back again

[glass]

well, my kids are a lot older, and i have a new little one, who is deaf and disabled.
a little background here..my second oldest has turned into a complete delinquent..setting fires, getting kicked out of school, raising hell, and worse. well, i stupidly shared this with his school councilor and she told me that shes required to report it to "someone who can get a worker in our house to make sure the little ones are safe".
i told her it wasnt necessary because he has therapists and all kinds of stuff going on but im sure shes still going to call..the problem is that he IS a danger and ive tried to get dhs to take him out of my house, ive tried to get the court to help us and no one will..
my little one is on a feeding tube, among other things and i would just DIE if they took him from me and left my son who needs to be in jail!!!!
what do i do???????

[Eljay]

It sounds like you already have "a history" with CPS/DHS so you must proceed carefully. You've got to act 100% to protect the most defenseless. If your #2 child really is a threat or danger, you've got to call the police and have him arrested. If he has drugs, weapons or anything that can put your baby at risk, you've got to protect him/her and let everyone know that's where your priority lies. I'm a big fan of "tough love" and would probably go to the police for help... ask for the officer/detective who handles juveniles. Tell him/her all of the risky behaviors that you see in your child and discuss what they can/will do to enforce the law. Then ask them to come to the house and have a frank, peaceful discussion with you and your son. Don't wait until he acts up, strike while the iron is cold so that it doesn't escalate into anything. You'll probably freak him out if he comes home from school and finds the police there when he hasn't done anything wrong [at least that he thinks you know of!]. You've got to show him that you mean business, not a threat, but just the facts. Let him know that this is his last chance to behave and that he does one single thing that breaks the law, the police will be called. Tell him his future is his choice... behave and stay home or act up and go away. Don't yell, belittle, etc. ... just let him know that you've got to do what it takes to protect yourself and the baby.

[glass]

oh no..that is the best part. he spent a week in jail last year for torching his brothers rotc uniform..but then they sent him to the local youth shelter, where he quickly became their little darling. i have called the police every single time but they wont help me. oh, they WANT to throw him in jail, but they cant. even the DA thinks hes being made into a "scapegoat" and when we went to court over the uniform, she requested that dhs do a home study to make sure it was "safe" for him to come home. pfff. dhs actually refused to come back because they had already been out, due to he himself calling them on me.
its a mess..i almost want to take my 2 youngest and rent a place somewhere but on the other hand, now that i had some sleep..i wonder if they will do anything at all? because the reason this idiot wants to call is to get services in the home, and hes got TONS. therapists, councilors, etc.all of which have told me to toss him out when he turns 18 in 6 months.

[glass]

well, it looks like she didnt call after all..and we are finding another place for our son to go..in the meantime, i had called this worker to get a paper back i had lent her to get a copy of, and she was friendly and said she was sorry that she had forgot, and that she would mail it to us today..i asked her when we would get the letter about the case being closed and she said she wasnt done with her investigation, but she would call if she had any questions..i asked her when she thought she would be done, and she said they have 30-60 days to get it finished. now, when she left last week, she said it would be no services needed, unless we needed something (which we didnt)..of course, i worry everything to death and figured this meant she was thinking we had done something wrong, but my husband thinks its just a matter of paperwork, because she never called the 2 references, and she also never interviewed my other child either. her office is like 3 blocks away, and the fact that shes dropping my paper in the mail makes me think shes not really caring to come over again...any ideas? should i just let sleeping dogs lie?
because also..she has no idea of our past, i guess because its a different county..who knows, maybe she does but shes not mentioned it..we are in a lot BETTER situation than before..we own our own home in a nice neighborhood with good schools too..im hoping that i am just worrying for nothing.

[Beatthescammers]

Can you find government paid for respite care for your oldest and then refuse to take him back home? This worked for a neighbor of mine that adopted an older child with RAD.

[glass]

nope!!
his butt is going to a boys home that will at least keep him until hes 18...this crap cant go on and hes drawing too much attention..im just worried though..im sure its ok because i know that here in oklahoma, they are on you quicker than anything if they think they have something..but still.