My story....=(

[calverson]

Hey thanks for replying so fast. I live in Canada so I don't know how different the laws are and what not. I'm not a drug user nor an alcoholic. I'm a 20 yr old mother of a lil 3 yr old girl who got apprehended from me and my fiance in the summer because of her fathers sick vendetta for me. He doesn't care about her at all. To make a long story short he walked out and had no contact with her untill it was forced though the court system. Well anyone who has children knows that they get the occasional bruise and what not. She was little mis go go go with me. They apprehended her at 2 and a half so you can probley imagine lol. Anyways My fiance was babysitting her while i was at work ( my second day at my new job!!!) and he had just gotten her dressed She was being really well behaved that morning so her told her to go and get her sandals on and she made a b-line for the livingroom and in the process of running out to get her sandals she tripped and fell onto the entertainment center. She slightly fractured her left upper arm. CPS apprehended her from us at the emerg dept at our local hospital with none other than 5 police escorts to beridd of my family and I. They have been dragging this on for months. The police had an investigation going on because childrens aid suspected foul play. So really they thought that someone broke her arm. There wasn't even a little mark on her injured arm but they still suspected that either myself or my fiance or my mother or father (sister or brother) had done it and they said that everyone was just covering up for mom(me). I love my daughter to peices I just don't know how much more of this hell we can take. I had a meeting with my lawyer and my old worker and newly introduced caseworker today. They told me that I will have to sign the concent to release and obtain all info otherwise they will not permitt to give her back to me at all. They said that they would just go foreward with their support to have sole custody granted to her father. I dont use drugs nor drink nothing like that at all and i've told them time and time again I will do drugtesting if they ask. They haven't asked so I havent done it. It's just relationship stuff. My spouse and I don't see any reason at all for them to know about our personal life. That is between us and us only. I asked my lawyer today like what do they want an invite to our wedding. They say that they want the info because they want to know that we are stable in our relationship and that this will be long-term. Yah ok so why not just talk to us right. But no......We've decided not to let them have our personal info about our relationship. It's none of their business at all. I mean these ppl ruin your life completely. They strip you of your children and then they try to get involved in your relationship for what to tear that to shreds too. My other half is all i've got right now and i'm not about to let that happen to us. Can they really tell me that if we don't release personal information pertaining to our relationship to them that we have no chance at all of getting our lil girl back?

[anxiousmom]

You said they want you to to sign the concent to release and obtain all info.

You say it is info. about your relationship with your boyfriend.

I guess I don't really understand what info. they could get or how they could get it? Where would they get info. on your RELATIONSHIP?

I don't know...if it was me & if it meant being able to get my child back, I'd sign it.

Can you explain more as to what info. they would be getting?

Is it medical info? Psychological info? police reports? I just don't understand what info. it would be.

[calverson]

Relationship stuff... The point is they dont need to know about all of our personal issues. Anyone who has been through this stuff with cps knows that it's hard on the parents too. They dont need to know about everything right down to our sex life is what im saying. But noooo they have to know all of this or we cant get her back. What goes on in our relationship right now has nothing to do with cps nor is it any of thier business. That is all im saying. It's not drugs or anything psycological. Nothing like that at all. It's personal stuff that you'd never want your mother to know lol. I don't know how else to explain it. We have never fought or anything in front of the lil one. We aren't like that at all. We have nothing to hide. We just feel as if our personal life and our personal issues should be kept between us. If we get into an argument about something and talk to our councellor about it were not signing a consent to release that info to cps it's not their business. They are only trying to get this info to try and wreck our family more then they already have.

[Marina]

Any adult in the home is probably considered a "caretaker" according to regulations. The laws probably require assessing the caretakers before returning the child, especially if the incident happened while in the care of someone else.

I imagine the caretaker role has to be clarified. Probably a background check, etc.

If you name someone else as caretaker while you are working, then that may affect the situation. If your buddy lives in your home, or lives somewhere else, then that would affect the risk factors.

The caseworkers have to assess the risk factors.

I think any counseling records done before the incident are confidential unless you sign a release. If you discussed child maltreatment or domestic violence in counseling previously, then the counselor would have had to report it, as they are mandated reporters. I don't think it is wise to give them anything that is not court-ordered.

But if the counseling took place under court orders, then the court pretty much owns the counseling records, and if you don't sign off on them, then they won't return the child. It is kind of like having court outside of court, without your lawyer, and the counselor can interpret what you say any way they please, just to get funding from the Health Insurance.

That is how I am seeing this. There are threads on this site on confidentiality of records.

http://fightcps.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4814

[Greegor]

Who are they asking to get a release of information from?
A marriage counselor, sex therapist or what?

I suppose somebody told them you love threesomes
or are into S&M or Bondage or some other sex they can
make a big PSYCHOLOGICAL deal about...

They're probably VERY interested in finding out if you're
submissive sexually, so they can interpret that and
say that you are likely to allow somebody to abuse your child.

You're cooperating so they want to get some good dirt
to input into your Psychological Evaluation probably.

Did you stipulate to services with them already?
(forfeit right to an adjudication hearing)

[calverson]

Hey Greegor and all,
You are probley right. Cps told me yesterday during our meeting with my lawyer that they are fully in favour of giving sole custody to my daughters father. I believe that you are right about what they are trying to do. They will take all information and try to twist it up and use it against you. I know because that is what has been happening to us for the past 6 months so far. They told me yesterday that were not co-operating with their plan. We have been doing our councelling and we have been taking our parenting courses together. We only have 2 more weeks till our parenting courses are completed and the instructor has been telling us every week that she can't believe that were even there and she said this and I quote "Wow you guys should be teaching this course". Cps hasn't asked for phycological testing or anything on us. The police investigation is already closed here. The oficer on the case told us that they didn't find anything criminal at all so they closed the case and wished us luck with our fight to get her back home. Wouldn't that right there tell Cps something? No they still have to dig and dig for something else to use against us. The funny thing is it's not just my spouse and I that they are accusing of hurting my daughter. They are accusing all of my family. There is NO history at all on either sides of our families of any type of abuse at all whatsoever. They say that they want to know that we are in our relationship long term. What else do they want a wedding invite? We are engaged now, we got engaged during this whole hellish mess. So, hrmmmmm....We've been through all of this together thus far why not finish this race right? We go to court for trial in Feb. I believe from what my lawyer said anyways the trial is for custody. I guess the only way Cps will drop out of this is if my daughters father gets sole custody. Unless they see a change in us here!!! We have been doing everything possible to prove to them that we love her and want her back home more then anything. I'll even admit that the parenting courses have taught us a few things that we didn't know. I've told Cps this but they don't seem to care. I don't know. I almost feel like we've hit a dead end. I feel like these ppl are virtually impossible to please. We have to move within the next 2 or so months almost 5 hours away to the city so we can afford to live anymore. We live in a small town with a population of about 10,000 ppl and there are absolutely no jobs here. It's a little mill town so... You'd pretty much need to work 3 p/t jobs here for one to keep afloat. over 80% of families here are involved with Cps somehow. Honestly I don't know not one person who has a child here and isn't or hasn't ever been involved with Cps. I just want my daughter back but I don't want her to hurt anymore over this. We have supervised visits and she fights with the parent aid when leaving here to go back to her dads place. She wants to stay here with mommy. It breaks our hearts everytime and hers too. I hate to see her hurt like this. =( So because of what Cps has been telling me latley i've been getting a bad vibe from their words. I almost hava a gut feeling that were not going to get her back anyways. They have already told me that they are fully supporting her father taking sole custody. He's an @sshole and if it werent for him and all of his nasty lies and allegations we wouldn't be in this mess but he lives with his mom and I know that his mom would never mistreat my lil one. My lil one hasn't lived with me since June this year. Even if we were to get her back because we are moving to the city she will have a rough life cause we would likely wind up having to share custody. So we would probley have her for about 6 months there with us enrolled in one school. And the same visa-versa here with her dad and I really don't want that life for her. I'm thinking about signing over custody per an agreement to continue contact and visitations with myself my spouse and my immediate family that lives here Re: Mother, Father,Brother & Sister. At least untill we've moved to the city and have aquired good jobs and have a stable home situation there. I want to go to college there and what I want to do for school is only an 8 month course so. Any suggestions from anyone? Does this sound like it might be an ok idea? I guess sometimes you just have to love and let go cause in my case Cps is not even thinking about bringing her home to us as an option... I will always be here for my baby girl and I will be in touch constantly with her. I just think that this might be better for all of us. no more fighting back and forth and she won't have to live a split life. She deserves better then that, she deserves better than this. What should I do were so torn up about this situation....?

[florida999]

just a question, if there is nothing trully going on, and you have nothing to hide, then what is so personal that you dont want them to know, that you would rather lose your child then tell them? just wondering.

[Greegor]

They started this case because of a fractured
arm and bumps and bruises on a 2 year old?

How did they make it seem YOU had failed?

Was there a lot of little accidents?

Isn't it normal for 2 year olds to get a lot of
little bruises from exploring?

Did they accuse you of neglect or what exactly?

Did they actually think the fracture was
done by you somehow?

You didn't argue in court did you?
Peaceful and cooperative, just what workers want.
You cooperated so they're taking advantage of that.

Do YOU think there is any argument you'd like to make?

Are you disabled in any way?

[fightingfor3]

Calverson,

I think that you personally have a lot of decisions to make for yourself and for your family. I don't know your entire situation and no one on this board can make those decisions for you. I can say this though. I think that we all have gotten to a point where we feel beat. We start doubting ourselves and the hell that we are in becomes very dark and seems like it may never end.

I at one point and I know others that started to believe that I must be a bad parent. And I started thinking about all the what ifs. What at this point? *If* I ever got my kids back then what, how do you rebuild a trust that has been so shattered? I would be a single parent at this time, working full time, is that the life I wanted for my kids? Is that really what is best? Maybe they would be better off with a two parent household that could provide them more stability?

Then I came to the next point in this cyclish pile of crap. Screw alotta that. I am the best damn parent that my children can ever have. I am their parent. All the other stuff is second. I will work through it and we as a family will work through it. It's a different picture, so what, we are still a family and eventually my children will realize how screwed the system is and that all along their mother loved them very much.

Someone, who has never been through this told me it was self pity. Well, piss on that idea. That person didn't know the meaning of self pity. Anyone who has trudged along this long doesn't know the meaning of self pity. Self pity would have been giving up months and months ago, crawling in a hole and crying and never coming out. Self pity my @$$.

Again, I cannot answer your questions for you. If you truly feel the best is to move on with your life and to let your ex keep custody of your child then that's what you need to do. But if there is some where inside of you that says that you know you are the best thing, you are mom, then keep fighting.

As far as the confidentiality stuff, yeah, you have every right to keep it a secret. This is your personal life the government has no right to intrude into that. And if anyone really thinks that if you sign that that they are going to go away or make this any easier on you, forget it. Tell them that you will gladly abide if they present a court order that says you have to release the information. They are doing exactly what you think and Greegor has pointed out, digging dirt. You know their intentions. You know the reason behind them asking for information. They cannot coerce you into anything. There is case law on coercion and consent if you need some ask.

Follow your heart and your gut. Good luck.