Please help if you can

[[email protected]]

Hi.

I just joined the forum recently and would like to introduce myself.

My four kids ages 14, 9, 7 and 2 were stolen by CPS on October 3, 2005.

prior to the kids being taken, I had been in an abusive marriage for about 14 years. I had gotten a restraining order on my husband in May.

After the restraining order I let the kids visit my adoptive Mom out in California where she tried to legally steal my kids by filing for guardianship. The state of California wouldn't let her have them. They told her that she could have to do the guardianship thing out in the state of North Carolina.

My adoptive Mom who is a very verbally abusive person herself got angry with me for getting the restraining order on my husband. She tried to get me to drop the investigation/charges on him but I refused to do this. From there the problems skyrocketed.

Within about a week after returning the kids to me in North Carolina against her wishes, she sent a Sheriff out looking for me since she hadn't spoken with me in about a week. I explained to the Sheriff that I had been out shopping at Walmart with the kids. After only a few minutes the Sheriff left.

It turns out that my now ex-husband had been in contact with my adoptive Mom while they were with her in California. He had helped formulate the plan for her to try and keep the kids in California even though it didn't work.

Anyway, she or my ex-husband must have contacted DSS/CPS.



They didn't like the friend I had back then who is now my husband.






One day DSS showed up at my house on a day that I was working. My friend was there at the house watching the kids. I guess My Mom or their dad had fed the Dept. of Social Services quite a lot. I had just moved into the house about a week before the kids had arrived so I hadn't had time to unpack everything or get everything in order. The social worker gave me five hours to clean everything up and said that she would be back. I managed to get things cleaned up and the kids regular beds set up by the time she came back. She gave me a big lecture and told me not to leave the kids with my friend again. I

I don't have any family out here in North Carolina. One of the reasons that my ex-husband and I left California and moved out here in the first place was that my adoptive parents wouldn't leave us alone. They were control freaks. My first husband and I really never had much of a life cause they were always interfering.

Anyway, my adoptive mom and then husband kept calling DSS and saying who knows what. There came a time where I didn't have child care one time and had to end up having my friend watch the kids since I had to work and still didn't know people.

I'm a nurse and at that time was doing home care. I even took the kids with me on quite a few occasions.

Eventually the kids got taken. Whoever kept calling Social Services must have given a real good story.

The main reason they were taken was supposedly inadequate supervision but DSS has a way of making things look very different.

I have been trying to get my kids back for over a year. I have a steady job, a three bedroom place which DSS already approved etc.

My first husband was an abusive person and neglected the kids and I. That's one of the ways I met my second husband who used to live next door to the kids and I. He witnessed a lot of incidents between my ex husband and myself and kids.

DSS doesn't want me to be around anybody. They told me not to have the kids around my friend on the visits which I've done a good job complying with aside from a few incidents. One was at the mall where somebody kept following the kids and I. The man didn't speak much English. I speak some Spanish but not that much so I called my then boyfriend (My first husband and I had gotten a divorce) who speaks fluent Spanish so that he could come to the mall and talk to the guy. He came over and told the guy to leave us alone and it worked. He followed us to McDonalds and then stayed and ate to make sure that the other guy hadn't followed us.

My ex- husband has been getting more abusive with the kids on visits. In fact, the kids didn't want to see the kids for a usual visit a few weeks ago so they didn't go. Instead my 14 year old daughter called her Dad who verbally attacked her on the phone and by the end of the phone conversation she was crying. Here is the poem.

The Dad That Turned Away

By April Youngblood


Oh, to know finally, I'd actually have a father who'd turn away from me,
I thought he was a real dad, until he turned away from me.
What sort of father is he, to just turn away from me?
Telling me he's done fighting us, what kind of father is he?
I know I've been in foster care for over a whole year,
learning to appreciate my family, of what to me is dear,
trying to make new friends, and to them, myself endear,
when I'd get sad, I'd think, I've got a family right here.
But then, we called my Dad, a few nights before Christmas Day,
to be honest, I just wanted to call him up, say "Hey."
But then he said, I'll never again bother you, won't make you fret or fray,
I hung up the phone, thinking of the dad that actually turned away.
I thought of dad's disowning us, tears streaming down my face,
thinking it was my fault, that I was some sort of disgrace,
Then I thought, Dad isn't and will never be my base.
Right at this moment, I'm continuing life at my individual pace.
Every night, I lay in bed and lift my hands and pray,
that my faith and hope will forever stay,
and not leave, as they may,
like my father, with no explanation, who just up and turned away.
I'm living my life, in spite of the fact that he's gone,
I'm continuing my life, I am just moving on,
maybe I didn't really have a father all along,
I know in my heart, I'll always have a family,
non matter how small or complex it may be,
nothing will stop life, nor will it stp me,
thought I have a father who turned away from me.
Oh, to know, finally, that my dad actually turned away from me,
doesn't anger me that much, he's got the problem, not me.
Well, that's all there is to it, really, but now I truly see, my life will go on, though my father turned away from me.

Social Services told me to live separately from my boyfriend which I was doing and am still doing. He is my husband now but techically lives with his brother.

Anyway, the kids were with me on Christmas break. I had gotten them about a day before I had expected them. They were supposed to be with me on Friday but I found out on the spur of the moment on their visit on Thursday (usually the visit is on Wednesday but had been on a different day due to a Christmas party) and there wasn't much I could do. I was scheduled to pick up a paycheck on Thursdsay and I had planned to finish the Christmas shopping before the kids got there but things didn't go like that. Well, I didn't know what else to do except call my husband at his brother's house where he was staying to go to the mall and get my daughters Christmas present which was a guitar and also some of the other kids gifts since obviously there wasn't really a way for me to pick up the gifts without the kids finding out what they were getting. The other other incident was the day that I picked up my husbands new registration for the car and he had come up to put it on his car. Well, the social worker somehow found out about this and made a big deal. She also mentioned that she had received a fax regarding the marriage and that she was suspending my unsupervised visitation with the kids and that I could visit the kids at the agency but that was about it.

This case worker only met me a week before my last court date. She doesn't know a whole lot about the case except what she reads or what she hears. I'd sure like to see a copy of the report DSS has on me.

I've had quite a few social workers and none of them have really worked with me on my family services plan. In fact, I don't even have a copy of the last plan.

The social worker said I've been in direct violation of a court order and that she wants to get the case back in court ASAP.

I'm hoping they don't terminate my parental rights or stop the plans for reunification.

I have a court-appointed attorney. He told me that sometimes you get to a point where you have done about everything you can do and then you just have to wait.

DSS definitely isn't doing their job. About the only thing they seem to be doing is looking for things to complain about so that they can just accuse and not work.

Does anybody have any ideas?

Oh, by the way. The reason DSS gives for not wanting my husband around the kids is inappropriate discipline. He had spanked my son a few times but has since been to a parenting class. That's nothing compared to what the kids went through with their dad. I've been to parenting classes too and both my husband and I learned new discipline techniques. I wish they would stop using the excuses towards my husband and give he and I the tools we need. The kids told me they aren't afraid of my now husband anymore. I think that a lot of people tend to copy some of the things like spanking that they endured as kids until they find alternative ways. I've had a Sheriff and social workers say spanking was okay but the same people will be two faced and call it abuse if somebody else does it.

The kids and I are a lot closer than we used to be.

However, I'm very worried. The social service people seem to be allowing my ex-husband to continue to mistreat the kids but they won't allow my new husband the opportunity to participate in any problems so that they can stop making excuses.

I think the kids would have a good family life if DSS wouldn't be so stubborn. Sometimes I think that they just want they money they get every month for my four kids.

I have an appointment with my attorney today and it kind of worries me. I'm worried that he's going to stop working with me on my case since he told me to not have the kids around my husband on visits since they social services can just use that as an excuse no matter if the excuses are valid or not.

Please write back to me.

I'm thinking about seeking another attorney. My attorney was court appointed and I don't know if he's really trying to help me or not.

Ashermarie3

[Dazeemay]

If you go to this forum on the site it has many of the answers you need. There will be a lot of reading and it would be best if you copy pasted your story and put it on this forum because this is where all the action is.

http://forum.fightcps.com/viewforum.php?f=2

I have two questions for you.

First what a wonderful poem your daughter wrote.

1. Reading your daughters name am I assuming too much by stating that your family is of Indian heritage?

If you are of Indian heritage are you listed with a tribe?

I would try Legal Aide for your children. They might give you the run around, but it is worth the effort. The American Bar Association says they are suppose to work with the children.

Here is a link to read and give to them.

http://forum.fightcps.com/viewtopic.php?t=2414

You are right about the money. They get big bucks for any child they can keep in foster care.

They are headed to terminating your rights, so you must get on the ball and do a lot of reading. Have your new husband help you with this.

There is a lot you need to learn about them and how they operate. You especially need to read their manual and quote that back to them for all of their infractions.

They know you don't know anything and that is why they can do what they do. You must become knowledgeable to their ways.

You will receive more help on the link I gave you.

[pebbles04]

when it comes down to this...well let me see...what dazeemay is saying is the truth...they are not trying to bring you guys back together..they are trying to sabotage you...they are planning on keeping those four kids. You got to fight fire with fire. Why do I knwo this...cuz what you just said minus the husband part is almost identical to mine. They were telling the courts all the time that they were making the efforts to help me with the plan..they werent. That does not come as any surprise to me..they dont help no one..they lie...

I spoke to my mom the other day..due to the fact that she has done a lot of research on this kind of thing as well as become a licensed volunteer GAL and she told me that social services can put whatever they want into the file because 9 times out of 10 the judge does not read the file nor do they read the info provided to support the case and the things mentioned.

I had a worker that decided that she was going to be a rude conniving jerk and take my kids over personal issues. When this occurred she thought that she was slick because she wrote in the reports what she thought and not what she knew. So when it was passed onto to the foster care worker the woman only read the information provided. And so she based her opinion off of what she read that the lady had entered in about me. Then when that lady quit she had put her 2 cent worth on what she thought as well and the new foster care worker was given a run down of how the prior worker and foster care worker percieved things. Still no facts to back it up. And she based her opinion off of the things she read to. She never looked at documents to otherwise counteract what they were saying. So you see I know what you are going through. But yes my mom found out that the only thing that the judge pays attention to are like the ERO..the PPO and the presentation that she/he is given during the court proceedings.

Save everything and document everything. Down to the phone call. Dont let anyone steer you wrong. They will act like your friends..believe me..read my other post..you will see...very similar situation. But regardless keep your head up and make sure that your stuff is submitted..dont give up..long and hard battle but fight it..it is worth it in the end. I lost my kids but I am still not giving up.

But they are definately after your kids to adopt and they are definately by the sounds of it not heading towards reunification..so be strong and get done what you got to.

[Momoffor]

The thing that already raises a red flag on this is the fact that they took a 13 year old for lack of supervision? Was the 13 year old mentally unable to care for herself or be left alone? How long were the younger children left for? Were they ever alone or always had supervision? Any times that the younger ones were left with the 14 year old overnight? This just doesnt add up that they can claim lack of supervision and take the kids on that alone.
By the looks of reading the post about your current husband, they got you on failure to protect in there too. You really need to get a copy of your case file and the investigation file and find out what is going on.

In my case they tried saying that a child with adhd is a harm to himself and others and therefore not mentally capable of caring for himself much less someone else. Unfortunatly, once the investigation is completed you only have a certain amount of days to file an appeal of the decision. Here its 90 days. You need to find out what the appeal limitations are in the state where you live, get a copy of your case files and investigation file and find out what it is you are up against.

Finally, I do have to admit that I got really confussed about which husband you got the restraining order on. =/ ...

Is there a restraining order on the current husband? and is it court ordered that he stay away from the kids? (sorry if you said that and I missed it somewhere)

[Dan Sullivan]

What was CPS' problem with your friend, now your husband?

Best, Dan