They are supposed to protect

[Daxx27]

but we all know they don't or we wouldn't be here. *I* called on my child's father. She recently began crying every time she had to go to him. It's spiraled into panic attacks and severe anxiety. She is only seven. I was advised by a counselor to call CPS because she needs immediate attention and I can't get that if I file in court. The court would also ask why I didn't call CPS if it was so immediate.

Case closed. The SW found no "neglect." No, my child is not being neglected in the sense of food, clothing, shelter. She is being emotionally abused. This isn't tangible to them. I never reported neglect. CPS did not talk to all members in our household. They did speak with daughter's teacher who confirmed everything she's observed which exactly matches my report of how this has affected her at school. She told told them she has been emotionally disturbed. My older daughter also told them how much she's been crying and how restless she's been sleeping at night.

Father refuses for daughter to see a therapist. I'm going to try again. If he still refuses I will file an ex parte in court and have it court ordered. Any therapist here needs signature from both mom and dad. I cannot take my daughter without his signature.

I am livid. They are supposed to protect. My daughter is in a living hell right now in which I can't get her out of quickly enough, if ever.

I'd like to know if a therapist confirms the emotional distress my daughter is going through right now if I can sue CPS for neglect on their part. A seven year old having panic attacks and anxiety about her dad is NOT normal. There is something going on that maybe my daughter can't express or isn't conscious of. They have failed to protect my child when there is obviously emotional abuse (or possibly something more that triggered this) happening and even confirmed by a mandated reporter. How can they close the case?

They take children they have no business taking and ignore the children that blatantly need them to step in. This is beyond my scope to protect her since there isn't anything tangible such as bruises and it's killing me inside to see my daughter being traumatized. I'm at a loss. CPS is just as guilty for neglecting my child.

[Eljay]

Take her to the police and have them do an investigation. Do *NOT* call CPS to protect your child!!!!!!!! The police can do a forensic investigation with an expert who knows how to interview children for abuse (physical, mental, sexual, etc.) Insist that they investigate. You also need to videotape your daughter when these things are happening, ask her open ended questions, never leading questions, so that if/when you file for change in custody, you can SHOW the court what you speak of, not just imply & allege.

Finally, read this, and proceed with caution: http://www.fathersmanifesto.net/armin.htm (not saying your allegations are false, but it may be perceived that way if there is no evidence).

[fatherofthree]

It is very hard to prove emotional abuse. In most cases, the police are not going to investigate emotional abuse and refer that to the child welfare folks. Unfortunately, custody issues are very common, and in many cases the children don't want to see one parent. Unfortunately, both the police and child welfare systems get used to ALL the time in the "custody game" for various goals. One way to do this is to try and circumvent the court order without actually going before a judge. However, child welfare cannot bypass a lawful court order without taking the child into their care.

I am not sure what kind of counselor you are talking to, but you need to go back to court and file. During the time it took to investigate your case, this could have been done. I am sure the attorney for the father would ask you why you didn't file as well. Your attorney might consider a temporary restraining order, or whatever your state calls it to get the motion going.

Not saying you are doing this, but a reality in the custody game these days. Good luck for your daughter!

[noroses4u2c]

If you persue this with CPS then it is highly likely that CPS will say you're guilty of alienating your child from her father and then take her from you and place her with him. Then, you might get supervised visits, if you're lucky, and you'll be forever labeled as a child abuser.

I know that isn't fair. It has somewhat happened to me, so I speak from experience. My ex severely abused and tortured me before I escaped him. His visitation rights were terminated via court order at the time of the divorce because he was so violent and had threatened our lives. Even though he had no legal right to see her, I was considered to be the blame for it and accused of not accepting responsibility after she was taken from me over a year ago. Now, he has her and I am considered guilty of having PAS and mentally ill (even though I had a psych evaluation done prior to my daughter being taken that pretty much described me in normal terms) and dangerous to my own child. I am not allowed any visitation at all right now. One of the last times I saw my girl she was in tears because she wasn't allowed to come home again. It will haunt me forever.

[Daxx27]

It is very hard to prove emotional abuse. In most cases, the police are not going to investigate emotional abuse and refer that to the child welfare folks. Unfortunately, custody issues are very common, and in many cases the children don't want to see one parent. Unfortunately, both the police and child welfare systems get used to ALL the time in the "custody game" for various goals. One way to do this is to try and circumvent the court order without actually going before a judge. However, child welfare cannot bypass a lawful court order without taking the child into their care.

I am not sure what kind of counselor you are talking to, but you need to go back to court and file. During the time it took to investigate your case, this could have been done. I am sure the attorney for the father would ask you why you didn't file as well. Your attorney might consider a temporary restraining order, or whatever your state calls it to get the motion going.

Not saying you are doing this, but a reality in the custody game these days. Good luck for your daughter!

What would be the basis of a temporary restraining order?

I just want her to see a therapist to work through things. A therapist insurance will cover. If he refuses, I will be forced to have it court ordered.

The sucky part about all of this is their perception of a "custody game." I'm not out to alienate my daughter from her father but I do need to know why she is so terrified of him to the point of it disrupting our lives, her school and having panic attacks.

And you are right, it's extremely difficult to prove emotional abuse. It's not tangible. Yet my child is in hell and I feel hopeless to help her because I CAN'T prove it. I'm in agony trying to help her.

I do not have a lawyer and do not have the means at this time to retain one. There is a self-help center but they cannot give legal advice. All they can do is make sure you have your t's crossed and your i's dotted on forms.

The police department in my city will not investigate. I've tried before. If I go in there, all they will do is document what I say. They steer clear of anything that could remotely be perceived as a "custody game." It's so sad and frustrating everyone is so jaded and that a child who truly needs help can't get it.

Any other suggestions? I've never been pro per so this is uncharted territory for me. I will need to figure out how to prepare an ex parte.

[Eljay]

Father refuses for daughter to see a therapist. I'm going to try again. If he still refuses I will file an ex parte in court and have it court ordered. Any therapist here needs signature from both mom and dad. I cannot take my daughter without his signature.

How is this possible? Seems verrrrrrrrrrry odd to me (not that I haven't been way wrong and learned a LOT on everything child-law related). If you have physical custody of your child, you have the right, nay, the OBLIGATION to seek all necessary medical care while she is with you. If she breaks an arm, you NEED to get medical treatment or else that is neglect. If she's having a full-blown panic/anxiety attack, then she needs medical attention! Look up "psychiatric emergency" and see if she fits the bill. Severe emotional behavior that is beyond the scope of normal needs immediate attention.

Well, that's the way I'd spin it if I were in your shoes.

[Daxx27]

Father refuses for daughter to see a therapist. I'm going to try again. If he still refuses I will file an ex parte in court and have it court ordered. Any therapist here needs signature from both mom and dad. I cannot take my daughter without his signature.

How is this possible? Seems verrrrrrrrrrry odd to me (not that I haven't been way wrong and learned a LOT on everything child-law related). If you have physical custody of your child, you have the right, nay, the OBLIGATION to seek all necessary medical care while she is with you. If she breaks an arm, you NEED to get medical treatment or else that is neglect. If she's having a full-blown panic/anxiety attack, then she needs medical attention! Look up "psychiatric emergency" and see if she fits the bill. Severe emotional behavior that is beyond the scope of normal needs immediate attention.

Well, that's the way I'd spin it if I were in your shoes.

We have 50/50 of her. I called around to different psychologists. They all said they needed a signature from mom and dad. One counselor understood the urgency in the situation and advised me to call CPS. She understood I wouldn't get anywhere through the court system in an urgent manor and now my daughter has to continue to suffer while I go the court route. This has literally been debilitating for all of us. I know I'm on the opposite side of the coin here but CPS has failed nonetheless. Her own doctor said they don't make appointments for "emotional distress." I don't know where to turn for immediate help.

[Eljay]

We have 50/50 of her. I called around to different psychologists. They all said they needed a signature from mom and dad. One counselor understood the urgency in the situation and advised me to call CPS. She understood I wouldn't get anywhere through the court system in an urgent manor and now my daughter has to continue to suffer while I go the court route. This has literally been debilitating for all of us. I know I'm on the opposite side of the coin here but CPS has failed nonetheless. Her own doctor said they don't make appointments for "emotional distress." I don't know where to turn for immediate help.

It doesn't matter if you have 90/10 custody and you have her 10% of the time. If she's in need of medical attention, then you get it for her. If she cannot function and/or is a danger to herself or others - debilitating as you say - then she needs help. Either you're overreacting and nobody is willing to respond to your hysteria, or you are underreacting by waiting for permission and/or expecting others to fix your daughter's problems.

You should also probably see a counselor/therapist yourself to learn just how you are supposed to handle your daughter when she's in the middle of a panic attack. Should you comfort her? Make her explain herself? Tell her to suck it up and move on? Press her to tell you what is really going on? Be proactive about working towards a solution (and I don't mean calling CPS... they are useless far too often). Once you have some professional answers, approach dad and discuss with him what his experience with her is, share what you've learned, work on a plan that fixes the situation WITHOUT CPS intervention. They are the LAST people you want in your lives. Trust me on this... there is a very real possibility that they will keep her from YOU because of what you are doing, even if there is evidence that her father is molesting her. Yes, it's happened. Don't do it.

BTW, was he ever abusive towards you?

[Daxx27]

I took a HUGE risk in calling CPS. I was referred to this board after doing so. Yes, they are the devil.

Since I can't possibly convey the situation in detail, I will take the action I'm already taking (nor can I post it on the internet). I thought I could get help or suggestions but I understand I'm on the other side of the coin.

The father refuses to cooperate in any way most likely for fear of being exposed.

Please know I dislike CPS like the rest of you. I took the advice of a psychologist who understands the situation.

Thank you anyway.

[Beatthescammers]

Encourage your daughter to stay out of the school guidance counselor's office also. Schools are a major source of false referrals to CPS.