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New and Hopefully Ahead of CPS
Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 9:29 pm
Ever since I seen what happened to a relative of mine I've prayed for CPS to never take any notice of me. I seen how bad they lie. They could figure out how to make an angel look like a demon in their reports. This is in the state of Oregon. Recently I've had problems with defiant teenagers. They don't like my rules and one is now trying to get the family he is staying with to sympathize with his reasons for taking off. The mother of this family came by to talk yesterday and informed me she had contacted CPS. I let her do most of the talking. After she left I realized some of the things she said didn't make sense. She said she was there to pick up some clothes but then a bit later said CPS told her to come talk to us. I'm nervous. I have a very young child still at home. CPS could have a grand time with my past history if they feel like it. I'm trying now to be prepared.
Re: New and Hopefully Ahead of CPS
Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 9:59 am
Child Protective Services responds to hotline tips regarding child abuse and or neglect. You can find how Oregon defines child abuse and neglect at this link:https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/define.pdf
Without more details it would be hard to comment on your post but you can find Oregon's DHS Child Welfare policy and procedures at this link: http://www.dhs.state.or.us/caf/safety_m ... index.html
I know I don't have to tell you that ultimately your responsible for your son and he couldn't be staying somewhere other than his own home without your permission unless he is refusing to return home. In that case the family offering him a place to stay is enabling him and that's a problem.
Re: New and Hopefully Ahead of CPS
Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 7:50 pm
Thank you for your reply.
I'll try to explain more.
It's my boyfriend's son right now who is 17. He got in an argument with his Dad about back talking to me (I brought it to his dad's attention that his son said he hoped the family dog died from something he wasn't supposed to eat and dog's don't have any feelings in front of his little sister) and then started back talking to his dad. I didn't hear much else because I had taken our daughter out of the room and into our bedroom.
So his son took off and we didn't know where he went but he wrote to his dad on FB a few times. He said he was trying to find a place to sleep every night, had been wearing the same clothes for a week, and didn't trust his dad to not hurt him if he came back.
Then this woman comes by the house. She says the boy has been staying with her the past week and half and would like to pick up some clothes for him since he has been wearing her son's clothes. (Previously my boyfriend had told his son if he wanted to get anything from the house he could wait until he was home.) She goes on about how his dad is financially responsible for him and I told her we understood this. Then she says how she is a nurse and has contacted CPS and DHS.
I didn't ask her what about because I already assumed it was because she felt he was not being provided for.
So she is a mandatory reporter. She asked if the boy was not allowed to come home and I said he knows he can come back anytime but he has to follow the rules (no drug use, go to every class, get homework done, ask permission before going anywhere or bringing friends home, be respectful to others). She also said CPS or DHS had told her to come talk to us about financial responsibility. She finally left and I realized she hadn't given me her name or number. In further messages from his son he say that he can't help us with our drug use???He says his dad came at him in an aggressive way during their argument. He said he tried to help us but can't and just hopes things eventually get better.
Where is he coming from on all this???His dad has never been aggressive with him! If anything the kid never gets consequences from his dad. Doesn't matter what his son does. If he breaks rules anywhere his dad thinks having a talk with him will straighten him out. Where is he getting these ideas? He is on drugs and not us. We don't even have to prove it. He's gotten in trouble for it not too long ago.
My fear is I did do drugs a very long time ago and have a criminal record with over 6 felonies. I completed treatment and haven't had a conviction in over 13 years. I also have a long mental health record. CPS could easily use that against me. My bigger fear is for our daughter. She is only 4. I would nearly die if she was ever taken from me. The only thing that would keep me moving and slightly sane would be to get her back. I know CPS usually starts investigating for one thing and then decides they have found dozens of other issues. I try to not think to much about why his son is saying these things. I don't feel I really have time for it now that CPS has been called. I'm trying to keep my stress level down as much as possible because I don't want to upset my daughter or disrupt her routine but sometimes I get really scared that my control on my emotions is slipping.
My boyfriend isn't in the same boat as me right now. Because it's his son and he loves him it's like he is in a daze of non action. He can't understand how his son can say these things. I care about his son but don't love him the way his dad does of course. I'm thinking of what I need to do to protect my family from him and CPS.
I hope this explains things better and didn't cause more confusion. Please ask if you need more clarification about anything. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe CPS will let this be one of the cases they ignore or don't follow up on? I am curious to know more about the family enabling him to stay away from home? Would is still be enabling if she believes the lies my boyfriend's son tells her? She makes the report in good faith right?
Re: New and Hopefully Ahead of CPS
Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 12:49 pm
First of all, don't panic. The boy is 17 and CPS has almost no interest in interfering with a child of that age. They may decide not to investigate because of that.
Second, people who use drugs often get their children returned to them once they're done with rehab. They may decide not to hold your past against you.
How long has it been since this report was made to CPS? Has CPS contacted you at all yet?
The nurse who has your son may be just looking for money either through child support or foster care funding. Give her some child support money and hope she's happy and will stay away.
Fortunately this boy is 17 and your child support commitment will end when he's 18.
I suspect he told lies to the woman about you and your husband being the drug users, and then had to mention this over the phone so she would believe his false stories... in case she was listening to his side of the conversation.