Friends kids cant visit us anymore

[d121399]

We are in Contra Costa County, California .Me and my wife became friends with a couple about 18 months ago. We have a 9 year old son. They have 4 children a 6 y/o son and 3 daughters 8, 13 and 14 years old. We became very close friends with them during this time. We spent all birthdays together and most major holidays. We would get together with them at least once a week and sometimes more.

At the time we met them, me and my wife were actively looking at adopting a daughter. I am 46 and my wife is 41. Two adoptions fell through because one birth mother changed her mind, and a family member decided to take custody of the other. Over the months we all became very close to each others children. It almost felt like our want to adopt a daughter was no longer there.

There kids would stay the night at our house quite often sometime all, sometime some and sometimes one at a time. The older ones would switch weekends and stay over night. While here, we would let them watch TV, play video games, surf the internet with parental controls. They would also bake with my wife and do arts and crafts. The 14 year old would watch “chick flicks” with my wife when she was with us and the 13 year old would watch horror movies with me. Her parents approved of the movies we watched. We never allowed them to watch movies that had sexual scenes in them. If a sexual scene came on that we were not aware of, we would have them turn away and fast forward it. This went on for several months until February 09.

We also have a 20 y/o son who works from 10:00 pm – 7:30 am, so he is rarely here. He has his own room, our 9 y/o has his own room and of course me and my wife have ours. The girls would sleep in the living room on an air mattress. When me and the 13 watched TV by ourselves at night, I would sit on my chair and she would set on the couch or lay on the air mattress. This was the known arrangements with their parents. Once the movie was over or if I was tired I would go to bed with my wife. On few occasions I did fall asleep on my chair.

During the 18 months, me and the father became very close friends. We fished together, we played guitar and sang along with the 2 older girls. The 13 y/o would play the violin with us and the 14 y/o would sing. Wives and younger kids were always there.

The father and 2 older daughters had quite a strain relationship. He was not very close to them or affectionate. He weighs more than 400 lbs. They are very embarrassed of him because of this.

In the past, he has expressed to both me and my wife that he wishes he could be more like me. I am a good provider, I am physically active, & his children and ours show me affection.

He is not a good provider. He is completely sedentary. He tries to keep himself clean, showering often, but due to his tremendous obesity his odor is one of things that likely keeps the children from showing him physical affection. The odor really is overpowering at times.

The children, particularly the 13 year old tries to make up for the problems caused by his obesity. When he ate all the candy at my house, the 13 year old used her own money to replace it.

A few years back, they lost their house due to financial reasons. In late 2008 their main vehicle was repossessed. In February 2009 they were evicted from their home that they were renting.

On October 4th, 2008 he was laid off from his job and has been out of work since then.

Due to this strained relationship with her dad the 13 year old became very close to me. I would say in September or October of 2008. We watched a rerun of one of the Brady Bunch movies and in one of the scenes; Greg Brady refers to a girl as “Groovy Chick”. The 13 year old thought it was funny because it was from the ‘70s, I started calling her that as a joke and eventually it stuck as her nickname that I call her. She started calling me “Awesome Guy” because the word was from her era. Eventually that stuck as her nickname for me. Her parents and my wife were well aware of these nicknames.

For Christmas 2008 we bought all four of there children gifts for Christmas. My wife did most, if not all of the shopping herself. I went shopping for the older girls myself. I bought the 14 year old some Sony ear buds for her IPod that cost about $50.00. I bought the 13 year old a dog tag necklace that cost about the same. On the necklace I had engraved on it “To Groovy Chick, Sweet Dreams Always, Love Awesome Guy”. I showed this to her mother for approval and then gave it to her.

I bring this up because the father said I buy them gifts. Any gift ever given to these kids have been for Christmas or birthdays. On one occasion we took our 9 year ols son, there 8 year old daughter and there 13 year old daughter to the Oakland zoo. We went to the gift shop and told them they could each spend up to $20.00. Other than this none of the kids have ever been given any type of gift from us for any reason.

At the time that had her gift engraved, I also had 3 other gifts engraved to three other people including her mom. So it I not like I made a special trip to an engraving store for her. I saw the dog tag when I was shopping for an engraved picture frame for my wife.

I put Sweet Dreams Always because we (me, my wife, our 9 year old, the 2 older girls and their mom) would often text and at night we all ended our text messages with this.

The father was quite a good cook and would often make us meals and desserts that took a half a day, if not a whole day to prepare for us. He would often ask us what we wanted and he would cook it for us.

They were at our house, along with several other people on New Years 2009. We celebrated the wife’s birthday on 1/4/09 at there house. We were the only couple invited. On 1/10/09 we had the 14 y/o's birthday dinner at our house. It was just us again.

I have several photos of the father having fun, drinking and playing guitar with me during all of these celebrations. It is clear in all of these photos he is having a great time.

On January 13th I took the father to the ER because his back went out, they ended up admitting him. He went from the hospital to a nursing home and was finally released February 12, 2009.

On January 17 we celebrated the older girl’s birthday at their house. The dad was still in the hospital. There were several couples at this party. The dad asked me to fill in for him and watch over the 13 y/o and her new boyfriend. He had other friends there that he has known for several years but he asked me to do this. On January 24th we had the 13 y/o a birthday dinner at our house. The dad was still in the hospital.

On February 3rd they were given a 3 day notice to pay or quit. The dad was still in the hospital so me and my wife took off work from the February 4th to February 8th to help them move.

While he was in the hospital, a lot of issues came up between him and his wife. Several that me and my wife were not aware of. Finances were the main issues.

On February 25th the wife filed divorce papers on the husband. On February 26th, I served the court papers on the husband. I am a registered process server. I did this to save the wife money because they were already broke. When I served the papers, I told the husband that I would serve his papers also at no charge. I thought he would appreciate this, I was so wrong. A week or two later the husband filed a response. In the response he accused me of inappropriate behavior with the 13 year old.

On April 17th 2009 they had their divorce hearing set. In the papers he put that he wanted to have supervised visits only at our house, no more spending the night. The wife thought it was ridiculous and said she will go to court and let the judge decide as well as the child support which would of probably have been more if he went to court. So the day before the hearing, he agreed to take us out of the court papers, so the wife and him signed the agreement. This was on April 16th, 2009 at about 10:00 am. At about 2:00 pm the wife’s lawyer called her up and told her that the husband filed a report with CPS and they are now investigating me and my wife. Turns out to be mainly me.

He stated that on one occasion the 13 year old sat on my lap. This has never happened. And on another occasion he stated that the 13 year old was sitting by me, rubbed my forearm with her hand and then moved my arm against the side of her breast. This also is not true.

CPS spoke to the 14 year old and the 8 year old at school on Monday April 20, 2009. They asked them if I ever touched them in a bad way, they said no, if I ever lay on the air mattress with them, they told them no. They asked them where do I sleep they said with his wife. They asked the 14 year old how was her relationship with me, she told them good, then they asked her how was her relationship with her dad she told them that she wishes that it was like mine and hers. They also asked them if they feel safe and comfortable at our house, they said yes.

On April 22, 2009 they spoke to the 13 year old who is the topic of the investigation. They asked her if she felt safe and comfortable here she told them yes. They asked her where every one sits when we all watch TV together she told them I sit on my chair and everyone else sits on the couch or the floor. They also asked her about her and her fathers relationship. She said they don’t have one. Then they asked her about her relationship with me, she told them I was like a father to her.

About 2 hours after this meeting they called up the mom and told her she needed to come down to the CPS office. She met with them for more than an hour. She told them that in her opinion the accusations were ridiculous. The CPS agent told her that her judgment was clouded because she was molested as a child. It turns out that the husband told CPS this information. The mom tried to stick up for me and the agent asked her why she was being so defensive. The agent told the mom that she has to cut off all communication between me, my wife and her kids. The mom was very devastated and asked if we could have supervised visitation, again the agent asked her why she was being so defensive and emotional.

So at this point we are no longer aloud to see the kids. However, the agent told the mom that we may be able to go back to how it was once the two older girls build a relationship with the dad. They said that with me in the picture the two older girls are not able to build a relationship with the father. So to me it seems like their father figure relationship with me is more of a problem than the two accusations noted above.

If they truly thought that there was any inappropriate behavior on my part, they would never let it go back how it was.

After getting this news from the mother over the phone, she came over our house to talk it over. She was very upset to say the least. She called up a longtime friend of hers in Southern California. Her friend is a licensed medical social worker who specializes in divorces and abuse against women and kids.

I spoke to her on the phone and told her what I was being accused of. The first one being the 13 year old rubbing my forearm and the bringing it up to the side of her breast. She told me that she recalled a story from about 2 years ago when the mother of the 13 year old called her and told her that a friend of the family, John, was sitting on the couch and that the 13 year old, then about 11, rubbed Johns arm against her breast.

It was discussed with the dad, the 13 year old, the mom and John. The social worker friend recalls it being settled within the family, she said. I spoke to the mom and she also recalls the incident. She forgot about it until her friend told me. John is the dads lifelong childhood friend and will do anything for the dad including lying for him, to a point, the mom told me. Anyway, the social worker said it sounds like the dad used that story but put my name on it.

Now for the other accusation, the 13 year old sitting on my lap. Supposedly a friend of the family saw her sitting on my lap. This has never happened. And CPS said they can not tell me who said it or who reported it.



Me, my wife and the mom want to appeal this CPS decision.

Please remember everything with me and the dad was great until I served the court papers on February 26, 2009. It was only after that, that anything ever came up negative about my character or how I treated his kids.


Questions:

1. Is the CPS agents decision final?
2. Doesn’t a supervisor or a judge have to make it final?
3. Don’t they have to interview me?
4. How do we appeal?
5. Can we do it ourselves or do we need an attorney?
6. Can it hurt the kids more if we appeal it?
7. What is your advice with this case?
8. Don’t they check for a criminal background? Me and my wife have never been arrested or accused of anything in our lives. We both have traffic tickets in our past and that’s it.


Jim
[email protected]

[eyeq181]

It sounds like they are just trying to get to the bottom of things. And in time you will be found not guilty. Since the caseworker stated that this child had been molested in the past this is what they are trying to figure out who and what. It sounds like you are just being protected during this investigation. If they didn't take your kids then your not the one being accused. I know it doesn't sound right but this is how these things work. They don't want your footprint in the middle of a crime scene.

If you want to speed things up you can file charges on the dad. And I would do this if you are still planning to adopt a child. It is against the law to make false accusations about someone. It is on paper now.

Since the child is a teen this will help. Since they already asked the questions to determine rather or not it was you and your not sitting in a jail cell. Your fight might be over. But for the family in question they need to determine who it was. And since you didn't know the child when she was small that keeps you out of the picture whole picture. When they accused my 14 year old of touching my daughters butt he went to the detention center for 3 months which was proven to be false.

I would keep an attorney in mind you never know what is going to happen.

They have already done a criminal background check on you.

And in reality the judge doesn't have the final decision it is the caseworker. Without caseworkers the judge wouldn't have a job. That is how I have seen it so far.

[Marina]

It is my understanding, based on policies in our state, that CPS has jurisdiction for investigations only on "caretakers." That means the parents, adults in the home, babysitters, child care workers, teachers, bus drivers, etc. They can also be accused of "failing to protect."

The police have jurisdiction on investigating people who are not caretakers. So CPS cannot make a finding on family friends, only on the parents, in this situation. Unless the friends are "caretakers."

Jurisdiction should be explained in the state CPS manual.

Also, the subject of jurisdiction should be checked out for the juvenile court. I am thinking that if a "perpetrator" is a "caretaker," then juvenile court would have jurisdiction. If a perpetrator is a total stranger, for example, then a higher court would have jurisdiction. You would have to look into this.

http://www.dss.cahwnet.gov/ord/PG309.htm

http://www.dss.cahwnet.gov/ord/entres/g ... f/cws2.pdf

pages 5 - 7

Notice that the "alleged perpetrator" has no due process rights, no jurisdiction, etc. under Child Welfare.

This seems to be a general issue of slander, maybe?