CPS/Foster Damage

How does one recover from trauma and PTSD? This area is for people who have been attacked by CPS and are having a hard time getting over it.

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emeraldbrook
Posts: 21
Joined: Fri Jun 15, 2012 3:36 pm

CPS/Foster Damage

Postby emeraldbrook » Sat Jun 30, 2012 1:01 pm

My daughter returned from foster abusers with many issues. She used to be taller than children her age and was developing normally. The CPS workers used to ooh and aah over how smart she was. She is now grown and is very short, has learning disabilities, cannot complete high school or work. She obsesses over unusual things, and has meltdowns every day, starts convulsing (was tested for epilepsy which came back negative) and contorts her face and neck, etc. I am looking for information on the effects of abuse in foster care. Does anyone know where I can find good information on damage done to kids in the CPS/Foster system? Would appreciate much.

Thank you, EmeraldBrook

noroses4u2c
Posts: 877
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 11:57 am

Re: CPS/Foster Damage

Postby noroses4u2c » Sat Jun 30, 2012 8:55 pm

Being in the system causes a lot of damage to children.

My girl wasn't in the system as long as yours, but before she was sent away for good she had developed a anxiety/fear of a door being open. She would literally have meltdowns over it. The foster care people enjoyed her reaction and would deliberately keep the door open and would sit and grin over her reaction. So many evil people in one room. :(

Your daughter may have developed an anxiety disorder or PTSD from her ordeal. It will take a long time for her to heal and she will never be the same as she was before she was taken. The taking of children away from their family bonds is child abuse in itself. It is very traumatic for children to be taken from their families like that. It does not take additional abuse in the system to take its toll, although many suffer additional abuse on top of what is inflicted upon them when they were taken.

Your daughter needs to rebond/reconnect with you and those in her family who love her and are still around. Do not expect to get instant results. And therapists will be hard to find that can actually help her. Why? Most therapists would never admit that the system harms anyone like it does. If you do get a therapist, make sure he/she is not a social worker. They are all part of the same system. Many of the other therapists side with the system.

Not only was your daughter taken away from her family, but they have the kids go to therapists that really mess up their minds. It is like they get off on messing people up. It is really psychological torture.

How old is your daughter now?

The 'convulsing' sounds more like an anxiety attack. Does she talk to you about her experiences? What does she talk about?

It is hard to focus on school work, etc after you have been traumatized as much as she has been. It is not an actual learning disability in the traditional sense. She is there underneath the trauma. It is more important to focus on her healing than the school work though. I used to help tutor people who had been through some stuff and they were brilliant people. It wasn't that they weren't able to learn exactly. They needed time to cope with all they had gone through. But society invalidates people's experiences and ends up hurting them even more.

The important thing is that you shouldn't force her to deal with what happened. She needs to heal at her own pace. The focus should be on experiencing positive things. Having positive things to focus on helps the healing. If she talks about something that happened, listen to her. Do not invalidate her feelings. Let her know you won't force her to talk about it, but that you are there to listen if she wants someone to talk to about it.

Watch when she has these anxiety episodes. Observe what all was going on and keep a journal about it. If you notice a common theme then you might notice some of the triggers. It can take months sometimes to notice a pattern. (Do not have the journaling overtake your relationship though.) Avoiding triggers is necessary sometimes. For example, if I watch a movie with domestic violence I sometimes get triggered and have an anxiety attack. I have to research a movie before watching now to make sure there are no triggering themes. Desensitizing someone to triggers is sometimes possible as well, but it is tricky. I used to be very triggered by seeing a cop (because his cop buddies helped me be beaten sometimes). I studied criminal justice at a college where they also did police training in an adjacent building. I'd go to the cafeteria where the police would be uniformed and eat as close nearby as I could until I eventually was able to be around them without being triggered. It took a few years for this process to work.

It is possible for her to recover with a positive support system.

One thing that should never be done is to jump on her and tell her to just get over it. That sends the message that her feelings are not important. Instead, validate her feelings. She has the right to feel that way. What happened to her is not right. Let her know you love her. Let her know you want her to be happy about life again and how much she means to you. It is important that she is not invalidated. When she was away from you no one cared how she felt. They just saw her as someone to control. To be that out of control of your own existence is so traumatizing. She needs to have a safe, balanced life.

Do fun, safe activities that she enjoys with her. Strengthen your bond with each other.

During the episodes, don't yell at her to stop it. Instead, be talking about happy things while making sure she doesn't hurt herself. It can eventually help her come out of the anxiety attacks in a safer way. Talk to her as though she is an adult of sound mind while understanding that she is hurting. One sure way to keep someone from recovering is to keep telling the person how messed up she is. It is better not to focus on that. Instead, focus on the things that are right, no matter how small it is.

Trauma affects everyone differently. She is not 'misbehaving.' Her mind is acting out from the pain she endured at the hands of sociopaths. It is a psychological injury. It is not a mental illness. Treating her like she is crazy will invalidate the pain she is feeling. Invalidation impedes healing.

What subjects is she having trouble with? There are different ways for a mind that has been traumatized to learn new things. Many times a rigid method of instructing is triggering because the government people who had her were rigid as well. Even small similarities can be a trigger. Learning to live with these types of things needs to be done gradually so her mind can heal.

Unfortunately, it will be hard for you to find any help within the 'system' for her. The system is rigged. It is not there to help anyone. It is there to control people. School teachers are mandated reporters. They will be unlikely to be sympathetic to what happened to her.

She needs love and tenderness. She needs to feel safe, not just hear you say she is safe. She needs to feel safe.

And if she is still a minor she may be fearful they will come get her again. She may be fearing that even if she isn't a minor. There is always that fear, even if it is subconscious.

Has the case been closed? Do you have legal custody of her?

What kinds of things does she obsess about?

And in the future if she ever has children, it is very important that she not have the baby in the same state or else it will flag in the system. And no one should know she was in the system. There have been numerous cases where they take the baby from her at the hospital and the mother never gets the baby back. (Do not tell her this now, of course. It is too soon to dwell on that aspect now. She needs healing first.) I have known so many young mothers who had their babies taken this way and it totally destroyed some of them to the point where they couldn't even take care of themselves anymore. Do not worry about this right now. This is just a heads up for the future.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

dadyzgirl1975
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:39 pm

Re: CPS/Foster Damage

Postby dadyzgirl1975 » Thu Jul 05, 2012 6:34 am

i have a friend whos daughter returned home with seizures after foster care. they do not know why but very similar to what your daughter is going through.

emeraldbrook
Posts: 21
Joined: Fri Jun 15, 2012 3:36 pm

Re: CPS/Foster Damage

Postby emeraldbrook » Sat Jul 07, 2012 4:27 pm

Thank you for your thoughtful advise. We tried counseling, but our experience is that so many psychologists act like police these day. Having dealt with the CPS system I see the signs of searching for things to report. We went to a local domestic violence org, and a lot of the mom's were having CPS opening cases on them based upon what the mom's talked about in counseling. At support groups they would hand out questionaires: one question was "Sometimes I feel like I could just give my kids away.

Then there is this:
http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/psychiat ... try-death/

My daughter is 18 now. It is hard for me, being a single mom, and I have to be with her 24/7 because I cannot trust leaving her with anyone. She was in a school for developmentally disabled recently where she was left with a known predator and sexually assaulted, tried to report it to staff, was ignored. They are trying to cover it up and it seems the system is working to take her away again. I applied for social security for her, and was told how great The Regional Center in California is, so got her into the program. Now I am hearing they do a lot of guardianship scams upon disabled and elderly to steal their money.

The meltdowns are most days, often multi times per day, and can last for hours. I am suffering from a stress disorder and we both have PTSD, so it is hard to deal with so much. We got her back eight years ago.

The CPS ruined our lives; I have been targeted and harassed for years, and we a struggling financially. I really want to help Viv heal, and I will try your suggestions.

Thank you,
Jeannie

noroses4u2c
Posts: 877
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 11:57 am

Re: CPS/Foster Damage

Postby noroses4u2c » Sat Jul 07, 2012 5:34 pm

It may take years for her to function somewhat normally. Patience is very important. She is hurting badly.

Professional therapy will likely make it worse. Therapists are part of the system. They will not be sympathetic. They'll likely point to how she is now to show that she should have been taken in the first place.

There are millions of government victims. We need to have support groups for each other that are not controlled by the government.

The best therapy I had for the abuse I suffered over the years was studying criminal justice in college and taking real domestic violence, not the DV classes they have for victims. I learned so much and understood more of what happened to me.

We need groups that deal with government victimization.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

emeraldbrook
Posts: 21
Joined: Fri Jun 15, 2012 3:36 pm

Re: CPS/Foster Damage

Postby emeraldbrook » Sun Jul 08, 2012 1:24 pm

I completely agree with you - non-government support groups would be very helpful!


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