Our Story

[rakhel]

well to reiterate what i said in the newcomers board, I am the mother of 5 beautiful children. Four girls, ages 17 yrs, 16 yrs, 4 yrs and 1 yr old and one boy, age 1 month(born during this mess).
We are recent transplants from Arkansas(should have stayed put) and have never had any issues with the law or ACS, CPS, DHS or whatever it is called throughout the country.
So we move to New York City to rebuild our lives, half way through the year, the cops come knocking on our door and demand to come in. Again, like an idiot, I let them in. They started to complain about the condition of the floor and stated that it was unsafe for my kids to remain. I admit it was dirty. Laundry set to be washed that day, floor left un-swept, potato chip bags(bought that morning) still on the floor. Nothing that couldn't be cleaned up in 10 mins.
Husband and I were arrested for child endangerment, and left to sit in jail for 40 hrs, the kids in foster care. One of the first mistakes I made at the beginning of this was believing the cops when they told me that if I signed the TRM order that my kids would be returned to me in 3 days and that if I signed it, it would favorable on me. Second mistake I made was cooperating with ACS. Telling them things they didn't need to know. Because that gave them a secondary reason to keep the kids. My husband's past mental history.
So now we see the kids(well most of the kids) twice a week. have parenting classes once a week, and have done our psych evals, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Which it did.
Now my husband is being accused of sexually assaulting our 16 yr old autistic daughter. Even the 17 yr old is denying these new stories.
So now we have to gather info and past stories from past teachers and god knows what else.

FUN FUN FUN

[rakhel]

Just to add

we had our 20 day conference today
They forgot and were running around trying to find everyone involved so they wouldn't look stupid.
We discussed the Psych evals. His came back adjustment disorder with recommendation for weekly therapy. Mine came back undiagnosed, no therapy recommended. They asked about meds. We said none were recommended. They asked why I didn't need therapy. I told them according to the eval, I didn't need any because I wasn't diagnosed. They still want me to seek therapy. My question is "for what?"
We also took notes while we listened to them(this unnerved them.)
We raised complaints about the foster care. They didn't like that we were holding them to the same standards they tried to hold us to.
Since entering foster care, Our kids needed more medical attention than they ever did at home.(keep in mind, when our kids were removed, they were healthy, according to the physicals they took). Our 16 yr old is in school while our 17 yr is not.(we home schooled both), and the 17 yr old is being yelled at for asking her 16 yr old sister if she wants to talk to us on the phone. Apparently the 16 yr old can say "no" to visiting us, but doesn't have the ability to say "no" to talking on the phone.
This isn't even including the foster mother bad mouthing us to the kids.
Further, when I asked about a "reunification plan," they didn't know,or claimed to not know, what I was talking about. And when I asked them about the service plan, they said they needed to review the psych eval to make sure it was accurate as to the notes they initially took. Of course, they weren't accusing us of "lying to the psychologist," but they needed to see it before making any further recommendations.
ACS was umming and ahhing left and right.

[rakhel]

We went to court today about our 1028. we had already informed our lawyers that due to the new allegations that they should postpone the 1028 until we knew more.
Here is the funny part. My lawyer jumped up, at the start of court and said "my client would like to postpone her 1028 due to new allegations that we feel we are not prepared to address.
Judge, "what new allegations. I was not aware there were new allegations."
ACS, "ummm...one of the teenagers is alleging Mr. xxx sexually assaulted her and we need time to investigate." (she made these allegations 2 weeks ago to her foster mother whose care they have been in for 2 months).
Judge, "How long is this going to take?"
ACS, "We are asking for 2 weeks, your honor"
Judge, "There is already a hearing scheduled for Apr 16. You have until then to either show evidence of the allegations truth or drop them all together."
It seems to me that my lawyer may be getting his act together, because he just shot the ACS's lawyer in the foot by forcing their hands about this new story.

[MaggieC]

Hello Rakhel,
I am also in NYC. I am not an attorney, therefore I can not and will not give legal advice, however, I may give you information. I will help in providing whatever information I have access to.

In which court was the 1028 introduced (Kings, Bronx, etc).

I am sorry that you are going through this. My usual advice to any parent is to do nothing (evals, etc) until the parent speaks with a competent attorney. As you had already done the evals, your situation is in another place right now.

How did the NYPD come to your home? In my experience, the NYPD is excellent, good people, well-trained officers.

Is your atty privately retained or is he an 18B? Usually, you and your husband would each be assigned a different 18B attorney. Is that the case here?

Are all the children currently in foster care? And, has one GAL been assigned to represent all the children or does each child have a separate GAL?

Are criminal charges levied against you or are you only dealing with Family Court?

Get all your evidence together in the event that ACS follows through with the subsequent accusations. Time cards, log books (your husband is a trucker, no?) everything.

See if you can get a statement (either an affidavit or a notarized statement from your 17 year old).

Bad news for NY residents; the 17 year old is not automatically released from ACS custody on her 18th brithday. They can keep her until she is 21.

Child support in NY continues until a child is 21.

Can you get your children's doctor records from Arkansas? If so, get them. Get them now. They are evidence.

Lastly, I am sorry to ask such a personal question but Rakhel, that is a name I am familar with. Are you Jewish? Religion may help here.

Hang in there-
Maggie

[rakhel]

Wow so many questions, lol
The 1028 was introduced in staten island. we , my husband and I were assigned court appointed(18B?)

My landlord was attempting to switch realty companies(no, he isn't trying to get rid of us). the other company sent an appraiser whom, we believe, made a call to 911 claiming kids were being abused in the home(physicals were done and the kids came back healthy and well fed).

We do have a criminal case pending, which puts us in limbo because the criminal lawyer wants to drag out the criminal case until the family case is settled while the family lawyer wants to wait for the criminal matter to be settled.

The children(all 5) are in one foster home(the foster mother is trying to get the oldest out), and at first had one GAL. Half way through, she quit stating conflict of interest and now we have 3 GALs to deal with. One for the 17 yr old, one for the 16 yr old, and one for the younger 3. As it turns out, the 17 yr olds GAL and the babies GAL are of the same mind. The babies GAL asked that the 17yr GAL speak for her at our Apr 16 hearing.

We are waiting for all reports from AR, but we were told, which we are aware of, that Southerns are never in a hurry.

As for the 17 yr old, there is a permanency hearing scheduled the week before her 18 birthday. Something about needing written consent to stay in foster care past that date, which for her is the last week of May. She wants out of that home. So much so that she wants to run away but is only staying because of her baby siblings.

We kept all his log books and pay stubs, so that is not an issue.

And yes we are Jewish, have requested a transfer into a Jewish home(which they claim is near impossible) and are fighting with them to at least retain some of the things that are important to us religiously, though they are making that very hard.

[MaggieC]

Maybe we should speak by phone. Are you Hasidim ? Though, I don't know many Hasidim living in Staten Island...but I do know that there is a community in Arkansas.

I am not Jewish but I grew up in NYC with Jewish and Hasidim families.

The criminal case, in my humble lay opinion, must be dealt with right away.


The 17 year old as she is in foster care, to my knowledge must petition the court to be removed from same on her 18th birthday.

The kid needs to leave foster care, pronto.

If you want to speak by phone, send a PM to me and I will give you my phone nbr.

Stay strong.

Maggie

[Momoffor]

Have you tried to contact the Jewish Family Service center to see if they will assist with an attorney? Or have one from their 'list' they can refer you to? (I had an issue with a landlord once, and they put me in contact with an Jewish attorney from the 'list', who would give me legal advice free of charge till the cows came home, but couldnt represent me in the same.

I dont know about there, but the JFS in Southern VA had a Jewish Foster care services located in their office. Perhaps contact them and see if they may have room in a Jewish home for your kids, and then share this info at your next court date. (Just a suggestion, not sure if you will get anywhere, but its a place to start).

Oh and as a footnote, most of the Jewish foster homes where we were at in VA, were not the typical foster homes from CPS. They were through the Jewish family services agency. (I guess like Catholic family services) Perhaps that is why they are telling you its near impossible. ??

[rakhel]

Well, our oldest has been moved from that home into a much nicer, more tolerant home. She was a LOT less stressed this visit than the previous. Now if we could get the others out.


Momoffor
There is a Jewish foster care agency up here(I just found it two days ago), I just never thought to call them because I assumed they were, like the agency they are with(Catholic), contacted.

I will be in Manhattan tomorrow anyways.......

[rakhel]

My mother-in-law is hell on wheels.

Apparently she has called(and isn't finished) NY senators, congressmen, borough presidents mayors CPS workers, as well as former Arkansas governors(she is from AR), yelling and screaming about the injustice being committed against her precious son and his wife.
One pol's office made her slow down so he could keep up with her, and while another one was annoyed that our kids were placed out side the city of NYC. This last is, apparently(and i paraphrase), ACS's attempt to undermine the mayor's authority.

[rakhel]

forgot to mention,
the 16 yr old's GAL petitioned the court to have separate visits with me, and after rolling her eyes the judge agreed.

at the last visit, I asked when those visits would start and was told that they won't because she wrote a letter to the case worker stating that she doesn't wish to see or talk to me. Again, no reason or explanation given.

As for the investigation into the new allegations.
ACS was giving until the 16th of this month to investigate. For the last 2 weeks, we have been waiting for them to call so we can call our lawyers to meet us at that office. The CPS worker called 4/14 at 12pm to tell us we needed to show up at his office 4/15 at 11am.(his little game to try to stress us out the day before court)
Since our visits are now set, we didn't get to call back until 11 pm 4/14. We informed him we couldn't show up at the snap of his finger because we had to jump at the snap of a criminal court judge's finger on the same day. Judge(rock) beats ACS worker(scissors), so to speak.

[rakhel]

Our criminal pre-trial was this morning and the judge was a little confused as to why we were still in front of him. He asked where the kids were and if we were complying with family court and seemed happy with the answers he got. Scheduled for fact finding trial in June.
My lawyer told me that at that hearing she is suggesting that I take the plea bargain. the DA is saying that he will drop the child endangerment charges if we agree to disorderly conduct

[rakhel]

Family court today. Some sort of service conference.

ACS is still investigating the sexual abuse allegations, even though they were given until today to substantiate. They keep saying the police are involved and still investigating. Haven't seen hide nor hair of them in since this started. The family lawyers are saying this may be a good thing. I think by saying the police are involved, still, is ACS's way of trying to keep us off balance.

As for the service plan, which at this point is a verbal plan(yes, I am planning on getting it in writing on Monday). all they are asking is parenting classes, which we are taking, and the nasty psych eval, which I passed and they didn't like. The husband is being "asked" to take parenting classes and start the therapy sessions, which were recommended by the psych eval.

The lawyers said we will lose the neglect case(in NY a messy house is considered neglect) but that we will get our kids back. I will believe this only when it happens.

[Momoffor]

They keep saying the police are involved and still investigating. I think by saying the police are involved, still, is ACS's way of trying to keep us off balance.

My sons school called CPS and reported that my son was a potentially kidnapped child. My x at the time called me after CPS had come to my home about this BS and told me that state troopers, fed police, and county cops showed up at his house to ask where my son was and if I was supposed to have custody of him. In my quest to find out what the hell was going on and who had cops going from west coast to east coast, I started east and worked west through police departments and finally tracked it back to social services police investigator. The social worker kept telling me some BS about how she had nothing to do with my 'criminal kidnapping charges'. That it was the police that were handing my criminal case. I demanded names and numbers. I called the detective, who was shocked to hear about ANY criminal charges at all, and had no idea that her call to MD for a 'courtesy check' would turn into a federal police matter (My x husband lived ON a military installation so fed police had to oversee and act as escort for civilian incidents that occur on military property). and had no idea why I would be told that police were taking care of my 'criminal case' when there wasnt any and she had already told the social worker such.

Maybe start asking for names of the police that are investigating. You know 'so you can assist in any way possible and offer your assistance in any way'. See if they can even produce a name for you, and if they can, I would call them and see see if there is anything you can do to assist in the matter. (Not saying I would assist, but just to see what they say to get an idea on if CPS if full of shit or not). This is just what I would personally do, its up to you on what you want to do. They might be blowing smoke, and they might not. In my situation, they were blowing a shit ton of smoke and all they did instead of scare me was piss me the hell off.

Be careful and tread lightly on what you end up getting in writing on Monday for your service plan. What they put in writing compared to what they have told you verbally could be VERY different! and for the love of all things holy, dont sign anything without reading EVRYTHING. and make sure that you notate that you dont agree, you just sign that you saw it. (my cousin signed her kids over to CPS by being told that all she was signing was a sheet that said she was there for the meeting. She never read it. It was also stating that she was guilty of what they were accusing her of, and told her that was not saying she agreed, but that she got a copy. At the VERY bottom was a TINY check box that said check here if you dont agree. It was never checked as the paper was not read.

[rakhel]

Call their bluff? Not a bad idea. My husband has already asked his attorney to ind out who the lead detective was. No answer yet.

As to the service plan. I have had to ask my husband to clam down when it comes to our case planner, before she starts asking for anger management classes. He has been flying off the handle, and rightly so, about the religion thing(the kids not being able to celebrate passover but the foster mother taking them on an Easter egg hunt). I told him since talking to her isn't working, and her supervisor isn't listening either, then the next step is their director. But that yelling was only going to prolong the kids stay in foster care.

[rakhel]

Here's a funny...
Our weekly schedule is something like this:

Monday we take a 3 hr trip to visit our kids for 2 hrs only to take another 3 hr trip home

Tuesday we take a 1.5 hr trip to our 1.5 hr parenting classes, then take the 1.5 hr trip home.

Wednesday, a 2 hr trip to a 2 hr support group for families effected by ACS(family court approved). Then a 1.5 hr ride to visit our kids for 2 hr followed by a 3 hr ride home.

Saturday (boy, aren't we lucky) we have our jointly therapy session.

Somewhere in those two empty days, when court isn't taking them up, we have to find a way to schedule my husband's physical therapy as well as reunification therapy between me and the 16 yr old.

Well, the foster agency social worker came to our home today(she is apparently our case planner now and does our home inspections). She asked what kids of work we did in the past and then said that I should go a head and get a job. She said that my employer would work around my schedule.

[LindaJM]

What an unreasonable expectation! I haven't met many employers who would work around a schedule that's already so full.

One thing I do for money is to make pages for Squidoo.Com... http://www.squidoo.com/ -- I am now making more than $200/mo. and have been doing it for just a few years. Most of my pages are not great money makers but I could tell you the secret for making pages that do make money... I just haven't been able to do it myself, probably for lack of motivation. For me, creativity comes first and money is secondary. No wonder I'm so poor! ...however if you wanted to do this and claim it as your income, you could probably make some decent money with it - especially if you and your husband worked together on the pages. As for me, I haven't been able to get my partner to do it... he's an adventure-outdoorsman type and can't see making money on the computer as an option.

[rakhel]

Well,I could work nights. Apparently I don't need to sleep.

[LindaJM]

...And isn't there a recession going on still? It isn't like perfect, flexible jobs are around every corner these days. I'm not trying to discourage you. I do believe there's a God who will help guide us if asked.

[rakhel]

"perfectly flexible jobs." Hmmmm... think ACS would hire me?

[Momoffor]

then said that I should go a head and get a job. She said that my employer would work around my schedule.

Thanks for the laugh! That is the funniest thing I heard all day. ....Sorry for the sarcasm, but what the hell planet is that biznatch on? There is a recession going on. Companies and areas that arent even effected by the recession are using the economy as an excuse to clean house, cut wages, cut benefits ect. I recently had to quit my job with a government contract company when my son went into renal failure and had to be hospitalized. I had not been there long enough to qualify for FMLA, and as it was put to me, if I continued to miss work, (doctors notes did not matter as it was an at will state) They would have to let me go and replace me with someone who could be there when they needed. Granted, its business. But the mentality by employers these days, is why go for the person that is having issues being there, why go for the person with little education for a crap min wage job, when there are people with college degrees out of work and willing to do anything.

What a twit. I Think someone else had posted on the board that CPS required that they get a job before they got their kids back .....well, many are still waiting for the great hype (I mean hope) Obama to fix the economy and it seems the only thing that has been done is to get the country way WAY in the red, pay some nice bonuses, pay for some great parties for executives of bailout companies, extend unemployment benefits yet AGAIN, and bail out a TON of people who borrowed more than their house was worth and then claimed they were preyed upon with lending practices. (Didnt stop the prey from cashing those checks and spending like mad. I worked in the car business for several years before the housing bubble popped and I saw it happen ALL the time. Have to wait to come in and pay cash for the shelby because they are refi their house and waiting for the check, years later when the oil went through the roof, they couldnt afford to put gas in it. Then they lost their house, but damn they own a nice shebly they still cant afford to put gas in because they also lost their job and cant offload the shelby because the economy is in a pooper. So they cry to the gov't who claims they were victims and they get to go through a great program to keep their house. So they do, and qualify, and the rest of us get to pick up the tab. meanwhile, they pitch a fit because they had NO IDEA this program was going to ruin their credit. HOW DARE the government set them up like that.

Reality is so distorted for these morons. But here is the great kicker of it all. States funds are running dry. States are starting to cut jobs, cut benefits, ect. Soon it will be those lovely social workers turn. Oh what fun. I heard about one complaining because OT was cut and they were upset because that was where the money was at, and werent sure how they were going to make ends meet now ....(sucks to be them.)

KARMA ...thats the one satisfaction that you can remember as you are going through this. Karma is a BIATCH!

Oh and to social services hiring you ...You might not fit in there. You have to be soulless.

[rakhel]

Since my 16 yr old refuses to come to visits or take calls from me-for whatever reason- I decided to write a letter stating that I missed her and I love her and that if she wanted, she can call either me or my father(who is concerned about her, as well).

Well today, after a monitored call with the two younger ones(because the foster mother doesn't want me calling her home) the caseworker told me that the letter I sent to the 16yr old Monday apparently resulted in her wanting to hurt herself. The foster mother took her to the hospital where they said she was not suicidal nor in need of monitoring. They then sent an email, AN EMAIL!!!, to her therapist to tell him about it. AN EMAIL!!!!!. she did this today AN EMAIL!!!!!!(sorry)

Keep in mind I am just now finding out about this! I was also not informed that she was taken to the hospital.

And when I asked why an email the response i got was "he's not in his office this week"

Ok so he doesn't have an emergency number? which most therapist have) "Well.... I sent him an email"

So if this happened Monday, why am I finding out about this now? "Well..... because I just found out about it"

All I said to her was we will talk about this Wednesday at the SPR.

I am just so mad right now

[Momoffor]

so ........ since the therapist is out of town, who is it that diagnosed the situation to be that your letter was the cause of her wanting to hurt herself? The case worker? She tell the hospital that???

[rakhel]

The case worker told me that my daughter told the foster mother that she wanted to hurt herself because of the letter. And I don't know what she told the hospital because I was never told she went to the hospital until today. I had it given to her Monday so I can only assume that all this happened Monday.
I am afraid that the longer this goes on the deeper she will spiral until there is nothing left of her and she will kill herself. and when that happens.... heads will roll.
I told them she would not be this unstable if she were in my care.

[Dazeemay]

They, social workers are so ridiculous in their thinking. How old is your social worker? Is she some kid just out of college? Even if not they have this "crazy idealistic notion they are saving the world from abusive parents". Give me a break! If they knew anything about Autism or any of the mental issues they would know that when a person says things like, "I want to hurt myself", they are trying to deflect the emotional pain they feel and can't handle to a physical pain that is more tolerable and can be fixed not understanding that sometimes physical pain can't be fixed.

One time our daughter age 39, who has mental issues, inflicted pain on her forehead with a butter knife. Social workers got all bent out of shape. What nerds! I get so disgusted with their stupidity. I knew what she was doing. She was trying to fix herself a sandwich and the voices in her head were getting the better of her so, she was pounding her head, forgetting she had the butter knife in her hand, to make them stop. According to the social workers she was trying to commit suicide(with a butter knife? . Her therapist, a kind and gentle man, verified that she was trying to use a physical means to drown them out. Had she put the butter knife down and hit herself with her hand things would not have gotten out of hand. It is always "much ado about nothing," with these untrained social workers.

When the s/w was on the stand in our granddaughter's case she made a fool of herself. Well, they made fools of themselves many times. But, the one that stands out in my mind is when they were trying to prove that her homeschooling was affecting her. The judge asked what our granddaughters scores were when she was tested. Well, the s/w did not know, that is how uneducated she was, that being in the 98 percentile in nation wide testing was "tops". The judge was shocked and asked how that score meant that homeschooling was affecting the child? That she had to be getting something from homeschooling with a score that high. S/W shrugged her shoulders. She looked like she didn't understand what the score meant.

I hope you are doing an Objections/Corrections form to present to the court.

[rakhel]

I have been telling myself that is why she hasn't been coming to the visits. That it was too emotionally pain for her to come and spend four hours a week with her mother only to go and live in someone else's house(that and a few other emotions)
She is having trouble dealing with all of this.
The social worker is young. How young, I don't know, but young enough to think that "I don't know" is an appropriate answer to every question.