Anyhow, here is what I think will happen:
CPS will come to my wife, and try to make a deal with her. Split up with me (either divorce or some form of permenant separation) in order to get her children back. If that happens they'll only seek to charge me in a civil court, not her. If she chooses not to leave me, then they will not allow the children to come back to her, and will push yet again for TPR for both of us.
So in essence they are giving my wife a choice - me, or the kids. Choose one, but you can't have both. And naturally if Clarisa chooses me, we have to go to court for a TPR hearing, and we now have a second CPS case that's actually a TPR case, not a reunification case. But if she chooses the kids, CPS will make it easy for her and plan for reunification. And they won't push for a TPR for me, so I can have my wages garnished to provide child support for the kids.
I want to be clear here. My wife and I have already agreed that if it ever really came down to it, she'd pick the kids over me. It's not even a question, really. We'd both rather the kids be with one of us, than neither of us. Furthermore, TPR or not, I'd provide child support. But here is what gets me:
I don't like that CPS would be offering this sort of "deal" to my wife. And in fact they've already strongly hinted at it the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I don't believe it's their place to suggest breaking our marriage up in order to have one parent reunify with the kids. Marriage is important to both of us, and that's why we've stayed together despite adversity for nearly 10 years. Where all of our other friends have all broken up and divorced - we're still together. And we've tried to set good examples for our kids, despite our other failings. We don't feel we should have to give up what we have.
Right now, as best as I can figure here is our best-case scenario, if we settle out of court. It can't get any better than this: I have to leave my family. I can no longer associate with my wife and kids. No visits. No phone calls. Nothing. My wife will, all by herself, take care of all four kids. Furthermore she's going to have to move into some income-based housing, and somehow be able to work and raise all four kids. If I were to move back in with my wife after this is all over, the kids are immediately removed, etc. My wages will be garnished and probably I will be kept track of somehow, to assure that my wife and I don't reunite.
But what if we fight this, instead of settling out of court? Either we win or we lose. If we win, we get the whole enchilada. The whole family. If we lose, my wife and I lose the kids. Or potentially we would get a divorced and perhaps she can keep the kids.
My wife and I were talking about this last night. What are the real risks? Well if we plea bargain with the D.A. or negotiate with CPS, we eliminate our chance for the positive outcome we want the most - our entire family reunited. That's off the table for good if we cave in. We also don't want to risk losing the kids as a result of us saving our marriage.
So this is what I am asking of you guys and gals. What _really_ are our options? And what can we do to deflect these offerings by CPS? Can they really force us to divorce?
I don't want to give up. I want to fight CPS. But I want to be on the offensive for a change. I want to be able to make a request to the judge to not let CPS do that to us, somehow. I don't want whether or not my wife and I, or my family, are spread apart for good, shy of findings in a court of law. But what could a family court decide for us? If we lose in court (or if it's just a suit against me, and I lose) can CPS still TPR my wife?
Anyhow, if you all can look at my reasoning here, and perhaps attempt to answer the questions I bolded, I'd appreciate it. I want to be armed with knowledge that could make a difference. Thank you in advance.
