Nightmares in a real life Nightmare...

How does one recover from trauma and PTSD? This area is for people who have been attacked by CPS and are having a hard time getting over it.

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Mom984
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Nightmares in a real life Nightmare...

Postby Mom984 » Sat Nov 20, 2010 7:09 am

The dreams I had following my children being removed were horrible.

I drempt of my Aunt Linda driving a mini van with them in the back, and the van crashing into a river, and the van sinking... Linda and the two older boys got out ok, but my youngest couldnt. He was stuck by his seatbelt and sinking to the bottom. I tried to dive but could'nt... I tried over and over to dive down, but the pressure was too much and I was too boyant.

Another dream Ihad was we were watching TV, the kids my mom and I... and on the TV it says "This is NOT a test, this is an actual emergency...please follow instructions" and there was a nucular war, and I taped up windows, and tried to make our home safe, but I watched my kids faces melt.

I woke up EVERY night for over a month crying hard. My husband would comfort me each night... But I would get up and get on the computer to take my mind off it. Soon i feared sleeping, and went for DAYS with no sleep. like 4 days at one point. Everytime I lay down to try to sleep my mind races with thoughs, and I hate it. It hurts too much. If it were not for a game I play online, I would of never made it through the first months. I played 14 hours a day to try to kill the pain and keep my mind on something... I didnt leave my house for over 2 months. No contact with anyone but my husband for the whole time. I wouldnt anwser the phone. When the phone rings, my heart stops and I panic. Same with knocks at the door.

I'm doing a bit better now, its been 5 months. But I still rely on the internet game to keep my mind from racing at night, I still dont sleep well. I was diaognosed PTSD. no meds. CPS don't know, but my court ordered counsler does. So they prob will know soon. Honestly, im barley hanging on still, the trama in the begining changed my life and me forever. I have panic attacks and outright fear of people now. I hate leaving my house. Im over the initial shock and deep depression, but now Im angry and in constant panic. Sigh....

clara2002
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Re: Nightmares in a real life Nightmare...

Postby clara2002 » Sun Nov 21, 2010 3:02 pm

i get nigthmares too from from the same things your going through, my husband gets nightmares too. and so i go online, and decode it by googling all up, and get the answers. i dont think the answers always mean it is what it is. anyone who is going through trama would get nightmares.

clara2002
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Re: Nightmares in a real life Nightmare...

Postby clara2002 » Sun Nov 21, 2010 3:13 pm

Mandy wrote:The dreams I had following my children being removed were horrible.

I drempt of my Aunt Linda driving a mini van with them in the back, and the van crashing into a river, and the van sinking... Linda and the two older boys got out ok, but my youngest couldnt. He was stuck by his seatbelt and sinking to the bottom. I tried to dive but could'nt... I tried over and over to dive down, but the pressure was too much and I was too boyant.

Another dream Ihad was we were watching TV, the kids my mom and I... and on the TV it says "This is NOT a test, this is an actual emergency...please follow instructions" and there was a nucular war, and I taped up windows, and tried to make our home safe, but I watched my kids faces melt.

I woke up EVERY night for over a month crying hard. My husband would comfort me each night... But I would get up and get on the computer to take my mind off it. Soon i feared sleeping, and went for DAYS with no sleep. like 4 days at one point. Everytime I lay down to try to sleep my mind races with thoughs, and I hate it. It hurts too much. If it were not for a game I play online, I would of never made it through the first months. I played 14 hours a day to try to kill the pain and keep my mind on something... I didnt leave my house for over 2 months. No contact with anyone but my husband for the whole time. I wouldnt anwser the phone. When the phone rings, my heart stops and I panic. Same with knocks at the door.

I'm doing a bit better now, its been 5 months. But I still rely on the internet game to keep my mind from racing at night, I still dont sleep well. I was diaognosed PTSD. no meds. CPS don't know, but my court ordered counsler does. So they prob will know soon. Honestly, im barley hanging on still, the trama in the begining changed my life and me forever. I have panic attacks and outright fear of people now. I hate leaving my house. Im over the initial shock and deep depression, but now Im angry and in constant panic. Sigh....
your counsler cant by law, if you have not sign a release of information, than cps cant know, wether its court ordered or not. i pray this all works out for you.

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LindaJM
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Re: Nightmares in a real life Nightmare...

Postby LindaJM » Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:18 pm

I read a book on trauma a couple years ago and now... can't find it, even on Amazon. But there are other books available there on trauma and PTSD including a workbook for recovery.

I would not sign for the caseworker to get info from the therapist if that hasn't already been done... just on principle, it seems that at some time during a CPS case most of us wise up to the idea of not signing anything.

My trauma in 1989/1990 resulted in twenty years working against CPS in this world. Perhaps you can do the same... turn it around and do something useful with the motivations all that trauma gives you.

I don't think I ever really started to heal from the trauma until all my kids were adults. :roll:
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Please keep in mind that none of us are lawyers and we can't give legal advice. We are simply telling you what we would do in a similar situation. It is to your advantage to get a lawyer.

"Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke ... so try to do something to change the system ...

Mom984
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Re: Nightmares in a real life Nightmare...

Postby Mom984 » Mon Nov 22, 2010 7:57 pm

The nightmares seemed to have stopped, but I still fear sleeping. I know it's horrible, but so were these dreams. I hate having my mind idle, and I panic when I feel overwhelmed with worring about how to get them home. The pain is constant and never lets up. Unless I'm playing my online game. People around me don't understand and say things like "You need to get off that computer!" How can I make them understand? If im not on this game, im a complete wreck, Im crying or stressed to the point of absolute terror. I know to some extent I'm avoiding my feelings and even not dealing with this in part, but Im in "survival mode". Self preservation is key right now. I need to "act" ok. I don't want CPS to know that I feel completely destroyed inside. I don't want my counsoler to know eaither for fear of CPS having more to hold against me. Yes, I did sign releases. I did'nt know I should'nt of. Too bad too...I really could of used the counsoling services right now. But instead of actully getting some well needed help, I will act and put on my happy face.

Im so full of hate and distrust. I'm so friggin angry. These are MY babies! Mine... No one can love them more then me, no one is the world. I would literly die for them. Don't they know, we all only live ONCE and this is OUR lives?

They say the only issue I need to deal with my anxiety... Anxiety is the bodys "Fight or Flight" response to stess. I chose "flight" in the early stages of this case by not leaving the house and not calling CPS or my lawyer. Now they will see the "Fight". But I'm soooo worried about being unable to control my temper. I sometimes feel like a Mother bear backed into a corner and defending her young... Everyone knows you should stay clear of a mother bear... I sware if I had only one day left to live, that DHHS buliding would be in ruins. I'm not a violent person, and normally I'm stable and happy. I lost everything in my world though, my children and my Husband who I have been with since 15 all in a short time.

I love my husband, but the stress of this mess has us at each others throats. And we are so good together, he is the exact puzzle piece to fit me. What areas I lack in, he excels, and vice versa. He was there for me in the begining, when I didnt even want to get out of bed, or go to bed for days...He was there for me when I didnt even want to go to the intial court appearnce, he got my ass up and reminded me we had to fight. He stayed with me through 3 months of me ignoring him, and crying one minute and yelling at him the next... I seen him in court today. I have not seen him in a few weeks, his complextion was pale gray, and he was sick with a bad cough. He is living with some friend of a friend, and he has no family of his own, no parents. I at least have that. He is now going through his own brakedown, and Where am I? I'm divorcing him so CPS can't use anything he does or did against me. He misses appointments with his counsoler and the CPS worker, he is also a drug addict, though he has not used in over a year. He was hurt while working, and his doctor put the Oxycontin to him. Three years of addiction, and 2 years to get off it. CPS of course just found all that out now. Too late dumb asses, he already helped himself, and he passes UA tests. But I fear they will use his past, and attitude against me. I'm so hurt and confused, and utterly alone. :(

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TDD84
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Re: Nightmares in a real life Nightmare...

Postby TDD84 » Tue Nov 23, 2010 9:42 am

I understand about the online game. Which one do you play?
I've not yet gotten entangled in CPS myself. I perceive, however, that the threat is very real. I prefer to prepare now, which is why I am here.
If I seem ignorant, it's probably because I am. If I make a stupid remark, it's likely because I don't understand how I'm coming across. Just smack me and set me straight.

Mom984
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Re: Nightmares in a real life Nightmare...

Postby Mom984 » Tue Nov 23, 2010 9:57 am

World of Warcraft :lol: Helps keep me sane.

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TDD84
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Re: Nightmares in a real life Nightmare...

Postby TDD84 » Tue Nov 23, 2010 9:59 am

WoW! lol I was a 37 lock before I quit. That was several years ago. :P
I've not yet gotten entangled in CPS myself. I perceive, however, that the threat is very real. I prefer to prepare now, which is why I am here.
If I seem ignorant, it's probably because I am. If I make a stupid remark, it's likely because I don't understand how I'm coming across. Just smack me and set me straight.

Mom984
Posts: 30
Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2010 8:42 pm

Re: Nightmares in a real life Nightmare...

Postby Mom984 » Tue Nov 23, 2010 10:03 am

LindaJM wrote:I don't think I ever really started to heal from the trauma until all my kids were adults. :roll:


The other day I said "I wished my children were all 18." ...Imagine, wishing the BEST years of my life away so I dont have to worry about CPS? sad sad sad... And then I will prob worry for my grandkids.

I have thought about moving state when I get the kids home. I can always move to Canada as well. I have a very good friend there. I know this sounds stupid, but is there any place safe from them?

Mom984
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Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2010 8:42 pm

Re: Nightmares in a real life Nightmare...

Postby Mom984 » Tue Nov 23, 2010 10:08 am

TDD84 wrote:WoW! lol I was a 37 lock before I quit. That was several years ago. :P


Nice, I play a Hunter. I like the pets and mounts in the game. I adore animals. I show/breed dogs as a hobby. I also enjoy the people on the game, I made good friends with someone from my "guild". Taking my mind off reality for a few hours a day saved me Im sure.

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TDD84
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Re: Nightmares in a real life Nightmare...

Postby TDD84 » Tue Nov 23, 2010 10:14 am

Totally understandable. I'm in Second Life right now, learning to be a developer.

It would be funny to pretend to level up your CPS fighter skills, making a given action or document worth certain xp. hee hee

A good lawyer is a legendary bow. :wink:
I've not yet gotten entangled in CPS myself. I perceive, however, that the threat is very real. I prefer to prepare now, which is why I am here.
If I seem ignorant, it's probably because I am. If I make a stupid remark, it's likely because I don't understand how I'm coming across. Just smack me and set me straight.

Mom984
Posts: 30
Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2010 8:42 pm

Re: Nightmares in a real life Nightmare...

Postby Mom984 » Tue Nov 23, 2010 10:19 am

TDD84 wrote:Totally understandable. I'm in Second Life right now, learning to be a developer.

It would be funny to pretend to level up your CPS fighter skills, making a given action or document worth certain xp. hee hee

A good lawyer is a legendary bow. :wink:


LMAO!!! :lol: CPS = Boss fight in raid

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TDD84
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Re: Nightmares in a real life Nightmare...

Postby TDD84 » Tue Nov 23, 2010 10:28 am

Mandy wrote:
TDD84 wrote:Totally understandable. I'm in Second Life right now, learning to be a developer.

It would be funny to pretend to level up your CPS fighter skills, making a given action or document worth certain xp. hee hee

A good lawyer is a legendary bow. :wink:


LMAO!!! :lol: CPS = Boss fight in raid


With Fight CPS as the Healer! :P
I've not yet gotten entangled in CPS myself. I perceive, however, that the threat is very real. I prefer to prepare now, which is why I am here.
If I seem ignorant, it's probably because I am. If I make a stupid remark, it's likely because I don't understand how I'm coming across. Just smack me and set me straight.

clara2002
Posts: 106
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 8:49 am

Re: Nightmares in a real life Nightmare...

Postby clara2002 » Wed Nov 24, 2010 1:35 pm

i cant play games without thinking about bringing back my family all the time. thats always on my mind. i can only feel better if i had them back. my husband is so sadden by whats going on. i can only hope for the better, i dont know how anyone here can stay so strong. its not always easy.


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