Foster Parents are also subjected to CPS Harrassment

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ExFosterMom
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Foster Parents are also subjected to CPS Harrassment

Postby ExFosterMom » Fri Mar 24, 2006 8:08 pm

Though many may view this ex foster mom as part of the CPS "problem" I can tell you first hand -- many foster parents truly go into it to HELP families and children who are being destroyed by CPS. When ignorant social workers, hiding behind flawed policy, take children from their birth homes, it's the foster parents who are there to take care of them until they can be returned. You hear about LOTS of bad foster homes. But there are many more good ones where kids really are loved and nurtured until they return to you. Be careful about blaming foster parents for what the government/CPS did to you. They are taking care of your child, after all. And the "bad" foster homes you are hearing about may be getting falsely accused just like you have been. I am not talking about foster homes where physical abuse has occured. That's an outrage and should be punished.

My story...I was one of those "helping" foster parents. I never said no to a child that CPS placed "in need". I opened my home, my heart, and my checkbook to help these kids and families through a very difficult time. I worked closely with the birth families in caring for their children.

The thanks I got - CPS allegations of neglect of a child in my care. A child I loved and really worked with to help him while he was away from his birth mom. Somehow a judge went along with it - I don't know how CPS hoo-doos these judges. They're all in it together. Now my whole life has been destroyed because I reached out trying to help kids and families. You can relate.

What's worse - the kid has been jerked away from his own mother. And now his foster mother, too. He'd been living with me for 20 months and was adjusted well, considering. He had formed a bond after that much time. Then CPS yanked and tossed him into another foster home with strangers. This time not even allowed to see the foster mother, since I didn't have the right to visit that his birth mom has. Poor child. I fear he'll never trust anyone again. My heart is broken for him.

Of course the birth family is outraged. I would be, too, if my child was supposedly neglected by a foster parent. What they don't understand is that foster parents get the same treatment (or worse because they aren't protected by the same rights birth families have) by CPS. DON'T automatically assume the foster family is guilty - they might be treated just as unfairly as you have been.

I joined this group to find information on how others are fighting the government which will destroy NOT ONLY birth parents, but caring foster parents as well. And grandparents, other relatives who are caring for children. We all need to stop this from happening.

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good dad
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Postby good dad » Fri Mar 24, 2006 9:40 pm

Hi ....Welcome to the board

Your one of the first I remember joining from the fostercare side.

I hope we can gain some knowledge from your perspective of the system... :wink:
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My advice is my opinion and not legal advice
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A bad lawyer is worse then no lawyer and bad advice is worse then no advice....

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Dazeemay
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Postby Dazeemay » Fri Mar 24, 2006 9:50 pm

Welcome to the board and I am sorry you have to be here under these circumstances.

I have only read, since I have been on the board, of one other foster mom who was accused as you were. One thing I know from reading the foster mom's site of those who had been accused was that they were all the good foster moms. Just like we are all good parents.

We all know for a fact that our children have been abused by the foster parent.

We could not prove ours, but just last night our 12 yr old granddaughter after being home since Nov. spoke of an incident the foster mother did to her. As a family we are all appalled and angry. Little by little she is telling us what has happened during those 9 months of being away from home.
**********************************
This is not legal advice;hopefully wisdom

To put it in simple terms…when the authorities ARE the perpetrators and the perpetrators ARE the authorities, there is no earthly justice or recourse, at the end of the day (unless the American people wake up).

Therefore, those who have achieved the highest levels of power seek to ‘enjoy’ the most grievous and extreme injustices. For many of those in the highest circles of power, the greatest statement of power is to perpetrate the greatest possible injustice…the savage, brutal traumatization and abuse of an innocent child.
http://themurkynews.blogspot.com/ MattTwoFour

"Ultimately, the law is only as good as the judge" --- D.X. Yue, 2005, in "law, reason and judicial fraud"
http://www.parentalrightsandjustice.com/index.cgi?ctype=Page;site_id=1;objid=45;curloc=Site:1

ExFosterMom
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Foster parents abusing kids

Postby ExFosterMom » Fri Mar 24, 2006 10:39 pm

I'm so sorry to hear that. It's hard for me (a softie for any child) to imagine that someone would abuse a child that they supposedly took into their home in order to protect it. Someone else's child -- someone who is not there to protect it themselves. Had CPS done their job in checking on these foster homes regularly, developing good relationships with the children and talking to them regularly, this could not have happened.

When bad people are allowed to call themselves "foster parents" it causes CPS to get more and more zealous to take unreasonable action against the small problems that can happen in foster homes. Foster parents are human, too, and not without the same errors that any parent sometimes can make. But instead of helping to fix a small problem, CPS has now taken on the stance that bouncing the children around is better for them than simply rectifying a problem and helping the child to stay in an otherwise stable, loving environment that CPS put them in to start with. That is what happened in my case. I'm going to tell my whole story on here so that people can really understand. I'm not sure where to post it yet. But look for it - it's really shocking what CPS did "in the best interest of children" in my home.

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Dazeemay
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Postby Dazeemay » Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:13 pm

Looking forward to your post.

I was on this site this evening, www.ErikCooper.com and read his tragic story. I tried to contact him, but his website is not quite set up as he only started it in Feb.

I wanted to express to him that I have been watching the many thousands of people in Arizona who are marching against the legislation on Illegal Immigrants.

While watching it I kept thinking, "why can't the thousands upon thousands of falsely accused parents and foster parents come together and march against the unjust cps system?" It did not take these people, who are being threatened by this legislation, anytime to gather for what they feel is an unjust cause against them.
**********************************
This is not legal advice;hopefully wisdom

To put it in simple terms…when the authorities ARE the perpetrators and the perpetrators ARE the authorities, there is no earthly justice or recourse, at the end of the day (unless the American people wake up).

Therefore, those who have achieved the highest levels of power seek to ‘enjoy’ the most grievous and extreme injustices. For many of those in the highest circles of power, the greatest statement of power is to perpetrate the greatest possible injustice…the savage, brutal traumatization and abuse of an innocent child.
http://themurkynews.blogspot.com/ MattTwoFour

"Ultimately, the law is only as good as the judge" --- D.X. Yue, 2005, in "law, reason and judicial fraud"
http://www.parentalrightsandjustice.com/index.cgi?ctype=Page;site_id=1;objid=45;curloc=Site:1

Gary Shaw
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Postby Gary Shaw » Sat Mar 25, 2006 4:12 am

Exfostermom, I spoke to your post on your other thread. Welcome again.

Dazeemay, You are absolutely dead on twice;

1. The system desparately needs GOOD foster parents to provide care for the children. Even if we succeed in causing CPS to be perfectly legal there will still be hundreds of thousands of children across the country rightly removed because they were truly abused.

2. The thousands and thousands of unjustly accused Parents and Grand Parents, and Foster Parents, and Caregivers coming together to protest, legislate, expose or whatever will get er done.

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scarfyrre
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Postby scarfyrre » Sat Mar 25, 2006 5:33 am

One of my son's foster 'moms' beat him with a belt and told him she hit him harder than that other kids because he was white. One of the other little boys molested my son (not his fault, he's seven), but not only are we not being informed of the investigation as per policy, but I would bet you that child is getting zero help. The supervisor also told me to my face she thought my son was lying, and that she thought my son was the molester.

I'd bet you a dollar that woman is still taking foster kids.

I'm not sure what damage a CPS worker has to their brain to torture kids in good environments, but to help abusers hurt the children more. It seems to me that if a worker or foster truly cares about the kids and the family, it causes the system to work even hard to do the biggest amount of damage possible, while pushing the adults away.

I always wanted to foster. I was a foster kid, due to a death, and I had made it a dream to never allow a child in need to suffer like I did. Georgia DFCS ruined that for me. Whether I'd be allowed to or not, there is no way in Hell that I'm voluntarily subjecting my life to DFCS.

I know how badly you hurt, and how unfairly treated you have been. You will get the strength to heal, and hopefully the children will heal as well. I am truly sorry for your pain.

I wish we could get more parents to come forward with charges like not supervising. Every single parent in the world, including the CPS drones, has had to leave their child alone for a second or two. I know I didn't just sit there and watch my son constantly. He was safe since I baby proofed like a madwoman, but how am I to cook dinner or do laundry if I'm expected to constantly be hovering.

CPS puts in expectations that are too high for parents. I wasn't aware when I celebrated Valentine's Day in 97, got pregnant, and gave birth, that my government had a set of rules for me that if broken, could lead to my son's removal and torture.

I am so sorry for everyone that has had to go through CPS hell. To use a term I hate, but it's not fair.

ExFosterMom
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Legislation changes are needed

Postby ExFosterMom » Sat Mar 25, 2006 9:59 am

The problem I face is that the definition of neglect is too vague. The interpretation of that law was left to ONE judge - who does not have children by the way. Yet she was elected to make family court decisions. (She is not a family court judge, we don't have that in my county so the district judge handles juvenile cases.)

I agree that putting a child in a situation where he is LIKELY to be hurt is neglectful. But how can we protect a child in every situation where he could, possibly, maybe, might get hurt? Has anyone at CPS ever taken their own child to the emergency room or family doctor because he accidentally got hurt on their watch?? Was that because they NEGLECTED him, or was it because accidents do happen even in a safe and caring environment.

The law does not state exactly how old a child needs to be if sitting outside alone for a minute, or how many feet from a road is okay for a 4 year old. Maybe another child would have been likely to get hurt there, but not THIS one given his understanding of traffic and road safety. The determination of neglect was left up to someone else's opinion - not the (foster/acting) parent who knows the child MUCH better than anyone at CPS or in the court room. I felt he was safe in that setting. And I know the KID. NO ONE ELSE involved knew the kid at all.

I argue that my situation was a parenting choice I made at that moment, given what I know about kids, and what I know about this particular child. Does THAT meet the definition of NEGLECT?? Is that what child neglect laws are intended for?

It should be left to the opinion of each individual parent what is safe for their child. Only once, let them know to be more careful. Twice, get a plan in place. If it's chronic, they do need help in parenting, but HELP them, don't crucify them because they make different choices than you might make.

Whether the children are removed because of this type of neglect is a whole different issue. And CPS forgets that removing a child HURTS them more than the danger of what "could have happened." In the case of foster parents, we have no rights to make decisions for kids. But we are given the responsibility to take care of those kids, we carry all the risk in whatever happens to those kids. I have a list of credentials as long as my arm that says I KNOW KIDS. I work with them, I teach them, I have even taught college classes to teachers in early childhood. But CPS workers were determined to be more capable of deciding what was best for the child that I have cared for over 20 months. The govt gave them this unilateral power.

I hope everyone on this board VOTES against judges who feel strong govt and controlling govt offices are a good thing. State reps and senators also should be elected who will give power to parents, not the govt. Lobbyist in state govt should be voicing that parents have the right to make decisions and lifestyle choices for their own kids.

If you have won your children or grandchildren back from the system, PLEASE don't stop there. Continue helping our society so that other children are not harmed. And so that yours will not be harmed again in the future.

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Postby gideonmacleish » Sat Mar 25, 2006 12:53 pm

I am sorry to hear your story, but I am glad you are here to offer a perspective too often neglected. Yes, a strong number of foster parents are in it to help the children (there are a few "foster farms" out there, as I'm sure you know from being inside the system, but that's a topic for another article altogether), and yes, CPS is not hesitant to accuse foster caregivers either.

Welcome to the board, and I hope you will share some of your insight from the other side of the fence. Realize that most people here don't hate foster parents, even though it might seem we do, but rather hate the system and lash out at foster parents because of the visible role they play.

Gary Shaw
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Postby Gary Shaw » Sat Mar 25, 2006 1:37 pm

ExFosterMom,

67% of all children placed into foster care were removed for neglect. Not severe neglect as stated in the Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act that would indicate to me starving, imprisonment, complete lack of supervision, complete lack of providing any necessities for the child, etc. Simple Neglect such as inadequate foor and shelter, dirty home, failure to supervise (typically children playing in their own fenced yard) and other subjective reasons. Again I say subjective because it is not a defined condition simply in the opinion of the investigator or worker.

85% to 92% (depending on which governmental agency you get your statistics from) of all children removed from their homes and parents were not in a situation of imminent or future danger. Their parents simply left a little something to be desired as a good parent or THEIR PARENTS WERE GOOD PARENTS WHO DID NOTHING WRONG.

You are absolutely correct in your opinion that the problem is lack of a finite definition as to what neglect IS, what child abuse IS, what sexual abuse IS, what physical abuse IS; equally or even more importantly there needs to be finite definitions of what these maladies ARE NOT.

Here in Brunswick, Georgia last Saturday, March 18 one of our local Pediatricians son was drowned in the family pool, he was 18 months old. The three children 18 months, 3 years, and 5 years old were in the den watching TV. The Doctor MOM went into another room for a short time, came back asked where the little son was. No one knew. She found him in the pool, pulled him out and administered CPR while her 5 year old called 911. The child died.

Yesterday I was told (not verified) that DFCS (Georgia's CPS) has opened an investigation of the case for neglect, failure to supervise. We know the Doctor, she is suffering greatly and knows full well she should have done better. She is beating herself up because she did not. She does not need this type of action threatening her other children as in the case of Jackson Bortz and his family in Atlanta.

I wish we could vote against judges as you suggested. Here in Georgia we elect Magistrate Court Judges and Superior Court Judges but Juvenile Court Judges are appointed with no term limits. We can however vote for state legislators, governor and federal legislators and president. We intend to influence all we can to make Child Welfare Reform a part of their platform and will or no votes here.

MNNaNa
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Postby MNNaNa » Sun Mar 26, 2006 2:21 am

Foster mom:

My grandbabies had a wonderful older couple who fostered to my grandkids when my daughter refused to allow me to.

CPS tore them right out from them and placed them with some young couple who have two other children of their own.

The kids are being abused there ( in my granddaughters own words) and NOTHING has been done for one year now.

I think CPS did this because I and my daughter had a good repoire with them. Once the kids went to the new fosters all vists were stopped ( at the new fosters request) and had to be ordered again by a judge!

And the new fosters have changed the 4 year olds name! How appalling is that, with no legal right to.!
Broken hearted Grandma needs help

ExFosterMom
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Postby ExFosterMom » Sun Mar 26, 2006 10:30 am

MNNaNa...no matter what your daughter wants, you are next of kin and should have a right to those kids!!! Get a lawyer, (you may be entitled to court appointed legal aid)work with grandparent's groups, go to court EVERY time. ALSO, work with the child's court appointed Guardian Ad Litem or CASA worker to show how the child should be with you. Can you get the child's rep on your side?

Change whatever CPS asks you to then they cannot keep that child from you. It's illegal. You have to have a GOOD lawyer. You have to show that you meet the minimum standards to take care of that child and CPS cannot keep it from you. If they recommend continued foster care, have your lawyer fighting it. I have had 2 sets of grandparents take children out of foster care (and I supported them, by the way.)

As for the name change, in my state this is also illegal. Get a lawyer to present that and make the foster family call the child by its name.

As a grandma, you do have rights. Does your state have a list of grandparent's rights? Look that up and use them to get the kids with you.

mother of 4 wonderfulkids
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been a long time sense i've been here.

Postby mother of 4 wonderfulkids » Mon Apr 03, 2006 10:57 pm

where is the outlined discription of abuse in any manor. If you tell your eight year old to go to their room for the hundredth time or i'm going to bust your butt. This is concidered a mental threat to do physical harm. WHAT! I tell my son this and he realizes that mommy is serious now. He gets up and moves. Does it come down to a spanking, no. But it is a threat that causes mental anguish on a child.

Sexual abuse: My husband was a single dad of three beautiful children ages two/girl, four/boy, five/boy. Cps reported that my husband sexually abused his daughter because he gave her a shower. The cps babysitter, for the foster parents, asked our three year old while in the shower did daddy touch your "pee pee", this is not what our family calls it. She said yes. Then they asked her was he washing it she didn't know. Excuse me. If she is in the shower why wouldn't he be washing it and he also gave his boys a shower and washed them as well. So it is ok to bathe your boys but if it is your daughter and you are a man this is "sexual abuse". He was a single dad. Was he supposed to go get the next door neighbor to bathe his daughter?

Here's the catch. The foster father gave our three year old baby girl baths. My husband was upset that they would investigate him for cleaning his own daughter but the strange man was allowed to bathe her. The police investigator said that was ok because this man is a "professional". Excuse me he is a newly fostering parent our kids were his first set of foster kids. He is no more a professional then her own father who is single and has two children older the her.

PRAISE GOD! We won our children back on a civil jury trail. Only $30,000 dollars and a year later, by the way they don't have to pay for their mistake of removing children that weren't abused in the first place. Then fight like heck to prove that these parents did "something to these kids," lets figure out what. Although we won in court we think we are still on a "list" somewhere. Six months into the case. I was found "guilty of neglectful supervision. For leaving the kids with their own father???? And he was found guilty of physical abuse of all the kids. In court we proved that none of this is true. We don't abuse our kids. Now sinse we went to civil court are these "findings" dropped? Does anybody know? Is there a central list somewhere and how do I find our if we are on it without raising so called red flags because I'm checking?

I saw another lady from the many parenting classes at the store. She said that in counseling they were told that if your child sees you in you panties and bra, underclothes, it is emotional incest. Who thinks of these things? Is it just made up as sure as the sun comes up. Oh! yeah... that's right it is. My daughter, who is only five years old, better wait until I put on my shoes before she comes in to share the bathroom sink with me while we brush our teeth in the morning.

There really needs to be more clarification on what abuse is and what constitutes abuse. Somekind of definition.

mother of 4 wonderfulkids
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Joined: Thu Dec 09, 2004 9:35 am
Location: texas

wrong listing

Postby mother of 4 wonderfulkids » Mon Apr 03, 2006 11:00 pm

I put this on the wrong posting. I apoligize. I am not a foster parent. I am a parent.

sp80631
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Postby sp80631 » Sat Apr 08, 2006 7:29 pm

I could not agree with you more. The judges and attorneys are for whatever cps wants. I know of at least one foster family that my two children were in and they were great!! :) I really liked them and they took really good care of my children. But soon, they too saw the light. They decided that they did not want to be apart of this "organized crime". The caseworker told me they did not want to be foster parents anymore because my son was causing them to much trouble. One day I happen to see the foster mom in the grocery store and she told me what happened. Now that we are aware of this, how can we fight against this and protect children and families? How can we change the system? I want to be apart of the solution.


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