My story - 17 and scared

[FlameGemini]

I don't want to say my real name - but I'll call myself Leanne. I'm 17 years old and this is my family's story.

I grew up with a pretty normal family. My dad was a sucessful businessman, my mother was a Special Education teacher at a local High School, my little brother was a sports superstar, and my older brother was an Ausperger's syndrome child (a less severe form of Autism). I was the middle child - we were a happy family.

My mom, however, would suddenly turn violent on a whim, and then regress back to a childish crying stage. It started when I was about 11, the first time she shoved me down the stairs. It began a chapter of my life I'd rather forget. She would switch back and forth at tiny misunderstandings. My older brother was sent to Boarding School, so I was left alone to protect my little brother. It became common that I would shove him into closets or send him to his room to avoid the fight. My father was often away on business trips - when he came home, he swore I was exaggerating how bad things got.

It came to a stop just a few months ago when I finally got up the courage to take my brother away - we fled to our local church where our youth pastor took us in. I swore I wouldn't come home until my mother decided to get treatment. She finally went to the hospital and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.

We are currently a happy, patched back together family. But now CPS has decided that my mother might not be stable enough to care for me and my brothers. We might be separated. I'm scared. I pray a lot.

Please help me - pray for me.

Thank you.
Leanne - 17, Chicago, Illinois

[good dad]

Hi welcome to the site,,

But now CPS has decided that my mother might not be stable enough to care for me and my brothers. We might be separated. I'm scared.

What does her doctor say? Does he think she is stable enough?

[FlameGemini]

I don't know - the people doing the investigation are refusing to tell me anything because I'm a minor. My mother is still recieving treatment, taking antidepressants, and on medical leave from work. I'm not sure if the doctors are ready to say if she's stable, or if she needs to continue treatment. No one tells me anything, me or my brothers. They think that I'm too immature to be able to be of any help to them.

[good dad]

How many days a week is your dad away on business?

[rlfroo]

Flame,

Do you have any close relatives that could take you and your brother in until all of this blowes over? That may be an option if you should suggest it to a social worker. I am a foster mom and If I can see families stay together that is the best thing. People with bi-polar disorder can take a very long time to get regulation to their medication. It can take months or even years. My daughter has bi-polar disorder and we after 6 months are still trying to find the right medication. I know it is out there and since we have her on medication things have gotten much better in our home. I know we have a long road to hoe but in time the right medication will be found. But please speak up to the social works and everyone you come in contact with as to what your wishes and desires are. Maybe your dad can lessen his business trips and you and your brother can only be with your mom when he is present. Maybe the two of you can go to the boys and girls club, or the YMCA or to neighbors and friends until you dad comes home. These are just suggestions, to help preserve your family. Sit down and talk with your Dad and see what he thinks. He does and will have say in what happens with this situation. But the best piece of advice I can give you is to speak up. You also mentioned your youth pastor at church took you in. Maybe your father will let you stay with someone from the church that you are all comfortable with and would still be able to have constant contact with your Dad? My prayers are with you. You are an amazing young woman to protect your brother and to know when enough is enough. I wish you the best.

[Greegor]

I think you should be more persistent about knowing the truth.
At age 17 they are complete jerks to keep you in the dark.
The more likely truth is that the caseworkers don't know squat
and are working to push their own variety of mental illness!

They might have in mind to "rescue" you from your Mom
and put you in Foster or Kinship care where THEY get
to lord over you! (And lie to you about anything
convenient for them.)

Caseworkers are PROFESSIONAL liars.

YOU as the child have more power to get action from
the caseworkers than your parents do!

If you show maturity and explain that Bipolar
Manic Depression runs in families, and especially
from mother to daughter, and ask that you be
allowed to attend a visit to your Mom's psychiatrist
with her to learn more about the condition, the
caseworker might really be surprised!

Don't take no for an answer!
Go to COURT and ask the Judge for that!

Do you have YOUR OWN attorney or a GAL?
GAL decides "for you" what is best.
Ask to have your OWN lawyer to express YOUR wishes.
At your age they'd probably HAVE TO!

But the caseworkers and other schmucks in the
system are incredibly LAZY and want to steam
roller over your family, particularly when they
have the Bipolar illness as an easy excuse
to "lord over you".

Speak up! Don't have a temper tantrum,
but a firm insistence, be determined but as polite
as you can be.

Caseworkers may well have in mind to
Terminate Parental Rights and adopt you and
your brother out for the Federal funding they
can get for that.

I suspect your Mom SERIOUSLY needs your SUPPORT
and understanding. Do you have any idea how
much she must be hurting and hoping to get better
and be your Mom?

I was once married to a severely Bipolar woman and
while she needs you I would also warn that
sometimes Bipolar people can NOT be repaired
enough to get their family or life back.

Talking to your Mom's psychiatrist about what
your Mom's chances are of working it out to
be a family again would be a good idea.
Such a pointed question might impress on the
caseworker you are not just an immature kid
for them to "steamroller" over.

After I was divorced (1995)I was on a bus with two
elderly ladies and one asked me about my wife.
I told her that I had tried hard to make it work
but the illness was just too strong. She said
that lots of love and prayer could have made it work.
The other lady got quite LOUD and defended me
by saying that you can't ALWAYS work it out
when the person is mentally ill.

I explained that my ex-wife was so bad that
the psych nurses at the hospital psych ward said
usually when they're as bad off as she was they
can't ever be stabilized and go home.
Usually when they are as severe as she was
they become permanent residents of a state facility.

Parts of her behavior you should NOT blame
on her but the illness. On the other hand you
should not expose yourself or your brother to
danger if she gets violent. The meds are nasty
so most of them try to scam their way out of
taking their meds. (Cheeking, etc..)

Why hasn't your Dad featured more prominently
in your story?

--

When you grow up and have kids you might
get to experience CPS from the parents side.

Just having been a child in a CPS case will cause
them to think you are more likely a child abuser.

Keep in mind also that when you grow up you
will be at a considerable risk for being Bipolar.

If you're going to get it, it typically shows up
between 18 and 25. Did your Mom get it
around that age and cover it up or what?