please please help me :-(

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brit2387
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please please help me :-(

Postby brit2387 » Wed Dec 28, 2011 8:32 pm

My mom reported me to CPS for fighting with HER in front of my child.
I'm a 24 year old, unemployed, single mom.
I have been living with my mother since I was pregnant with my daughter.

I have never hurt my child in any way. I don't even spank her or yell at her!

I just simply do not get along with my mother.

Will CPS investigate this, do you think?
IF they do is it true they will take my daughter away and out her in foster care while they investigate?

My mom also filed for guardianship of my daughter. I feel like this woman is trying to destroy my life just because her and i don't get along.

I keep on trying to move out to a woman's shelter with my daughter so I can get on my own two feet but my mom says she will turn in s tape she made of me screaming and cussing at her to CPS and take my daughter away.
I feel like I'm being held prisoner and am being black mailed. Please help me. What can I do? What should I do?

noroses4u2c
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Re: please please help me :-(

Postby noroses4u2c » Wed Dec 28, 2011 9:17 pm

You really need to get away from your mother. Your mother is abusive/toxic. Your child does not need to be exposed to her, either.

What's the status with the child's father?
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

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monkette31
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Re: please please help me :-(

Postby monkette31 » Wed Dec 28, 2011 9:29 pm

When you were screaming and cussing at your mother, where was the child? In the room or house? I'm not judging, just want to see wut your mom has and if the child wasn't there, maybe not so much to worry about.

What do you mean she filed for guardianship? Have you been served papers to go to court? Do you have a giant magnet you can run over the tape?
I'm not a lawyer but will try and help you any way i can. My postings may seem harsh but they all stem from personal experience with DCFS. I am not a victim and take responsibility for my part in my life, but I will always help ANYONE learn about the corrupt sick system.

brit2387
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Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2011 8:21 pm

Re: please please help me :-(

Postby brit2387 » Wed Dec 28, 2011 9:34 pm

noroses4u2c wrote:You really need to get away from your mother. Your mother is abusive/toxic. Your child does not need to be exposed to her, either.

What's the status with the child's father?



I agree. I really want to get away from my mom.

My daughters father isn't involved. He was abusive too.

I do have an anger problem when it comes to my mom. I don't ever take it out on my daughter though, ever. Though, unfortunately she has heard several of our fights.


My mom thinks she is justified in her actions.
She seems to love drama since it is a constant in her life.

I'm afraid of losing my daughter to her. She will do all the sick and twisted things to my daughter that she has done to my sister and I our entire lives.

This is completely unfair.

brit2387
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Re: please please help me :-(

Postby brit2387 » Wed Dec 28, 2011 9:41 pm

monkette31 wrote:When you were screaming and cussing at your mother, where was the child? In the room or house? I'm not judging, just want to see wut your mom has and if the child wasn't there, maybe not so much to worry about.

What do you mean she filed for guardianship? Have you been served papers to go to court? Do you have a giant magnet you can run over the tape?


I don't know where the tape is :-(
& sadly my daughter was around several times when we got into those arguments. I want to leave because I don't want to fight anymore and I don't want to expose my daughter to the fighting, but I am being blackmailed into staying.

During one of my arguments with my mom I pulled a phone chord out of the wall because she said she was going to call the police on me. I didn't know that was illegal. I went to jail for it and while I was in jail she filed papers for legal guardianship/custody of my daughter. When she filled out the forms she checked all the boxes for "parent is incarcerated" as the reason she was filing. I don't think she will get custody but I feel extremely betrayed.

LynMCo
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Re: please please help me :-(

Postby LynMCo » Wed Dec 28, 2011 11:19 pm

How quickly could you find work? Does your sister have her own place? Is there a friend/relative who would give you a week or 2 to jump into the workforce? How about emergency section 8? Or maybe another friend who has a child you could room with? I agree w/ others. Your mother sounds like bad news. Re: fighting w/ Mother in front of child, in CA it's not taken lightly. You need to research laws in your area. Good luck. Where there's a will, there's a way. Have you looked into temporary assistance? I would think getting away from your Mother is top priority. BTW your Mother shouldn't get to cocky. There's no guarantee they'd leave your daughter in her care.

noroses4u2c
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Re: please please help me :-(

Postby noroses4u2c » Thu Dec 29, 2011 12:09 am

It is normal for children of toxic parents to react from time to time in anger. The situation is still not healthy though.

What state are you in?
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

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family_man
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Re: please please help me :-(

Postby family_man » Thu Dec 29, 2011 7:38 am

I guess my views are a little contrary to the majority on this case. Yes, I do agree that getting away from your mom and establishing an independent household would be best for you long-term, but not if it means being homeless or living in a shelter. You're living with your mom because you have no job and you have no place else to go. I would suggest that while you're living under your mom's roof, that you play according to her rules. Let her be the boss, and be grateful that she's givng you and your child a place to stay. Apologize for losing your temper with her, and try to not let it happen again. Maybe then your mother will minimize the problem when the investigation starts. Sign the papers giving your mom temporary guardianship. All this does is give her permission to take your daughter to the doctor. You can revoke it once you leave her home. Concentratrate on building up your skills so that you can get a job and be able to fully suport yourself and your daughter. If this involves going back to school, do it.
Disclaimer: I am not an attorney, and this is not legal advice.

brit2387
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Re: please please help me :-(

Postby brit2387 » Thu Dec 29, 2011 9:39 am

family_man wrote:I guess my views are a little contrary to the majority on this case. Yes, I do agree that getting away from your mom and establishing an independent household would be best for you long-term, but not if it means being homeless or living in a shelter. You're living with your mom because you have no job and you have no place else to go. I would suggest that while you're living under your mom's roof, that you play according to her rules. Let her be the boss, and be grateful that she's givng you and your child a place to stay. Apologize for losing your temper with her, and try to not let it happen again. Maybe then your mother will minimize the problem when the investigation starts. Sign the papers giving your mom temporary guardianship. All this does is give her permission to take your daughter to the doctor. You can revoke it once you leave her home. Concentratrate on building up your skills so that you can get a job and be able to fully suport yourself and your daughter. If this involves going back to school, do it.




I would never sign over guardianship to anybody. She's my daughter.
I wasn't really asking for judgment I was asking for help and advice because I love my daughter. My mom is most likely mentally ill so it's a lot to deal with. You can't reason with a mentally ill person.

brit2387
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Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2011 8:21 pm

Re: please please help me :-(

Postby brit2387 » Thu Dec 29, 2011 9:39 am

noroses4u2c wrote:It is normal for children of toxic parents to react from time to time in anger. The situation is still not healthy though.

What state are you in?



I'm currently living in Michigan

noroses4u2c
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Re: please please help me :-(

Postby noroses4u2c » Thu Dec 29, 2011 9:41 am

I have heard michigan is one of the worst states for dealing with cps.

Michigan also has one of the worst unemployment rates in the country.
My child was abducted by the government. They demanded a ransom (the case plan). I paid the ransom and my child was kept anyway. It isn't much different from stranger abduction except that the government uses its power to make the abduction legal and unpunishable.

brit2387
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2011 8:21 pm

Re: please please help me :-(

Postby brit2387 » Thu Dec 29, 2011 9:43 am

LynMCo wrote:How quickly could you find work? Does your sister have her own place? Is there a friend/relative who would give you a week or 2 to jump into the workforce? How about emergency section 8? Or maybe another friend who has a child you could room with? I agree w/ others. Your mother sounds like bad news. Re: fighting w/ Mother in front of child, in CA it's not taken lightly. You need to research laws in your area. Good luck. Where there's a will, there's a way. Have you looked into temporary assistance? I would think getting away from your Mother is top priority. BTW your Mother shouldn't get to cocky. There's no guarantee they'd leave your daughter in her care.


Thank you for all of these suggestions because they are great ones. I did apply for section 8 but there are several thousand on the waiting list for it in my area. :-/
Went to court today and I still have full custody. They wouldn't give my mom guardianship, so that's good. I still have to write a formal petition though.

hyperboleRN
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Re: please please help me :-(

Postby hyperboleRN » Thu Dec 29, 2011 10:48 am

Oh wow, your mom sounds JUST like my mom. I am so glad since posting here to find a couple others who have very toxic families.

I am in my 30's and am forced to live wiht my parents becuase I am disabled, had cancer and a million other chronic health problems. Trying to get SSDI (social security disability) becuase that's what my doc wants. However, I was denied and my 5 years after working is up...so I am screwed right now. I am making a tiny bit of money from my ex-husbands SSDI. He is supposed to pay child support as well, since the SSDI checks are not actually coming from his income, but the federal gov's. But he has never paid a penny.

There are times my kids even voice that they feel my parents don't love them. If that doesn't break a mom's heart, nothing would. I feel so trapped at times. SO trapped. I have a great degree, and I was an excellent nurse with a lot of good ties to the professional community. They ahve since all abandoned me. Once I got sick, my "friends" fell off the face of the planet.

I have always had a contentious relationship with my mom. WHen my brother told me on Xmas day, that he was so mad at me for not sending gifts to his CATS (my kids made, with my help, beautiful homemade gifts for him, which were sent by mom mom & dad since he decided not to come home this year), and then he accused me of intentionally forgetting to skype with him so he coudl watch the kids open gifts....I was so upset. MY mom told me to "Just get over it". Sorry, I don't work like that. I let people walk all over me, learned by my own mother's actions, all my life, until I got the courage to leave an abusive spouse. Since then, I refuse to let people control me. Then my borther dropped the bombshell that he's been talking to his therapist about me (out of state), and that she contacted CPS because I am a neglectful mom due to my disabilities. I know more people that say I am a better mom than a lot who are healthy, so I Just have to keep believing that.

But my mom says I should just "accept" that my brother is mentally ill, and even if he really DID call CPS (or his therapist did?), that i should just accept that "it's for the best, and what possible harm could come from it? cause CPS is there to HELP families" (this was after i told my mom that SHE might very well not be able to see my kids, or get custody of them, etc. that they would be rippped away from ALL of us, not just me. she still believes, that CPS is a great org, and that the people who get kids taken away are ALL justifiable cases. she is just set on her beliefs. it is so frustrating.

anyway, enough about me. i just wanted you to know, that your mom indeed sounds very toxic, very cruel. i hope and pray that all this goes away, and that you can get out on your own eventually with your child. it is incredibly destructive to be around toxic people, whether they are blood relatives or not. they destroy people, just like CPS does. :(

hang in there, and start doing what this site recommends to protect your rights.

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monkette31
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Re: please please help me :-(

Postby monkette31 » Thu Dec 29, 2011 8:38 pm

Well, I think you escaped a BIG ONE for now....so effin glad your mom did not get custody, an ex-friend got custody of two of my girls on temp basis as she said she was going to help me in getting them back. I trusted her and the minute she got that order, she turned on me like a rabid snake. I can tell you that it is absolutely awful to have to visit your own children with a woman there, yelling what a terrible mother you are in front of your children, screaming at children not to touch mother, oh, it was awful and it went on for a few months until dcfs saw the abuse and ordered her not to supervise visits....and that's what they would have done to you.....

most likely made you move out, cause you're obviously danger to kid, cuz court gives custody to grandma...and you would of had to go thru so much more. If I were you, I'd lay low for now, be as cooperative as you can with your mother cuz you do have to live there for now, right? The thing you don't want is for her to get any ideas of calling cps on you or doing anything with this further. If she were to make a referral or the clown down the street were to, I think you'd be in serious trouble....because cps loves this type of situation....when cps gets out of the picture and I'm hoping they are now...

Go find someplace else to live. For right now, the only danger you have is from the mother where you and your daughter stay.
I'm not a lawyer but will try and help you any way i can. My postings may seem harsh but they all stem from personal experience with DCFS. I am not a victim and take responsibility for my part in my life, but I will always help ANYONE learn about the corrupt sick system.


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