A Note from a Foster Mom
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A Note from a Foster Mom
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Last edited by jrome74 on Fri Apr 11, 2008 6:29 am, edited 3 times in total.
- fightingfor3
- Posts: 199
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 5:40 pm
I am glad that you are willing to work with the parents, however there are a lot of foster caretakers that won't. I have never been allowed once to talk with the two caretakers that my children have been placed with. I think if more foster caretakers would talk with the children's parents they would find that we are not monsters and perhaps help speed things along to finding the truth. Most parents do have the best interest of their children in mind and we expect that you as caretakers would too. There is so much that could be beneficial if there was more of a team effort.
Once upon a time I too wanted to be a foster caretaker, never again.
Once upon a time I too wanted to be a foster caretaker, never again.
welcome
Welcome to the site, jrome.
Just one thing bothered me about what you posted. You keep referring to "biological" parents. That's not a great term. It makes it sound like these people are only incubators and sperm donors. Please call them the "parents" because good or bad, that's what they are.
Thanks for trying so hard to help the families that can reunite.
Linda
Just one thing bothered me about what you posted. You keep referring to "biological" parents. That's not a great term. It makes it sound like these people are only incubators and sperm donors. Please call them the "parents" because good or bad, that's what they are.
Thanks for trying so hard to help the families that can reunite.
Linda
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Please keep in mind that none of us are lawyers and we can't give legal advice. We are simply telling you what we would do in a similar situation. It is to your advantage to get a lawyer.
"Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke ... so try to do something to change the system ...
Please keep in mind that none of us are lawyers and we can't give legal advice. We are simply telling you what we would do in a similar situation. It is to your advantage to get a lawyer.
"Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke ... so try to do something to change the system ...
I refer to them as biological parents simply to differentiate between foster and natural parents. I did not mean to hurt anyone with that term
I'm sure no offense was takin'
The wording that government/court uses tends to add a negative word to distance the importance of the parent from their child, "biological"....The only time "natural" parent should be used is when discussing a parent and "step" parent...
"Foster" is more of a positive word, if they used a negative term like: "government child raisers",, few people would sign up to be fosterparents...
When someone asks a child, "What time are your parents picking you up?" They don't say "What time are your biological parents picking you up?"
It's a term not needed..We have "Step" parent, "Foster" parent, "adoptive" parent, "grand" parent.... When someone mentions "where's your parent?", everyone knows your talking about your mother and father..
I'm not picking on you jrome When your a parent who has gone through this mess, it's something that's like fingernails on a chalkboard each time you hear it...
I hope to see more of your posts
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My advice is my opinion and not legal advice
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A bad lawyer is worse then no lawyer and bad advice is worse then no advice....
My advice is my opinion and not legal advice
*********************
A bad lawyer is worse then no lawyer and bad advice is worse then no advice....
I am a foster mom too and I came across a link to this site from fosterparents.com. I would like to add my agreement to the OP. There are ALOT of foster parents out there that really want to work with the parents to get their children back. However, at the same time we see some parents that continually do not show up for visits, court, test postive for drugs, play head games with their children, etc. I have alot of the same frustration that it appears most of you do about the whole CPS system. There are good caseworkers out there that do care about your families, then there are some who like to play "God" and make families miserable.
I think it's important for foster parents and parents work together to make the system that is in place a much more effective system. Let's face it, there is good and bad on all sides. Just like I see good foster parents who want to work with parents, I see some that selfishly don't want the parents to succeed in getting their children back. I see good caseworkers who work long hours and bend over backwards to help parents, and I see caseworkers who could really care less what happens to any of us, including your children. I see good parents who want their kids back, and I see parents who have no desire to change and take care of their kids and get them back.
I've noticed on the home page of this site the horrible stories about adoptive parents/foster parents abusing children to horrific degrees and I realize this is a board geared towards parents and their rights, but for every story you can post about adoptive or foster families that abuse, there are parents out their who do the same unspeakable things to their own children. I got into fostering because I was tired of hearing about all the terrible foster homes there were and how these kids who were already ripped from their parents had to endure by the hands of fosters. We decided to open our home and hearts to these children AND their parents. We desire to help the parents, who are willing, to get their children back...because that's where they should be.
I'm glad this site exists because I know CPS isn't perfect, and I know there are parents who are wrongly accused and need the help and support you provide here.
I think it's important for foster parents and parents work together to make the system that is in place a much more effective system. Let's face it, there is good and bad on all sides. Just like I see good foster parents who want to work with parents, I see some that selfishly don't want the parents to succeed in getting their children back. I see good caseworkers who work long hours and bend over backwards to help parents, and I see caseworkers who could really care less what happens to any of us, including your children. I see good parents who want their kids back, and I see parents who have no desire to change and take care of their kids and get them back.
I've noticed on the home page of this site the horrible stories about adoptive parents/foster parents abusing children to horrific degrees and I realize this is a board geared towards parents and their rights, but for every story you can post about adoptive or foster families that abuse, there are parents out their who do the same unspeakable things to their own children. I got into fostering because I was tired of hearing about all the terrible foster homes there were and how these kids who were already ripped from their parents had to endure by the hands of fosters. We decided to open our home and hearts to these children AND their parents. We desire to help the parents, who are willing, to get their children back...because that's where they should be.
I'm glad this site exists because I know CPS isn't perfect, and I know there are parents who are wrongly accused and need the help and support you provide here.
Welcome to the site momomma,
A friend asked me one time... If helping the parents like those above, "Is it really worth it or your time?"
I said "I'm pretty sure I've given very little advice to those types of parents. If they don't care enough to show up for visits, court etc., They aren't going to spend alot of " their valueable time" seeking out a site like this and putting the time in thats needed to learn ways of fighting back"
So your not going to see stories of "I tested positive for meth 6 times and I don't understand why I can't get my kids back"
I think most who come here seem to be about 6 months or longer into their case, have done everything asked and have a lawyer who does nothing for them...They want their kids back bad and are willing to read and learn the laws/policies and their rights, even enter evidence on their own to fight the lies in caseworkers reports.etc...
Anything to get them back..
I hope to read more from ya'
However, at the same time we see some parents that continually do not show up for visits, court, test postive for drugs, play head games with their children, etc.
A friend asked me one time... If helping the parents like those above, "Is it really worth it or your time?"
I said "I'm pretty sure I've given very little advice to those types of parents. If they don't care enough to show up for visits, court etc., They aren't going to spend alot of " their valueable time" seeking out a site like this and putting the time in thats needed to learn ways of fighting back"
So your not going to see stories of "I tested positive for meth 6 times and I don't understand why I can't get my kids back"
I think most who come here seem to be about 6 months or longer into their case, have done everything asked and have a lawyer who does nothing for them...They want their kids back bad and are willing to read and learn the laws/policies and their rights, even enter evidence on their own to fight the lies in caseworkers reports.etc...
Anything to get them back..
I hope to read more from ya'
*********************
My advice is my opinion and not legal advice
*********************
A bad lawyer is worse then no lawyer and bad advice is worse then no advice....
My advice is my opinion and not legal advice
*********************
A bad lawyer is worse then no lawyer and bad advice is worse then no advice....
Yes I agree, there probably won't be alot of parents who have given up on themselves, and their children, posting here for help. It's sad and very unfortunate, but we can only do what we can do.
Do you ever wonder though how many post here that have this "I've done everything I can and they are just out to get me?" I'm not by any means saying that there are not really good parents who have been wrongly accused of something that got their children taken away, but I have seen too many times parents who, for whatever reason, think the world owes them something and it cannot possibly be their fault they've been turned into family services on several different occasions.
I don't even hold ill will against parents who HAVE given up...I feel bad for them and try to understand how desperate they must have become to let their lives get out of control.
I am currently working with a mom who has two boys placed with me. Alot of people would have given up on her, she is YOUNG, has FOUR children, history of drug abuse, neglect, leaving her children with anyone and everyone, etc. I feel bad for her situation and I've met HER mother (whom I would love to have five minutes alone with) and I can SEE why she is in such bad shape. I am much more interested in helping her learn how to parent than I am in pointing fingers and labeling her a bad mother.
I've seen several postings of people who have said that a foster parent was abusing their child and nothing was being done about it...that is very unfortunate to me and I believe it happens...but I also know of wonderful foster parents who have taken in some very troubled children and had false allegations made against them and their kids were snatched and their license pulled without any proof also. Foster parents are/and should be held to a much higher standard, we are caring for someone else's children and we should/do have to answer to everyone on the "team" and that team is supposed to include the parents and it should.
Do you ever wonder though how many post here that have this "I've done everything I can and they are just out to get me?" I'm not by any means saying that there are not really good parents who have been wrongly accused of something that got their children taken away, but I have seen too many times parents who, for whatever reason, think the world owes them something and it cannot possibly be their fault they've been turned into family services on several different occasions.
I don't even hold ill will against parents who HAVE given up...I feel bad for them and try to understand how desperate they must have become to let their lives get out of control.
I am currently working with a mom who has two boys placed with me. Alot of people would have given up on her, she is YOUNG, has FOUR children, history of drug abuse, neglect, leaving her children with anyone and everyone, etc. I feel bad for her situation and I've met HER mother (whom I would love to have five minutes alone with) and I can SEE why she is in such bad shape. I am much more interested in helping her learn how to parent than I am in pointing fingers and labeling her a bad mother.
I've seen several postings of people who have said that a foster parent was abusing their child and nothing was being done about it...that is very unfortunate to me and I believe it happens...but I also know of wonderful foster parents who have taken in some very troubled children and had false allegations made against them and their kids were snatched and their license pulled without any proof also. Foster parents are/and should be held to a much higher standard, we are caring for someone else's children and we should/do have to answer to everyone on the "team" and that team is supposed to include the parents and it should.
We've met with the foster parents that have our children. They seem very nice. I'm sure their in it for all the right reasons. Even the woman who supervises our visits is very kind and likable.
We're not so naive as to think that we can fully trust them but who can you trust when you children have been "kidnapped."
There are good people at all level I suppose. But we can't trust anyone too much.
We're not so naive as to think that we can fully trust them but who can you trust when you children have been "kidnapped."
There are good people at all level I suppose. But we can't trust anyone too much.
FINN wrote:We've met with the foster parents that have our children. They seem very nice. I'm sure their in it for all the right reasons. Even the woman who supervises our visits is very kind and likable.
We're not so naive as to think that we can fully trust them but who can you trust when you children have been "kidnapped."
There are good people at all level I suppose. But we can't trust anyone too much.
I'm glad you seem to be having a positive experience with the fosters who have your children. I hope that continues. I can certainly understand your distrust of anyone associated with CPS..I don't even like being associated with them as a rule. Alot of us foster parents get aggrivated with the system too and I wish more parents/fosters could have a better relationship. I try to treat the parents like I would want to be treated if my kids were in someone else's care. I try to be very respectful of the fact that while they might be having a problem, be it real or not, THEY are the parents of these children and they are going through hell just the same as their children are.
And I agree with you 100% there are good (and bad) on every level.
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