Ask the foster parent

[Whomperdoodle]

I don't know if there is any interest, but I thought I'd offer...

I am, among other things, currently a foster parent to two toddlers. I have a better relationship with one mom than the other, but I don't judge. I just try to keep the kids safe until they can go home.

So... If you have questions about any part of the process from this side, I'd be happy to answer them.

[monkette31]

Was there anything in your foster training that you disliked?

Is there a core curriculum/standard they have/use to train foster parents?

Have you witnessed any unethical or questionable procedures during training or anything you do not ethically or morally agree with?

[Whomperdoodle]

Was there anything in your foster training that you disliked?

Is there a core curriculum/standard they have/use to train foster parents?

Have you witnessed any unethical or questionable procedures during training or anything you do not ethically or morally agree with?

1) Some parts of training made me uncomfortable, but they were designed to do that. Like a number of exercises where we put ourselves in the shoes of the children who are in care, and of their parents. I wouldn't say I LIKED those parts of the training, but I think they were worthwhile and I'm glad we did them.

2) There are a number of set curricula nationwide, and most places use one of them. We used PS-MAPP, which is one of the popular ones. In my state, agencies handle licensure, and my agency requires extra training on behaviors to expect and positive discipline, so we have 33 hours of training instead of just the 30 required by PS-MAPP and the state.

3) I have no beef with my training. I just wish it had been better preparation for the reality. For instance, we're taught a lot of techniques for how to preserve family relationships, and then in reality once I get placements, the case managers and my agency get on me for interacting too much with parents. Or, in training, reunification is treated as a default, and we're painted a rosy picture of social services and families working together to finish up a case plan so kids can go home, but in reality... not so much. I've had a little boy for 3 weeks. Visits are ordered at 4 hours a week -- and they haven't had one yet. Not one. The case manager says that the third-party visit supervising parent aide agency is backed up and he's too busy to supervise on his own. My agency doesn't allow me to supervise visits (see above re: interacting too much with parents). I finally put my foot down and invited Mom to his doctor's appointment on his birthday (yes, his first birthday passed without CPS setting up a visit), and we went out for smoothies afterward so they could have a little bonding time. Yeah, Mom admits to having made mistakes, but it's really hard for me to watch her drive to work her plan dwindle as a partial result of not having any access to her son except through photos and his occasional "mama" on the phone.

[monkette31]

wow, thanks for your input...and the info on their curriculum, that helps, I can research their weird methods now.

I do not want to alienate you and thanks for answering. I really expected you to be a honey pot!

That was so nice of you to do for her and child. I hope she appreciates it, what you are doing. Yes, the visiting thing sounds pretty standard. Judges always seem to play in court, oh no, this woman needs to see her child 2-3 visits a week....but as I have experienced and you have seen, one at the most seems to be the standard of cps no matter what the judge orders.

Seems like it's all a big setup for the parents, I remember leaving court happy with visits ordered, which never happened.

Is there anything that you can think of that would help us?
If you are to find that you are in a vicious agency with the agenda of stealing children at all costs, would you quit?

What is it, if any that you would do, if you saw direct abuse by cps and/or the agency you work for?

How do you think we can expose such injustice, if you agree there is any, in the foster training field?

Sorry for all the weird questions, not looking at you personally at all, just glad you're here.

[Whomperdoodle]

Is there anything that you can think of that would help us?

I wish I knew something. All I know to tell the mothers (I'm not in contact with the fathers) of the children I foster is to work their plans. But, both the mothers I work with admit that CPS was right to intervene, so it's not like some of the situations I read about here. If my kids were unjustly removed, I would have to hope I could differentiate myself from the scores of marginal parents the case managers see on a daily basis.

If you are to find that you are in a vicious agency with the agenda of stealing children at all costs, would you quit?

I would. I have no truck with unnecessarily splitting up families. I will say that my agency (we go through private agencies) and the two social services agencies I work with have all so far done nothing but repeat "the goal is reunification." I see no evidence they aren't on the up and up, but then from my perspective that'd be hard to see, right?

What is it, if any that you would do, if you saw direct abuse by cps and/or the agency you work for?

I would go one level up and find out the formal complaint procedure, and follow it, escalating as may be required. For instance, if a case manager were behaving inappropriately, I would notify his supervisor. If someone at an agency level were acting inappropriately, I'd notify the CPS Ombudsman at the state level. If someone at my agency (high level) were behaving inappropriately, I would contact the office in charge of foster care licensing. If someone if at my agency were behaving inappropriately (lower level), I'd contact his supervisor.

How do you think we can expose such injustice, if you agree there is any, in the foster training field?

I wouldn't say I've seen "injustice" in my training. I wouldn't doubt that there are agencies out there that mislead people or otherwise are corrupt, but my experience is limited and I don't know of any. I think the principles of at least my curriculum are sound (strict focus on preserving family relationships with the goal of reunifying families). You'd need to have someone who was aware of specific wrongdoing to get the ball rolling.