my brother said his therapist reported me for abuse/neglect

[hyperboleRN]

on xmas day, my brother started sending me text messages. saying how could i forget to send a gift to his cats? why didn't i call him so he could skype with the kids and watch them open gifts? on and on.

background info: i am a single mom, disabled due to cancer and a dozen other chronic illnesses. am a RN but not actively working since i got cancer. broke. i have lived with my parents for a couple years after i had to sell my home due to illness.

my brother was going to come home for xmas, as he usually does, as he lives out of state. he decided to not come home even after he was purchased a ticket. evidently my daughter knew he wanted to skype on xmas morning. she didn't tell me. and i was half out of it that morning cause i had to stay up to wrap gifts. my kids are 11 (daughter) and 9 (son). i was never told brother wanted to skype.i am not a mind-reader but i guess i am supposed to be.

my mom actually let me open the gifts alone this year. this is the first year since i had to move in here that i got to feel like i was on my own again. it was lovely.

so...hopefully that gives the background. my brother has some mental health issues and i guess he was having a bad day. so after he accused me of purposely not allowing him to skype with my kids, and then yelled at me for not buying his cats any gifts, he started forwarding texts from his conversations with friends about me and how awful i am. my brother was lucky i had a way to send some homemade gifts from the kids for xmas. if my mom wouldn't have mailed out his gifts, i wouldn't have been able to afford to mail him anything! my brother texted me about 20 times within a few minutes, and when i finally told him to stop it, he told me "i guess you should know that my therapist reported you to your state CPS for child neglect and abuse".

really? we were planning on going out to visit him in the spring.

he is most upset that i pulled my son out of public school to homeschool him. they stopped his gifted program, and i had no other choice. i refused to allow my son to be in school and not be educated, or to just be expected to teach himself everything. he has done wonderfully since he pulled out of school. he's happy, and not stressed about being bullied. he is exceptional, and is very smart. he impresses his doctors, his dentists, and anyone else who talks to him, as his vocabulary is sometimes better than mine! LOL

since my brother dropped this bombshell on me, i have once again been preparing for a visit. i wish my brother would stay out of my parenting decisions. i know he doesn't agree with them, as we are on opposite political sides, and opposite in just about everything. he can't stand that i don't teach them things HE wants them to know. i told him to have his own kids (he'd love to, but he's gay and he has no partner), and he can parent them however he wishes. that did not go over well.

i first found this site when i was going through my divorce. my now ex=husband said he was going to report me to CPS so he could get custody. he never did, but i was scared enough to figure out how to fight back if they showed up at my door. so once again, i am working on the folder and other advice that is on this site.

what i am struggling most with though, is the upheaval i am forced to live in currently. i don't need any stress in my life. my health is so susceptible to stress, and i am so emotional since this bombshell was dropped on me. i told my kids they are not allowed to talk to my brother without me supervising. they are not allowed to use my facebook page to communicate with them (apparently that's one thing he told his therapist. that i allow them to read the stuff on facebook. i know tehy are not old enough, so i created a family page for all of us, as that's what we found most convenient to communicate with family who is far away. that was we can post pictures and updates as to what the kids are up to). my mom says i should just forgive my brother for all the mean things he said to me on xmas day, and that i need to "get over it". i told her, how can i do that when i am not afraid the police and CPS will show up on my door? that i might lose my kids, when they are all i live for? how can i just "forget"??!!!???!

my family is so dysfunctional and this has really upset the delicate balance of everything. i really wish i was well enough to work so i could be on my own and cut off all ties with my family. that's what i feel is the only thing that will help.

i wish my family could accept that my kids are mine to parent along with my ex-husband. no one else has a say in it. they HATE that. they hate that they can't control me and that i choose to parent my kids the way *I* want to. they can't stand that i homeschool my son, even though other family members have homeschooled and those kids did exceptionally well and had their choice of top notch colleges to go to. i am a good mother. i may not be perfect, but no one is.

my daughter actually suggested that we put up video cameras everywhere and tape everything we do so we can prove i am a good mom and that i don't hurt them. i have no idea if that's a good idea or not, but i hate that this is tearing apart my kids and stressing them out when they are supposed to be enjoying xmas break.

sorry for the length. i haven't been able to eat since this happened, and i am so sick to my stomach. the stress is unreal. i really feel for anyone going through this. i live in michigan, by the way, and i know this state has one of the worse reputations for CPS cases. i wish i could move, but right now that' s not an option. i am only in my early 30's but i feel like i'm 80 sometimes with all my health problems. i love my kids so much, and i will just die if they are taken from me because of my brother and his crazy antics. i could totally see if i was going out clubbing all night, leaving my kids at home alone, and not involved in their lives, but i don't do any of those things. my kids are healthy, smart, and happy (or used to be, until this whole fiasco happened).

if anyone has any advice, i'd love to hear it. i am so thankful for the owners of this site, for the information and the suppport i see here. i had no where to turn where i thought my actions wouldn't be judged. i am afraid to talk to anyone about this because i don't want them to start thinking "oh, i wonder if she IS some crazy, horrible mom?!". in this country, any accusation is taken as 100% truth. no longer are we "innocent until proven guilty". anymore it's we're guilty if CPS is looking into us, or a complaint was made against us.

[noroses4u2c]

Your family sounds very toxic. It may be best to cut off all ties. Some parents have lost their children for good because of family members such as yours. You don't want that hardship. Any contact may be too much contact, even supervised. Your children are too precious to risk it.

I've lost my girl for good because of similar stuff with my family. They're working on terminating my parental rights now even though I did everything asked of me on the case plan. You don't want to be in my shoes.

[flcps2011]

I don't have any advice as to what to do with cps as I am still learning myself. But I can totally empathize with your situation. It sounds so similar to my own. I too have chronic illnesses. I have been stuck in a condo that my parents own for the past few years, as a result. (I would so much rather be able to work and in a place of my own as living in a place they own means there are strings attached.) I know it would help my illnesses as well if I could just get away and cut off ties from my family. These toxic/dysfunctional/unhealthy people cause stress and we don't need that on top of all the health issues we're dealing with! My family sounds so similar to yours. They hate that they can't dicate the choices I make on how I want to raise my child simply because they are controlling. So I can guess what you are going through! My sisters are extremely stubborn and if I don't do exactly what they think I should do, they get upset. And my mom could have spoken the words your own mom said! (I think they lack compassion and emotions?!)

My parents are both extremely controlling and not healthy for my daughter to be around. So, I got her away from them as much as I could. And what happens? One of my siblings who my parents have brainwashed went to my daughter's dad defending my parents saying she shouldn't be with me! I am a good mom and love my daughter like crazy. Then the next thing I know, my ex calls cps on me with false allegations and trying to put words into my daughter's mouth. Its so sad that he would do that. He has been fighting child support and therefore, wants custody of our daughter; he called them about a week before his final child support hearing.

Just know someone at least somewhat understands your situation.

[monkette31]

Does your brother know that by reporting you that your children could be taken from your family completely and put in a foster home?

Make sure the kids doctors/dentist appointments are up to date. Make sure the house is clean in case cps does drop by. Try to remain cooperative but do not give up your rights, they cannot just stomp through your house for inspection and demand anything of you, without a court order. It could be a few weeks before the pos shows up and they might even just show up at your children's school (the other one) to interview. I wouldn't mention your illness if you didn't have to, they will use anything to get you under their services.

I am glad you are detaching from your brother. I'd stay about a million miles away from him. Your brother might not know, as most of us used to not know, how awful and destructive cps is to families. He's the one in therapy though.

[hyperboleRN]

thanks for all the replies. it makes me feel SO much better to know that there's support out there for those going through this type of hell.

the kids doc visits are up to date, but they do need a filling which is due next week.

one thing i am VERY worried about is the fact that since i live with my (dysfunctional, emotionally void) parents, will THEY be the ones they ask for in regards to entering the home? since i am not the homeowner, i am guessing they will ask my parents. my mom i KNOW would say yes. i've asked my dad, who sometimes is on my side and sometimes isn't, to NOT allow them in without a warrant. he just laughed at me and said my brother is a nutjob. i know the 4th amendment means they can't search in the home without a warrant, UNLESS you give permission. my biggest fear is will be my mom opening the door and saying "oh sure, come on in!". i know she would feel they would NEVER lie, and are only "trying to help". ugh. i know the truth.

:/

i am cleaning and organizing some stuff today. this house is a disaster since xmas! i know how they can take a full garbage and some dirty dishes to mean "inadequate household maintenance" and other such BS. i am very scared about them showing up here, but i am preparing. i have my camcorder charging by the door, and i made my file. i am going to join the homeschool legal defense association as well next month (i can't afford it till then). that will at least help me with protecting my right to homeschool my son. i've told my daughter to NOT talk to ANYONE at school if they show up from CPS and want to "interview" her. she knows she has the right to have me and an attorney present. i volunteer at the school all the time, so i am hoping i will hear about CPS showing up if they do. i don't trust the new secretary there at all, so i am very nervous about my daughter going to school. she is already so upset at the whole situation, and i hate to upset her anymore by saying anything. i did tell her i don't want to make her choose sides, but that i can't just allow her to talk to my brother without my being present...and that right now, it's better for all concerned if we just do not talk to him.

i'd love to just move away and never talk to my family again. i feel SO trapped having to live with them. i desperately tried to avoid moving here for this exact reason. my mom and i have never seen eye to eye and being under the same roof is stifling. nothing i ever do is good enough in their eyes. "you only could be a nurse, huh? not a doctor?" me: "i don't want to be a doctor!". you only went to community college, huh? me: well, i got accepted to U of M, but i couldn't afford tuition, so my only choice was a nursing program at the community college (which happens to be the best in the state!). "you couldn't buy a house huh? you could only buy a condo?" me: it's all i coudl afford, and it's perfectly fine! NOTHING i ever do has ever been good enough for them.

this whole thing is definitely wrecking havoc on my body at the moment, as well as my emotions. i am so dreading this whole thing if/when it happens.

thanks again to ALL of you for replying so quickly and for your kind support. it means so much to me, i can't even explain it. i am so sorry that such a forum as this even has to exist. and that CPS is ruining families, day by day. it's just horrible.

[monkette31]

There is also the AFRA website, google american family rights, no I don't work for them, I just follow their group on facebook and it also has tons of tips and advice....

[Eljay]

Ditto the other advice, but please, as much as you can, explain to your mother how these people work. They will take something she say, "oh my daughter is so sick she sometimes sleeps til noon and I have get the kids up and feed them!" and turn around and say, "mother is disabled and neglects children, depriving them of food and education."

Any allegations that get called in from your brother (I don't think his therapist could even call in since he's not treating them and may already know that your brother is full of crap and just blows off what he says) just let the caseworker know that he is NOT around and has not been there in X many months so he has NO IDEA how things happen in your home. If/when they do show up, ask them for the allegations, word for word (write them down) and address only those allegations.

[hyperboleRN]

i did try to talk to my mom tonight about the whole ordeal. she said that i am just a "paranoid, conspirarcy theorist" because i don't trust the CPS. i mean, obviously, i should just believe like her, that the DCFS/CPS is full of kind people who save children! ugh. to her, anyone who doesn't believe their nonsense is just crying because they must have messed up badly to get their kids taken away.

sigh.

if i have a migraine, there are days i have to sleep. if my thyroid is off (which is it and has been for 2 years), i sleep a lot. if my lupus is flaring, i am sicker than a dog. and my pain in my back is just out of this world and doesn't go away...EVER. and then there's the cancer, hormone problems, and on and on and on. my freaking medical chart looks like some nursing home patients. sad. i can only imagine what my mom would say. she's a talker, thinking she can explain soemthing away...and i can only imagine how she would talk to a CPS worker. even if she thought she was helping me, she'd most likely be doing way too much damage.

this whole thing is such a mess. my brother tried to text me today. i don't know what's up with him. i didn't answer, cause i told him i am cutting contact. my mom is trying to get me to allow the kids to talk to my brother, but i refuse. who knows what else he'll use as ammo to tell his therapist that i'm doing!!!! i'm sick of his passive-aggresive bullshit and mind games.

i will definitely bring up that my brother doesn't live here, nor has he been in this state for 6 months. he usually comes home every 6 months.

i just keep praying i will wake up and realize this is just one big nightmare.

[monkette31]

if u have an android, i use a program called Mr. Number, is free and blocks all phone and texts, can forward them to voicemail or just hangup (my favorite). You never really see when they call or text so it might help with the nerves...you can also block them on gmail....so they cannot stalk you on internet or know when you are online or not...

[noroses4u2c]

Maybe relocate to a new home where your family doesn't know your address? Then, don't talk to any of your family? I dunno.

Has a social worker ever showed to your place at all?

These people look for a reason to take the children. They get money for every child put into the system.

[hyperboleRN]

the only way i could move to a new home is by 1) winning the lottery or some other miracle of getting money, or 2) get married to someone who could support me. My disability case was denied, and I found out my lawyer dropped the ball and didn't put in all my documentation. :/ My doc filled out forms for me to refile, but now more than 5 years have passed since my last work, and I can't get SSDI I guess, according to a different attorney when I went to refile.

I live with my folks because I am not physically able to work or to even do all housework on my own. I moved here a couple of years ago. :/ The only thing that kept me from caring for my kids is my cancer. At that time my parents had to bathe them, cook for them, etc. My kids can now bathe themselves, and are more independent, but I still have no way of just moving away. I'd also have to get court approval to move out of county as well due to being divorced (or get my ex's permission).

I wish more than anything I could work again. More than likely I will die very young, so I doubt I will ever regain health to be capable of working. This is NOT what I had envisioned for my life, that's for sure.

I would love to just move and cut all ties with my crazy family. Sometimes I think that would be the only way to avoid this kind of stuff.

I have not had ANY contact from CPS, social workers, police, etc. I am hoping and crossing my fingers that my brother was just high on something and messing with me. It's cruel no matter what his reasons, becuase he knows damn well I am a good mother. I am not perfect, by any means, but my kids are happy, healthy, and don't want to leave. I am still preparing for the worst because one just never knows what really happened.

I think a member told me here something that made sense. It was soemthing along the lines of: my brother's therapist could not report me herself/himself because she didn't witness anything. Everything my brother says to her is heresay. It would be subjective data, not objective. Plus, my brother has not seen the children in more than 6 months. He was really pissed that I pulled my son from public school to homeschool him, but other than that I have no idea what he could view as being a poor parent. Of course, to him, because I don't take my kids to opera, broadway, and gay-rights activism conferences, I am not being a good parent. :/ Ugh. I am REALLY hoping this was just some sick joke.