Very Confused-I admit I lost it-Please don't judge me

[TooMuch]

Ok so what I have to admit it very hard for me. I had an incident 3 weeks ago where I swatted my 7 week old baby. I had been feeling strange a few days before hand and knew I was sufforing from severe post pardum depression. My oldest son had come home sick that day and my 7 week old just would not stop nursing or would scream if I put him down. I am in no way excusing my actions. His father and I got into a heated argument that night since he decided to go out to the bars instead of help me with the kids that's when I swatted my son. The next day his father took him into the emergency room where he stated I told him I was going to kill the baby and hit him in the face (I would like to add there was no bruising or swelling it litterally was a swat). A CPS report was made and the baby was placed in his fathers care.

I received a call that night from the emergency CPS worker who told me why my son was being taken because I slapped him. She said I would get a call Monday and someone would be out to talk to me.

So Monday comes and another CPS lady comes out and meets with me and my boyfriend and we put together a safety plan, she never asked me about the situation that accured but stated the alligations were so horendous that the father needed to file for full custody so I couldn't take the baby. This struck me as odd.

I called her the next day to ask what the alligations were she said she had to go to an emergency case but the baby would not be placed back with me since I threatened to kill him. I explained to her this was not true.

Well to make a long story short my oldest son's father was told by the CPS case manager that due to my mental state I was not allowed to see my son unless by professional supervision.

Now my youngest son's father has temporary legal and physical custody of the baby. Who by the was assaulted me when I was 7.5 months pregnant and is a heavy drug user. I was told by the CPS lady that if I said anything that would make him out to be an unfit parent they would take the baby into foster care, so I've said nothing.

If you have read all of this Thank You! CPS has made their recommendation to the court and the worker says she is out of it and will not take my calls.

Is there anything I can do? I;ve never been interviewed either has my therapist. I want my kids back but don't know where to start. I stated doing therapy and depression group once a week and have been on anti-depressants for a month. What else will they expect from me? Can they take them forever for what I did?

I'm so scared

[LindaJM]

When did you start taking the anti-depressants? Before or after you swatted your baby? Sometimes these drugs make people go off. Prozac is fluoride, a poison: http://www.greaterthings.com/Lexicon/F/Fluoride.htm

I'm sorry, but it doesn't look good, and you're right that if you badmouth the baby's father your child could end up in foster care and be adopted out to strangers.

Do you have an attorney? If not, you need one right away. You can visit the document library on this site to find a sample affidavit and start writing your side of the story in legal document form.

Keep coming back - you will need lots of support as you go through this case.

[Missingher]

My heart goes outto you.... but I gotta tell you I am on your side where CPS is concerned... I KNOW how PPD effects moms and its NOT your fault. Itsa medical reason for it and thats all there is to it.

NO One should loose their child because of a medical reason when there is medication to solve it.

Did Brook Sheilds loose her kids? NO. Thank God she helped educate the world in what it does do. I also think BSpears suffered from it greatly mixed with BP..di she loose her kids? Well yes but notto CPS.. but thed dad who seems to be a pretty good one...and willing to work with her and has..unlike some X's who RUN to CPS in order to get custody the slim ball way like mine did.

Listen to those who advise you ... are you on meds?If not do so to show you know what went wrong. Get a DR to testify for you about PPD...if they wont then subpenoa them.Find an advocate for mom about having PPD... in your area and get them to go to court with you and be a voice.

TRY your best to not see who ever they send you too.. tell them you will do it on your own and REALLY do it. This cant be stressed ENOUGH. Their "people" Drs, phycs , counselors , etc, will pin you down and make you look quilty as as can be as a child abuser.

Get your OWN mental eval done.... if you go to CPS 's Dr you will be in bad shape..b/c no one has ever gotten a normal or close to one mental eval report from a CPDS funded Dr..
THIS is where they will have you and use it against you.

Please dont walk in there thinking your will be fine.... b/c you will end up shocked at what all it will say ....

Read everything on this site and educate yourself so that you are prepared...and egt an attorney that has taken aon CPS before and nows their dirt ..b/c a court appointed one will NOT help you.

Another thing is ask for a trial by JURY ....b/c they will talk you to court to get a court ordered list of things for you to do.

BUT please ask for a JURY to be present... there is info on this site telling you how to go about that..dont chance a juvenile judge understanding PPD... but a JURY will IF you can make it known through a good attorney, an advocate, a Dr and or "certified" therapist...all about PPD.

Good Luck and please get busy..dont wait it out...and yes its going to cost you money but it will be worth it.... if you dont have it please find away to get it... call around ALL these places that you need to hjave presentand get an estimate and then to whatever you can to come up with it.

Start therapy NOW... so that you are one step ahead of them and dthat therapist can go into court with you ...maybe even post what stae yu are in and someone will know who one is that has taken on CPS before.

I found one by doing that and sheis awesome and ready to defend me up against their mental eval AND my x .

My case is different than yours ..but we all that have walked that road before you and we know CPS treats us all the same no matter if guilty or not ...what you did is what can happen when someone has PPD..it can be FIXED!It is NO reason to loose yuor baby.

BUT CPS will do what ever they can to fight you on that...its not the baby they want so to say its the MONEY they will get FOR the baby.

So plan ahead! Starting today.

Please keep us updated ok? We will help you the best we can... but you have to listen, believe and trust us...b/c we have been THERE.

[TooMuch]

Thank you for your replies. I do have an attorney who isn't familiar with CPS as technically this isn't a CPS case. They did their report and are closing the case once the courts give their orders. I think this is because if CPS made this an open case they would have to pay for my counceling which is $500+ a month. Both of my childrens father's were told by CPS to get full legal and physical custody and that would be their recommendation to the court. My youngest son's father has explained to CPS this was out of my character as I am a great mother to my oldest and he knows I was sufforing from PPD yet they never spoke to my therapist, who feels this was an isolated insident and now that I am on meds (zoloft) and in instence counseling should never happen again. I know I'm fortunate that my baby wasn't placed in foster care but can't feel a little angry that they placed him with an abusive, drug addicted father without even giving me a chance to improve my mental state. I have a great therapist who says he will go to bat with me regarding CPS and court, which hopefully will help. But it's really hard I miss my kids.

Does anyone know if I can get a copy of the CPS report?

[debbiescalese]

Yes you can get a copy look around because somewhere on the site is a link. I just can't remember where it is right off hand.
Do you have a relative who is able to care for the child somebody close like your parents or an aunt? If you do a relative placement is best. They are suppose to place the child with a realitive first but it doesn't always work. They have to have a clean record, safe home, stable home. If there is somebody on stand by for placement who can pass cps standards then you might have a shot to get the kid away from the father who also is a safety issue.

[amayabrianna]

Yes you can get a copy of almost everythin from cps. Its hard but it can b done. And just to reinforce it do NOT EVER go through their doctors of any kind. If they refer you to some one find someone else with the same qualifications. There are some therapy and other dr groups out there who will charge you based on your income. I found one in fl that didnt charge me anything. If you have any insurance especially medicaid you can get the same treatments (even if you dn have insurance) at a very reasonable rate. DO NOT go to their doctors unless they court ordeyou o use their doctors.a recommendation or refferal is NOT a court order!!!! th drs they refer to work through them for a reason, they all get a part of th $$$$ your kids bring in. Have your kids been adjudicated? if not then there is a good chance yo will get them back soon. if they have you can still get them back it will just be a longer harder battle. keep in touch here it will help alot to talk to people who have been through it.

[TooMuch]

Well I guess this is good news, my oldest was able to come home for an overnight this weekend and everything went great. It's really hard to have to try and expalin to him why he hasn't been home in over a month, he knows something isn't right, at the end of our visit he cried saying he thought he would never see me again. I breaks my heart.

I hired a new attorney who seems to be really on top of it and knows what the courts will require for my kids to come home. The scary thing is CPS was suppose to move my case to family court but they are still too involved. They are trying to over turn my therapist recommendation and are requiring both fathers to take full custody with NO visitations. I don't see how this is benificial to my children.

I'm going to some sort of therapy or class everyday, it's not like I;m not trying. I'd like someone to give it to me straight, will I ever get my kids back? If so how much longer?

[amayabrianna]

they are tryin to give the fathers custody? i would get individual therapy, even if they didnt say you need it, it will look better when you go to court again that you are trying and doing things to help you. i would fight them giving the fathers any custody that they dont already have. overnight visits is a good sign they usually (in fl at least) do visitations then vernights then weekends then the kids in your home with cps visits then permanent placement with you. so getting overnights is good. also i would get a therapist who will come while you are wih your children so they can see you and them together and how you guys interact. there are therapists who wll come on the weekend and inthe evening if thats whats best for you. thats what iwould do. i would also requst that the kids ave individual therapy so that they could evaluate them and say there is no danger in them returning to you, but i woul either require it be with my therapist or one from the same place or i wouldnt tell cps that the kids are having it and let them have it when they came for their overnights. i would personally wait and let them hae it at my house with my therapist and get reports from them like a wek before court and give it to the cps the day before court. that way they dont have the time to getheir therapist to see them before curt. this may seem sneeky or whatever but so is cps and at least you are really doing it for your kids best interest. and as far as them overturning your therapt recommendations i would get a second and maye a third therapist that agree and have them right letters to the court. yeah it means more theapy and telling more people your buisness bt i would tell the world if it came to my kids. it woud be even better if you have all your therapist com to court with you, if you tell them enough in advance most will if they see that it really would be best for all if you hadyour kds back. how can refute 2 or 3 therapists? they will try but its gonna be hard for a judge to believe that that many people are lying. sorry im ramblig but i hate when they try to pull this. if you want more info or want to know anythingelse (ie my expierience) pm me i would be glad to hl any way i can.

[eyeq181]

It's just sounded like you need a break. It gets hard when there is someone there to help but they want to act selfishly instead then blow it up in your face when you fall. I have been there to. And honestly it's easier to be a single mom because you know what it takes from the get go then to have someone there that you thought could be depended on and they let you down. This will make your hormones go way out of way when dealing with PPD. Child's father is playing a un healthy child's game with you and it could back fire in the wrong direction. Untumetly I don't see that you were trying to hurt your child I just see you trying to get a reaction out of someone not doing there job. And this was the only way of doing such a thing. Normally it's a game that is played when a divorce is in play.

If the caseworker in your case was smart they would make all of you guys go through relationship counseling. Any other kind of counseling won't really work. You guys need a way to communicate which is not so harmful. And even though you guys are not together you are still in a relationship and will always be in one with these fathers.

After you do get your kids home I would recommend a mother's day out were the father's get the kiddo's and you head out for a day. Do this every week. This is one advantage that single mom's don't have.

I would never admit to anything in the past unless it would cause harm now. Unless it was something big such as murder or molestation. Never admit to that joint you smoked 10 years ago at a party. That is not relevant. But if the father has a meth lab in the makings in his garage, then yes I would say tell them. You are the only one that can make the choice father or foster care. And with foster care you stand a 50% chance of a good one.

Good luck.