Our story with 14 yr old

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chowar2
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:36 am

Our story with 14 yr old

Postby chowar2 » Tue Nov 26, 2013 12:20 pm

I'm going to relate our whole story here. We're in the midst of a dispute with CPS in Ohio. There is some back information I'm going to relate chronologically as it pertains to current mental state of 14 yr old grandson. Some things we dealt with starting this summer as isolated incidents now look like a part of what should be his mental diagnosis.

Our son was in the military and married when our grandson was born. His wife, our grandson's mother ran around on him and got pregnant with twins when our GS was 6 months old. Twins were born early, so GS's half siblings are 13 months younger. Son & wife split up when our GS was 19 months. Maternal grandfather and his wife got custody of twins, our son got custody of his then 19 month old. We had our GS off and on until GS was 5.5 yrs. Our son was on his 3rd wife, still in military, and drinking. GS's step mother beat him, over the course of more than a year before we got court ordered custody. It's coming up on the 10th anniversary in Feb.

GS had behavioral issues at 5.5 yrs. We had him see counselor in school through 4th grade to address behavioral & social issues. GS had a big problem with lying that was never resolved. That has led to a lot of issues with friends, but we never knew how bad it was because he still seemed to be popular.

GS is academically gifted and we've provided him with every extracurricular activity he was interested in. He's won awards in many of them. He took Algebra & Spanish I for high school credit as an 8th grader. Going into 9th grade, teacher wanted to jump him to Spanish III, but he saw an easy A with Spanish II, and I let him make that choice.

GS is musically gifted. We've provided private music lessons over the years and he has done very well in contests with his flute. He also plays a saxophone and was starting to learn the oboe this year.

GS has his Eagle Scout project ready for review, then he'll earn that rank. We raise cattle and he's won trophies for that. He showed his dog in 4H a few years ago and won top showman for his age group.

GS is very social and wants to do everything we can fit into his schedule. At times I feel like a secretary scheduling his activities.

GS turned 14 this summer and started to develop muscles and was noticed by girls, LOTS of girls. He fell in with a few that were into 'cutting'. He started a new HS this year because it was closer to home and he could participate in new activities. He met a new girlfriend through band, a girl that had been cutting and threatening suicide for a couple years. He developed a relationship where he was her protector and identified with her tribulations, even though they weren't HIS tribulations. He also received an electronic tablet and developed an identity based on lies. He received a gift card from his mother to buy things, when that ran out he stole our credit card for the number, returned it, then denied ever having it when our CC company called about unusual purchases. He presented himself as unfairly accused, unfairly disciplined, with the school counselor. She said her kids got the same as he was getting when doing what he was doing. She recommended that he see the licensed counselor that visited their school, and we agreed in September.

Oct 10, his girlfriend went to the hospital for a suicide attempt. He also broke his piccolo and damaged his expensive flute. On Oct 16 he complained he was mentally abused because we were yelling at him, and CPS was called. On Oct 17th he wrote a 'suicide note', I have that in quotes because it could be interpreted as one, or not as one since it didn't say he was going to kill himself. CPS was called again and between his line of BS & her twisting everything, he was convinced we didn't love him; I only did for him what benefitted me; I only cared about money; I only purchased things for him to buy his love. I was contacted by the school after the caseworker spoke to him. She said I had to send him to the emergency room. She wouldn't let me see him until she interrogated me. In the morning, he had been pissy about being told he would have to ask nicely for a ride home after extracurriculars and he responded with, "You're my GUARDIAN, you HAVE to do that". I said I didn't HAVE to let him participate in those activities and unless he asked nicely, he couldn't. It was more than a coincidence that the caseworker said as his guardian, those are the things I had to do. I also told her that as an extracurricular activity, I didn't HAVE to let him do it. When I finally saw him, I saw a boy I'd never seen act that way. He jumped away from me, said he "didn't feel safe" around me. I said to send him to the hospital.

On Oct 17, he was sent to the emergency room and evaluated over night. The doctor recommended a psychiatrist and an antidepressant. I could take him home and do that, or send him to a center that specialized in that. I sent him to the center on Oct 18, directly from the emergency room. On Oct 19th, after a full day in counseling sessions, he told me he had over-reacted earlier in the week. Family therapy session went well on Oct 21.

On Oct 22, he was released from the behavior center with a note that he could return to school. They said I didn't need a note for him to return home because it was assumed since they were sending him home that he was fine to go home. I dropped him off at school where the counselor saw him and noted that he was happy, hopeful, & glad to be home. I arranged for him to start seeing a psychologist, with the first app't sent for Nov 6th. I specifically found a male psychologist who specialized in adolescents. He also had a drug & alcohol certificate. He was also on my medical, with no limit on service.

On Oct 23, he went to school, checked in with school guidance counselor where she also noted he was happy and glad to be home with us.

On Oct 23, mid morning, caseworker contacted my husband at home, he contacted me and said to call her. I did, she wanted to come out to our house and see the three of us. I told her she was not invited to our home, I did not want to speak to her, she was not to see our GS because of how she put those ideas in his head. I told her I WOULD speak to any other caseworker to get this closed. She said I couldn't, and 'who said she was going to close this?' She immediately filed an order to pick him up, it was signed at 2 pm without the judge letting me defend ourselves. She was waiting at school to pick him up at 2, with a colleague representing her at court.

GS was placed in foster care, out of the school district. They allowed him to keep his cell phone. They demanded his tablet but I refused it. He texted me often to say he wanted to come home. His texts became increasingly agitated. Because I got no visitation until 15 days after they took him, I didn't know if the agitation was due to the meds he'd started on Oct 18, or not getting to come home.

On Nov 4, we got the court filing made by the intake caseworker. I saw the lies and suspected she had not told anyone about GS's dr app't for the 6th. I called the new caseworker, the supervisor, and the GAL to let them know. No one knew, foster parents were notified on Nov 4 and they did get him to the app't on the 6th. Foster mother complained about the time for the next week, so I told her to make the app't for the next week, she did not. I made the next app't for Nov 20th, but it was cancelled by the foster family.

On Nov 12th his meds were increased by 50%. I had my second visit on Nov 14th. He'd been losing a lb/day from Nov 9th through the 14th, in an attempt to get down to 113 for wrestling. This boy is 5' 10" ! His normal weight fluctuates between 122 & 125. He had grown from being the shortest, lightest boy in 1st grade to being above the 95% for height, still 50% for weight. He was wired, happy to see me, and wanted to go home until I asked him to apologize for the words he used to demand a pair of dress pants before I'd give them to him. He flipped out and started spewing the things the caseworker had fed him at the beginning. He was sent to the hospital that night and released Nov 18.

From Nov 14th to present, he's been denied his cell phone and any contact with any family. The maternal grandparents, who adopted 2 half-siblings, usually get him 1 weekend/month. There is no formal arrangement, we manage to work around most of his activities and he willingly drops almost anything to go there. Although, he's always happy to return. During this year, his mother has made a serious effort to get to know him there. He can't contact any friends from his high school. He hates his new high school. We're being told he doesn't want to visit ANY family. We were told he doesn't want to see us, or even go to the other grandparents for Thanksgiving.

Childrens Service cancelled the mental health care I had set up and to this date he has not seen a counselor set up by them. He has not seen a school counselor. They cancelled his regular dental app't because our dentist doesn't take medicare -- but I had told CPS that I would pay the dentist like I ALWAYS do.

As of 11/25, he is now at another hospital. He overdosed on his meds. He was also cutting the whole time in foster care. Based on our experience with a daughter diagnosed with bipolar at the same age, and knowing his mother had several mental diagnoses beginning in her teens, we believe the diagnosis of depression is wrong but we can't tell the doctor because we aren't his guardians now!

And childrens service continues to believe they can care for him better than we can. I probably left out some stuff, if I think it's important I'll add it back in with an edit mark.

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family_man
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Re: Our story with 14 yr old

Postby family_man » Tue Nov 26, 2013 8:07 pm

What were the reasons CPS gave for taking emergency custody of your GS? Does CPS plan on reunifying him with you, or do they plan on keeping him in the foster system until he ages out? Has there been an adjudication hearing to determine whether abuse of neglect has occurred? Is one scheduled in the near future? Do you have a private attorney?

Many if not all of your GS's behavior changes could be attributed to the stress he's under and/or the increasing doses of medication he being forced to take.

When I was in a similar situation with one of my children, I had to get a court order to have him independently evaluated by a psychiatrist of my own choosing. It was his reports and expert testimony that convinced the judge that my son was better off living with me, than with strangers ill-equipped to deal with a special needs child, or in an institution.
Disclaimer: I am not an attorney, and this is not legal advice.

chowar2
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:36 am

Re: Our story with 14 yr old

Postby chowar2 » Wed Nov 27, 2013 5:11 am

The emergency court order she filed claimed she had been called to the school the morning of Oct 23 due to concerns about his mental stability, suicide ideation, and not backing off of his claim to 'do something by the 28th'. The principal said she had not seen GS that day. A guidance counselor who sometimes talked to Joe had not seen GS that day. A licensed counselor that visits the different schools saw GS on Oct 22, had noted that he was happy to be home, in school, and was "hopeful". Another guidance counselor saw GS on Oct 23 and said he expressed happiness to be home. None of these people had concerns about GS on Oct 23, none called CPS.

I'm wondering why they sent him to a different hospital this time. This was a definite attempt, not ideation. This hospital does have a long term program and I suspect that is what the caseworker has up his sleeve. He will be seeing a different psychiatrist than at the first two hospitalizations. Their case plan calls for a psychological evaluation for him, actually for all three of us. We refused to sign the case plan because it was based on their complaint that we have under appeal.

I'm going to call the director this morning. She is currently considering our appeal of their original emergency order and subsequent complaint. I need to be sure she's aware of this suicide attempt in their care. He went from 'hopeful and happy' the day they took him to no mental health care(other than hospitalizations) to being denied ALL contact with ALL family and friends at day 21 of their possession to a suicide attempt at day 33 of their possession.

I believe it is their adjudication hearing coming up on Dec 10. The only court date up to this point was for the emergency order.

We have another app't with a lawyer on Dec 4. We've had two very unsatisfactory interviews with two other lawyers up to this point. The big problem we're having is the fact is, the boy has some issues. But they are issues we feel equipped to handle. We counted on the school licensed counselor to let us know if there was a bigger mental problem than isolated incidents, like cutting, using our credit card, etc. She didn't see this coming but when it happened we sent him to the emergency room, transferred him to the Behavioral & Medicine Center for further counseling and start on meds. The boy alternately says he wants to come home but he "doesn't feel safe there", he'll say them in the same sentence. We feel those are words put into his mouth by the first caseworker.

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family_man
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Re: Our story with 14 yr old

Postby family_man » Thu Nov 28, 2013 8:52 pm

Just because your GS has some mental health issues doesn't mean that he should be taken out of your custody. Millions of parents and guardians are successfully raising children with such problems on their own, without any interference from CPS. To take emergency custody, CPS would have to have shown you to be completely negligent in caring for him up to that point. From what you have written, that does not seem to be the case.

Be forewarned that CPS will put extreme pressure on you to stipulate to medical neglect. They will say that unless you so stipulate, that you will never regain custody of your GS again. That's what they did to me and to numerous victims who have shared their stories on this board. I don't believe it is true. You should go to your adjudication hearing armed with all the evidence and expert testimony you can muster to show that you acted in a reasonable manner, which was not neglectful.

Nothing your GS says or does after his being taken into custody should be given any credibility. CPS is traumatizing him by denying him all contact with the people and things that he loves and is familiar with. They are forcing him to take increasing doses of psychotropic medication, which are having unpredictable side effects, which he is incapable of verbalizing. His erratic behavior is increasing, not decreasing since he has been taken from you. Try to get him evaluated by an independent psychiatrist, who will testify to these things. Put together a credible plan for how you will manage his needs if he returns home to you. You must convince the judge by a preponderance of the evidence that it is in your GS's best interest to be returned to you custody.
Disclaimer: I am not an attorney, and this is not legal advice.

chowar2
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:36 am

Re: Our story with 14 yr old

Postby chowar2 » Fri Nov 29, 2013 5:37 am

family_man wrote:Just because your GS has some mental health issues doesn't mean that he should be taken out of your custody. Millions of parents and guardians are successfully raising children with such problems on their own, without any interference from CPS. To take emergency custody, CPS would have to have shown you to be completely negligent in caring for him up to that point. From what you have written, that does not seem to be the case.

Be forewarned that CPS will put extreme pressure on you to stipulate to medical neglect. They will say that unless you so stipulate, that you will never regain custody of your GS again. That's what they did to me and to numerous victims who have shared their stories on this board. I don't believe it is true. You should go to your adjudication hearing armed with all the evidence and expert testimony you can muster to show that you acted in a reasonable manner, which was not neglectful.

Nothing your GS says or does after his being taken into custody should be given any credibility. CPS is traumatizing him by denying him all contact with the people and things that he loves and is familiar with. They are forcing him to take increasing doses of psychotropic medication, which are having unpredictable side effects, which he is incapable of verbalizing. His erratic behavior is increasing, not decreasing since he has been taken from you. Try to get him evaluated by an independent psychiatrist, who will testify to these things. Put together a credible plan for how you will manage his needs if he returns home to you. You must convince the judge by a preponderance of the evidence that it is in your GS's best interest to be returned to you custody.


That is exactly our position & plan. I just pulled up our phone records that covered before & after his hospitalization. I've got a list of calls to therapists & drs on the day he was released, trying to find a psychologist and stopping with the one I picked. I specifically wanted a psychologist because they are trained to diagnose as well as do therapy. Thank goodness we're long distance from almost everything. I do have a bunch more calls from my cell phone since they took him, but I have a notebook and have made notes of almost all calls, even ones where I just leave messages.
I also looked up information linking suicide & foster care. EVERYTHING they did to our GS INCREASED the odds that he would attempt suicide! Everything I had in place on his release from the hospital into our care was designed to address any mental issue and DECREASE suicidal ideation!

Has anyone had any luck contacting their congressman?

chowar2
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Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:36 am

Re: Our story with 14 yr old

Postby chowar2 » Fri Nov 29, 2013 2:43 pm

Well, now we're stuck between a rock and a hard place. I finally got a chance to talk to the boy after two weeks. He is so hateful and blames the way he is on me. He blames his suicide attempt on me because he was 'thinking about me'. CPS has messed him up so bad, we fear bringing him home now. He's never been violent, but he doesn't sound like he would be safe bringing him home now.

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family_man
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Re: Our story with 14 yr old

Postby family_man » Fri Nov 29, 2013 8:37 pm

He blames you for what exactly? Not driving him to every extra-curricular activity he wanted? Making him apologize for his rude behavior?

The use of SSRI anti-depressants in adolescents has been linked to increased suicide attempts:

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/child-and-adolescent-mental-health/antidepressant-medications-for-children-and-adolescents-information-for-parents-and-caregivers.shtml

If you don't feel it is safe to bring him home right now, that should be your call, not CPS's. However, bear in mind that mental health institutions have a financial incentive to over-diagnose mental illness, to retain their patients for as long as possible. That is why you need an impartial third party evaluating him, assessing the risks of bringing him home, and recommending treatment options.
Disclaimer: I am not an attorney, and this is not legal advice.

chowar2
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:36 am

Re: Our story with 14 yr old

Postby chowar2 » Sat Nov 30, 2013 4:39 am

I don't know what he blames me for. Since CPS took him 38 days ago we've only had 2 visits. The second was cut off after 20-30 minutes when he refused to apologize for his texts, screamed at me and stomped out of the room. That was 16 days ago, and until the short phone call yesterday was the last contact I've had with him.

I know antidepressants are an increased risk factor for suicide in teens. I also know his antidepressant, Zoloft, can cause the angry, agitated mood I saw developing in the few texts we were able to exchange the first 3 weeks they took him. No one who saw him would have been able to tell this was abnormal behavior.
I also know everything CPS did were increased risk factors. It's almost like they were pushing him toward it, maybe to justify taking him? Or maybe to get increased funding? Maybe an ego trip to 'show me who is boss'?

I can't get an impartial 3rd party to evaluate him because I don't have the authority any longer.

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family_man
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Re: Our story with 14 yr old

Postby family_man » Sat Nov 30, 2013 7:26 am

I didn't have the authority either with my son, but I got a second opinion through a court order. My attorney and I had to file an expedited motion for a second opinion with the court stating the facts as we saw them, and why we thought my son was being misdiagnosed. The judge approved the motion. CPS and the institution were very displeased, but they had no choice but to follow the order. If you'd like, I could send you our motion. You would have to modify it to fit your case, but it might serve as a good starting point for you. Right now I fear the facts are stacked against you, and you need your own qualified expert witness to turn the tide.
Disclaimer: I am not an attorney, and this is not legal advice.

chowar2
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:36 am

Re: Our story with 14 yr old

Postby chowar2 » Sun Dec 01, 2013 6:05 am

We are seeing a lawyer on the 4th, our court case is scheduled for the 10th. I'm afraid even with another psych eval,, the deck is stacked against us. He went to one hospital when we first sent him, they put him on Zoloft, then without input from someone who knows him, the same doctor increased it by 50% at the 4 week checkup. 2 days later he went back to the same hospital & the doctor kept him on same med, same dosage. On Monday he OD'd and was sent to a different hospital, different psychiatrist. He stopped Zoloft and started him on Paxil. So he has 2 doctors who have seen him now.


I was reading through the manual for caseworkers in our state. It helped explain some of the nonsense the caseworker put in the complaint to the court, and obviously is in her report that was passed to the ongoing caseworker. She flat out lied about some things, and lied by omission of the facts on other things. But it helped complete a matrix that allowed her to declare he was in imminent danger. She never even spoke to my husband, and only spoke to me the day our GS went to the hospital under my care. Everything she said was fabricated or based on our GS being steamed for being grounded.

chowar2
Posts: 11
Joined: Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:36 am

Re: Our story with 14 yr old

Postby chowar2 » Sun Dec 01, 2013 12:35 pm

family_man wrote:I didn't have the authority either with my son, but I got a second opinion through a court order. My attorney and I had to file an expedited motion for a second opinion with the court stating the facts as we saw them, and why we thought my son was being misdiagnosed. The judge approved the motion. CPS and the institution were very displeased, but they had no choice but to follow the order. If you'd like, I could send you our motion. You would have to modify it to fit your case, but it might serve as a good starting point for you. Right now I fear the facts are stacked against you, and you need your own qualified expert witness to turn the tide.



It just occurred to me, I might be able to have the court order CPS to use the counseling service that is covered by my insurance. Can you send the motion to my user name @yahoo.com?


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