I am a foster mother

[florida999]

ok im going to go off the subject here and nobody has brought this up yet during these posts which surprises me but here goes.....i was at a doctors appointment the other day and a foster mother was there with two children was there. i spoke to her briefly, and she indicated that she had adopted the one child and was in the process of adopting the other child. she also said fostering is the easiest and most inexpensive way to adopt a child. now by reading these posts, this foster mother is going to these parents court hearings? reading thier birth records? im sorry to have to say this, but she seems a little too involved to me. she says she wants the child back with the parents....but it sounds more to me like she maybe wants to adopt this child and is getting mad because the state has not tpr? anyone think im close here?

[scarfyrre]

At the last foster home my son was in, the 'mom' had already adopted one of her other foster sons.

My 7yo son, totally out of the blue, burst out with this little nugget (he had been home only two weeks):

Foster parents just want to adopt us because they want the money. They don't care about us at all!

He was angry, to say the least, and I had never said anything like that to him. I tend to keep negative ideas like that out of his head. But, after living in Hell for four months, he got the gist of it.

Are all fosters like that? No, I think some truly want to help and love these children. But yea, she can yap all she wants about wanting the parents back, but my guess is she was miffed they hadn't been TPR'd yet. Whatever her motives may be.

[Heatheranne]

ok im going to go off the subject here and nobody has brought this up yet during these posts which surprises me but here goes.....i was at a doctors appointment the other day and a foster mother was there with two children was there. i spoke to her briefly, and she indicated that she had adopted the one child and was in the process of adopting the other child. she also said fostering is the easiest and most inexpensive way to adopt a child. now by reading these posts, this foster mother is going to these parents court hearings? reading thier birth records? im sorry to have to say this, but she seems a little too involved to me. she says she wants the child back with the parents....but it sounds more to me like she maybe wants to adopt this child and is getting mad because the state has not tpr? anyone think im close here?

You have no right to judge me. Not every foster parent is the same. Neither are bio parents.

Consider me out of this site. It is not the foster parents you should be piointing fingers at being angry with . On top of that you have no idea what the story is of the other children.

I wish the best of luck to those who had their children taken away unrightfuly.

I will make sure every foster parent I talk to stays away from this site unless they want to be judged for doing nothing but taking care of children.

[Bob_Lynn]

I don't know if you're still reading this site Heather but just because one poster feels a certain way, it doesn't mean we all do. Just as that poster insinuated your motives, it can and probably does apply to many foster parents but not necessarily to all foster parents and certainly not necessarily to you. I personally feel the post should have focused on the general and not you in particular.

All that said, everyone who comes to site has to have an understanding that we have all been deeply hurt and our mental state will reflect that. As such, many of us will take our anger out on the wrong people at times. You have to expect that. You have to remember that as a foster parent, you're part of the system that has helped to destroy families, there's no way around that. Whether you actually contributed to the destruction of families may or may not be true. So it's logical to assume that you can be a target for some to vent and by posting here, that's the risk you take. My question to you is, is it more important to post here and perhaps help the many who have been victimized or is your indignation more important?

I personally hope you put your sense of insult aside and return to offer us whatever information may be helpful.

Just my opinion.

[jane]

I am very sorry to everyone if I hurt your feelings, or started this whole thing on this thread. I'm sorry, I won't post again, you guys are fighting a fight I'm not fully aware of, I only know a little bit about it so I really should never have posted that first post....my emotions got away from me. I have my own opinions on a few things that are different then yours and that's ok because we are all allowed our own opinions.

I wish you all luck, love and I really hope you find good lawyers and something can be done about getting CPS on the RIGHT track in the end. There is a right track and it sounds to me they are WAY off base and need a slap in the face to wake up. And ohh how I would LOVE to be the one slapping them all up in that department!

I will always fight for the children, which I beleive everyone here wants to do, so at least we all have that in common, even tho we may not agree on what is right and wrong when it comes to kids, we still have the same goals.

(the whole "it's ok to take drugs while pregnant", I will never agree with that one and have a hard time seeing links to how to fight back when you did that, my opinion is the kids should be taken away from those mom's)

Thanks for this informative website, it's a comfort to know it's here for those wrongly accused.

Jane

[scarfyrre]

Ooooh, I misread the last sentence of florida999 post. I thought she was still discussing the foster mom in the doc's office, not Heatheranne.

I thoroughly deserve a smack.

I am sorry, Heatheranne. I should read things more carefully in the future. My post was referring to a comment my son made and to my opinion of why the doc office mom was miffed. It was in no way directed toward you at all.

One of my goals in life was to become a foster parent. I was a foster child and treated like a slave for four years of my life by different homes, so I swore I would give children like me the love and security they needed while they were in my care. I never wanted to adopt, I just wanted to protect them.

I will tell you, that if I was planning on adopting a baby who's parents did/do drugs, ignore the child, and show no interest in her at all, if I were adopting her I would demand to see any and all paperwork.

It's a fact, sometimes children are better off without their parents. A man here in Atlanta was just found guilty of not only raping the 11yo that lived with him, but he, his daughter, and son also tortured that child and her sisters. One way was by holding a hot iron on their backs.

I am all for parent's rights, but there are cases that a child could find a better and more loving home with someone else. Heatheranne, I admire you for not only fostering, but with making that baby yours. Some parents do not deserve their child, and if they chose drugs are alcohol instead of their babies, it's their own loss.

Again, please forgive my stupidity. I shouldn't read when I've not had good sleep. Makes me even more stupid.

[florida999]

a foster parents job is to take care of the child that has been placed with them. period. that is what they are paid for. it is NOT the foster parents job to keep tabs on the progress of the parents. im sorry but to be as involved as you are with these parents progress, they is something suspect about that.

[Heatheranne]

a foster parents job is to take care of the child that has been placed with them. period. that is what they are paid for. it is NOT the foster parents job to keep tabs on the progress of the parents. im sorry but to be as involved as you are with these parents progress, they is something suspect about that.

Last thing -

1. I do NOT get a penny for taking care of any foster children. Every piece of clothing, diapers, crib, etc. I PAY FOR.

2. So I am to take care of a foster child and not know anything about them but am to treat them like my own? I guess I am to allowed to fall in love with them either.

3. Suspect for caring about my foster children?? You need to get a grip. When they are with you 24 hours a day 7 days a week for a long period???

4. My whole family is involved with this child - sounds like you look at me as a babysitter - not as a foster MOM.

5. We are TOLD to go to the court hearings.

Also if the option for adoption comes up - you bet I WILL adopt her. Do you expect me to put her back in the foster system? You need to look at foster parents different - again, everyone is different.

Once again - you have no right to judge me.

[florida999]

what state do you live in that doesnt pay you for foster care?

i certainly am not judging you for caring and loving this child. and if the parents trully do not want to clean up thier act i totally agree they should have their rights terminated. children do not asked to be put here, us parents bring them into this world. and it is our reposibility to provide them with the best life possible. all children deserve that and more. they are the innocent ones in all this mess.

all i am saying and i am not saying you nessisarily, is that the foster care sytem is supposed to be a temporary situation, not the beginning point for people looking to adopt, fosters who have that line of thinking are just putting another problem into an already flawed system. and again, im not saying that is what you are doing. but i dont believe that fosters should be involved with the progress of the parents, then you have parents and fosters fighting over children. it never ends.

[Bob_Lynn]

I do NOT get a penny for taking care of any foster children. Every piece of clothing, diapers, crib, etc. I PAY FOR.

I'm very surprised at this unless you're being deliberately being ripped off by CPS or you voluntarily choose not to take any money. I know for a fact that the foster families who had my children and grandchild were being paid per child and compensated for certain expenses as well. I also know in no uncertain terms that at least one of the foster families was doing this for profit and making a nice living out of fostering children, not to mention that they received free service from these children. In fact, part of our lawsuit alleges a 13th Amendment violation (involuntary servitude or indentured service without financial compensation).

[Heatheranne]

I go through a non-profit agency. As I said I DO NOT GET A PENNY. I do however have to show I have the financial means to afford another child.

We are not rich, but are blessed with what we have.

[florida999]

another point, i never said that you were suspect for caring for your foster child. i certainly hope that all fosters that care for children show them love and compassion. I qustioned your concern over the parents....if they were visiting the child and causeing the child harm, then i could see and would applaud your concern. however, if they havent seen the child in 5 months, i dont see how that is happening.

[Frustrated]

Heatheranne:

Forgive me and interrupt for a second. I have few questions in my head and was wondering about Foster Care System.

1. Do you receive Foster Care License? Are you licensed? Most Foster Parents who are licensed by the State are paid for, and does non-profit agency give you fostering license? If so, why aren't they paying you? Is that a way to save Funds for them?

2. I was wondering why CPS had to check your House, checking your pantry for food, and checking your house out, etc...is that part of their procedure since they are checking out if you would be able to foster the Baby for more longer period of time? or Did some one call or report you in (Hot Line Callers, or such)?

3. Finally, Did you ask CPS what is the reason for such inspection to your home, for three times? Did CPS give you a reason if any? Is it to grant you to foster the Baby longer and just in case if the bio parents have TPR'd which is soon?

opps, did they say anything about the baby being in your care longer or are they looking to take the baby out and place the baby in Adoption Stage? Pre-adoption stage means, they are looking to adopt the baby out in that process. Are there different kinds of Fostering? Like Permanent care, Temporary care, pre-adoptions, out patient care, etc...etc...? versus Group Homes? What are Group Homes? Does that means more than 12 children in a Government Building setting?

I have lots of friends who are Foster Parents and they are being paid for per child and most of them were in process of Adoption or has adopted at least one Child.

I am just curious how Foster Care System works. Do they do inspections regularly to make sure the Foster Care System is safe?

[xyz123]

I will speak only for myself, and I don't fear your harassing comments. I am a foster/adopt home. That means I will foster unprejudicely (and yes, it is possible to do) and work towards reunification and mentoring the bio-parents when that is the plan. I have done this successfully, with many parents grateful that their children were in my home and taken care of very well. I do not do this for the $11.00/day that I get. It hardly covers food, clothes, diapers, toys, extra utilities, activities, and all the special things we do. It helps, but it does not put us ahead. We use a lot of our own money taking care of other people's children. We do this because we love children. The adopt part comes in when a child is unable to return home, we will and have adopted. We have the room and the means to provide permanancy for a child so that he/she is not moved again. When a child is already bonded to a foster family it is in thier best interest not to be moved again if reunification efforts have failed. As sad as it is, SOME parents just don't put an effort into getting thier children back. They give birth to children addicted to alcohol and drugs, they abuse thier children , they do not do any part of their menu, and miss visits, and yes the foster-parents adopt them. It is much better than being raised without a "forever family". It is not the children's fault that they were put into care, but they have every right to permanancy. I am not saying that you people on this board are not making the effort, I am saying that there are many that don't, and that is where foster/adopt comes in. We want to foster, but will adopt.

[Bob_Lynn]

I personally have no argument with what you posted or what you're doing xyz, as long as it's all on the level. Every case is unique, every foster situation is different and all have their own unique motives.

I know foster parents in my area are paid more than $11 per day, I heard as much as $50 per day per child in some cases, most not as much as this. They also receive all sorts of other additional aid, including food, medical and clothing allowance. In my oldest son's situation, the foster parents had 6 children at all times (the legal limit) and my son told me that when they lost one child for whatever reason, they were pissed until that child was replaced by another child. They always requested boys and all had to be a minimum age (old enough to do chores). So in my opinion, there is no other way to interpret this foster care situation than as a strictly profit making business. As an aside, the rule of 6 maximum children stays the same after a child is adopted by the foster family but the adopted child is no longer counted. Adopted children also mean more money and financial aid. So you could for example have 9 children paid for by the state, 3 adopted and 6 foster.

The other point I want to emphasize that was already made in this thread is that not all stories about these broken families are what they may seem. CPS is notorious for deception and creating a broken situation where there wasn't one in the first place. They are also notorious for making it look like the bio parents have little or no interest in reunification with their children.

This is multi-billion dollar per year racketeering industry that uses children and families as so much livestock.

[good dad]

IMO..

When we get members that are fosterparents, they are here because they did research to find us. They must not think the system is "perfect" or have doubts about CPS as being "in the best interest" ALL the time, at least...

We need to build off of this key point...

Not tell them that everything they have done as a fosterparent is "for the goons" or "they were wrong for doing it" or "the parents are probably innocent"....We don't know them or the parents involved..

It is something these people love and take great pride in doing "Helping kids"

If these fosters were just in it for the money or "servants", they wouldn't waste their time coming in here to offer a view of their side of the system.

We need more fosterparents that see a problem to join us if we ever hope to change the system.

We look for ways to change the system from the inside out..Fosterparent support is a good start...

P.S. In case ya' couldn't tell...I hope ya' stick around

[Dan Sullivan]

IMO..

When we get members that are fosterparents, they are here because they did research to find us. They must not think the system is "perfect" or have doubts about CPS as being "in the best interest" ALL the time, at least...

We need to build off of this key point...

Not tell them that everything they have done as a fosterparent is "for the goons" or "they were wrong for doing it" or "the parents are probably innocent"....We don't know them or the parents involved..

It is something these people love and take great pride in doing "Helping kids"

If these fosters were just in it for the money or "servants", they wouldn't waste their time coming in here to offer a view of their side of the system.

We need more fosterparents that see a problem to join us if we ever hope to change the system.

We look for ways to change the system from the inside out..Fosterparent support is a good start...

P.S. In case ya' couldn't tell...I hope ya' stick around

Absolutely!!!

I've seen many fosterparents acknowledge what we've experienced.

They should not be chased away.

Best, Dan

[Dazeemay]

What we need to realize is the fact that cps is our common enemy. They have done a good job of pitting parent against foster parent, so "that never the twain shall meet".

My experience with two foster parents.

1. This foster parent taught in our parenting class. One could tell she loved any child that came into her home. She had adopted one and I believed her when she said the mother just could not get her act together. I did not have a problem with it because of the way she conducted herself through the whole course.

She advocated in returning the child/ren to their homes. She was working with one father to get the rights to have his daughter returned to him. She spent a great deal of time with the father and the child together.

The child was returned to the father while our class was going on.

Was this for the benefit of the class? I don't know, but I am helping one foster parent out of that class right now fight cps. I bumped into them at a convenience store. They are now fighting to adopt their great niece. As soon as the six months fostering was up; cps went into the flip side of who they really are.

2. Our granddaughter was in Theraputic Foster Care with a non-profit agency. CPS was not involved in this endeavor. However, the foster mother did receive money from Medicaid. This was to be a 90 day placement for our granddaughter to be weaned off of her medication so that she could go to the National Institute of Health for testing in regards to a rare disease.

Before the 90 days was up CPS stepped in and told the Foster mom they were taking over. They told the foster mom not to tell our daughter. Told her to go on as usual with all of us until they got the petition to the court which they did and had a hearing without us.

The foster mom got caught in the middle and sided with cps through the whole investigation.

[joeblow]

Another neat cps trick. Don't give the parents the right time so that we can put it on our records.

I suspect the parent's are giving up because they can't defend themselves correctly.

amazing.

i remember the night the cps investigator took my daughter. she told me "be at the courthouse at 9:00 am."

ok. WHICH courthouse? WHERE do i go? WHAT room? WHAT judge? and all this woman could tell me was the street the courthouse was on.

so i showed up at the courthouse at eight am, just to be safe. come to find out my hearing was not until 1pm.

[Frustrated]

That is procedure, and ALL COURTS starts at 9 AM, well usually in my Town anyways and the Case don't start until noon, but you have to be there regardless?

Just sit there and wait, wait...?

Worse than Hospital ER Waiting room.

Just letting you know that is usually procedure in most Courts from all over. Criminal Courts, all Suspects MUST REPORT AT 9 AM.

I guess they are treating you like a criminal eh?

If all of these are unproven and there is NO Evidence, I would be glad to wipe that smile off Case worker's face and they should pay for making false reports and making up lies.

[rac]

I don't know about CPS in your states but, in Ok if the parents miss a visit the Worker is suppose to call you and find out why. And if she/he can help you make it to the next visit.

[rac]

I appericate any insight you can give on being a fosterparent. There are good parents on this board that care and love their children, and they have been wrongly accused.

On the other hand there are some children that are truley abused and abandoned, and for that I am glad that there are people who will love and take care of the children.

[Dazeemay]

Rac,

If you have had allegations against you in the cps system then you cannot be a foster parent.

Your name has to be expunged from the central registry.

Do a google on central registry your state cps(use the initial your state uses like dss, dhs) policies.

The key thing you need to do is impress on your lawyer the need to have it done at your hearing when you get your children back or if you get them back before another hearing he needs to make a motion. Otherwise it is costly to get it done.

Our daughter and granddaughters names will be on their state registry for 10 years which affects anything she does with children and most jobs.

Our lawyer would not do it. We are in the process of getting it expunged before too much time elapses.

[rac]

I had a one time wanted to be a foster parent. I was looking for insight on why people choose to become foster parents. But after dealing with CPS.......Thank you for the info on expunging records.

[WhiteGirlFromSouthOmaha]

This one's for Heatheranne.

My daughter, Deirdre, is in foster care right now. NOt what I'm about to complain about (although I have every right to).

My question is: why won't her foster parents talk to me? I don't understand at all.

I really, truly love my daughter. I would truly die for her in a heartbeat, without being asked.

When Deirdre got moved from her last foster home to this one, I wrote Christina (her new foster mom) a note, inviting her to either call me or write me an email. Gave her my phone number and my email address and I ended the note with, "I can't wait for us to get to know each other because we both have the same thing in our hearts: what's best for my baby."

I never, ever heard from her.

What's worse is this: I was having overnight visits with my daughter from January until June 7 (long story). When the weather got warm, I noticed a change in the clothes that Christina was sending with Deirdre: they were what my friend Tamy and me would refer to as "welfare clothes."

Now I asked everyone I knew, why would Christina dress my daughter like a street urchin when she's supposed to visit with me and have her nicely dressed the rest of the time? My dad and sister both said, "Maybe Christina's afraid you won't return the clothes she sends if they're nice." But that cannot be it, because I always sent everything back, freshly washed, right out of the dryer.

I know Christina talks to my sister. Why won't she talk to me? You have no idea how unbelieveably sad that makes me. I don't want to be mean to her, put her down, yell at her, or anything like that, I just want to get to know her is all, but she won't talk to me.

If you want details about how my case has went since Day 1, go to http://members.aol.com/intendantaislinn/cps/timeline.htm - The Timeline Of My Case.

Thanks All, and especially Heatheranne