I need some information

[sqstroublemaker]

This is SQSTROUBLEMAKER'S husband and I have some questions in regards to a battle that we have been fighting with CPS trying to get our daughter back. Has ANYONE EVER heard that you must seperate everything that you have together, your house, bills, anything that is in both of your names, in order for you to get your child back from DSS, CPS, whatnot??????? I have been accused but there has been no charges filed or anything. How can CPS tell my wife that she can have no contact with me, not have anything in both of our names, including our home, the bills for that home, and according to my wife, the Sheriff's detective told her the same thing. Does this really happen? I haven't heard a word from anyone in regards to making certain nothing is in our names together. I need help. It feels as if my wife is just freaking out and taking things to the farthest extreme and I honestly believe that she is being told things from people that she talks to and this is all BS!! Can anyone who's been through this help me figure this out?

[florida999]

depending on the circumstances, and what you have been accused of, yes they can ask these things. i have never heard of them going to that extreme. I mean you cant just take a name off a mortgage. but to have her get a restraining order, close joint bank accounts, ect, I could see them doing. they want proof that she is ending the relationship before they will give the child back, you simply moving out will not suffice them.

[sqstroublemaker]

Thank you. My mind has been wandering and I am thinking that my wife is lying to me. Just wanting to seperate everything to make a divorce easier on her or something. I know that her getting our child back is the most important thing but these extremes are horrible for everyone involved. If you say that they can and sometimes do this, I understand and will just go with the flow.

I can't believe that these people could possibly have THIS much power.

Thank you

[good dad]

Ask CPS to show you specifically in the state laws or CPS policies and procedures where they have the power to make you separate everything.....

They don't......

They can tell you to do anything and see if you will..

Anything they ask you to do that sounds fishy, make them prove they have the power to ask for it before you agree to do it.

My mind has been wandering and I am thinking that my wife is lying to me.

One of their tricks is to try and turn the parents against each other

[sqstroublemaker]

I am going to do that tomorrow in court. I am going to DEMAND that they show me proof that they can do this to us. Do you think that this might hurt, in ANY way, my wife's case to get her daughter back?

[good dad]

Never walk into a judge's courtroom and DEMAND anything.

You can ask the judge to rule on a request CPS has made of you.(to separate everything, give details)... Ask him if state laws or CPS policys give CPS the power to order you to do this.

State you have been accused, no charges have even been filed much less found guilty.

How many court dates have their been?

[sqstroublemaker]

Actually, I was thinking of asking DSS directly if they had any proof but actually, asking the judge, with utmost respect, is a better way to go about this. There have been two hearings that I know of. There may have been one where I was not informed of. I have yet to be called to court but my name is on the petition so I feel that I have the right to appear. Is this accurate? I requested a CAA due to the fact that I can not afford an attorney but I was denied due to the fact that I am a step-parent, not the actual parent. Because I have not been charged with anything, they refuse to give me an attorney. I believe that they are trying to get the child into there permanent custody and terminate my wife's parental rights before they charge me. I think that is what they are trying to do. Let me know if you feel that I am off in this way of thinking.

[good dad]

I have yet to be called to court but my name is on the petition so I feel that I have the right to appear. Is this accurate?

I believe you can appear, but the court doesn't have to give you a Summons or provide any paperwork for you to appear.. Unless you are declared a "defacto parent"

The wording of the summons probably appears as:

State of XXXXXX
vs.
Mothers name

Your name probably doesn't appear there, but you can request the court declare you a "defacto parent" (this entitles you to have an attorney, one may not be appointed for you, but at least you, the step-parent, can get your own legal representation (or represent yourself) and be declared a party to the matter..

If there is a grandparent that plays a very significant role in the child's life (i.e. grandma provides day care while parents work), they MAY be granted "defacto" status as well.

CPS will try to leave you out of the picture, not taking any statements or requesting anything of you... The allegations are already in the court record and by not using any statements from you, they don't have to worry about anything you say " helping the family" or the mother's side of the case.
As long as you stay out of the picture, you appear as a step-parent who is guilty or doesn't care enough to fight the allegations.

I believe that they are trying to get the child into there permanent custody and terminate my wife's parental rights before they charge me.

98% of cases never have charges filed in criminal court..Their case would be easier against her if they could file charges against you right now...

By keeping you, the accused, out of the picture. The mother has a much harder time fighting it alone because she can't enter evidence for you, the accused..

[sqstroublemaker]

So what can be done to expidite the return of the child? My main concern is the child. Now of coarse I am concerned as to my welfare as to if I am going to jail for something that never happened but is it best for me to sit back and do nothing while my wife fights the battle for the child or should I put my two cents worth in hoping to prove false allegations and wrongful statements by DSS? Is it best for me to do nothing or go to the hearing and ask for Defacto Parent Status so that I can participate in the welfare of my step-daughter?

[good dad]

sq,
In my honest opinion, there are so many variables between:
1. Different states
2. Different judges and their views of CPS
3. Different workers and their credibility with the court
4. CPS's evidence
5. Your evidence
6. Your wifes lawyer's willingness to fight
7. Your ability to represent yourself if not appointed a lawyer.
8. The G.A.L.'s views

I don't know how you should proceed.... I do know when a parent sits back and does nothing...It makes CPS's job is a lot easier

[Greegor]

The threat of criminal court is usually used to
force you to submit in Juvenile Court.

Their goal is to not even have an adjudication hearing.

The vast majority of families are conned into "stipulating"
and this is generally done by the wife's OWN attorney,
with the promise of an easy Service Plan.
They break the promises routinely.
A "stipulation" means nobody gets any hearing
the agency has to prove nothing and they own you.
It isn't exactly a GUILTY plea, but in many ways
might actually be worse than a guilty plea.

They are strongly anti-male and want to
create more broken families and future business
for themselves. They are funded based on
numbers of kids they have in the system.

[florida999]

I cant understand why they are so anti-male either. the funny thing is is they will force the father to move out, the family cant keep to households going, they will eventually lose their home, and then cps will say you dont have adaquate housing.

[sqstroublemaker]

Thank you to everyone who has offered advise on my terrible situation. It is done now for they have turned custody of the daughter over to her sperm donor, This man has sat back for 7 years and done nothing to help in the raising of the child but now, he has the opportunity to get out of paying his mesely 249.00 a month in child support by taking the job as the parent now. The courts gave him FULL and UNCONDITIONAL custody of this beautiful young girl to do as he feels is the best thing for her. I am going to post the final "Blog" from my now X-Wife's Yahoo page:

"Entry for December 08, 2006
Today is one of the hardest days of my life. I am once agin considered an unfit parent and have lost my last child.

Atleast this time is she is with family and will not be left to the CPS and fostercare system. Her biological father has steppped up to the plate as I always have told Blaize he one day would do. He has gained custody of her and though I am unhappy she isn't home, atleast she is not in foster care.

I have made the decision to stop fighting the inevedable and have decided it is time to stop trying to be a parent. I am going to walk away so that CPS will get out of my daughter's life. I am not going to put her through what I put my boys through. I do not want CPS to play any more games with my family's life. I will walk away and let her be raised by her father, his wife, and their daughters. Maybe she will have a chance at not ending up in the same place I have ended up in or that her brothers have ended up in.

This family has been through enough and it has to stop. CPS will not allow it to stop as long as they have an easy target. It does not matter to them that they created this terrible person I am suppose to be, for they will never take responsibility for the injuries and the injustices their system has been the perpetrater of on so many. They will never take responsibilty for the innocent families and children they have destroyed and handed over to a fate worse then death itself. The protectors of our children are destroying this country at a rate of 3000 children a day and no one is willing to do a thing about it because CPS hides behind a wall of confidentality that protects no one but them.

This is a hard decision because all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs and go into battle with both barrels blazing, but this is not what is best for Blaize, so I will lay that sword down and walk away."

DSS has won. We put our house up for sale and everything that we own is being either sold or given away. All of the childs belongings are going to be given to her through her "New Dad" and then the mother is going to "Disappear" so that DSS can not have anymore reason to attack the child because of her life growing up in foster care. The mom has already lost two boys to Foster Care due to the fact that she was raised in Foster Care so the courts deemed that she did not meet the courts adequate standards of parenting because she was raised in foster care. This doesn't make any sense to me but that's what the court papers said.

Anyway, Thank you again and I wish you all the best of luck in your dealings with this nasty, nasty organization that the government calls DSS and CPS..........

Ray

[Harlan Carroll]

I haven't read through all the thread but let me offer another possibility. It may not be so much as your wife lying to you, but CPS lying to your wife. She may be doing what they tell her. My wife and I have started seeing these types of things going on in our case, as my wife has been to some extent been reached out to by CPS in an attempt to essentially split us up.

[anxiousmom]

Did you & your wife get divorced?

Why wouldn't cps return the daughter to her mother if you moved out?

[Greegor]

I have seen LOTS of families where the husband LEFT and
the mother still did not get the child back.

You make the mistake of thinking their intention is good.
I do not.

Divide and conquer is a tactic of MILITARY CONQUEST.

In many cases once the family is weakened in that way,
the CPS vultures simply move in for the kill.

[fightingfor3]

I am sorry. Please do not give up. I still hear in your wife's voice a desire to fight. Because of her past and background I can understand her decisions and it is tiring to go through a childhood like that and to make better decisions just to have the finger turned around and pointed at you and to be re-blamed and re-victimized. I know. I know what it is to brush off and to do what's right just to be knocked down again. But I also know that with such a history it makes people like her better warriors and develop a higher tolerance of stress to fight back. She should not put down her sword yet. Maybe it is heavy and she needs a break or maybe you can help her carry it. As someone who loves her I hope that you can find it within you to keep on supporting her and to keep on fighting even when she is tired.

Perhaps she can give guardianship to the child's sperm donor while she continues to fight.

It's not over yet. I wish you luck. Your daughter is very lucky to have such a wonderful, loving, and strong mother. I hope that she can regain her strength and forge ahead.