Help me please I am being falsely accused of child abuse

[mommy8]

I am a mother of 4 children 2 birth sons and 2 adopted daughters. The girls were from Children and Youth agency, we had them as foster children. My first daughter was three months when we got her. It took over 5 years to get the adoption finalized. Our second daughter was 4 when we got her from a different foster home who told us she was very "distructive", it took a little over a year to adopt her. My problem is with only one child the daughter that we got when she was four. She is now almost 16 and has made our lives a living hell. She has what is known as RAD (reactive attachment disorder) Right after we got her she had some really strange behavior, and I chocked that up to her having such a difficult childhood. I thought with love and patients she would be fine. If I only knew. My sons were 9 and 7 when she came to our home, and they always played with her, and ended coming and telling me she was doing "bad" things. When I would question her, she looked me in the eye and would say she didn't do it. I thought maybe the boys were having trouble sharing mommy. When I told my sons we were going to adopt her, my oldest begged me not to, he said there was something wrong with her. Again, I ignored him, if I had only listened. In the second grade she stole lunches from 27 different kids in a period of three months. The teacher blamed so many kids, never giving my daughter a second thought, until she left a trap and caught her, my daughter said she didn't do it! The teacher told me she couldn't believe it, she actually thought she was loosing her mind as my child was so convincing. Her principal gave her an in school suspension, which involved her sitting in the principals office for three days, I told him she was going to love it, as she always had to be the center of attention, whether it was positive or negative. The principal said no way, well at the end of the three days, when I had to sign her out, I asked how she was and he said I was right she loved it, she made herself his personal secretary! She also became a thief, nothing is above her grasp, she stole silver dollars from my husbands family that was given to them when they arrived from Poland and arrived in Ellis Island. Her teacher called and asked about the money, I told her the money was the promotional coins from Readers Digest that I had given her earlier in the week. The teacher said no it was real old money, I thought to myself she doesn't know what real money is, my daughter brought home the envelope the teacher sent the money home in. I opened the envelope and there it was Readers digest coins! I called the teacher back and told her it was just play money. She asked me to come in to school the next day, and I did. We opened her desk and it was filled with stolen items, including some of the "real" antique coins. This child, this third grade child, took out the real money out of the envelope, put in the fake coins and sealed back the envelope and gave them to me! She fooled both of us! She had given away 28 Liberty Head silver dollars from 1880. We only have a couple left. As time went on she stole from classmates, money, CD players, jewelry, toys. Very rarely getting caught. I begged the school for help, they had a school psyciatrist give a eval, nothing out of the ordinary showed up, the stealing and lying continued. I talked to preachers, doctors, friends, councelors. I was promised help and we kept slipping through the cracks. Each year it was more, then she decided I was the enemy, I talked to her many times about why its me she doing this to and she says in calm voice because I hate you. (I always thougth she was mad at her birth mother so she took it out on me as I was her mother now. she stole antique wedding rings, broaches, she stole a antique pin with three large diamonds in it, she gave it to my husband, she said she found it, the diamonds had been dug out! After talking to her over and over she finally said she did it because she was mad at me, she said she threw the diamonds outside. We have never found them. In the past few years she has made several attempts to kill me. and constantly threatened our other little girl. She was taken to the emergency room, and put in a residential program for mental problems. They kept her one week, they called and told me they were releasing her, I said did you address the death threats? "Yes, she said she didn't remember it happening, maybe she has a split personality, you can come pick her up at three!" Since then she has stolen my childrens belongings to the point where the two boys actually put locks on the outside of there doors so she can't get in there rooms. Our other daughter gets everything stolen. Now, in the last year her habits are out of hand, she steals her brothers, and sisters underwear and urinates and deficates on them and hides them in different places. She has periods and does not use any kind of sanitary products. Both of my sons girlfriends has had things stolen from them. I fought to get her in a school for kids with emotional problems and my husband and family has noticed she is much worse. She ran away three times and I always find her. Each time I reported it to the state police. Now, I am under investagation for child abuse. Because of the death threats, I put a slide lock on the outside of her door, which opens to her sisters room. It was locked at night so the little one (who now is 10) felt a less afraid. The oldest is now urinating on her floor all the time, she even deficated on her sisters clothes and hid them under her dresser. She has done this so often the urine has come down on the ceiling tiles in our living room. I called her councelor who actually came to the house to see her room. She saw the lock and reported me for extreme mental cruelity. When we took her for the third time to the emergency room to attempt to get her better mental help, she told the nurse that I beat her with a metal pole, the nurse looked for any signs of abuse (which there was none.) Still filed a report and get this, they sent her right back home! If I physically abused her why would they send her home? Caseworkers were involved and the charge was unfounded, the next day her councelor filed extreme mental cruelty charge. I actually drive a school bus for her school district. I can loose my job because of this, On monday her caseworker called and said they found a bed in a place with round the clock care, we needed to bring her really fast to CYA before the bed was taken. We rushed got her clothes together, and got her there. We were told to sign this paper for temporary placement so she could get the help she needed. All of us signed the paper, including my daughter. We walked her out to the parking lot, and kissed her goodbye and we left. The next day, I was notified I had charges against me. We called our daughter to check on her and she told us she was in a shelter for abused children! That she missed us and are we coming for a visit? The agency had lied to us, we are now going to court to lose custody of her, which kills us but we actually had a calm day for the first time in 11 years. My 10 old said the case worker came to school, took her out of class and asked her all kind of questions, she was crying, she was scared she also may be taken. The same woman showed up at my daughters birthday party yesterday and said she wasn't here in a offical capacity and gave her a 10.00 bill. I told my husband 10.00 isn't very much for guilt money. And now I must fight these charges. I have never been involved in anything with the police in my life except to take my drivers test. I drive school bus and love it. I don't know what to do, I am lost, but I must try to be strong for the rest of my family, as moms are supposed to do, I pray I can do this.

[Dan Sullivan]

What is the allegation?

Who is the allegation made against?

What is CPS' supposed evidence if they claim they have any?

Best, Dan

[Dazeemay]

Take and do a guardianship on all of your other children. This is a temp guardianship and you can revoke it at anytime and notarizing them makes them both legal.

http://forum.fightcps.com/viewtopic.php?t=1103

http://forum.fightcps.com/viewtopic.php?t=3863

https://www.legaldocs.com/docs/child_1.mv

https://www.legaldocs.com/docs/rev_child1.mv

The agency had lied to us, we are now going to court to lose custody of her, which kills us but we actually had a calm day for the first time in 11 years.

Personally you need to think of the other children. The siblings are already having a difficult time and this is taking away from their lives. No one has a life in your household, but this girl. This is not fair to you or your family. She is too troubled for you to help her.
I know siblings who even in their adult years have wrestled with the fact that they lost so much of their lives to a troubled sibling.

You can tell her you love her, but she does not want that love.

Next if you have an appointed lawyer or you get your own lawyer you need to do these two forms. It is imperative you file these forms before it goes much further against you and it will because cps gets to have their petition and time first in the hearings and it might take months before your side is even heard. By that time the judge has bought cps lies and your daughters lies.

The forms are called Declaration of Facts and Objections and Corrections.

You need to get the cps petition that was filed at the court house and do the O C on it.

You also need to have as much documentation as you can get from adoption time on so the judge can see the whole picture. In the forms you will put that you have the evidence to prove whatever you have said. Do not put the evidence with the forms because then the other side can see what you have said and come against it. Have it ready for the hearing so the judge to look at it.

Here is the link for those forms.

www.geocities.com/whosyurmamma/start.html

[mommy8]

I got this petition on Thursday,the third it was on the floor of my mudroom, when I came home from work and the court date is the 9th less than a week, I am devistated, you are so right, my children's lives have been so hard.
My boys will not bring friends to the house because of my daughter.

It has been amazingly peaceful her since my daughter has been gone. Today my three children came to me and begged me not to fight for custody. Please mom, just let her go.

I am lost, the charges say extreme mental cruelty, that is all.

[Dazeemay]

You have to get those forms done before tomorrow and it is too late to file them so hand them out in court.

Give one to your lawyer, their lawyer, GAL if there is one and GAL Attorney if there is one.

If you don't do this you are going to have months of ongoing agony.

One has to face the fact that you cannot save a person until they want out of their situation. She has lived with this personality disorder for so long that it is very detrimentral to your family.

It is like having an abusive partner. You just keep thinking they are going to change, but they don't because it is addictive behavior.

Listen to your children this time. Let her go.

[Mistchf]

MommyB I'm sorry for your pain but Dazee is on the outside and being your rock. She's got fantastic advice if you can step outside your emotions and take it.
My biggest piece of advice is quit defending yourself. You have done nothing but love a child. Sometimes that just isn't enough. RAD is serious. I have had a couple of foster children with RAD and though it sounds impossible and seems very hard, above ALL you MUST not blame yourself, and you must not give in to her pleas (as Dazee pointed out). RAD children are experts at making people believe it is YOU that is abusive but that is a part of the symptoms. Eventually (as you saw with her teachers)she will also reveal her true self to them. RAD children make a person believe THEY are crazy, because they are so good in someone else's eyes. But it only last for a short time. If you read up on RAD you will see.
Making the choice to break away from her is something that only you can do. As Dazee said, you have to focus on your other children. If she is a danger to them and your family unit, it may be time to let a professional deal with her 24/7. Sometimes that is what love is all about.
I give this example as support. If one of your children grew up and became involved in serious legal problems and killed someone would you disown them? I would hope not, you would still love them but you would never condone what they have done. You still love this child but you cannot condone her behavior, and it sounds like it is to the point wherein it is severely affecting the rest of the family. You can still love her and protect the rest of the family. The biggest hurdle is when doing it you don't allow her or anyone else to manipulate you into believing you just "gave up" on this child. There is no "giving up" on any child. But sometimes they require professional help. And sometimes, the strongest act of love is admitting your love is harming her more than helping her.
Stay strong and I wish you and your daughter the best...

[Charlotte]

My daughter also is RAD. She is mild compared to yours. Like yours, she is a pathological liar. She made false abuse claims against me as well. Fortunately my son denied everything she said. Even though the charges were found inconclusive by the idiot CPS woman. My daughter makes a very convincing victim. I can completely sympathize with you. My daughter currently lives with her grandparents, who are now her guardians. My son and I have never been happier. Our home life is peaceful for the first time.

You can lose your job over these charges. Be sure to check about what your state does for child abuse charges. In California, even though my charges were found to be inconclusive, my name is in the Child Abuse Central Index. I would not be able to get a job around children. Ca. keeps the names in for ten years.

Again I sympathize and I hope everything works out. I would never be alone with that girl again. RAD children frequently lie about abuse to get attention. If it works the first time, they do it again and again. In the process they can ruin lives.

[mommy8]

I personally want to thank you all who replied, I felt so alone, also I thought I was losing my mind. I am trying to stay strong for my other children. My house is so different since my daughter has left. We can actually go to sleep and not worry about what she will do to us while we are sleeping. Please email with your stories as I am going to use them as proof that I am not alone on this, that I am not an abuser of anything.

[good dad]

What happened at court on the 9th?

[mommy8]

the caseworker called one hour before we were supposed to leave and told us it was postponed until June 2nd. After we had already got off work early. My husband and I went back to work. More waiting, but also more time to get as much information as I can about RAD. Especially since the "counselor" has started these charges.

[Dazeemay]

I hope you did the guardianship.

Once cps is in your life they will find an excuse to come after your other children.

[mommy8]

I told the lawyer about this and she said not to worry as my husband was not named, also my 20 year old son told me he would gladly take guardianship, so I am going ahead and doing that just in case. We have until June 2nd (the supposed new date.) I am doing the paperwork for the guardianship today.

[aluani]

My heart goes out to you As much as all of us are fighting the system to protect our children, it is the system that may be the problem with your daughter. I don't know what to say except that love is a very strong emotion and can work itself through anything. Keep up the love for your daughter, but don't put the other children on the back burnner. You can sacerfice the one for the all. Stay strong, don't ever stop loving, and look up He's watching and helping you

Angela

[aluani]

so sorry:
correction: You can't sacrafice the one for the all.

[mommy8]

my daughter is still in a shelter. I have made several attempts to call and just check up on her. She was always busy doing something, and did not come to the phone. My husband called and talked to her a few minutes, she was very vauge, but didn't want to talk to anyone from home. She said to send pictures and money. My children have told me they do not want her back, its just so sad. I had her for 11 years, I do miss her sometimes, but now it is my other childrens time. The caseworker who is investigating me for "mental cruelty" wants to come to the house and talk to me, does anyone have anything to reccommend?

[good dad]

The caseworker who is investigating me for "mental cruelty" wants to come to the house and talk to me, does anyone have anything to reccommend?

Go to her office if your going to talk, don't let her in your home anymore

[dasuberding]

...and, if possible, record the conversation.

[mommy8]

Would you believe my case is now postponed until August 1st. The caseworker and investagator came over again and talked to us. Still no word on anything. I guess they are still charging me with this "emotional abuse". I can't take much more of this, its like a noose is around my neck just waiting for me to fall. I still don't know what to do. Will this never end.

[dasuberding]

Emotional abuse will not stand up to scrutiny in a "real" court of law. You might want to remind them of this. If they ask what you consider a "real" court, tell them, not juvenile/family but FEDERAL.

[Frustrated]

I had a Fifth Case for Emotional Harm that was started on August 3rd, 2005, LAST YEAR, and they finally closed my Case in May 2006! Without notifying me of course. 10 MONTHS of this.

What I did was not co-operating, not talking, and talk less. I had my own Counselling at my own accord. I had a Lawyer.

Remember Emotional Harm/Abuse is one of the MOST DIFFICULT CASE TO PROVE....it won't hold up in Court. I agree with Dausbering. They need to prove that it existed. They are just shooting hot air so to speak. Just hold yourself and they will close the Case. Don't talk anything more anymore. Get a Lawyer.

Best Bet, they want you to jump all of their hoops and wants you to join their Service Plan. Don't do it. I regretted signing a Service Plan but they never visited my home during those 10 months as they were supposed to follow up, and they were supposed to talk to my Children every month which they failed to do so...they were supposed to set up a meeting with me to discuss how things are going...etc...etc...they failed all of those criterias and I was supposed to learn Parenting Class or whatever it is...they never offered me. I was supposed to do Counselling, but I got my own.

I think getting my own Counselling is what made the Case closed. Because I got Counselling in place in May and it is the same time when the Case was Closed.

[Shirley]

They have me listed as "emotional abuse" from 95..no services, no calls, no visits after the initial investigators. Took them 7 months to finally close up the paperwork, but there it sits..as though we received something from them.

It is because of that, that I cannot have my granddaughter..

[Frustrated]

So from that Emotional Abuse Case in 95, did they leave you alone? and how long did you get another Case after that?

Just curious. Because they just closed my Case for Emotional Harm in May. and I already have another one in June.

Did they order anything else? like Psch. eval? etc...etc... any Counselling?

[Shirley]

So from that Emotional Abuse Case in 95, did they leave you alone? and how long did you get another Case after that?

Just curious. Because they just closed my Case for Emotional Harm in May. and I already have another one in June.

Did they order anything else? like Psch. eval? etc...etc... any Counselling?

They did nothing! Never came back again, until this thing with my daughter and her baby. Then, they pulled that out of their hat and said because of that, we can't be unsupervised with the baby!!

[Frustrated]

Interesting.

I can understand that they would come back and haunt you because your Names are in their Computer Data Base, all the more reason for more unnecessary harrassement. All the Names in their Computer can affect Grandchildren and the Children after that. I do believe anything OLD should be garbaged. They should not make the Grandchildren pay for what the Grandparent did in 95. It is just unfair.

I just wish there are laws to protect our Future of our Generations. It is true when our Mistakes can really haunt the Ancestors later on down the road and that is what CPS are counting on with their trusty Database. I just don't think it is right and unfair for all Children to pay the price for our previous cases.

I wish we can bring this attention to the Senator Floor so they know this is a epidemic problem that is affecting the Future. But that is not the only thing we should be focusing on, we should be reforming CPS from inside out.

[mommy8]

I have to go to the court house tomorrow and apply for legal aide. I was told we probably wouldn't qualify as we make to much money, I drive school bus and am now laid off for the summer, I don't know if this matters.

One thing I learned on Friday, the school "phyciatrist" filed these charges, I talked to him a couple of times and he told me we have got to get her out of our home. He also tried a few times to get her to a residential program, and her insurance declined to pay for that care.

I was told, that he was told, that he was expected to testify against me for the emotional abuse charges. He said he didn't want to do that, he said she is out of the home so there should be no problem now, the cps lawyer told him that he filed the charges and I could lose my job, he said he didn't feel comfortable with this, and didn't want me to lose my job, so now I don't know what to expect. I just wonder if this was his way of getting her out of the house, but was oblivious to the consequenses for me. The children and youth investagator came again last week, talked to us a while and then left. I am going to take the advise about no more talking to them, I just wish we could afford some sort of legal counsel. I have been in a very dark place mentally, sometimes I feel just like giving up. All of this because I wanted to give a child a loving home instead of her being in so many foster homes. I am broken.