Is this PTSD?

How does one recover from trauma and PTSD? This area is for people who have been attacked by CPS and are having a hard time getting over it.

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Joined: Thu May 21, 2015 11:41 pm

Is this PTSD?

Postby nickeroo » Sat May 30, 2015 5:40 am

Hi, everyone.

So, we had, what we are hoping, was a short run in with CPS. What happened has been posted on this forum, but I will give a bit of info.

We had problems with our next door neighbors being loud, waking up our children, they had violent disputes, etc. Last time it happened and my husband tried speaking with them, to ask them to keep it down, they started calling our children names. We reported it to the landlord, who after having so many reports, started the process of evicting them and they began to act very threatening towards me when I would leave the house with the kids (stand and stare, or stand behind my car so I couldn't reverse). Lo and behold, CPS shows up at my door with false accusations of me being drunk every night, suicidal, telling people I wish I had "aborted my children" and that I may be a "threat" to them.

The worker showed up with officers, talked to me, officers left, talked some more, allowed him to see my kids from the doorway and he left. Called me to set up a meeting for an "assessment" with me and my partner. My mother was present, sent the kids out with their uncle for ice cream. He said we are very well rounded, mature people and that he sees no issues. My mother, who had worked for CPS for a time, asked about redacting the report and when to expect a closure letter, to which he said that there is nothing to redact, because it was an "alternative track case", meaning they hardly had enough to come out for in the first place and could find nothing that would make them think it was a legitimate case, but that we will receive a letter that states that they checked us out, saw nothing and did not open a case. He said it will not come up on any background checks or anything like that. Then he left. We recorded the entire conversation.

So... For a bit... I felt better. I felt as if he were being honest, even though I must admit, I was still a bit skeptical, and plus I had it all recorded (I really am glad I live in a one-party consent state, if there is nothing else I like about this place!). But, I still feel a bit on edge and paranoid. I have no left the house over the past week without my partner, not even a few days after this was over with. I need to go grocery shopping, but I put it off until this weekend so that he could go with me. I wanted to go out and resume what I normally do... I take my 2 and 7 year old (who will be beginning homeschooling this year) to the library usually once a week and we haven't done that, I take them to the park, to my mothers, sometimes just to feed the birds.. And I wanted to do that yesterday, but I literally felt too terrified to leave my house. I would like to say I don't know why, but I do... The paranoid thought of "what if they have eyes watching us and they see my toddler throw a normal toddler fit and somehow use it to come crawling back out of the pits of hell from which they came?" creeps up every time I think of leaving. I know the likelihood of that is low... But still...

I am afraid to open my windows or my sliding glass door now to let some air in. When there was a knock on my door the afternoon following this "meeting"... I panicked. We don't usually have guests over, just my family (all of which have keys and don't knock... Makes you wonder who "saw" me drinking all night, every night, eh?). So, a knock is few and far between. I froze. Literally froze, with my heart about to pound out of my chest and stomach about to come up out of my throat. You couldn't imagine when how I felt when I heard "It's David (our mailman), got a package!" After opening up for him and getting our package, I broke out in a cold sweat and started shaking.

I still find myself pacing and pacing, with a feeling of dread coming over me, and I have to remind myself that he said he saw no problems and that I even RECORDED IT! I try to distract myself by doing things I normally do; read, watch TV, listen to music , or hang up the picture that upon delivery, nearly gave me a heart attack, and I almost feel guilty about it for some reason... Like, how could I be doing any of this when *THEY* could potentially show up, and I have to repeat to myself that he said he saw no problems and I RECORDED IT!

I find myself checking to make sure all doors and windows are locked several times through out the day, even though they haven't been opened. Sometimes I feel like I may just burst into tears for absolutely no reason. I find myself hugging my kids more often and longer. My two year old was messing with the guinea pig cage and I called out her name firmly to get her attention, the panicked thinking "what if they are coming to my door right now, and they heard that?"

We are trying to move out of this neighborhood where we don't belong, but we are having problems finding anything as of yet. I sometimes get this overpowering urge to pack my pets and kids up and just RUN. I don't even feel comfortable in my own home anymore. I feel as if any moment these Gestapo that try to hide behind the guise of "helping children" may bring police to kick in my door at any moment to try to steal my children from me because... I don't know... I looked upset when they showed up at my door and am therefore guilty? Or because his supervisor may be unhappy with him saying he found nothing and sending him back to sniff out something, ANYTHING, to be able to fund a few worker's salaries for the month?

I am so angry. I am angry that I have never even so much as had a traffic ticket, I have never done drugs, I have never drank enough in my life to ever even be considered a "social drinker", I belong to pro-life groups and have since I was a teenager, I gave up my career so I could be at home to take care of my children, that I and my partner have worked so damned hard to be capable of me staying home with the children so that I can be the one to teach them, change diapers, give them their meals, cuddle them when they stub their toe... And these drug using and selling, unemployed freaks next door that do nothing but beat each other up and have their rent paid for out of my man's paychecks he works so hard for so that he can take care of US and which affords them some sort of protection that even the landlords lawyer is having difficulties getting them out.. Caused me so much stress that I am afraid to leave my house, have a BBQ and drink a beer, send me into a full blown panic attack when the mailman knocks on my door, or hell, even somewhat afraid to interact with my children as I have for years! I KNOW it was them, because there would be no one else! And some times, I am so worried when I see the witch, that I may just blow up and do something awful.

And I am also scared that the way I am thinking and feeling and behaving after all of this is not normal.

Has anyone else ever felt this way? Why do I feel this way? When will it go away? I feel like I am crawling out of my own skin anymore, on the brink of having a mental break down! Funny, too, the "worker" asked if any of us have been in therapy or as if we feel like we need therapy. I wish I could have told him how it really is; Not until you showed up at our door!

*Lady Liberty
Posts: 169
Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2015 4:53 pm

Re: Is this PTSD?

Postby *Lady Liberty » Thu Jul 16, 2015 12:48 pm


Of course, I am no doctor, but my answer is no. This is very normal feelings that an out of control, mafia type system has created. Our children are used as pawns to incite fear, and obedience. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. It sounds like you took steps to protect your family, and you are knowledgeable enough to know that just because we are right, does not mean that we are out of their reach.

Any encounter with any agency that terrorizes families and the threat that yours is next is going to be traumatic.

Regardless if they close their case, you are now in their database and an easy target. Stay vigilant.

Try and enjoy your children, and vent in a safe forum. Do NOT blow up, confront, or do anything else that will give them "proof" to the allegations.

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