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how to get them to stop?
Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 3:49 pm
So i now have 3 seperate Doctors, signed notes saying that i am NOT abusing or neglecting my daughter but thats its a breastfeeding issue. The 2 notes i have had since this all began but they have ignored them-- WHO DO I TALK TO ABOVE the Investigator and his super to get this taken care of and get them OUT of my life???!!!!!!!
Posted: Wed Jan 21, 2009 7:31 pm
I think it would be in your best interests to hire inderpendent counsel. Also to contact the La Leche League.
Put CPS on the defensive.
Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 6:10 am
Have you contacted your states ombudsman (if your state has one) about the issue?
Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2009 3:24 pm
the caseworker claims it doesnt matter about the notes because " you didnt notice the issue getting worse when it could of been prevented had you noticed"... so i dont have a magic gage on my breasts and my daughter gave no cues to say she was still hungry and im getting to go through all this because i chose to Breastfeed!
I didnt think about the congressperson... I have contacted my lawyer- guess who hasnt called back? yeah.
Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 8:03 am
Sadly, this sounds a little like my situation. CPS says my daughter was malnourished but yet the Pediatrician who checked her the day after she was removed noted that she was well nourished. CPS are medical professionals don't you know.
The only thing that made them shut up was that the foster mom fed and fed my daughter until she was deemed nearly obese. The foster mom had to be told to limit the food. So in 3 months time she went from a normal weight to being overweight and could barely run.
I don't remember your story quite well but is your child only drinking breast milk?
Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2009 5:04 pm
They will never stop once they are in your lives. The only way is to move away from the area they are in. Move out of State, or even a Country. They will never stop until they are satisified that the child is "deemed" protected.
Sad but true.
I heard many families had told CPS to f*** off and get off the property or call the cops on them, this had worked very well, and they never came back. This was on initial beginning, not the middle of it. Right at the beginning, but once they get into your door, they will and can do whatever they want into your lives. but WHEN THE CASE IS CLOSED< you can tell them to **** off if there is a second case and they have come back again to do some more.
I was told, you can't tell CPS worker to get lost in the middle of a case, but however, when or once the case is closed, then they thirst for some more, a "second" or "third" new case, you have the right to protect your home, protect your family by telling them they are trespassing on the property, etc...and tell them to leave. but the problem is that CPS will call the Police and demand entry.
Here's the catch, you can gain entry of Police in your home, but NOT CPS!! because CPS cannot make up a report and the police what they have seen in your home, and the Police CANNOT MAKE UP A REPORT!! Thus, the Police cannot lie on what they have seen. The Police by law, has to report whether the home is safe, clean, and that the Police saw the kids and they were fine. Then the Police will tell the CPS that everything is in order and the Police, by LAW, has to write up a report....statements, etc....this is something that CPS does NOT like...because then, CPS cannot make up a report if there is a POLICE REPORT!! CPS cannot lie, and they must match up the same as the Police report or else that CPS will be in trouble for making false claims, false report and perjury!
Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2009 10:57 pm
I wish I had some brilliant advice for you. I think I read that your daughter was 9 pounds at age 1. It is hard for me to imagine how any mother could see a child weighing only 9 pounds at age 1 and not realize there is a problem. Why was she not at monthly checkups? Why did the pediatrician seeing her not realize the problem? If you were denying her medical care then I have no sympathy, she should be with someone who will have her at check ups even if she is not being immunized. Why were you not reading parenting books or looking up normal weights for children her age? If you have access to this website then you have access to information on all of these other topics. I am completely perplexed by why you did not realize she was underweight. So I can understand they concern of the CPI and the court, but even at that I do believe you should have the chance to prove that you can do better. My 3rd child was also underweight and I took her in for bi-monthly weigh-ins as soon as I realized this. My parenting was never ever questioned because I was very proactive with the problem. Having said that, I have to wonder if a better approach for you would to be something like "Yes I made a mistake, yes I was terribly neglectful and there is no excuse in not taking more action, I am not perfect and I made a mistake...BUT I have done X and Y and Z to prevent this, to educate myself, and to ensure I will be a better mother, through this experience I have learned X and Y and Z and can demonstrate to the court that I am now fit to be a mother....." It seems very clear there is a problem and you did not do everything you could to recognize it, so perhaps (and I am not a lawyer) it would be better to stop arguing that there was not a problem (I would think that shows an inability to realize when your child needs help which won't help in court) and start arguing that you have learned from this and will be a better mother for it.
Honestly, I don't know if that would help at all and it is easy for me to sit here and wonder how on earth any mother could let this happen to her child....but I am not in your shoes. I do know, without any doubt, that you need a good lawyer. If your lawyer isn't even calling you back it MIGHT be an indication your lawyer knows you don't have a prayer of winning this, that is a guess and only a guess.
I can think of at least 10 ways you could have known she was in trouble even if she wasn't acting hungry so the only thing I can think of that MIGHT help is to give up the "I had no way of knowing" story and go with "I know I should have known and now I understand...."
I truly do wish you the best of luck. It sounds like you made a terribly mistake and I am glad your daughter lived through it, but that doesn't mean that you can never be a good mother and that you should never be able to parent your child and that you cannot learn from your mistakes. Unfortunately, CPS sees things in black and white.
Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 5:43 am
Admission of anything will come back to bite you.
Anybody can read in TPR cases online , where "Mother admitted she had a problem, admitted this and that, and did this and that..." and made her look really bad.
And anybody can read the opposite: "Mother denied she had a problem, and refused services offered, or discontinued services after 18 weeks of clean tests......"
There are no right answers, they are all wrong.
Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 9:31 pm
I have to agree with Happy, my 1 year old is small, but he weighed 18lbs. at the dr. today. If he would have weiged even two pounds less I would have asked them about testing to see what was wrong. He's healthy, he's just small for a boy.
Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 1:19 pm
i have read and reread this post.
i too had a child who was failure to thrive. did not want to suck, always acted full, etc. i was 21 when she was born. she was first and i was a total novice. i bought the ortho nipples becuase they were suppose to be better. i did not breast feed becuase i was scared she wouldnt get enough, but even on formula she didnt grow. she weighed 7lbs1oz when born, by two weeks she was 6lbs4ozs. she was placed in the hospital basically so i could be observed. the doctors and me went over my whole routine. i changed to premie nipples and changed formula. she began to gain weight slowly. it turned out she had bad reflux and did not suck really well. the nipples i bought she couldnt grab onto. so we changed on all that, by three months she was still small only 9lbs, but they told me i was doing good. after the three month mark she just grew and did really good.
i found out 13 years later with my 2nd pregnancy that my blood pressure and other health issue played in to my daughters issue, so we worked hard to aviod those issues this time and i do not have any issues with my second child. she is one and was born premature at 6lbs4oz but at one year she is 23lbs10oz.
this said, my first child had severe developement problems associated with the lack of weight gain and my own health problems during pregnancy. your child will probably and is already behind on several task that need to developed at certain ages.
i do also feel that the doctor did have something to do with cps being called. they were never called on me during our time, but while in the hospital for several weeks they were called on several other mother for the same thing. during observation they notice if things are not going right. i had to stay in a room with a big window on it and i could not close the shade even for a little privacy, but in the long run it helped me prove that i was not starving her.
i guess i am saying, i have to think that you had to question someone or something along the way. i would have even questioned if i were producing enough milk. i know some women cant breastfeed because they dont produce enough milk. i just would have asked a doctor or a nurse at the health department about it. did the baby not get any check ups? even if you dont want the shots, checks were still an option. i just couldnt see not noticing a baby not growing, even compared to other children you see.