kids gone for forever..allegations changed as unfounded

How does one recover from trauma and PTSD? This area is for people who have been attacked by CPS and are having a hard time getting over it.

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dadyzgirl1975
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:39 pm

kids gone for forever..allegations changed as unfounded

Postby dadyzgirl1975 » Thu Jul 05, 2012 6:28 am

my children were taken after a referral prompted an investigation against my ex. i was contact by a los angeles csw in regards to my ex husband. i was interviewed and so were my children who resided with me. my ex was on parole at the time after doing his 4 or 5 prison term for domestic violence. the last time he was prosecuted for attacking me as i came home with our 2 young children. he beat me while they were watching. he repeatedly hit my face against concrete causing my upper front teeth to jam up into the gum line. i have no doubt i was moments from dying.

the cps csw was at my home for approx 15-20 mins on a fri afternoon. i remember it well because he said i have to pick up my child from daycare. it was about 4:30pm. i asked what was going to happen next. would i need to stop the visits my girls had with their dad. the csw said he could not tell me what to do in that area and would call me if he needed anything. about 3 months later i receive a call from another csw who says he needs to speak with me. it was standard follow up. i explain to him i am 7mos pregnant and on a strict bedrest. the children were on winter break and being cared for by their father and his girlfriend. i meet with him and he inquires as to the separation between my ex and i. i advise him a current restraining order and explain my frustrations with visits being cancelled or him not showing up ect. i explain i was told i cannot keep the children from him and at this time he was helping due to my best. i explained our relationship now can be ok at times but it is primarily stressful and nasty. i do not hear back from him or anyone else. about a week after that visit i receive a letter stating i am being listed on the central child abuse index for allegations sustained by dcfs for emotional/mental abuse. when i speak to the worker he says he cannot discuss the matter with me. i would need to follow the instructions on the letter if i choose to appeal the CACI listing. i am then told my my ex that he now has custody of the children and gives me a phone number. when i call i am told that the night before my ex was given custody of the girls as well as agreed to enter into a voluntary maintenance plan with DCFS. I am not to pick up the children. I am to have monitored visits.

i file for an appeal which is held approx. 3-4 months later. in the meantime the courts have labeled me as mentally ill. my ex claims i have PST and borderline personality disorder. Actually his gf tells them that is my diagnosis. My ex claims i just cant get over him. meanwhile i give birth to my son and because i am not co-operating with the csw a court order is issued that states i cannot live in the home. my boyfriend is awarded custody and at any time of day or night cps can enter my home to see if i am there. so i am then homeless living in my truck because i am afraid to hide and be caught.

the allegations came from a statements my oldest daughter made while being interviewed by the csw. later i find out her father was sitting next to her while she was interviewed the first time. the 2nd time the csw had xmas presents they would receive after they spoke with him. my daughter basically told me she was scared of her father and wanted to tell the csw what he was saying but had already told them i called her names and made her watch her sister all day. i will not ask her the details of why she was afraid of her dad because i will not put her through anymore trauma. i did not call her as a witness because i will not have her sit in front of both of her parents and make her feel like if she doesnt say the right thing then one of us is going to be upset with her. she has always adored her father and she was very hurt when he went to prison. she blamed me and told me i should have ran the day he was hitting me. she believed all the things he told her all the promises. weekend after weekend she would sit and wait for him to show up, sometimes late and sometimes not at all. she believed if she lived with him life was going to be great and he found his best weapon to use against me.

i knew i had not abused my girls. i lost everything i had to get away from that man. one day i said i cant allow these 2 girls to grow up and believe this is how a man treats a women. they were my strength. if anything i wanted them to see that it maybe the hardest thing you ever do but you can leave if you find yourself in a d.v. relationship. i left 100 times and it took what it took but i didnt give up. i was not going to use my children to defend me. i knew i was not an abuser and i was going to fight it.

at some point i was told by the csw that my girls were not going to be returned to me because of the fact they were with their father and there was no need to uproot them. if they had been in foster care or with a family member they would come home. the most i was going to receive was weekend visits and holidays. at that point i gave up. i lost all hope and faith. i had no place to live. i saw my children for 3 hours every week in the office. they acted as though they were afraid of me. they asked my how come im crazy and would they be crazy too. i couldnt stand the pain anymore. i just wanted to die. everything just snow balled. it seemed the more i tried the worse it became. i went into a deep depression.

the CACI appeal hearing was held. the csw and his supervisor were there to testify my daughter showed all the signs of an emotionally abused child. they testified i was mentally ill yet they had no diagnosis not had they my medical file. i have had depression for as long as i remember. i take an antidepressant. cps wanted me to have my blood drawn bi weekly to prove i was taking my medicine. during my pregnancy i did not take it because it was not recommended. the csw reported as if i choose not to take it.

it took over a year to receive the CACI decision. last friday it finally came. the sustained allegations of emotional/mental abuse were overturned to unfounded. i was not guilty. the letter lists the key points in the decision and it states the investigation was not completed because the csw never contacted me, discussed, advised, notified or anything else in regards to the allegations. i never had a chance to defend myself. i was only made aware of them via the letter i received. it also states that the csw did not ever note anything in regards to me being abusive towards my girls. infact it stated differently and that they were comfortable in my presence. the final reason was stated as the evidence the csw did have did not meet the california court requirements to sustain such allegations. therefor dcfs was to reverse them to unfounded. which is defined in calif penal code 11165.12 (a) a finding by a child protective investigator as being untrue, unlikely to have existed and not child abuse.

what does it mean for me and my children. nothing. nothing at all. they will not ever come back home. they are gone forever. i have supervised visitation till they are 18. our lives were destroyed. my ex did go on to physically beat my oldest daughter and a case was opened against him. he currently now attends some classes. if 4-5 prison terms have not taught you to keep your hands to yourself, i dont know what will. my girls are still living with him and when i do see them they cry and tell me they dont want to go back. it breaks my heart. i waived all reunification serves during my deepest depression. to reverse that would take an act of god and quite frankly him and i are not friends.

if i was a defendant in a criminal trial and had a reverse decision from guilty to not guilty life would pick up where it left off for most people. of course with some issues to overcome. if there was police misconduct during that investigation or that defendant was not allowed to comment or make any statements then his miranda and civil rights would have been violated. there would be an attorney from the ACLU and everyone else screaming violation. most likely that defendant would be highly compensated for it. if that defendant received a letter in the mail and was whisked away by the cops there would be an outcry from the public. people would resign their positions and be held accountable.

my case was no different then a defendant on trial for a crime. no one will be held accountable for anything they have done to my family. i will never be the same. nothing can undo this. there is no amount of money that can make it better. nothing can remove the idea in my children's head that i may be crazy. noone can stop the 2.5 hour torture my daughter went through as her father repeatedly entered her room spanked her and said ill be back in ten minutes to give you more attention. so much attention that when she showed my 3 days later she was still black and blue. i have the pictures and the csw report that claims it seems that i pushed my daughter to make it more then it was. you can see the finger print marks on her butt. there was a hand print and im the crazy one. at that point i told them all to go to hell and how sick they were. i also told them under no circumstances will i adhere and comply to anything the court orders and i didn't.

in a way i know at least someone found the truth. i have it writing now. idk why i needed that but i did. this has been a nightmare i can never put in words. nor will i ever understand it. on the other hand it makes me angry because the bottom line is they had no reason or evidence to take my children from me. why people with a 4 yr college agree are given the power to do these things is unbelievable to me. a social worker is given the power to make life changing decisions they are allowed to act as though they are doctors, therapists, counselors, health inspectors, psychologists ect. and the bottom line is they work off feelings not law.

if i could do anything in life i would want to be an advocate for the parents. an advocate with enough power behind me and clout to change things. i know there are so many out there that are scared and they give in. i consider myself somewhat intelligent and i know a little about the law so i fought. imagine all those who dont know or dont speak english and theyr scared. they are told if they cooperate they'll get their children back. its nothing but a legal form of kidnapping.

im lost now. my life has gone to shit and i honestly dont care. i could not handle the pain. it overtook me and im weakened by this. i needed something to take mine away. something stonger then me and i found it. i shoot in my arm daily. it numbs me. i must stay numb at whatever expense and i do. i dont lie to myself about it anymore. i have no doubt what the risks are. i take as much caution as i can but in reality i could care less if i live or die. yes my kids need me but i am not capable of being anything they need right now. i just stay away. i dont have any answers for anyone. its just the way it is. im just lost....

noroses4u2c
Posts: 877
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 11:57 am

Re: kids gone for forever..allegations changed as unfounded

Postby noroses4u2c » Thu Jul 05, 2012 6:43 am

Yes, they love to claim someone is mentally ill. CPS loves to ruin lives. They love the power.

I know your pain so well. I'm going through that now, except I was never allowed an appeal because my court appointed attorney fraudulantly pled me guilty without my consent.

I have not been allowed to see my girl in several months now. They declared me too dangerous to be around her with no evidence I had even done anything.

I wish there was something to take our pain away. I know it never really heals. You just learn to live with a huge hole ripped out of your heart and soul.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

dadyzgirl1975
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:39 pm

Re: kids gone for forever..allegations changed as unfounded

Postby dadyzgirl1975 » Mon Jul 09, 2012 11:05 pm

no it never goes away...i wake up with it and go to sleep with it. my case is now closed. i stopped complying because i just could not take it anymore. i know i was a good mother. surely not the best but who is. i know i did not abuse my daughters mentally or emotionally. i have to tell myself that everyday sometimes every minute and theres still a part of me that thinks somewhere i must have. im questioning my own self because i feel so ashamed. none of it makes sense to me logically or emotionally. i just know they are all gone and i am alone.
thank you for sharing a piece of yours. i often have wondered is there anyone out there going through the same. or maybe i am crazy i mean after all how could something like this happen in the day of age in this country. this website has proved it happens everyday.

noroses4u2c
Posts: 877
Joined: Wed Jan 26, 2011 11:57 am

Re: kids gone for forever..allegations changed as unfounded

Postby noroses4u2c » Tue Jul 10, 2012 10:40 am

Yes, I find myself second guessing everything I have done as well. Most of it though is very obviously every day parenting like making her do chores or help out around the home. She would refuse and I would end up getting really angry because of her hateful attitude. She is bi-racial, and people were telling her from maybe age 8/9 that I was having her do chores because I see her as my slave, that I didn't really love her, and that she didn't have to listen to me. I had my parental authority undermined in some way since she was really young and even while she lived under my roof she was being poisoned against me.

The foster care people determined that I had abused her by not allowing her to grow up in her black culture (whatever that is exactly) and that she needed to be in a black home to "preserve her black culture." It is in the papers even that she has "cultural issues" and she was constantly criticized for not acting more black.

I was never really allowed to be a parent. Even when she was a baby, I was constantly questioned on my 'wisdom' of raising a black child and told she needed to be in a 'black home' and how I was being selfish and unloving because I didn't give her up for adoption. People had either been trying to take her from me or pressuring me to give her away since she was a baby. I raised her for 14 1/2 years against public opinion, trying my best under the circumstances.

I never saw her as black. She was my baby. Society never got that. They only saw her as black. The deck was stacked against me from day one. I never had a chance.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.


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