AM I ON THE RIGHT SITE?

[pyr411]

I just found this website last night and after reading the different topics and replies, I'm wondering if I'm at the right place. I have a huge beef with CPS. They refuse to tell me anything about my grand niece. However; this site seems to be more geared to parents who are really trying to get their lives together and reunite. Godspeed to all of you. My problem is that my nephew and his wife have nearly killed their three month old daughter. On 12/19 she was rushed to Seattle Children's hospital with two crainial fractures, hematoma on the brain, injury induced vomiting and seizures. She will have to see a neurologist for the rest of her life. Since she is only 3 mos. they can not yet tell the extent of the damage. (It was not a good Christmas for any of us). Anyway, both parents are in the Navy and stationed in Oak Harbor, WA. Prior to marrying my nephew, the wife was involved in another relationship and got pregnant with a now convicted felon serving a very lengthy sentence in TX. She had a daughter. By the time the child was a year old, CPS removed her from the home due to abuse. She was about to go into foster care but her parents stepped in & adopted her. They are now raising her as their daughter and she thinks her real mom is her sister. The little girl is 4. Moving right along, she married my nephew a year ago. On 9/9/08, they had a healthy baby girl. It was painfully obvious from the beginning that the wife didn't want to be pregnant or have another child. It was more my nephew and she followed along. At first my nephew was the typical proud papa, until he realized that she was not a toy and he could turn her off when he didn't want to play with her. I am not exagerating when I tell you this baby has been neglected since day one. The mother has shown no maternal instincts whatsoever. They put her in daycare at 5 weeks old with a neighbor who was o.k., "because they watch their apartment when they're away". How one can put the same value of a baby to an apartment is way beyond me. My husband and I live in So. Cal. From the first pictures we received I felt there was something wrong. She never looked happy. As a mother I could just tell. But according to them, everything was just wonderful. The pictures kept comming and my sister & I became more and more concerned. We offered any help we could but we were always turned down. Unfortunately this horrific incident happened on 12/19 causing her to go to Seattle Children's. Both parents were present when it happened; but my nephew "confessed". He is now being held in the brig in Bangor, WA. We have not spoken to him since the incident. His wife on the other hand was more concerned about being investigated by CPS, AGAIN, having to interview another new sitters when they were out of the hospital and paying $1,000.00 to fly her mother out from MO to help her.
The baby was made a ward of the state but went home with the Mother when they left the hospital. When I asked the CPS worker how this made sense she said it was because my nephew confessed. They are not investigating the mother at all. Even with her history as a repeat offender and her being there when it happened.

There is something seriously wrong with this whole thing. CPS just tells us they can't tell us anything. My nephew's wife has a military restraining order against him; however they are talking to each other every other day. She's violating her own restraining order! The safety of this child is my only concern. Being in her care alone, with no maternal interest is definitely putting this child's life in danger. It's going to happen again, it's only a matter of time. Trust me, I am by no means enthusiastic about breaking up anybody's family. If I sensed even a little effort on either one of their parts I would not persist with this. But there isn't and there won't be.

My husband and I told CPS that we would step up and take the baby. I wrote them a lengthy letter and they said they would begin the investigation on us. Well as of yesterday, I found out they're not going to investigate us and when the baby is taken from the mother she'll go directly to foster care, being labeled a "special needs" baby. Even lessening her chances of a decent life, since children labled "special needs" bring in more money then normal kids.

What can we do to get custody of this child? We are more then qualified to raise her. I have been a stay at home Mom for the last 15 years and both my kids are wondering why she's not here already. They are completely o.k. with it. She would be surrounded by love, attention and safety. Something she has yet to experience. I even told CPS that we wouldn't seek any monetary support hoping that would encourage them to do the right thing for the baby. But when I spoke with the smug case worker she basically said, the wife is going to get every ounce of support, counseling, assistance etc. possible and they think they might be closing the case. I was floored. How can you "make" someone want to mother a child when they have no interest?

Any help anyone can give to me would be MOST appreciated. I don't know where to turn anymore. I'm sorry to have gone on but I tried to condense the situation as best I could. There's so much more and unfortunately all negative. Is there someone I can contact? Write to? Call? The Navy is keeping hush, hush and won't tell us anything.

It seems like all the posts on here are CPS taking children out of homes and away from parents for no reason. It's like they have to meet a quota of removing a certain amount of kids from parents every month or something. Then when a baby legitimately needs to be removed they ignore it and say, case closed.

Thank you so much for helping. An innocent, little girl who spent her first Christmas in intensive care is counting on you.

[Marina]

You can file a petition for child custody or guardianship in the juvenile court where the child lives. Call the Clerk of the Court and ask them if they will mail or FAX you the form to fill out. There may be a filing fee of $25 or something like that. I am sure you would have to show up in person for the hearing. If the case is heard, then the court can decide to order a home study by the Child Welfare agency.

Lawyers will probably be appointed to represent the parents, if this has not already been done. And there will be a GAL, a court-appointed lawyer or guardian, for the child, which the child may already have. There may be a CASA involved also.

You can appeal a negative court ruling within a certain amount of time with a filing fee that would involve more money. The appeals hearing may be heard in a higher court. If too much time lapses, you can refile the petition in the original court.

Look on your state's website and do a search for custody, guardianship, etc.

If you obtain legal custody, which is a court-created relationship, then the Child Welfare agency may or may not continue to be involved.

To find out how a home study will be done, search for a home study for foster care or adoption, and you can probably find a list of things they look for: financial, employment, housing, transportation, background check, health, relatives, etc.

In some localities, you may be able to download the petition form from the courts website. Look under juvenile court forms. Some courts have a self-help site. You may even be able to file it online.

[pyr411]

Marina thank you so much for your reply. I'm a real novice to all this stuff, please excuse me. Isn't CPS the same as the Child Welfare agency? What is CASA? CPS informed my sister, my nephew's mother, that they (CPS), has a lawyer and so does the mother and the baby. My nephew has two attorney's appointed by the Navy. The caseworker from CPS have made two home visits to the mother. Of course she put on a Norman Rockwell performance. This girl is more afraid of further investigations with CPS then she is of losing her child. The best case scenario for the baby and everyone would be for both parents to relinquish their parental rights. The baby would be safe in a loving caring home with an excellent future, there'd be one less ward of the state and foster care and both parents could go on to live their lives whatever they wanted, hopefully not making anymore children. I don't want to give up. This child deserves a chance. It is all so frustrating and disheartening.

[anxiousmom]

It's heartbreaking to hear what happened to the baby. I'm surprised the baby was allowed to go home with the mother.


Have you outright asked the mom if she'd be willing for you to raise the baby? She could give you temproary guardianship. If she really has no desire to parent, as you say, then she might be wiling to do this....especially if she is having to take care of the baby all by herself & esp. with the baby possibly having medical needs now.


If the baby is ever removed, CPS is obligated to first try to find family to place the baby with.....that is called Kinship Care. Sometimes they try to NOT do this, but it's policy for them & they are suppose to follow it. You can assert your rights if they don't.

[pyr411]

My sister, my nephew's mother suggested the same thing. She and her husband would love to have their granddaugher. However, both are in their mid 50's and they each have to work. That is when I volunteered just to make sure this child has a chance. Was I looking to have an infant at 45? No, but I could never live with myself if I turned my back on my own flesh and blood. Especially since I know I could give her the one on one she so desperately needs. She would have a wonderful life.

I just don't know how to present it to the mother. She has stopped contact with us due to the restraining order against my nephew. Which I found out doesn't include extended family but she's trying to say it does. After they were discharged from the hospital, she emailed both me and my sister saying she couldn't have anymore contact because of the restraining order. I didn't reply to her email. I just left it alone. The very next day she emails me again saying, she could email me because "she heard I haven't talked to my nephew". The absolutely only way she could know I haven't talked to him is because she's talking to him. She also attached a picture of my 3 mos old niece in a walker! What is a 3 mos. old baby doing in a walker. You can't even see her little feet stick out at the bottom. Plus there's a big blanket shoved between her and the walker tray to prop her up. The left side of her little head is all swollen and there's something wrong with her left arm and her left fingers are all swollen. But apparently CPS thinks this is good, caring parenting.

I was thinking of writing my nephew a letter (in the brig) and basically trying to convince him that he/they could right their terrible wrongs they've done to this child by signing her over to us. I'm just really not sure how to phrase it. Of course if I come out blasting either one of them with my true thoughts, they'd never even consider it. So I have to temper either my conversation with her or in my letter to my nephew.

[debbiescalese]

Usually when a mother has their rights terminated to one child they don't let them have any future kids they might give birth to. They also try to place the siblings together so they would try to place your niece with her sister first. It will be harder to gain custody if the child is placed with the mother than it would be if the child was in non relative foster care. I suggest you read the state specific guidelines on www.childwelfare.gov then find what chapter of the state code deals with childwelfare. The biggest part of your answers will be there.
And yes it does always seem they try to help the parents that don't deserve it while taking other kids in non abusive homes and making them wards of the state.