Domestic violence and CPS

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guest0221
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Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2012 11:16 am

Domestic violence and CPS

Postby guest0221 » Wed Mar 14, 2012 12:59 pm

About a month ago, my husband and I were involved in a domestic dispute. It was pretty bad, I was visibly injured badly. My 6yr old son was woken up by it and witnessed my husband holding me down on the ground. He saw my son and went to comfort him and get him back to bed. While he was doing that I paniced and ran to the neighbors house. She called the police. While waiting for the police, my husband left the house with my son. I was not worried that he left with my son. He has never done anything to our kids. We've never even had an argument in front of them. The police report is very damaging at this point. He's been charged with a class 1 misdemeanor.
CPS visited my house the day after the incident, but I had actually left to stay with family and I was gone for a week. They didn't call until another week later to set up an appt for an interview. The CPS worker knew I was out of town and I said that I had actually returned home. To which she said, "oh, so you're back with your husband?" and I said yes.
We set up an appt When she came to my house, I didn't allow her to enter my home. I told her that we could conduct the interview in my garage, set up some chairs and sat down. As she began, I had my tablet in my hands and told her that I was going to be recording the interview. She immediately became defensive, needed to know why I wanted to record the interview and said she didn't want to be recorded.
I was respectful the entire time, and I asked her if it was a mandate that I couldn't record it and she said no, that it just makes her really uncomfortable and were prefer not to. She then said she needed to call her supervisor. She stepped into my driveway and I could hear some of her conversation and she was repeating over and over "I don't want to end up on youtube, I'll just leave".
She got of the phone, returned to the garage and said that she doesn't want to be recorded and if I insisted then she would not conduct the interview. She even said that me just holding the tablet in my hands made her uncomfortable and asked me to put it inside the house. I stepped inside and let my husband know what she had said, and we decided that we did not feel comfortable without that recording. I came back out and told her that if I'm not able to record it, then we're not moving any further.
We signed the parent's rights form, which both my husband and I read over very carefully. Made sure it wasn't any kind of agreement to anything. She advised me that this wouldn't just make it go away (no kidding) and that the investigation would still be open. I was very respectful and empathetic and told her I completely understand. I never came across hostile and uncooperative.
On Monday at the end of the day, I received a voice mail from her that she had interviewed my son and had some recommendations and wants to meet to set up a family plan.
We are seeing a CPS lawyer tomorrow. I haven't set up an follow up appt with her yet.
I know that by me just being back with my husband could be cause for them to try and take the kids. I don't want to get caught up in their kangaroo system of counseling etc etc. But we are of course committed to making sure my son is ok after what he saw and we have talked to him and apologized. He seems no different than how he was before.
At this point taking my kids away would do more emotional damage to them than the incident itself.

I'm looking for a little advice as to what kind of games CPS plays in this situation.

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Daruma
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Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2010 12:34 pm

Re: Domestic violence and CPS

Postby Daruma » Wed Mar 14, 2012 2:18 pm

About the recording: if it becomes an issue in the future, try to reassure her that it's for everyone's benefit. Remind her that conversations get forgotten in time, and each party tends to remember them differently. Tell her you're just as anxious as she could possibly be to protect your own privacy. The recordings are just to document what was said, for future reference.

In short, stick to your rights, but present yourself as the sympathetic, logical, prudent one. Let her come across as the paranoid, defensive one. Especially when you're recording.

Regarding the domestic violence: To CPS, you failed to protect your child from witnessing the violence. That's one strike against you. Also, statistically, domestic violence tends to part of a "cluster" of negative behaviors that occur together. Statistically, if the wife is battered, the children are at higher risk of being battered. It doesn't matter if your husband never laid a hand on your kid in his whole life. Sometimes CPS takes away kids based on future risk, not actual abuse.

Frankly, if I were your husband, I'd move out of the house until the CPS investigation is closed & the criminal proceedings are over. (And you shouldn't let him back in until he has completed some serious therapy. Any man who'd injure his own wife has problems.) Not that I'm defending CPS, but in this case, the violence happened; that's a matter of record. You were injured. CPS is watching now to see whether you choose your husband over your son. Please don't give them any excuse to put your son in foster care.
These are my personal opinions only. They are not legal, medical, or financial advice.

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Daruma
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Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2010 12:34 pm

Re: Domestic violence and CPS

Postby Daruma » Wed Mar 14, 2012 2:30 pm

PS - Sorry if my answer sounded harsh in any way. I'm on your side. I don't believe CPS always has the kids' interests at heart. But what your husband did was serious. People have lost their kids for less. You may really have to choose between standing by your husband and keeping your son.
These are my personal opinions only. They are not legal, medical, or financial advice.

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Eljay
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Joined: Thu Jan 20, 2011 10:01 am

Re: Domestic violence and CPS

Postby Eljay » Wed Mar 14, 2012 3:48 pm

Daruma wrote:PS - Sorry if my answer sounded harsh in any way. I'm on your side. I don't believe CPS always has the kids' interests at heart. But what your husband did was serious. People have lost their kids for less. You may really have to choose between standing by your husband and keeping your son.


Ditto everything Daruma said. I don't usually sugarcoat things myself. You have to look at things the way CPS looks at them now. You are allowing your child to be around someone who can't control himself and has injured others. They *WILL* be filing a petition to take custody of your child if you don't cooperate. They only need the police report to move forward, whether you talk to them or not.

You don't need her permission to record in your own home (that includes the garage). Lots of people have nanny-cams and there is no disclosure required. Of course, your "only purpose is for court, in the event of a discrepancy" is another assurance you can make to your caseworker.

Just so you're not completely taken by surprise, they will likely move to remove the child from the home both because of your husband's violence *and* the fact that you moved back in. They are going to want him out of the house, or you and your son out. If you won't do either of those, they will remove him from the home. If you and your son move out of the county, they'll have to close your case and refer it to your new county. Can either your husband, or you and your son move in with relatives?
Advice & opinions provided are no substitute for genuine legal assistance. Laws & rules vary by state/jurisdiction so do your homework and get
an education in CPS laws, rules & practices so that you can FIGHT for your children's rights. I am not a lawyer. Your mileage may vary.

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Live and Learn
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Mar 13, 2012 5:15 pm

Re: Domestic violence and CPS

Postby Live and Learn » Wed Mar 14, 2012 6:03 pm

I think you need to think long and hard about what you really want. Your husband who abused you or your child? CPS will certainly and can step in on your son's behalf for what he saw. You not cooperating shows you support this kind of behavior. That's not okay.

fatherofthree
Posts: 170
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 1:15 pm

Re: Domestic violence and CPS

Postby fatherofthree » Fri Mar 30, 2012 4:25 pm

CPS is there to make sure you are protective of their children. Per your statement, the young child was awoken to a DV (domestic violence) situation that was physical and your husband is being charged. He then took the child? That is concerning. Sure he has that right, but you can also kidnap your own child in the right circumstances. Obviously his mindset was not right during that time. It sounds like you were back in the home a week later. That is very serious. All LE are required to notify CPS if children are present during a DV incident. The recording part is nonsense as they should not worry about being recorded, and merely also record the interview to ensure nobody edits a recording. Usually the next day after a DV incident, the victim revokes everything they said to the police, hence the reason the state files charges in these types of cases. You need to make sure you and your child are protected.
DISCLAIMER: I am not an attorney and am not providing legal advice.


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