Social services has gotten involved because of truency

[Caring Mother]

I need help desperately I have two teenagers that have truancy issues and some misdemeanor tickets. I now have Social Services involved and I have been ordered to do family therapy. I have no problem with family therapy and doing what I can for my children. The problem if these boys do not straighten out they will be removed from my home along with a three year old little girl. I feel really helpless. I do not know my rights what to do. Can she be removed because these boys and their behaviors are tearing my family apart.

[mamalion]

Is there a family member that they can go live with? How old are they?

Id be scared too for the 3 year old, sounds like the teens could do with a wake up call, but their baby sister shouldn't have to suffer

[Caring Mother]

Yes this is really getting scary, I don,t know what my rights are, or if I should consult a lawyer. My two boys are 13 and 15 they are from a previous relationship. My three year old is from my current relationship. I wonder if I should give him full custody, because we have only been living together for 4 years. Social service made a visit to my house yesterday, she told me if I can't control these boys she would take all the children out of my home. She told me a professional which is my sons probation officer told her that I was back and forth on school and that he just uses his cleft lip and palate condition as an excuse. I her told that the probation officer is not a therapist and shouldn't be make assumptions like that, and that it is my parental rights to enroll my son in any school that I feel I could help him better. It doesn"t help that about two weeks ago me and this probation officer had a confrontation over the phone and I told her I was going to file a grievance on her, she told me she would put my son in jail and since she could not do that she is doing her best to bad mouth me to social services. Does she realize she is playing a dangerous game.

[LindaJM]

How is everything going for you now?

Can you give the older children to their father or to another relative to finish raising? Maybe a change of town and social circles would be best for them at this time.

If they are not cooperating, it seems your little girl has to be your priority.

I'm hoping to hear that the boys realize the gravity of the situation and are willing to do their best to fulfill the requirements being asked of them.

[Caring Mother]

I tried to contact the older children's father, but he just has tons of excuses for not taking them. My oldest is at a detention facility now, and our therapist is doing a mental eval on him. He is recommending Zoloft for depression and maybe even day or residential treatment . I asked him how long residential treatment would be he said they had a kid in there for 7 years. My son does have some depression and anxiety issues, but I don,t feel a long stint in treatment is needed. He is not bi-polar or schizophrenic or suicidal. He he just very rebellious at this age. I told the therapist truancy court would end when he is 17 and that I really wanted to help him until he turns 17, and then he asked me about a case in another county. as if that case would help to keep him in treatment somehow, and I told him it was for stealing a soft drink and he would probably just get a fine. I really want to help my son but I dont want these people keeping him for years in a mental facility. Well at least my second son is doing better. I havn"t gotten anymore visits from the social services workers, but she did call to tell me that if he does need day treatment that they would have to open a social services case in order to pay for treatment. I will be having a meeting done on the 19th by social services and other various professionals to discuss if my son is to be place out of the home

[LindaJM]

I'm glad to hear your oldest son is getting professional help. This is a great lesson for the second son who will hopefully straighten up and be an asset to you rather than a hindrance. I wish you the best of luck at your meeting on the 19th. Please let us know what happens!

[family_man]

I would strongly advise against sending either son to a residential treatment center (RTC). They're just holding tanks for unwanted kids. These facilities view the kids only as an income stream, and the kids know it. There is no love there. RTCs have been known to physically abuse and sexually molest children. Studies show that 75% of children incarcerated in these institutions ended up right back in another institution, either a mental health facility or a prison, within seven years of their release. See this article for more information:

http://www.nccpr.org/reports/residentialtreatment.pdf

One of my boys was falsely incarcerated in RTCs starting at the age of 8, for 3 years. His emotional problems got steadily worse. He became despondent and very depressed. The staff wanted to medicate him with Prozac and Risperdal, which are very dangerous drugs for children. They seemingly wanted to keep him there permanently for the income stream, so they tried to get our parental rights terminated. First, they extracted a coerced confession of sexual abuse on my part. When this was debunked, they claimed I was emotionally abusive to the child over the phone. When this was proven wrong (through secret recordings), they precipitously discharged him to another institution.

Whatever you do, you must keep your younger daughter safe from harm. You have to make an honest assessment of how serious the risk of harm to her is. You may have to temporarily transfer custody to your daughter's father, until your older sons are out of the home. CPS may force you to do this, but CPS very often breaks families up unnecessarily because of exaggerated risks. If you feel this is happening to you, you will need an attorney to argue your case for you.

Do your sons qualify for special education due to an emotional disturbance? If so, most forms of misbehavior are considered to be a manifestation of their disability, so a change of placement requires your consent. This is the situation of my son who was institionalized. He's been suspended for 10 days so far this school year, but they're keeping him where he is in the local school. He's had one ticket, back in February, but so far we have not been summoned to appear in court, and there is no probation officer.

I think the things your son's probation officer has said are outrageous. I would try to get them secretly recorded the next time you talk to him, if that is allowed in your state. The best thing you could do would be to hire in-home services for your boys that you pay for yourself. I am wary of services provided by CPS, since their secondary mission is to spy on your family, possibly exaggerating its problems. If you can't afford your own services, then maybe try the CPS services. Alternatively, you can send your daughter away to her dad for two years. Better yet, send your sons back to their father, if he'll take them. My absolute last choice would be the RTC.

[Caring Mother]

Thank you everyone for your replies, I feel so stressed, my social service meeting is tomorrow and sad to say I have to be on speaker phone because they are not required to have me there in person. Which is totally unfair. How can they not have the parent there when they are making such huge decisions for my family. My therapist called reassure me that my son would be released to me and that he has spoken to the probation officer and the social worker, and that he is trying to push for day treatment for my son. I am not so sure about the day treatment but if I say no they will think I don't want to help my son. I feel that the professional treatment (family therapy and mental health services) is enough. I wanted to enroll my son in a online home school program, since most of his issues surround him not wanting to go to school, but I just feel like I really don't have any so say in this matter. When I bring this up with his therapist he says its not a good idea, but I called the head of special education in my area she said it was a good idea, because some kids just don't do well in public schools. So I really want to know can I home school online? Who actually decides what school he goes to at this point. I really do want the best for my son. I did tell the therapist residential treatment is absolutely out of the question, and he asked me why, I told him that I would like to know more about day treatment and residential treatment. I asked him if day treatment was in place of regular school he said yes and that he was pushing for him to start summer school tomorrow at the meeting with social services This upset me because we never discussed this. I feel like I am in a car with out a steering wheel.

[LindaJM]

Well, looks like your meeting took place today. What happened?

Yes, when the government gets involved it is like all your privacy and opportunities to make your own decisions for your child are gone. Now there's "professionals" making decisions that should be yours instead. This is such a difficult position for a parent to be in.

Were any decisions made?

I know a lot about homeschooling. To start, if you can do that, or when you can, google "homeschooling" and YOUR STATE... whatever state that is. You should look for your state's homeschooling organization. Their site should explain the laws. When I was homeschooling I belonged to the homeschool organization - it was only thirty dollars yearly and was worth much more than that to me.

[Caring Mother]

Well my meeting didn't go to bad, my therapist was able to attend the meeting. He told me they are backing off on filing a dependency and neglect charges, and that they want him to start day treatment as soon as possible, which I guess is not a bad thing. I asked my therapist for how long he said they recommended 3 to 9 months. I told him I really wanted to wait until the fall because we have not gotten to the point that my son would feel comfortable in school, he just has so many issues with his self esteem, but I guess thats not up to me anymore, but I am still planning to register him with an online school in the fall....the therapist is doing a medical evaluation, I told him I wanted to know exactly what he was giving him and all the side effects of this medication. He has a treatment plan he wants me to sign, I do not like some of the things he is saying in the treatment plan, so I don't plan to sign it. I don't understand why I have to sign something like that anyway. I guess overall I am getting the help I need for my son. I asked his first probation officer for help all she ever told me was no and that she would be recommending out of home placement, and his new probation offices is the one who has helped me alot and listened to my concerns and has given me alot of resources.So I guess there are some really crappy people in the system and there are also some good ones that genuinely are there for our children and not just a paycheck. I think some of these professionals need to be looked at more throughly to see if they are really doing enough for these kids and not just shuffling them off to jail, to make the state a few bucks, after all we are the consumers they are supposed to be working us, and as a consumer if I feel they are not giving me the services I need, I should be able to voice that to someone. but who? I think there is too much power given to these people and that there should be someone that is not biased over seeing how effective some of them really are.