Neglect in foster care

[raggie45]

If a child in foster care constantly needs his nails clipped or has not brushed his teeth in at least two weeks is that considered Neglect?

The twins are in foster care in seperate homes and every visit which is every other week, We spend the first part of it asking them when the last time they had brushed their teeth. We also spend some time clipping their fingernails and toenails which hasn't been done since last visit.

J & C

[glass]

call in a report of suspected neglect about their foster parents then. i did it on a number of occasions. whats good for us is just as good for them, i think.

[debbiescalese]

I agree with glass. The beatiful thing about the abuse hot line is anyone can make a call and they have to look into it and you don't have to say who you are. I would call the hotline not the worker and make a report every time you see thier hygene is being ignored. Tell them these kids have a hygene problem and appear to be neglected add to it if you have to. Say you are a conserned person who has regular contact with these kids.

[Momoffor]

When my case was going on, I was nitpicking everything CPS did and said. My mother finally told me to pick my battles. Go after the little things, or go after the big fish. I quit working on the smaller stuff and went after the big fish instead.

What I am getting at, is I understand the tooth brushing thing. I have to tell my kids to do it all the time and everytime as they are walking out the door to the bus at least one hauls butt up the stairs because they forgot to brush.

Not that I am advocating foster parents in the least, but also keep in mind, kids dont like doing that sort of thing and mine have told me they did it, when they in fact had not. Would you want the foster parents to hold them down and force it upon them?

At 9, your sons are fully capable of clipping their nails. Unless the foster parents all out refuse to let them use or have clippers get them a pair of kiddy clippers to keep for themselves and perhaps show them how to do it themselves the next visit.

My kids have all been doing it themselves since they were roughly 6/7 but thats only because I get grossed out at having to touch someone elses nasty feet, especially boy feet and toe jam. They do a great job at it and knock on wood, noone has hurt themselves in the process.

[raggie45]

Momoffor,

I agree. we are nitpicking everything the same way that CPS is doing us. Our boys know how to clip their nails and brush their teeth. The problem is that the Foster parents are not reminding the boys to do it. Or if they are they are not checking to make sure it is done. Something we were able to do when the boy lived with us.

On a side note we talked to the SW the other day and asked her if she could trust the boys to get up in the morning on their own and get ready for school? She said no the couldn't do that themselves right now. Funny thing is that they were getting up on their own, brushing their teeth and getting their own breakfast,( poptarts or cereal). And before anyone complaigns I would be up with them at the same time to make sure they did all that. I would be getting ready for work at the same time.

[Momoffor]

Its such a broken system Raggie and I am sorry your family is having to go through all of this ...

Please dont misunderstand what I am saying. I am not all saying to ignore the issue or brush it under the rug ...

Is your command being supportive throughout this?

Another question and something I just noticed .....why did they seperate TWINS into seperate foster homes? Have they explained this?

[raggie45]

Thanks for the words of support.

Yes my command has been extremely supportive. They have let me take any time off I need to deal with all of this without charging me for leave.

And yes they did split the twins who have never been apart in almost ten years untill now. My wife and I have been fighting from day one to get them placed together and we always get the same answer. We can't find a home to place both of them together.

Never mind the fact that my oldest has been moved 5 times. Yes that is 5 times in the last 7 months. The first foster home had him moved because they didn't want to deal with him anymore. The second "theraputic Home" where we thought he was doing great dumped him also. That one we didn't find out about till almost a week after it happened. The SW claimed she didn't know about it either. Guess they really don't have a clue where there kids are.
So after he got removed out of that home they put him in a home that "was better suited to deal with his problem" he was there exactly one week when we got the call that said he was being moved again. No explanation. But we found out why when an CPS investigator calls aus and asks if he mentioned anything when we were talking to him on the phone. CPS had opened an investigation on the foster home because of charges of improper discipline. Which is funny because that is what I am being charged with. Don't think anything happened to the foster home though any way. It's been almost a month and he hasn't been moved yet. we have our fingers crossed.

[rlfroo]

I understand where you are coming from as toothbrushing is a pet peeve of mine. I am a foster mom and I have seen this many times with foster parents. Some just don't care. When a parent does call the social worker the social workers do say the parents are nit picking. It is like a catch 22. My suggestions would be this.... I would put together a little grooming kit. I would include a hair brush, toothbrush, toothpaste, nail clippers. I would also include a little sticky note that says "don't forget to brush, I love you Mom!" Then it looks like you are working to solve the problem vs. just nit-picking. Then I would tell the social worker and my attorney that you noticed that the children's teeth appeared to be in need of tooth brushing and their nails needed some attention so I sent the supplies they needed for this. This way no one thinks you are nit-picking they think you are solution driven.

Good luck to you