Husb. got custody

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anxiousmom
Posts: 526
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2006 10:18 pm

Husb. got custody

Postby anxiousmom » Fri Apr 04, 2008 11:52 am

I got a letter from my lawyer's office from the judge on March 11th, dated March 6th.....

My divorce is final after 3 yrs. & 2 months.

My husb. got custody of all 4 kids...which shocked me & my exhusb. He said he thought I would have gotten custody of the younger 2 boys, just turned 12 & about to be 10, as he knows they want to live with me & told the judge so.

He went on to say that I can have them whenever I want, that he knows I'm not a bad mom, that he wouldn't have been upset if I had gotten them, etc.

I'm not going to give up getting them back, but it's hard.

Before I can even have the children in my home I have to do the following---mandated by the judge:

1. Put an air conditioner window unit in the kid's rooms....our central a/c went out about 5 yrs. ago when I was still with my husb.

2. Make sure all doors & windows can lock.....the front door was replaced & there was no key to it.....wind would blow it open sometimes. I got a new set of doorknobs with lock & key put on. But, I have to put a stick or something in the sliding glass door....we haven't been able to lock that for many, many years.

3. Make sure all exits are free of excessive clutter....just have to move some boxes of books.

4. Have my home inspected by the fire marshall.

5. Have electricity & water---which I do.

Just coming up with the money for the window a/c units is very difficult. It doesn't seem right that a judge can mandated that. We lived for 2 yrs. without a/c when I was still with my husb., using fans.

Since Jan. I started working a 2nd job....on top of my night job from 10:20 PM-7:20 AM Thurs.-Sun. nights, I now also work at a restaurant from 10:30 AM-2:30 or 3 PM Mon.-Fri & I've been picking up double shifts on Sundays....going in at 10:30 AM-2:30 or 3:00 & going back at 4:30....working 'til 9 PM, then going to my regular job at 10:20 PM.

Yet, I'm not making very much. I signed up for extra voluntary life insur. at my main job so that my children will get some money when I die....that is greatly eating away at my paycheck each week....also life insur. on the kids....it's just enough (well, really maybe not even enough) to bury them incase something happened to them......something I hope will never happen, but if it does, I want to be able to pay for the expense myself. We had a baby die in 1994 & my former mother in law had to pay for the funeral. And....I signed up for stocks via my employer, then there is medical & dental. Thus, the necessity of a 2nd job.

So, I get very little sleep & it leaves very little time to do the things I need to do around the house.

My lawyer, an older gentleman who is not the type to give false hope, says I'll be able to get the younger ones back...the oldest of the 2 just turned 12 on March 27th & the judge says he can file an avidavit saying he wants to live with me & that the younger one, who just turned 10, also wants too.

I feel very sad.....I'm working so much that I don't have much time to feel my feelings or dwell on it. I'm just trying to survive & do what I need to do to get them back.

I guess it feels maddening that I, the one who was the main caregiver for them their entire lives, am being kept from them for NOTHING that has to do with any hint of abuse or being a danger to them, etc.

debbiescalese
Posts: 460
Joined: Thu Jun 28, 2007 4:55 am
Location: WV

Postby debbiescalese » Sat Apr 05, 2008 2:39 am

I just can't understand how they can require you to have an a/c unit for the kids room. That is not a necessity. A friend of mine called on one woman because she was living in a trailer and had no swer or water or electic hook ups thinking they would help her get them ummm no they said those are not necessities and would not even go out to check on the woman and her 2 young kids.

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Momof31995
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Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2005 8:58 pm

Postby Momof31995 » Mon Apr 07, 2008 7:00 am

For the Airconditioner can you post in your local free cycle maybe someone has one they aren't using they will give to you.
"When the people fear their government, there is tyranny, when the government fears the people, there is liberty." Thomas Jefferson

Momoffor
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Postby Momoffor » Thu Apr 10, 2008 7:46 pm

Craigslist would also be another option or you to look for one if freecycle doesnt pan out.

florida999
Posts: 376
Joined: Sat Apr 08, 2006 11:22 pm

Postby florida999 » Fri Apr 11, 2008 11:58 pm

your in florida correct? I have to admit....living here in florida I believe that ac is a neccesity. in the summer a home can get over 100 degrees without it. I know when mine went out we stayed a a hotel for two days it was so hot. I would check with the salvation army to see if they would maybe assist you in getting one. they have a very good domestic violence program. just a thought.

anxiousmom
Posts: 526
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2006 10:18 pm

Postby anxiousmom » Sat Apr 12, 2008 9:31 am

No, I'm in Tx.

The thing is the central a/c went out 4 or 5 yrs. ago when I was STILL with my husb....so, our family was together without central a/c. We used fans. So...why is it now that I can't have the kids for visitation in my home without window units?

Our home is apparantly fairly well insulated. It doesn't get unbearably hot. We had all gotten pretty acclimated to it, also.

I am certain there are many families in our town without air conditioning. It is not a necessity......it is a luxury. Thus, it should not prohibit a mother from having her children in her home.

That said, I am going to get a window unit for the kids rooms....but, taking the time to be able to afford it keeps postpoining the time I could have with my children.

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Frustrated
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Postby Frustrated » Wed Apr 16, 2008 5:40 pm

I am so sorry this happened after years of trying to regain custody of your dear children. Know this that your children still loves you, no matter what and in the end, they will come see you still and visit you and when they get older, they can come whenever they want.
Hopefully things will turn out for you and you will get your children back. Raising children is a full time job itself, and your husband would have a hard time to keep up especially cooking supper. He might want to go out and have time for himself, that's when he will give the children to you. but who knows? he might give it to his mother even. that's bad enough. but that's not important, what's important is...you will see them and you love them, and they love you. That's what's important and no one can take the love away. They can take everything away but never Love.

keeping you in my prayers and god would say that the children will be returned back to you, it will become a reality as it is a promise.
It is easy to steal from poor people. But don't do it. And don't take advantage of those poor people in court. The Lord is on their side. He supports them and he will take things away from any person that takes from them.~ Proverbs 22:22


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