Sufficient sleeping arrangements? Someone please advise

[righteousbabe]

I know this may sound like a silly question or like I'm overreacting, but this is one more thing I'm worried about and I would like some input.

As those who have read my story will know, we are hoping to regain full custody of my GF's 3 year old daughter when services/hoops are completed.

Part of what the CW wants are home visits. I'm all freaked out about this... not because we have an "inadequate" home, but because I see it as ample opportunity IF the CW is on a fishing expedition for her to find some "fault" or something.
Our house is fine but not perfect. So now I'm on a mission to make it "perfect" in a week or less.

The first thing I am having to address is the sleeping arrangements. We have a two story rental that was once a garage apartment and so the layout is a bit unconventional. There are two bedrooms and one bathroom downstairs. There is one bedroom, a living room, kitchen, and another bathroom UPSTAIRS.

There are 2 adults, and 3 kids... and because of the past history with my GF's son and my son we wanted my son upstairs near us. So downstairs the two eldest boys each have their own room and my son has the upstairs bedroom with bunk beds. It's right next to the living room and we'd intended to have him share the bedroom with my GF's daughter when she get home. She would be in the bottom bunk and it would just be for sleeping anyway, but now from all I've read and heard, that's not going to fly with CPS because the kids are of opposite gender and 5 years apart.

Ironic considering that the abuse that occurred before was with two MALE children. But whatever, we are not going to risk the disapproval... but we need another option.

We (the adults) don't HAVE a bedroom. We did this on purpose so that the older boys (13 and 14) could have privacy and have their own rooms. We sleep on a fold out sofa sleeper in the living room, upstairs. We're okay with it, but will CPS be?

As for her daughter, we've been trying to think of what to do and the best option we've come up with for NOW is to buy a toddler bed and place it in the living room near the couch we sleep on. There is room (barely) for that. The only other option would be to get rid of our other couch (the living room has one couch and the sleeper loveseat) and replace it with a daybed.

That's the more expensive option, and harder to do since we have no truck to haul something like that home with if we buy it.

So I wanted input on the sleep situation. Will the toddler bed suffice?

Also, we have a broken bathroom downstairs. The toilet tank is cracked and apparently was when we moved in BUT we didn't realize it for a couple of months, because someone had temporarily fixed it with silicone and eventually it "gave". The shower only runs cold water, the hot stopped working after the toilet thing and we don't know how to fix on our own.

We have tried to get the landlady to fix these things but with no success, we just kinda dropped the ball on it instead of fighting her over it. It's always that way in a cheap rental... like pulling teeth to get stuff done. We plan on just having it fixed ourselves and taking the $$ from the rent but there are certain legal steps for that and with the CPS thing sucking up our lives we haven't done it yet. I don't know if there is time to do it before CPS comes.

We didn't think it was a big deal since this is a two bathroom house and the other one is just fine, but now we're wondering. The boys were supposed to just be using that bathroom to brush their teeth and comb their hair and such, but then we locked it after they "forgot" on four occasions that it was broken and then flushed and we had a water mess (it's the tank that leaks, not a sewage sort of leak).... so it's now locked and unused. Meanwhile the tank is partially dismantled and it's obviously "broken" when you look at it. Should we try and fix or just tell the CW if she asks that it broke and we locked it up? Or tell her it "just" broke? Or what?

I'm worrying myself to death about this stuff, but like I said, if it is PERFECT then she can't use anything and that's how I want it.

[florida999]

we have a two bathroom home and the master bath is in need on remodeling.....the shower stall. we dont use the shower in thier, and our case worker never said anything about it. we have a three bedroom house and we have the master bedroom, my 5 month old has her own room with a crib. and my six year old daughter and my 2 year old son sleep in bunk beds in the third room. dcf didnt have a problem with this either, but i guess every dcf is different. it probably has alot to do with the ages of the children, if you have a like say 12 year old shearing a rooms with a 7 year old opposite sex then maybe they would have a problem. i plan to move my son into his own room and my baby into the bunk bed when she is old enough. and our situation is the same my son only sleeps in thier, all his toys and everything are in the nursery and that is were he plays, ect. we didnt have any problems...but dont think that means you wont, like i said every case worker is different.

also, you may want to consider bunking up the two boys, and taking one of the bedrooms yourself, they might have a problems with the two of you sleeping were the children can see, the next thing you know they be spounting off alligations that you DONT want, if you know what i mean.

[Shirley]

You need another bedroom! I know, that's no help.

Lets see..3 bedrooms, 4 kids and two adults. Too bad its not two boys and two girls.

Is the living room able to be closed from the other areas?

It probably would be better..lets see, to bunk the two other boys in one room. That frees a bedroom for the baby.

[Frustrated]

I was told by CPS that the boys and girls has to sleep seperate bedrooms. The both Girls can sleep in their rooms where the other boys can sleep in the other. CPS stressed to me that Girls can't sleep with their Brothers. It must be seperate. Because of their Ages when they mature, they have privacy rights or something.

But they also stress that under the age of 5, it does not matter where they sleep, but when as they age older, they must sleep seperate. Especially 12, 10 boys and girls must sleep seperate.

Adults must sleep in their own rooms.


Two Girls in one room, Two Boys in the other room and 2 Adults in their own Bedroom, that makes 3 bedrooms.

I know it is difficult and the Children had told me they wanted their own Bedroom because they would fight with their sisters or brothers. LOL

Additional Room for Guests, can be made in the Living room or an extra Bedroom.

It is not easy for me, I know, it is complicated but CPS are nitpicky when it comes to Girls and Boys, and they said they must be seperate after the age 5.

Younger ages below age 5, does not matter, they can sleep in cribs, toddler beds, or whatever.

I think I have seen links like these, but I can't seem to pinpoint where on the boards, it is somewhere I believe as I remember seeing the link about few months ago.

[gideonmacleish]

Frustrated,

That's why I think CPS case workers are basically sex perverts. They see something sexual in EVERYTHING.

Too bad they can't go back in time and yank those children out of the one room log cabins where they lived, huh?

[Frustrated]

Of course.

Next being a Perfectionist. It just peeves me that they think they are so "perfect" and the Families has to be perfect and go their way, not our ways. It is like changing complete make up of a Family's morals and values.

I just wish all of this Perfectionism stop and just accept for who you are.

[florida999]

if they bunk up the two boys, and take one of the rooms themselves, then the 3 year old could sleep in the the room with the parents. i know it sucks to have to share a room, i has to with my younger sister, but who can afford 4..5..6.. bedroms? i know I cant.

[Frustrated]

Is there a Playroom that the girl can use? We usually have a Play room and it is small but we got everything out and put that as a Temporary Bedroom as a Toddler because her Sleeping routine is different than the older Kids. Then as she got older, she teamed up with her Sister in her Bedroom.

[righteousbabe]

Hi all;

Thanks for the replies. To answer the questions;

upstairs there is the bedroom and bathroom (bathroom is off the bedroom), then living room in middle, then kitchen.

So yes, we can shut the bedroom door and the living room is in effect 'closed off'. There is a stairway downstairs from the living room with no door at the top though, just a curtain.

The other thing I figure they might say is that it's not good that everyone has to go through the upstairs bedroom (where my 8 yo is) to go to the bathroom. Ugh.


There is no playroom or study or anything else. The largest bedroom is downstairs. It's big enough that if it had a wall it could be two bedrooms. That's the room my son has (the 14 yo). So we *could* take his room and put the 3 yo in there with us on a toddler bed...? But we'd still be sharing a room with her, just not the living room.

We can't put my 8 yo down there with my14 yo because then he'd be right next to my GF's 13 yo who he is not allowed to be alone with and being downstairs, they'd be "alone".

The only way we can bunk my boys is to put them upstairs, and it's the smallest room of course.

I can't think of a way to free up a bedroom exclusively for the 3 yo that wouldn't result in either 8 yo being downstairs with GF's son, or the 3 yo being downstairs with us UPSTAIRS which doesn't seem safe.


Arrrgh! This COULD work if this wasn't a 2 story house.

So it seems like the only options are to kick my son out of his room and put him upstairs with the 8 year old, and me and my GF take his room with the baby....

That or keep the living room as our room and share that with the baby....

I can't think of a way to get her her own room unless we MOVE. I know we need a bigger house. My mom says "Y'all just have too many damn kids!".... lol... but I only had 2 and my GF only had 2 which is not a lot until you BLEND.

I just don't know. Maybe if we tell them we're looking for another place... because when we rented this place she wasn't with us and she was younger anyway. It's really hard to find a 4 bedroom here and a 5 is almost impossible and we can't afford it, but I don't know what else to do.

When we talked before about possibly buying this place we had figured out ways to turn it into a 4 bedroom but that's neither here nor there. We are NOT staying in Texas after this.

So I was hoping that a toddler bed in the living room would do. I know, they could say that we shouldn't have her in here with us for some pervy reason. Jeeez. As if we can ever do THAT anyway! We just wait until the kids are at Grandma's and are ALL gone for an overnight! Sorry, TMI, and of course CPS can twist things.

[Frustrated]

There is nothing wrong with a Sofa Bed in the Living Room as a Temporary sleeping arrangements until you can figure something out. Extend another room is a good idea, renovations but that costs money since you are renting the place?

Best option is to find another place that has more rooms. It does not have to be 4 bedrooms, it can be an additional study room, or something. I am sure you can get something worked out.

[unfairjustice05]

You really don't want the girl in the same room as the boy,CPS will fron on that and will not look upon that.And people are right bunk the 2 boys together and if you have another room put her in the upstairs bedroom by your room.My 2 girls share a room and my son has a room with a bunk bed that he shares with his 2 younger half brothers,the girls have a door on their room my son doesn't.


WHen they do the home study make sure your house is clean (doesn't have to be spit cleaned just clean and food in the fridge. They just did mine and the CW didn't even ask to look at the rest of the house.

The 3 year old could sleep in the room with the parents yes.And my house is also a 2 story house and 1 1/2 bathrooms.

[Frustrated]

I am just curious, to where CW stops in your house, where was he at? Living room? Sitting down?

I remember most CW's always stops and sit in the Living Room and very few times in the Kitchen sitting at the Kitchen Table. They never even went to see my Kid's Bedrooms. They just know by asking the Kid's with Questions and knows that they are not sleeping together. This was the third time CW asked my Children that question in a 5 year period. That would be the first question they will ask to make sure before going to the next question like food or something like that. But usually they ask how well the Parents treats the Children and such.

[righteousbabe]

Okay so we are back to square one.

I can't bunk my youngest downstairs so his older bro would have to come UP.

SO the bottom line, is it "better" for the 3 yo to share a BEDROOM with us or share the living room? That's what it comes down to really.


Either we can put a toddler bed in the downstairs bedroom, kick my 14 yo out to be upstairs with the 8 yo boy, or we can leave them be and put the toddler bed in the living room where we currently sleep.

As far as other previous visits: one CW never looked around at all. Just sat in the living room. Asked where they slept and we pointed to where the rooms were but she never checked.

Another caseworker wanted to see EACH room plus the kitchen, food, and photograph it all.

She told us our bathroom was cute and said she wished she had as much food as we had. LOL. MY best friend had gone on a spree for us the day before so that we didn't just have enough, we had EXCESSIVE amounts of food.

Depends on the CW apparently, but this one has been combative from DAY one so we are paranoid.

[Frustrated]

Beware of the word "I wished...." I have heard that before! It is a trick to make you talking. But could be just a neutral nice conversation, but I have heard these many times in CW's for 5 years. They have said "I wished..." this and that, or this or that....

I thought it was rather strange, but I found out it was a Fishing Expedition they were doing with their procedures of questioning....

I wished my House was clean like yours.

I wished I had more food like you had in your Fridge.

AHA, even one Cop Lady came in here telling me the SAME THING!!!!!! She said "I got 14 yrs old Daughter and my House was messy...and I wished my house was this clean like yours."

Then I pondered and remembered that my CW said the same thing. Then went back to procedure on "how to question a person and get the answers you want." There are tricky words that they use to make you talk more....

I wished my house was clean like yours...

YEAH I KNOW! I did this All the time, I clean my house every day.

That is the answer that CW is looking for.

"CLEAN EVERY DAY".

I am trying to remember another tricky word that make you talk, but I forget. LOL If I can remember it, I will get back to you.

[florida999]

can the 8 year old be left in the room upstairs by himself? that way you could bunk the older two downstairs, and take the bigger bedroom for yourselves and the little girl?

[righteousbabe]

can the 8 year old be left in the room upstairs by himself? that way you could bunk the older two downstairs, and take the bigger bedroom for yourselves and the little girl?

Well, I dunno. That's a thought... but then every time my GF's son came up to use the bathroom or go to the kitchen one of us would have to run up too, since they cannot be alone together and if the 8 yo is upstairs, he'd be "alone" up there so we couldn't let her son go up without one of us.

Y'all think it makes that much difference if we share a BEDroom with the 3 year old or if we share a LIVING room with the 3 year old?

I mean, I never thought a 3 year old needed a "bedroom". My kids at that age just followed me around all the time anyway or played in the living room. They didn't start wanting to go off and be in their rooms until 4 or 5 at least. When my 2 were little they shared a room but the youngest was rarely in there. He drug all his stuff out to play in the living room and just used the bedroom for 'storage'. He was 3 and my oldest was 8.

This is soooo effing ridiculous, trying to hash this out. I mean, logically, while having her in the living room is not "ideal" and all, it shouldn't matter at this age, but I guess it does.

Frustrated, what is the answer they want? T hat you clean every day and shop every week? Or what?

[florida999]

i think in the end the fact that you all sleep in the living room will end up biting you in the ass. if it was just a single parent, that would be one thing...but since your well not single, those cps workers will ask your kids all kids of things, and the next thing you know one of your kids will say they saw mommy and daddy kiss in bed and they will turn that into having sex in front of the children and then youll have sexual abuse charges.

[righteousbabe]

i think in the end the fact that you all sleep in the living room will end up biting you in the ass. if it was just a single parent, that would be one thing...but since your well not single, those cps workers will ask your kids all kids of things, and the next thing you know one of your kids will say they saw mommy and daddy kiss in bed and they will turn that into having sex in front of the children and then youll have sexual abuse charges.

I see your point, but I'm not sure what else to do. I guess we'll just have to think on it.

We dont' even show affection in front of the kids PRECISELY because CPS is involved. I mean, aside from holding hands or hugging.

It's "mommy and mommy" FYI. LOL.

[florida999]

im very sorry, i didnt realize to be honest from reading your posts, i cant really see why they are keeping your girlfirend from her child, most of the time, in situations were the child is visiting a non costodal parent, at the babysitter, ect. if something happens they will release the child back to the costodal parent. im surprised that didnt happen with you. dont take this as being rude.....but do you think they are give you a hard time because of your lifestyle?

[righteousbabe]

im very sorry, i didnt realize to be honest from reading your posts, i cant really see why they are keeping your girlfirend from her child, most of the time, in situations were the child is visiting a non costodal parent, at the babysitter, ect. if something happens they will release the child back to the costodal parent. im surprised that didnt happen with you. dont take this as being rude.....but do you think they are give you a hard time because of your lifestyle?

Not rude at all, and believe me, if they would give us ONE smidgen of evidence that that was the problem we would be running to all the GLBT rights groups and the ACLU and people would listen.

In fact, if we could get ANY evidence that they were on us for that issue, it would HELP our case. LOL.

The whole thing with them not returning her was a dumb caseworker error and she doesnt' want to own up to it. Someone else in the Dad's family tried claiming that my GF had "abandoned" the child over there, totally false, but CPS didn't bother to check and see if it had any merit. They just took them on their word and according to the CW, they didn't contact my GF because they thought she "wasn't in the picture".

As if that's an excuse? I mean, it would have taken her FIVE minutes to verify the statement. Dumb.

SO she screwed up and now doesn't want to take responsibility for it so she's trying to justify her screwup. That's the way I see it anyway. A friend of mine was trying to excuse the CW going on and on about how overworked they are, and I said no, no way, I don't care how busy you are, if you have ANY reason to believe that there is a custodial parent waiting for their chidl to return home after a VISIT, then you take the damn five minutes to check it out.

The CW received conflicting statements from people in that household.... with some saying she (my GF) was "out of the picture" and others contradicting it, so the CW should have investigated.

The whole thing burns me up because WE were done with CPS, we thought, and WE had nothing to do with this issue, Dad did, but dad gets rewarded for it? I don't get it. This is the thanks she gets for being generous with visitation and never keeping the child from her father like some parents do??

Now we have to jump through hoops and be held to standards that the rest of the world isn't held to, like this sleeping arrangement crap. How many kids are in the world sharing a room with an opposite gendered sibling? Or sleeping in a room with their parents? And no one cares, because they aren't in a CPS case, but since we are, thanks to DAD the dummy, we have to fret and worry and our kids are all stressing too.

Ugh.

[florida999]

i had posted this on another thread of yours and i cant remember where, so if you have read it already im sorry. but if I were you, and cps doent have any concrete, provable allegations i.e. drug use, medical neglect, things like that, i would try to take this to family court. not depedency court, where cps rules. family court is were you get divorced, child support, CHILD CUSTODY, try to get the father for non compliance with the original custody agreement, its not actually that hard to do, you can probably do it without a lawyer, i did when my husband and i seperated about 5 years ago. just file a motion to redetermine custody. make sure before you do this though, you have all your ducks in a row, and make sure cps has nothing they can use against you. because im sure the dad will try to use them in the fight even though their not a party to a family court proceeding. probably sounds like the dad used this situation to try to get out of child support. it actually isnt that hard to do, i took my husband to court three times for failure to pay child support, all i had to do is fill out the motion form they have copies at the court house or clerks office.

[florida999]

to be honest, you probably should have done that right at the very beginning, and not played with dcf at all. also, i think i have read somewhere about the dad wasnt great at keeping up with child support? thats a good thing to use when you go to court, as well as the fact HE was the one who got involved with dcf, not you.

[Momoffor]

Those perverts made a big deal out of nothing when my daughter and son shared a room even though they had seperate beds. BUT what I found out is as long as they had seperate beds they couldnt say squat about it.....didnt stop them from trying, or saying nasty perverted remarks that raised questions from my children about topics they had never thought about before.

You dont want your daughter sharing with boys at all as far as CPS is concerned. Do whatever you need to as a quick fix to get them the heck out of your hair and once the case is over and done with go back to how its easier for you and your family. (Just my 2 cents)

[Frustrated]

The Mennioties up here has 7 or 10 Children, and they all sleep in one Log Cabin up here and no one said a word because of their Religion Right.

I remember when I used to live near them, and they lived in a really small One Room House, like a log cabin or something, and they had about 7 children or something like that, and some of them had to sleep in bunks and some slept on the floors and the baby was sleeping in a hammock.

Hammock, HEY! that is a grand idea....LOL never thought of that, that would be cool to sleep especially when it is very very very hot outside.

What I am saying that CPS don't bother them that much and these people had their own Education right in Menniotie School. They live in the Country. That is something I love the best, living in the Country because that is like a World of NO WORRIES!! Just like that, you just live there and you don't have to worry about the outside World coming and interfere with your Lives. We would go fishing, we would camp out, we had camp fires, we would hunt, we go on hikes, we go bike riding, we made forts out of branches, we go over to friends, and we milked Cows, and we used to go to a General Store, very small to get popsicles and buy Milk and Eggs. Gosh, I miss those good ol' days. We used to have Chains as a Gate on our Drive ways, to keep the People out and I was wondering about that, now I KNOW WHY! Gates on a 1 mile Drive way are to keep Government Agents away.

[righteousbabe]

Well, this may be less than ideal, but here's what we decided:

There is just too much going on here with work and counselor appointments and cleaning and yard work, blah blah blah, and all to "get ready" for the home visit aside from this issue, that we decided against moving anyone around. Too much to move, and not enough time.

So, we got a suggestion to divide the living room up, and we have wracked our brains and figured out a way to do it. Finally I think we have it. We're going to rearrange that room completely and put up a curtain that divides the room in half. Half will be the living room, with our sofa sleeper, and the other half will be the baby's space, with her toddler bed and toys and a desk that they all use to do homework. GF bought the toddler bed today, and it even has builit in shelves and such for storage of her stuff.

My GF is going to install the curtain rod (long dowel most likely) and we're going to use curtains we already have and replace those with miniblinds, so the whole thing will also look nice too. We're going to have re-run the cable connection and move a window a/c unit but overall it will take less time than the other options and hopefully a curtain that is 10 feet across and 7 feet high will count as a "room divider" enough to satisfy the CW.

What do y'all think? Anything I've overlooked? If we had money/time we'd actually put up another WALL of some sort. Freestanding even, or Asian screens, but we have neither money nor time right now.

We orignally planned it for the other side of the room until my GF realized the windows would be considered a safety problem even though they are locked and have screens, so we're flipping everything around. LOL.

Now, I just have to hold back on buying anything in anticipation of her return outside of what we MUST have. It would break my heart to go shopping for her and get her clothes in her current size and newer toys or even cute bedding only to have her not come home. It was already bad enough to deal with the brand new clothes I had for her and Christmas presents still wrapped and such from when we didn't know where she was.