Gone

[AllForThisSite]

Our CW is now gone. No more inspections. No more visits. No more phone calls. Nothing. Case closed. But how do we resume back to normal life again? I still feel like we are being watched and that no one can be trusted. I am more observant to who's looking and what they're thinking rather than feeling at ease around people. I know that the people I am around are not the ones that called CPS but at the same time I just don't trust anyone anymore. I still hold feelings of anger toward my ex and his wife because what they did was uncalled for. My husband asked me if I could ever come to face-to-face with them again and I told him it would take a long time. I am a slow forgiver and a slow healer where the matters of the heart are concerned. I just can't forgive as easily as others can and I just can't forget things like that. And I know that it is too soon for either one of them to stand in front of me and treat me like nothing happened or expect to act like it, or give me that holier than thou attitude because after 120 days of their bullshit, I'm waiting on the first moment for them to spring because I am going to somebody's ass.

[Gary Shaw]

I would think your feelings and emotions are very appropriate. I would think in this evil world you are correct in not trusting anyone. I would think forgiveness is not going to happen. I know we are taught to forgive but in these situations forgiveness is for people who are a lot stronger than I am.

I held my precious grand children yesterday, how could I even think of forgiving someone who has played any part in the hell they have been put thru.

Good luck.

[scarfyrre]

The pain will lessen over time just as it does for everything else that happens to us, but you will never be the same.

I've always tried to find the good in everything that has ever happened, and I won't go into that now, but eventually I have seen it. Don't look for it now, because you won't see, but ten years from now (or whatever) this will have caused something positive.

Just heal for now. You're allowed to be angry and distrustful. When we have this sort of stuff happen to us that is just not right there is a bigger sense of anger. If it gets too much for you to handle on your own, maybe get a therapist or support group. Or maybe start your own. Help and heal.

Anyway, <hugs> to you and your family. I hope the pain doesn't last long for your and yours.

[sedwards]

hon i know how you feel bleave me it has been over four yeras now and i still dont trust people. i still live in fear . i dont know if it ever goes away . i wish it would sometimes . But it dont . Maybe for some it is different . Eeach case is different . So it is hard to say . But whatever you dont ever let your guard down . It is sad what we have to go theru to realize what a crooked world we actually live in . And how many children are hurtis really sad . I wish you the best .... And glad to hear it is closed .. Are you moving i would be making plans to you can bet that .. Sedwards

[Frustrated]

Yeah, me too. I don't trust anyone anymore either. I am too angry and upset. Now I am going through right now where you went through, I have to have CW in my home, and inspections and putting through hell once again. What I am upset over is that NO ONE believes that CPS Workers are actually evil and tricky. Not even my Mother, no body else. I told them what they are like, but they say "nah, they wouldn't do that to you" Or "you will be fine, as long you do everything they tell you to do, they are there to HELP you". I dreaded the word HELP, which I know is such a big word, but means something else to them. I don't trust them at all. My mother told me just to get through it, and she said I might Learn from it, means maybe it would actually help me.

Good grief.

I am even afraid that my Ex husband would call on me especially since it is Christmas Holidays, HE ALWAYS CALL around that time, because he would get Mad and upset, when he is not granted the Visitation, just because he was "Late" notifiying at the "last minute", which to our Custody Agreement that he is to Notify me at least 30 days ahead of time. Well, time is ticking...he is supposed to let me know about Visitation for the Christmas Holidays, I have not heard anything from him since. So that means he is up to something, and I really hope he is not calling CPS out of revenge. Just becasue he is not visiting his Children, which is HIS OWN CHOICE....he said to me "Oh it is too expensive for my gas to come up there to pick up the Kids", "can you pay for my Gas Expenses"? "can you extend the visitation to two weeks?" or something like that. I told him he has to stick to the Agreement that was signed into by the Judge, and that is the order we have to follow through. I have given him too much lee way, and when I reminded him of the Agreement, he got real upset, and decided to call CPS on me, out of revenge, so he can get all the satisifaction he gets when we are all suffereing right here at home.

Since we have the Service Plan in place, which I know has "hidden agendas", I get jumpy when people call CPS. That is WHY I don't trust no one, not anyone, not even a Neighbour. Because Next Door Neighbour used to call CPS, just because I refused to feed her Kids, or watch her Kids or that we are making too much Noise, to where she would play LOUD MUSIC, really loud and I called the Landlord on her for playing LOUD Music at 11 PM, where my Kids are trying to sleep, and she CALLED CPS ON ME!! grrrrr (sigh*)

anyways, I know where you come from, I used to feel that way every time the Case is closed. The only way is to heal is to just forget it for a while and put it on the back burner for now, and enjoy the Christmas Holidays and try to do something fun out there, enjoy your hot chocolates and marshmallows.

OH by the way, when are you going to get your Son home?

[kdddav'swife]

Almost a year since the 3rd one and we are living in fear DAILY. Every time a car goes by or there is a knock at the door. I suppose it MIGHT not have gotten so ugly last time if I had not initially refused a warrantless entry. It is a shame when we live in a time when our constitutional rights are not honored and it is taken as a sign of guilt when we actually stand up for them. If a caseworker shows up at my door again I will still refuse them entry and this time I will not bend. I was basically bullied into letting them in last time. NEVER AGAIN!!

I think that part of the fear is knowing what we all know now to be the truth about CPS. Two years ago I was blissfully ignorant. Now I know that all it takes is for one person to disagree with a decision that I make concerning my children and my life will be on a downward spiral into hell all over again. How can we NOT live in fear?

[Momoffor]

It will take a long time. Believe me. I am still very suspicious of the shcool and their inquestive questions. I am suspicious of Doctors who get too far off track of the topic of the kids visits and start in on various lines of questionings.
I didnt start to fully relax until just a few weeks ago when we finally hit that one year mark that the case cannot be reopened. I am still suspicious, but dont feel like I have to look over my shoulder with as much paranoia as the past. I doubt all of the paranoia will ever be gone for good.

[AllForThisSite]

I guess the part that bothers me the most is the people that call CPS on other people are people who have more dirt under their rugs than the people they call CPS on. I've seen people who've lost their children to CPS turn right around and try to make someone else lose their kids. I think that is messed up. And people who have lost their kids and go out of their way to make it happen for someone else apparently didn't love their kids or else they would NEVER want to put the hurt of losing kids on someone else. That's just wrong!

If I would have done like my ex and took my son's word for the truth for everytime he's ever told me something about his father and step-mom I could have both of them planted UNDER the jailhouse. I could've really created some damage but I never picked up the phone the first time because I knew I could handle it. I would call my ex and discuss my concerns with him only to get called a bitch and get hung up on. I would talk to him when he picked my son up or dropped him off only to listen to him lay blame on me or talk about things in our past relationship rather than our son.

I was civil, I never raised my voice, I never cussed him, I tried to be polite because I wanted my son to grow up thinking his Dad and I were on the same side so he could never try to play one against the other which is what kids do when they know their parent's are divided. I had so many people for so many years ask me how I could keep my cool and how I could be silent or how I could just turn around and walk off when he stood there talking to me like a dog. Believe me it took a lot not to wallop one upside his head, but deep down all I could think about was my son.

Since this case has been going in my life I've found out some interesting things from my son. The last 2 weeks I've found out that they are having money problems and they cannot afford his Christmas and that they almost lost their home. They borrowed money from her parent's to catch up their house payments. My son blurted that out on the phone to me when we were discussing what he wanted for Christmas. She got upset and made him get off the phone. I've found out my son has been setting things on fire around the house. I find out that he has a problem with his attitude and pretends to be deaf when told to do something and has a problem smart-mouthing.

What really gets me is when he was defiant with me on weekends or when he lived with me, my ex and his wife both stood there when I discussed this with them and acted like it was faulty parenting on my part. They treated me like there was something I wasn't doing right. It hurt me a lot because they acted like nothing like that was going on down there and it was just all me having the problems. It wasn't until my son called me crying one day telling me that his Dad and step-mom had talked to the school about sending him off to boot camp that I found out they were in fact having the SAME damned problems I was having only they were afraid to say anything to me because they thought I'd turn around and use the same judgement on them that they used on me. I kept my son from going to boot camp by telling them to involve him in after-school activities.

The kid is not allowed to play outdoors, he spends all of his time indoors, he has no one to play with, he needs to get out and spend time with kids his age. After me telling them this they enroll him in after-school activities and his behavior improves. Now that the CPS thing is over with, they are telling me that they are pulling him off the sports team because of his attitude at home. They said they are going to make him write an apology letter to everyone on his team, too. I think that's messed up. They can deal with him at home, they don't need to go public.

But now that I know what's been going on for 120 days in THEIR home, I know now why they didn't want to be involved with CPS no more then they did. They were afraid my son would start spilling the beans on them or say something to get them in trouble. That is what the whole damned thing was about.

[Dazeemay]

There is a justified anger that we are allowed to have I feel. And the anger one feels towards anyone and that includes relatives is justified in my book when it comes to the position they took in regards to helping cps make our lives and especially the lives of the children pure hell.

When one can look at it as justified anger it takes the hate out of the feelings one has towards them and then one can move on and do what they have to do to bring justice to the situation.

I have only come to this conclusion just recently and have felt more peaceful within myself in regards to cps and relatives in our situation. I will post more on the forum, "Have Faith and Be Strong" in regards to this.

I guess the part that bothers me the most is the people that call CPS on other people are people who have more dirt under their rugs than the people they call CPS on

That is exactly how I feel about the relatives involved in our case.

This was a good post for me Allforthissite. Thanks for opening up.

[AllForThisSite]

Well it is true. I've known people who've lost their kids to CPS turn right around and call CPS on someone else trying to make them lose their kids. When I hear about those people doing that I don't feel a damn bit sorry for them when they start talking about how they were wronged by the system and how they don't get to see their kids. If they truly were hurt by what happened to them, they wouldn't wish that or DO things to cause that to happen to someone else.

I've heard people say they called CPS on a certain person and say that person's house was nasty, the kids aren't taken care of and not supervised, but the person making the damn phone call are the one's that are well-known to sleep all day and their kids roam the neighborhood and the last time their house was cleaned was when they moved IN IT!!! I've heard people sit and tell me they were at so-and-so's house and that person was consuming alcohol in front of their children and they call CPS saying that parent was drinking around the kids but then in the end we all find out that the person that called CPS was sitting there drinking a damn beer right along with them!! That or the person that calls CPS claiming the parent's are drunks go over there every weekend while the parent is being investigated bringing a case of beer drinking it with the parent's talking about how the parent's are good parent's and trying to point the finger at everyone else for being the CPS caller. It's messed up! Talk about standing in a glass house throwing rocks!