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The Pain Never go away.....ever

Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 6:42 am
by eyeq181
The last time I got to see my kids was Dec. 20 2009. I wasn't told it was going to be the last time. I was told that I could see them up until the trial and I had plans just in case it were to end badly. I was going to take them to get their pictures made and I was going to take them shopping and I was going to be able to have those last memories with them but instead I got lied to and blown off. I was married to an abusive man and I didn't understand just how bad it was til he kicked me out of the house and I didn't know where to go so I went home to Texas. This was going on while my kids were in DHS custody. My ex had isolated me so much that I didn't have any friends in oklahoma. So immediately they went and filed abandonment on me even though I did all of there plans. If they added more I would have done it. The only contact I had with the outside world was facebook and on there my first boyfriend looked me up and we started taking about our daily life and we both were in bad situations. We became friends and when I left my ex his place was the only place I knew that I could go. So I got on a bus and left with nothing. Well they asked me why I left they I told them the truth my husband at the time was abusive beat me up pretty bad and I left. They told me that I was lying because if this was really going on then I would have told them while I was living in the house. REALLY?.. Could you imagine what hell I would have to pay for that. Well doing a little research my ex husband had 3 Protective orders filed on him from 3 different women. I talked to the lawyer that was on our case in the beginning and she said if I left then they would never give him the kids. So I felt as if they were safer in state custody them with him. There was evidence of abuse if the Casa could just read between the lines. If she got my medical records or even my sons she would have see it. He broke my jaw 3 times, I went threw a window and had to get stitches and had many concussions. Reason on all of them was it runs in my family. He had dislocated my sons collar bone. But they never did the research and I lost. Well anyway my friend became my savior. I didn't know that life could be this way a way that free of fear. Well anyways he and I started dated after divorced was filed and I ended up pregnant, Pregnant with twins. I found this out the day that they had terminated my parental rights. That is when they told me that my ex was going to get the kids. My last words in the court room were karma is a bitch. I had the Casa worker follow me out of the court room trying to fill my head with lies. Such as I will let you know how you kids are doing I will call you every month.Blaah Blaah Blaah....Well time went on and my ex got the kids and I ended up having twin boys. Every single day I made a wish at 11:11 that my ex would do the right thing with the kids. Well my sons were born at 11:10 and 11:11. I called my son that was born at 11:11 my wish baby. Unfortunately he passed away from SIDS when he was 2 weeks old. While I had all of that going on and dealing with funeral stuff my ex decided it would be a great time to have the divorce hearing, So 2 days after my son passed away I had to be in court. I tried calling to reschedule because of the situation and the judge said no. So I made it up there to the hearing and my ex had told the court that my grandfather had passed away and it was just an excuse. Stood there like a deer in head lights as I handed the judge the paper work from the funeral home that I was working on. Can you believe it she only gave me 30 days. Well I had to go up there 30 days later and the judge wasn't there her grandfather had passed away. Karma huh. Well anyway I keep hope that the kids that I lost will find me someday with the technology out there and with Facebook being so popular. My ex had sent me an email a while back asking if I ever miss my kids and I told him with every breath I take. And that is the truth. It makes it hard to function someday. If it wasn't for the son I have and my new husband I would have cashed in along while back. Instead all I have is hope, hope that someday they will come around. I do everything in my power to keep myself busy. I am back in school and about ready to graduate in 2 months. I am just stuck on what am I going to do when I am done. If I stop for a moment I breakdown. The hardest question anyone can ask me is how many kids do I have. I want to say one but the truth jumps out and I say 6 but only one live with me. Which leads to a longer discussion that upsets me. This is what is has been like for me. My ex told me the only reason why I don't get to see the kids now is because he feels like I need to be punished for leaving him. Well that is how my situation turned out. Every night before I lay down I think about having all my kids with me and we are living underground away from the rest of the world a place were we are safe and all together. It is what gets me through the moment. I really don't know if this is normal or not. I know that I was once normal.

Re: The Pain Never go away.....ever

Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:35 am
by noroses4u2c
The abusers that go for custody never want their kids for the right reasons. It is all about winning and revenge.

My abuser got custody of my girl as well. I might not ever see her again. He promised me he would make sure I never see her again.

Re: The Pain Never go away.....ever

Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:37 am
by Eljay
You've been through a lot! Sometimes with CPS, you just can't win. :( I'm glad they didn't come after your new baby.

Re: The Pain Never go away.....ever

Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:48 am
by Beatthescammers
Your ex is really enjoying the pain that he is causing you. Taunting you about seeing your children is very evil.

What would happen if you stop talking to your ex and when he emails? Maybe only communicate one message "I want to see my children" ? Maybe he is such a control freak/abuser that when he learns he is no longer able to abuse you through emails that he will allow you to see your children (to regain his power to torture you)?

Just a thought.