former kinship mom- advice and comfort needed

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stamm
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jul 05, 2014 4:11 pm

former kinship mom- advice and comfort needed

Postby stamm » Thu Jul 10, 2014 3:47 pm

Hello,

First off I want to say I live in Canada so I am aware some of the laws and terminolgoy may be different. I really need however a place to vent and maybe someone has some advice. I am seeing a consultant who is helping me file a formal complaint against the province.
Now for my story...
I will try to post the short version :)

I was a foster mom to my cousin for 5 years. We were told we were the pernament solution for her. We treated her as one of our own. There were always some behaviour problems. She has severe attachment problems. There were claims of neglect and abuse with her bio mom. She was 9 when we took her in. We were discouraged from adopting. The worker said as long as she felt like part of our family it did not matter. We did have some reservations about adopting but it was never fully discussed with us. We wanted to take the foster parent training and attend support groups but were repeatedly told that was for non-related foster parents only.

We changed social workers about a year ago and this new worker was always telling us and our daughter that she was the parent and not us. She undermined us and was always taking our daughter shopping. Our daughter( not sure what else to call her) said the worker was a sucker and believed everything she told her. Our already strained relationship with her suffered.

We soon learned that the BACK UP RELIEF worker was having conversations with our daughter encouraging her to leave our home and move in with her. I intercepted a Facebook conversation where she asked my daughter if she would be going to the same high school as my son. Then she said my son looked like a dork and that if she lived with her, she would never have to see him again. She loved her and just wanted her to be happy and that her 20 month old baby loved her too and was calling her name as they spoke.

OMG I was so shocked. This woman should have been fired, not allowed to foster children. We brought our concerns to the worker and a few days later were told that indeed our daughter was moving in with this woman. This was 4 months ago and I have no seen my daughter since. The worker has not answered my e-mails for over 3 weeks.

I know I have no rights but this is crazy right??? The worker told me at 14 our daughter was old enough to decide where to live.

We did everything for her. The mover said she never saw a foster child with more belongings. We took her on lavish vacations, movies, theatre. Yet we were often made to feel like we did not provide. I am so confused.

I am not sure if my complaint will do anything and our daughter cannot return to us unless something is done to repair the damage. I realize I have probably lost her forever at this point.

Thanks for listening and please send kind words. I am grieving deeply.

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monkette31
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Re: former kinship mom- advice and comfort needed

Postby monkette31 » Sun Jul 13, 2014 10:22 pm

I would try and report this to a professional ethics and/or licensing board. If you have the evidence make copies and make a complaint.
I'm not a lawyer but will try and help you any way i can. My postings may seem harsh but they all stem from personal experience with DCFS. I am not a victim and take responsibility for my part in my life, but I will always help ANYONE learn about the corrupt sick system.

stamm
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jul 05, 2014 4:11 pm

Re: former kinship mom- advice and comfort needed

Postby stamm » Sun Jul 20, 2014 6:17 am

Thank you that is what I did and I hope to hear from them on Monday. Wish me luck! I was warned that the department will cover themselves and lie so it will be rough but I am trying to be hopeful. I cannot belive this happened to us and that this woman took advantage of a vunerable child and the department allowed it!


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