

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby LynMCo » Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:36 am

Thank you to all. Especially beatthescammers. I did start Paxil Friday. I am so tired of being depressed. In my heart I know you're right re: her looking for me. I will stay strong and healthy for her! Thank God for the Internet!

Beatthescammers
Posts: 259
Joined: Wed May 18, 2011 7:04 pm

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby Beatthescammers » Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:26 pm

Great news.

I don't know if you read these, but there are several posts on this forum about moms corresponding with their preteens and teens on Facebook. Although kids are not supposed to have a page until they are 14, many tweens in my area have a FB page by 10-11 years of age. Once they start using the computer, they search for all their family, neighbors, and friends. Kids from the same area join each other's FB pages and if you find a few kids from the area she resides (school sports/drama activities, honor rolls and etc..), you can search through all their friends (and then the friends of their friends) for names and photos.

LynMCo
Posts: 61
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 11:25 am

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby LynMCo » Mon Nov 07, 2011 8:45 pm

Yes I read these boards. As for her finding me, lynmco-childpunishingservice.blogspot started out as a way to publicly take back what cps stole, esteem, dignity, etc... However, it's evolved into a large well lit billboard. I pray each day that she'll find it, read some of our story, and contact me. Oh, if it makes the wreckers life uncomfortable, that's my bonus! Lol! Since I started blogging in July, 29 people have used her name in search to find my blog.

User avatar
Daruma
Posts: 677
Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2010 12:34 pm

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby Daruma » Sun Nov 20, 2011 11:05 am

How are you doing now, Lynn? I follow your blog from time to time. You clearly loved (and still love) Ahmi very much, and your grief is so evident in your writings.

I hope the Paxil is helping some. CPS injures innocent families and children. The emotional and psychological damage they inflict is just as real as if they had taken a baseball bat and smashed us in the face with it. The only difference is, our scars are invisible and internal, instead of outward and obvious.

Sometimes I wonder, if it were even possible to add up the financial damage CPS does (in terms of depression, lost wages due to meeting case plan requirements, medical intervention for CPS-inflicted trauma, and so forth) what would the totals be? CPS is a drain on the economy and healthcare system in ways that have never even been examined.

To Monkette: I believe you, too. Sometimes things happen that we just can't explain.
These are my personal opinions only. They are not legal, medical, or financial advice.

LynMCo
Posts: 61
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 11:25 am

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby LynMCo » Wed Nov 23, 2011 1:37 pm

Hi Daruma, I'm managing. I love her so very much! Although I know we'll see each other again, it's the years ahead I try not to dwell on. Trying to take life moment by moment as it goes. Thanks for reading my blog and your kind words. :) I knew the holidays would be tough. I'm trying to be good to myself and right now at least, live moment by moment. I sure have a completely different outlook re: CPS as compared to 5 years ago. As someone posted earlier, I'm taking care of myself so when she does come looking, I'll be healthy, waiting with the biggest hug, ready for my heart to be whole once more! Take care, hope your holidays are peaceful!

kalo5977
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue May 17, 2011 4:18 pm

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby kalo5977 » Tue Jan 03, 2012 10:39 pm

HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE JUST ACCEPT THIS ? ALL MY LIFEI BELIEVED THAT IN AMERICA WE THE PEOPLE POLICE THE GOVERNMENT SO FOR ALL OF YOU TO BE ACCEPTING OF THESE FOUL ASS CPS SEPARATING US FROM OUR FAMILIES AND AS SO MANY OF YOU SAYING IN YEARS DOWN THE ROAD I WILL SEE MY BELOVED CHILDREN AND GRAND CHILDREN AGAIN .I CANNOT JUST GO GET SOME ANTI DEPPESSANT AND CARRY ON UNTIL THEYARE OF AGE AND ALL SCREWED UP BY ALLTHE SEPARATIONS AND ABANDAMENT ISSUES THAT THE FOUL ASS SYSTEM DEEMS RIGHT . DO YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE WE CANT FIGHT AND WIN OUR KIDS BACK

kalo5977
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue May 17, 2011 4:18 pm

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby kalo5977 » Tue Jan 03, 2012 10:47 pm

HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE JUST ACCEPT THIS ? ALL MY LIFEI BELIEVED THAT IN AMERICA WE THE PEOPLE POLICE THE GOVERNMENT SO FOR ALL OF YOU TO BE ACCEPTING OF THESE FOUL ASS CPS SEPARATING US FROM OUR FAMILIES AND AS SO MANY OF YOU SAYING IN YEARS DOWN THE ROAD I WILL SEE MY BELOVED CHILDREN AND GRAND CHILDREN AGAIN .I CANNOT JUST GO GET SOME ANTI DEPPESSANT AND CARRY ON UNTIL THEYARE OF AGE AND ALL SCREWED UP BY ALLTHE SEPARATIONS AND ABANDAMENT ISSUES THAT THE FOUL ASS SYSTEM DEEMS RIGHT . DO YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE WE CANT FIGHT AND WIN OUR KIDS BACK.GOD BLESS YOU FOR FINDING PEACE WITH THIS .PERSONALLY THIS IS EATING ME UP ONE DAY AT A TIME AND EACH YEAR THAT I MISS XMAS AND BIRTHDAY HALLOWEEN AND JUST THOSE SPECIAL SUNDAYS WE DECIDED TO GO TO CHURCH JUST CAUSE I LIKE CHURCH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT JUST ACCEPTING THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN GOD PLEASE HELP ME AND MY FAMILY I WANT THEM BACK WITH THEIR SINGLE[ NOW ]UNEMPLOYED MOTHER

noroses4u2c
Posts: 877
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 11:57 am

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby noroses4u2c » Wed Jan 04, 2012 6:51 am

Sometimes, all you can do is the best that you can do.

My girl wants to come home to me. I know that I must leave breadcrumbs that she'll recognize on her way to me someday.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

LynMCo
Posts: 61
Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 11:25 am

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby LynMCo » Sat Jan 07, 2012 6:20 pm

Kalo, I can only speak for myself, In my case there is no choice. She was adopted last fall. Jan 24th will mark one year since I held her in my arms. Is it easy? HELL NO!! Many times last year I contemplated ending it all. In my case, looking towards and hoping for a future is all that's left. Does that mean I lay down and accept what the 2 faced, lying, piece of crap wrecker did to us? Again, HELL NO!! In fact if my blog makes her life a little uncomfortable, GOOD!! The holidays were awful. I've resolved to start thinking that for each one that passes, we're that much closer to being together again! As for antidepressants, yes I had to make a choice, continue to wallow in the dark cave I'd been stuck in for 11 months or begin to take the steps to feel better so when our day comes I'll be holding my girl in my arms not have her visiting my grave. I'm sorry for the suffering and trauma you and your daughter are suffering. Peace

BlueEyes4Baby
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 2:37 am

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby BlueEyes4Baby » Wed Mar 14, 2012 6:48 pm

--. My cps experience I describe it like this..being violently violated reapetedly, burried alive naked, bruised, bleeding, broken placed into a glass tomb (like a hamster ball) but just my head stickin out, pushed out of a plane, landing in a fourigen contry, just breathing, like elephant is sitting on my chest. 24/7

awnryprincess
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Nov 22, 2011 1:15 pm

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby awnryprincess » Sat Oct 13, 2012 12:24 am

Kalo - also speaking only for myself - I still try to fight... but am losing hope. No one wants to listen. Im supposed to move on. My heart breaks everyday. Even an attorney I talked to told me he never heard of CPS doing what they had done in my case to anyone else before. I lost my life. I am living in a hotel now - as I was re-stabilizing my family in our new home when all this occurred - the loss of my children and a subsequent wreck put me in a very bad spiral downward & I lost my home for the second time in a year - so no one will rent to me. I never lost custody of my kids - not once. I had no termination of rights. I did mediate on my younger children as I was in a custody battle when CPS was called & I was smart enough to know that if I don't mediate I will for sure lose my kids - CPS findings weigh heavy in court right or wrong - plus losing my home etc - I was a sitting duck. I have proven policy violations. I have proven lies were told & stories fabricated. My 17 yr old told them he had lied about some things (he is severe bipolar I/adhd which the worker was aware of & knew when he was angry with me what came out of his mouth could be all kinds of things - of course she didn't bother to check 6 years of medical records). I am waiting on the findings of my appeal - it has been 7 mo now - not sure if that is a good thing or not. Even if reversed - the chances of getting my kids home are slim to none - this has ruined me - very unlikely they will send them home while I am in a hotel ( yes it is set up as an apartment setting with other families but that is irrelevant). I was wiped out - I am barely surviving today - and all I get told is to get it in order... How do you go from $4k/mo to $400 and get it in order?? Especially when you still have legal fees mounting. I haven't seen my children as I can't access them - the stipulations in place have made it difficult if not impossible. I've asked for a modification so that I could access my visitation however NOW my ex wants to say any modification needs to be handled in court... LOL I can't AFFORD to go back to court - he didn't listen to the court when they said the children were to remain with me!! It's everything I can do to keep going each day - my heart is ripped out. Yes this is America - no I NEVER in my WILDEST dreams would believe this would occur and everyone would turn their heads. I have no criminal charges on me - I have no civil charges on me - I have no lost my parental rights - Information caseworker has is hearsay from my ex (whom has reason to be unflattering) & my mother (whom I was in a major battle with) - worker ignored my son saying he wasn't truthful with things he said. Doesn't matter - false allegations, lies, manipulation - have ruined my life and destroyed my family. My kids are my world - and it's gone. People are tired of hearing about it - I'm supposed to move forward... just accept it... my heart rips everyday.... I still try to fight - but I know in my head - it's pointless.... my heart just won't let me give up without trying...

survivorsofcps
Posts: 182
Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2012 2:50 pm

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby survivorsofcps » Sat Oct 13, 2012 4:28 am

hearing what all of you have to say about losing your kids is comforting to me. I always wondered how my mom felt about missing us. Now i have some idea. she likely felt the same as you guys do.

As for the poverty issue i have some advice you might try. move in to a camper. Find one as cheap as you can. It is half the price of renting. Then use the extra money and save it. If you do this you could rebuild your finances much faster. One person I know did this and used the extra money they saved to BUY a house. Also contact the local churches and let them know you are poor and what you need some of them will help with food, gas, sometimes rent. Hope this helps.

momOFthree2012
Posts: 62
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 5:36 pm
Location: watertown,ny

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby momOFthree2012 » Sat Nov 03, 2012 6:06 am

I have not lost my kids. I hope it wont happen ever. My god I feel horrible for everyone who has. And now I feel like I shouldnt even be on this site because I didnt loose mine and I am not denied seeing my stepkids. I am so sorry for all of you. I will pray for each and every one of you.

I get the medicine thing. I went to my DR and asked for xanax because I could not sleep since all of this started. I was afraid to be alone, would have panic attacks and all

survivorsofcps
Posts: 182
Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2012 2:50 pm

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby survivorsofcps » Sat Nov 03, 2012 1:29 pm

no its good you are on here you need to know what to do before anything bad happens; otherwise it is to little to late.

stamm
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jul 05, 2014 4:11 pm

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby stamm » Fri Jul 11, 2014 4:42 am

I lost my foster child who was my cousin. She lived with us for 5 years and then a relief worker got involved and my FD has issues with lying. She was 14 when she left. I thought we were her forever home but they discouraged us from adopting. The bio parents are not involved at all. We were the only family that showed an interest in her but now they let her move in with a woman who was practically a stranger and clearly lured her into her home. I have facebook messages to prove it. This woman told my FD that if she lived with her she would be happier, never have to see us again, and that they love her so much even her baby was calling her name from his crib. This woman should have been fired from fostering right then and there. We are fighting it but are being told we will lose. Best case scenerio the case worker will be displicined in some way.
This helps a bit but I am still grieving HARD. I have not seen or spoken to my FD since. The case worker is not answering my messages anymore.
So although she is not my bio child, I can still relate to almost everything you guys are saying.

User avatar
LindaJM
Posts: 3171
Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2004 7:16 pm
Location: Northern California
Contact:

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby LindaJM » Fri Jul 11, 2014 4:19 pm

I'm so sorry, I know this hurts very much. With your foster daughter being 14 already she's probably going to be given the opportunity to express where she wants to live. Perhaps she will change her mind about this other family and decide she misses you. Life with teenagers is never easy. There are very likely to be problems where she's at.
Sample Document Library

Please keep in mind that none of us are lawyers and we can't give legal advice. We are simply telling you what we would do in a similar situation. It is to your advantage to get a lawyer.

"Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke ... so try to do something to change the system ...

Familyrights1st
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2015 12:14 pm

Re: No one around me gets it. I thought, here someone...

Postby Familyrights1st » Wed Aug 12, 2015 7:58 pm

I would never stop fighting to get my kids back as long as we take this it will happen!! Contact everyone who is anyone and make a scene call the news , wear a sign REALLY THEY CANNOT DO THIS IT VIOLATES OUR RIGHTS!![they don't have the right to rip families apart only to place our kids in harms way where they are 8Xmore likely to be abused or killed!! Kidnap them, do whatever you need to do- they did- HONESTLY DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO!


Return to “Recovery From CPS Trauma”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests