What Can I Do To Reunite My Family

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carjag152
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What Can I Do To Reunite My Family

Postby carjag152 » Sun Jun 26, 2005 6:46 pm

On Monday of this past week, a CPS agent and a police officer came to my home. I was out and the kids were at their grandparents' house. The CPS agent refudes to tell my husband anything. She gave him her number and asked me to call. Thinking this was my ex-husband starting his tricks up again, I called her on Tuesday and was told to come into her office with my 12 year old daughter. I was totally blown away with the story that my daughter had told a friend that my husband had molested her and that friend's parent had called CPS. I was directed to remove all of my children from the house and that the police would be out immediately to interview my husband. I was also told that if I did not remove the kids from my home I would also be charged with endangerment and they would then take the kids. So now the kids have spent the whole week with my parents, not able to come home and guess what? No investigators, no police not even a phone call from the CPS caseworker. I am in Indiana and was just wondering if they have a time limit in which they are required to make their move. How long must I keep my family separated? Do I have any recourse in this at all?
And just for the record, I confronted my husband. For a little background you should know that he has battled depression and alcohol abuse his entire life. My daughter did say that this abuse only happened when he was extremely drunk and happened only 3-4 times. I am not trying to make light of this in any way-- I am a survivor of abuse myself and would never try to slighten her pain. But after talking with her she has stated she knows her dad would never do this if he were not drunk. She loves her dad and is emotionally a wreck at having the family torn apart. He states he has no memory of these events. He got physically sick while talking to me and has said that while he doesn't remember any of it, he will believe our daughter and suffer whatever consequences come his way.
I got my daughter into a psychologist on Wednesday and myself and my husband to counselors on Friday. My husband has requested alcohol treatment as well, and has also started taking medication for his depression.
Being a survivor of abuse myself I know it is possible for my family to be healed. Intense counseling saved my family growing up and I know that since my husband is willing and eager for help we can do it too. Just wondering if any of this is going to be looked at in a positive way by CPS or are we fighting a losing battle? Any help or suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

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Dazeemay
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Postby Dazeemay » Sun Jun 26, 2005 7:11 pm

You are at least taking the right steps for getting help but, you need to know that you can place your children under the guardian ship of your parents.

http://forum.fightcps.com/viewtopic.php?t=1103

This explains how to protect the children. Be sure your parents will give them back and not contest you for them. This is very touchy because cps can get to the parents and turn things against you. But, it is better than having them in cps hands and you fighting cps along with your other woes.

What are the ages of the other children?
**********************************
This is not legal advice;hopefully wisdom

To put it in simple terms…when the authorities ARE the perpetrators and the perpetrators ARE the authorities, there is no earthly justice or recourse, at the end of the day (unless the American people wake up).

Therefore, those who have achieved the highest levels of power seek to ‘enjoy’ the most grievous and extreme injustices. For many of those in the highest circles of power, the greatest statement of power is to perpetrate the greatest possible injustice…the savage, brutal traumatization and abuse of an innocent child.
http://themurkynews.blogspot.com/ MattTwoFour

"Ultimately, the law is only as good as the judge" --- D.X. Yue, 2005, in "law, reason and judicial fraud"
http://www.parentalrightsandjustice.com/index.cgi?ctype=Page;site_id=1;objid=45;curloc=Site:1

carjag152
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Postby carjag152 » Sun Jun 26, 2005 7:31 pm

Thanks so much for answering so quickly!! My children are-- girls 12 and 16 and boys 7 and 8. My parents already have POA of the girls due to an illness I was battling. They took the girls to help out while I was recovering. The oldest still lives with my parents by choice ( she didn't want to have to share a room with her sister) but the 12 year old just moved back with us in March and is terrified she will be taken away permenantly. She loves her stepfather so much and want us all to be together again. I know my parents will have no problem with giving the kids back but they most likely won't take the boys. They are so hyper and active that my parents just can't handle them for long periods at their age. My only option with the boys would be to send them to live with my ex-husband who would never give them back. I know the state will probably bring my husband up on charges and he will probably do jail time. But I know we could heal with the right combination of counseling and support. The separation of our family by the state would cause much more damage to our family than the abuse has caused. Thanks for you help. I knew I would find support if I only looked hard enough.

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Dazeemay
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Postby Dazeemay » Sun Jun 26, 2005 7:40 pm

Do you have a trusted friend or friends?

What about other relatives?
**********************************
This is not legal advice;hopefully wisdom

To put it in simple terms…when the authorities ARE the perpetrators and the perpetrators ARE the authorities, there is no earthly justice or recourse, at the end of the day (unless the American people wake up).

Therefore, those who have achieved the highest levels of power seek to ‘enjoy’ the most grievous and extreme injustices. For many of those in the highest circles of power, the greatest statement of power is to perpetrate the greatest possible injustice…the savage, brutal traumatization and abuse of an innocent child.
http://themurkynews.blogspot.com/ MattTwoFour

"Ultimately, the law is only as good as the judge" --- D.X. Yue, 2005, in "law, reason and judicial fraud"
http://www.parentalrightsandjustice.com/index.cgi?ctype=Page;site_id=1;objid=45;curloc=Site:1

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good dad
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Postby good dad » Mon Jun 27, 2005 7:07 am

As far as CPS is concerned...You are fighting a losing battle..especially if he admitted it to the police or cps that it happened more then 1 time, they will say you support your husband more then your kids and are willing to leave them in harms way instead of protecting them :(

A judge may see it differently, but it will take a long time in therapy and classes/hoops to jump through before you begin to change his mind even...

I think the best route to take is divorce your husband and distance yourself from him....CPS and the courts will probably accept no less then that..

You must be a very forgiving person..It happened 3-4 times???.

I'd be in jail for taking a baseball bat to him, but that is just my opinion
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carjag152
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Postby carjag152 » Mon Jun 27, 2005 11:17 am

Spoke with CPS today... was told that since I have separated my husband and the kids they are no longer involved. They have turned everything over to the police, so now we just wait for the judicial system to do it's job.
I think you have the wrong impression---I am not a very forgiving person. But I lived the sexual abuse life for thirteen years myself as a child along with an abusive 1st marriage. I know what my daughter is going through. I also know that my husband would not knowingly or intentionally harm any of my children. He does however have a severe problem with depression and alcoholism. I learned with my 1st husband that an alcoholic will not accept help or even the fact there is a problem until he hits his bottom. My husband is physically repulsed at the accusations against him. But he is a much better man than many in that he is willing to go through hell and back to take responsibility for what has happened and make amends to my daughter and the rest of the family.
The person who molested me went through 5 years of intense therapy and counseling and we now have a wonderful relationship. We worked through the horror and found the light at the end of the tunnel. I believe we all make mistakes in our lives some big and some little. The point is to learn from those mistakes, seek help when needed and strive everyday to be a better person. I also believe that people should be given a second chance. Especially if they are willing to do whatever it takes to atone for their crimes.
Just my opinion but if you spend all your time refusing to forgive others, what makes you think anyone will forgive you when you do something wrong? Just living life can drain all of a person's energy. Who has the engery or will left over to hate someone forever.

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Dazeemay
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Postby Dazeemay » Mon Jun 27, 2005 12:02 pm

Spoke with CPS today... was told that since I have separated my husband and the kids they are no longer involved.
Do not believe this....I would ask them for documented proof and that your name has not been entered into the central registry.

You could simply say, "do to the nature of your circumstances you need to give a notarized statement saying that cps is no longer involved and that your name is not on the central registry. You need to also have copies of the case file they started on you and that the case is closed and make them notarize these also.

If they are not willing to do this then you know that they are waiting for the right opportunity to spring on you again. You need to tell your children they are not to talk to anyone without you present. You are going to have to protect your children when they go to school this fall.

You need to read everything on this site to better arm yourself.

They are not to be trusted. Once you are in their files it does not prevent them from coming at you years later.

As far as Good_Dad he is a very gentle person. You must realize that this is a haenous crime against children even though your husbands alcohol contributed to it.
**********************************
This is not legal advice;hopefully wisdom

To put it in simple terms…when the authorities ARE the perpetrators and the perpetrators ARE the authorities, there is no earthly justice or recourse, at the end of the day (unless the American people wake up).

Therefore, those who have achieved the highest levels of power seek to ‘enjoy’ the most grievous and extreme injustices. For many of those in the highest circles of power, the greatest statement of power is to perpetrate the greatest possible injustice…the savage, brutal traumatization and abuse of an innocent child.
http://themurkynews.blogspot.com/ MattTwoFour

"Ultimately, the law is only as good as the judge" --- D.X. Yue, 2005, in "law, reason and judicial fraud"
http://www.parentalrightsandjustice.com/index.cgi?ctype=Page;site_id=1;objid=45;curloc=Site:1

Dan Sullivan
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Postby Dan Sullivan » Mon Jun 27, 2005 1:42 pm

[quote="carjag152"]Spoke with CPS today... was told that since I have separated my husband and the kids they are no longer involved. They have turned everything over to the police, so now we just wait for the judicial system to do it's job.
[/quote]

CPS is gonna close a sexual abuse case in a week?

I don't think so.

The stepfather is gonna be indicated by CPS for SA.

And CPS is gonna keep the case open to see what new evidence come to light.

Your entire focus should be on what's best for your children... and that's living with you and counseling.

If CPS thinks your husband is anything more than dead to you, you're looking for trouble.

Best, Dan

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mouse50595
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Postby mouse50595 » Mon Jun 27, 2005 8:05 pm

thank you good dad, you said everything that was on my mind basically but i am sure that you said it much better...my oldest daughter was molested by my ex hubby and i would rather see him rot than anything, not because of what he did to me, but to her and i would like to see the d.h.s. workers rot too for not believing me that my daughter was touched in the wrong way until she grabbed her foster father's privates...that is a subject all in itself that just ticks me off...i was told a long time ago, men and women for that fact wont change, not now and not a year from now and i believed with my whole heart that my ex would change for the sake of our family, he didnt and that was with in home counseling with him, me and my babies...so please, please take time to pay attention to just your babies and know that you can move on with a man that would be only too lucky to be with you and your children...and whatever you do, do not ever, ever tell your child that you dont believe her, she took so much courage to tell someone which is what we instill in kids and it would be like you are punishing her for something that you have told her to do...i wish you lots of luck and that you give your babies lots and lots of kisses and hugs everyday...melissa
In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero,I am strong and wise and I know no fear but the truth is plain to see, she was sent to rescue me, I see who I want to be, in my daughter's eyes.
Martina Mc Bride

carjag152
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Postby carjag152 » Tue Jun 28, 2005 4:36 am

I truly appreciate everyone's input and help. I am not critizing anyone or ignoring anything just because it is not what I want to hear. I will take your advise and asked for written proof that they have stopped the case and also will ask for copies of the case file.
Don't ever believe for a second that I would put my children in harm's way or not believe my daughter. I do believe her. And everyone in the family is now in counseling. Thanks so much for all of your suggestions.

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good dad
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Postby good dad » Tue Jun 28, 2005 5:33 am

car...
I was not trying to put you down, I was just stating how cps and the court will reflect on your handling of the situation. If you haven't already, don't tell cps that you were sexually abused.

They will use it against you, as they beleive, one who was abused will look the other way when abuse happens
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My advice is my opinion and not legal advice

*********************

A bad lawyer is worse then no lawyer and bad advice is worse then no advice....

plrgrl
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Postby plrgrl » Tue Jun 28, 2005 8:08 am

Just curious, when the Social Worker told you that the case was closed, did they ask where your husband was residing? I'm not exactly clear on where your husband is living at this time.

I am a CPS investigator and just a few suggestions:

1. Your husband may want to see if he can enter a residential treatment facility, this way your children can return to your home while he gets help.

2. Document all of the treatment and services that you pursue for your child, in case CPS doesn't close the case or a new report is made, you can easily prove to the Social Worker/officer that you have taken the appropriate steps to support your daugter.

3. Do not allow contact between your daughter and your husband at all until her therapist recommends it in writing-if you do, you can almost guarentee a new report will be made and your family will be investigated again. Just b/c he may not be arrested or charged will not be considered a factor by CPS if the case is re-opened. May not seem fair to some but I'm being honest.

You may also want to consult with your therapist about allowing contact between your husband and your other children even if they were not victims (BTW-did the detective/social workers interview your other kids?).

4. Absolutley request in writing, on letterhead, a letter detailing the date the report was received, what the allegations were, who they were made against, what the finding of the allegations were, what the status of the case is, and the date that the case was closed or that the case status was changed. I don't know where you live, some agencies automatically do this, some don't and you need to clearly request what it is you need.

I agree with you that your family can be healed with supportive services. Just because someone engages in inappropriate sexual contact with a minor does not make them a pedophile. It sounds like you believe and support your daugter and ultimately, this is what is most important to children when they make these types of disclosures. Best of luck to you and your family.

Heartbrokenmom/wife
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DO NOT EVER BELIEVE WHAT INDIANA CPS TELLS YOU.....

Postby Heartbrokenmom/wife » Mon Jul 18, 2005 1:38 pm

I also reside in the same state as you. And am in a simular situation. Please read my story posted on this forum.
In short, my X accused my current husband of molesting my 11 yr old daughter. My current husband NEVER touched her in an inapproate manner. In a deposition & in my husband's court trial my daughter told everyone that my current husband "Didn't do nothin'". My husband was found "Not Guilty" by a criminal Judge in February of this year. And the state of Indiana still won't reunite me with my children! The court appointed "Phsy." in my case, has said that "If I don't divorce my husband, I will be lucky if the courts will even allow me Parenting Time with my children". According to my council, the chances of me ever getting my children back are slim to none because in the civil courts eyes I chose my husband over my daughter. Even though he was found NOT GUILTY, there was NO evidence against him, and my daughter admitted that he never did anything to her! My final court date is August 31st, 2005. Good luck with your case and always remember you can't believe or trust anyone from CPS, Family Services or our judicial system, they all LIE.
Sincerely Yours, Heartbrokenmom/wife

"The only thing that allows evil to prevail is for good people to do or say nothing!"

"Lets unite for "United we stand & devided we fall!"

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Dazeemay
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Postby Dazeemay » Mon Jul 18, 2005 2:50 pm

According to my council, the chances of me ever getting my children back are slim to none because in the civil courts eyes I chose my husband over my daughter
What kind of council is that....sounds like to me that they do not want to do their homework.

Like all of us you have to find case laws to support your decision; quote your amendment rights etc and show the council his/her job or fire them.

You did no wrong and you need to prove it to these criminals.
**********************************
This is not legal advice;hopefully wisdom

To put it in simple terms…when the authorities ARE the perpetrators and the perpetrators ARE the authorities, there is no earthly justice or recourse, at the end of the day (unless the American people wake up).

Therefore, those who have achieved the highest levels of power seek to ‘enjoy’ the most grievous and extreme injustices. For many of those in the highest circles of power, the greatest statement of power is to perpetrate the greatest possible injustice…the savage, brutal traumatization and abuse of an innocent child.
http://themurkynews.blogspot.com/ MattTwoFour

"Ultimately, the law is only as good as the judge" --- D.X. Yue, 2005, in "law, reason and judicial fraud"
http://www.parentalrightsandjustice.com/index.cgi?ctype=Page;site_id=1;objid=45;curloc=Site:1

Heartbrokenmom/wife
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Postby Heartbrokenmom/wife » Tue Jul 19, 2005 6:20 am

I can't fire my council. She is the only council I have left! No one else will take my case and this is why. The state of Indiana made a terriable mistake by giving my children to my X. For you see 6 1\2 years ago when my X tried this the first time, the same judge deemed him an alcholic, drug addict, liarer, & unfit to visit his children without supervision. She didn't do her home work! That is why my children are not with me today. When I have my day in court (August 31), my council does plan to ask this so called "judge" just what exactly it was she was thinking when she gave my children to him, after she herself found him to be UNFIT! I have no choice but to give up the legal fight (no one wins againgt the state government!) but I will GO PUBLIC! All government workers, no matter what their position, unify in order to justify their jobs (their all liars)! I do not ever want anyone to go through what my family & I have gone through over the past year and a half.
Sincerely Yours, Heartbrokenmom/wife



"The only thing that allows evil to prevail is for good people to do or say nothing!"



"Lets unite for "United we stand & devided we fall!"

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good dad
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Postby good dad » Tue Jul 19, 2005 3:24 pm

I have no choice but to give up the legal fight (no one wins againgt the state government!)


I had a public attorney, fired her, hired another and found she got nothing more done...Her advice was to sign over physical custody to another relative, then in a few months(after cps was out of the picture) take them to family court and fight them for custody back..

I refused and fired her to fight them on my own, I fired her the day of my trial, when CPS found out I was fighting them with no attorney and some of the points to my side of the case, They caved and gave me my daughter...

If I would have listened to my attorney, I woulda signed away my rights....Attorneys are a waste of time, learn the laws and fight them yourself and NEVER GIVE UP...You can beat the state government...And it is easier WITHOUT a lawyer..Lawyers want a case to drag on and stay on your payroll..

Like CPS's wanting to string things out to keep the money rolling in, your lawyer does the same....

CPS's lawyers have hundreds of cases each, they make several small and several big mistakes in each case. Being your own lawyer, you have only 1 case to research, document the facts, file motions, find these mistakes and show how the law supports your side of the case...CPS acts like if you won't fight for your kids and just give up...You probably don't deserve them anyway...

Don't give them the satisfaction...Learn the laws and take the fight TO them :wink:
*********************

My advice is my opinion and not legal advice

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A bad lawyer is worse then no lawyer and bad advice is worse then no advice....

FormerCPSsocialworker
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You need to divorce your husband

Postby FormerCPSsocialworker » Thu Aug 04, 2005 10:55 pm

Alcohol intoxication is no excuse for molesting a child. Period. This man has some severe issues, and you are a fool if you want to "save" your marriage to him.

Personally, I think you deserve to lose your kids, and I will be praying for that to happen.

Guest

Postby Guest » Fri Aug 05, 2005 7:13 am

I want no part of this forum
Last edited by Guest on Sat Oct 22, 2005 8:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

Momoffor
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Postby Momoffor » Fri Aug 05, 2005 7:55 am

I have to say I agree with former and James.

He is pulling the wool over your eyes by even suggesting it was the drink that did it. In the subconscious.

sedwards
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Postby sedwards » Fri Aug 05, 2005 9:35 pm

i am a mother of four children and i was molested when i was a child and my daughter was molested in foster care. any mother that satnds behind a man that will hurt there child is crasy . That is your child and no way alcohol is a excuse at all . he is sick and needs help and does not need to be around your daughter at all think of her . she will turn on you beleave me . ypu need to be there for her not him .. Dont let this man around your child at all if you love her stand by her .. she is hurting and proabably not telling you cause shes sees your helping him .. help her please . youll loose her for good not only by cps but by her trust ..

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mrsmac
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Postby mrsmac » Sat Aug 06, 2005 10:34 am

We have 2 adult neighbours who were abused by one of their parents and the other parent did not defend them or help. One was abused by his father, the other by his mother.

One is now a severe alcoholic with dependancy issues and the other is an angry, violent, pill addict. It is extremely sad.

Our childrens future is in our hands. :idea:

LovePoet
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I was abused also.

Postby LovePoet » Sun Aug 14, 2005 4:45 am

My moms boyfriends used to beat me, also my cousin Pete was molesting me when I was around 4 or 5. I remember it vividly all of it. I do believe in patterns. I also know that we who were abused can choose to stop those patterns. When I was in foster care I was molested as well as abused verbally and mentally. Then when my mom married my Sisters dad it went back to emotional, physical, and mental abuse. I chose not to let these things get in my way. Yet now it feels like I have to prove I am no danger to my kids when I have no violent charges against me from when I was younger or even as an adult. Hell at the fall of my marriage I became a youth volunteer. I helped troubled teens and taught them things, like how to shoot pool helped them with their homework. That sort of stuff. I'm not sure exactly what to do or how to do it.


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