Not sure where this goes...

[searcher]

I'm about at the end of my rope.

My children have been sick since they have been in care. They were very rarely ill here. My son was only a few months old when they were removed, he has had just about all of his firsts in care. Away from us. We probably won't be able to even see him on his birthday since it's on a weekend. Since in care our daughter has started having horrible nightmares, tantrums and has been diagnosed special needs. She's 3. She is developmentally right on point, but apparently no one where she is has the patience to sit down with her and work with her like we did, so now she's considered special needs. (They also act like we are to blame for all of her behavior issues... no one but us seems to take into account the fact that these children were TRAUMATISED when they were removed!!!! She had NO behavior issues when she was here!!!!) The bio-child of the family they are with has been in charge of her care more than the foster-parents have. He's 10.

Our worker forgets everything. I feel sorry for families on his caseload who don't pay attention. They are probably missing out on a lot of important info. Thank God we know to pay attention! If it were up to CPS, we never would have gotten a copy of our case plan, and none of the services that were ordered would have been started yet!

I am a good mom. I can't say that out loud anymore because if anyone of them here it, I am questioned, yet again, about what happened between my husband and I and don't I know that the children were being neglected at the time?

At the time, both of the children were sleeping soundly in their beds on the other side of the house and never even stirred!

Everyone kept telling me that I was a victim of domestic violence. I was not. My husband had an insurrmountable (sp?) amount of stress in a very short period of time and we had an argument that got out of hand. I love him, he loves me. There was never a restraining order, though several people tried to talk me into it. My husband never hit me, nor even raised a hand or threatened me!

When I wouldn't take out a restraining order, the children were removed. When we asked that he leave the house and they come home to me, I went from being a "victim of domestic violence" to them having "concerns" about me.

How are they allowed to tear the solid fabric of a family with CONCERNS???

We've been told recently that we may have them back by the holidays. What about that birthday?

I saw a woman today who last week had her daughter with her. Yesterday or the day before her daughter was removed. She was a mess. The poor woman thinks that she is going to get her daugther back tomorrow when she goes to court. Her first hearing. I didn't have the heart to tell her it probably wouldn't happen. (Not saying it won't happen for sure, but odds are against her.)

I saw her walking away and saw her shoulders slump and I knew what she was feeling. She went from being able to hold her baby and kiss her boo-boos away to not even knowing if she was happy or sad, hungry or full, sleeping or weeping in her bed. It's a hollow feeling that feels like it's going to take your whole body over, and sometimes does just that. I had almost gotten to the point where I could hope for the future. I've been telling myself that everything I do is for my babies. Everything I do is so that my babies can be my babies again and then the hollow feeling would be gone.

When I saw her walking away today that hollow feeling took me over again.

This has changed the person that I am. I hate that. Before this I was a homemaker, a stay-at-home-mom. Now I'm nothing. Just nothing all over. Just empty.

My house is clean. Almost an unlived in clean. There is rarely a speck of dust that survives in this house from sunrise to sunset. Our children's rooms are pristine. Ready. Beds sit unslept in. Toys, unplayed with. Books with no little fingers to tear the pages. Crayons. Clothes. The thing that seems to get me most is my daugther's dolls and stuffed animals. She loved them all. They all have names and would get equal playtime each day (puppy today, big dolly tomorrow, kitty the next day, etc). I went into her room today after I saw that empty woman walk with her shoulders slumped. I guess I wanted to feel close to her again. We loved playing in her room... As I sat on her bed, I saw that all of her so beloved stuffed animals and her favorite dolls have a solid layer of dust covering them. Our son's room is the same. It's all over everything. Little boys' and girls' rooms should never be still enough to gather dust.

People keep telling us that we're close enough to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We're almost through the process and, as everyone including CPS says, then we'll have our babies back home.

Until then, CPS and the people associated with them have abused and neglected our children more than they can even hope to alledge that we ever did. We love our babies. To CPS, they are nothing but numbers.

I'm sorry if this doesn't belong here. I don't usually post (though I read here often). I just needed a sounding board. I just needed to share where there might be one or two people who understand what I'm feeling. If you're out there, please let me know.

Thanks for listening,
s.

[lost 3]

i know how you feel and your not alone thanks for sharen



good bless you and your family

[momoftwo79]

I know exactly what you mean. Your posting made me cry because I know how you feel. How it breaks my heart to look at the empty toddler bed and crib and the poor lonely toys that are not played with that were so loved.

It blows me away how we live in the "land of the free", yet we are treated guilty until proven innocent. It's so frustrating how they can just waltz into a home and tear families apart. I had been breastfeeding my daughter since she was born, yet they had no problems taking her away and refusing the breastmilk that I pumped and offered to them to give to her.

We have been told we can do everything that CPS and the Foster Care people demand, yet still not get our kids back since they say "it's up to the courts to decide". Now I am searching high and low for that good lawyer who can help the courts decide to bring my babies home and have my family together again.

I hope that your kids are returned to you soon. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and to every family that has been victimized by CPS.

[momoftwo79]

I know exactly what you mean. Your posting made me cry because I know how you feel. How it breaks my heart to look at the empty toddler bed and crib and the poor lonely toys that are not played with that were so loved.

It blows me away how we live in the "land of the free", yet we are treated guilty until proven innocent. It's so frustrating how they can just waltz into a home and tear families apart. I had been breastfeeding my daughter since she was born, yet they had no problems taking her away and refusing the breastmilk that I pumped and offered to them to give to her.

We have been told we can do everything that CPS and the Foster Care people demand, yet still not get our kids back since they say "it's up to the courts to decide". Now I am searching high and low for that good lawyer who can help the courts decide to bring my babies home and have my family together again.

I hope that your kids are returned to you soon. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and to every family that has been victimized by CPS.