Parent Aides, friend or foe?

[thepenguinpitt]

I would just like to talk for a minute about parent aides. When we were first told that we had to have supervised visits with our children and that CPS would be providing the person to supervise them, we were outraged. We didnt want anything to do with any parent aide, and although we were furious about it we had no choice if we wanted to visit with our kids. Turns out we were totally wrong about our expectations and fears. As a matter of fact I believe our parent aide had a huge part in us winning our case. You see parent aides are really only supposed to do one thing, observe you interacting with your children. And in our case like many others, the parent aide was the ONLY person who ever saw us and our kids together. Not the case worker, not the therapists, not the lawyers, not anyone else ever saw how we were when we were with our children. That was a factor that the judge took into consideration, he even had a brief recess so he could review the reports from the parent aide, all of which were truthfull and proclaimed what a loving family we are. So if anyone out there who is in the middle of a CPS battle is having negative feelings about a parent aide, I suggest putting your worries aside and let the parent aide do their job. Which is observing you and your kids, so use it to your advantage and make every minute they see you with your kids a time of genuine love and happiness as well as letting them see that you have appropriate parenting skills. In the end the parent aide could prove to be your biggest supporter. Thank you Gayle we love you for what you did for our family.

[donewiththem]

I agree. Because my sons mother calls CPS on me, as well as her family, because she lost custody, I was told I needed a Parent Aid. She was wonderful and did help when I needed it. I am a single dad and it can be very hard to deal with the other parent if they lost custody. My parent aide was instumental in helping me retain custody because she saw what I have done for my sons and was also able to speak to my sons and essentially be a positive female figure in their lives.

[LindaJM]

What wonderful parent aides you had... willing to see your love and report the truth. Thanks for sharing that with us. I am very happy to hear of this positive development and hope that others will have a similarly good experience with their parent aides.

[clgmac]

I've also had good reports from my parent aides. Unfortunately our case manager seems to ignore any positive reports she receives. I got a copy of all my parent aide notes and hope my attorney can present them to the judge.

[LindaJM]

You could write a declaration of facts and attach those parent aide notes to your declaration as "exhibits" . . . place that in the court file and the judge will probably be forced to pay attention to it. I think if you create a respectable looking declaration about the parent aide notes your attorney would be happy to use it in your defense.

[clgmac]

Thank you for your advice and the link. I think that's exactly what I need to do.

[greeneyes]

How do you handle Parent Aides that are friends and are friends of friends with the Foster Parents and they write reports that are totally wrong.

[heavyaaron]

How do you handle Parent Aides that are friends and are friends of friends with the Foster Parents and they write reports that are totally wrong.

What difference does any relation to the foster parents make? Indeed, many foster parents are also visit supervisors or parent aides.

I understand the potential to disagree with the parent aide's opinions and judgments. But I do not understand how any relationship to the foster parents plays a role.

Just for disclosure, I am a foster parent. While I've never known any of the supervisors or parent aides involved in cases we've been involved in prior to the cases, we do have to have working relationships with parent aides. And, of course, we immediately have something in common; the children. So, naturally we are going to be friendly.

I just do not understand the objection here. Do you not feel that it is in the children's' best interested that as many parties in the case as possible are on as good a terms as possible?

[greeneyes]

heavyaaron wrote
What difference does any relation to the foster parents make? Indeed, many foster parents are also visit supervisors or parent aides.

I understand the potential to disagree with the parent aide's opinions and judgments. But I do not understand how any relationship to the foster parents plays a role. just for disclosure, I am a foster parent. While I've never known any of the supervisors or parent aides involved in cases we've been involved in prior to the cases, we do have to have working relationships with parent aides. And, of course, we immediately have something in common; the children. So, naturally we are going to be friendly.

I just do not understand the objection here. Do you not feel that it is in the children's' best interested that as many parties in the case as possible are on as good a terms as possible?

I most certainly do, I feel all should be on good terms. I am referring to a one sided situation with lies among other things going on with intent to do harm as far as the best interest of the children. I have every respect for FP and others involved in any case, but good FP and aides do not lie. I have friends and family that have fostered in the past and none have ever conducted themselves in the manner in which these are. I was not grouping all together nor should you. my remark or question was regarding the type of conduct I have mentioned. Just to be clear I am not referring to a working relationship and FP are not Parent Aides.

[LindaJM]

It sounds like the problem is that the parent aide is submitting false information - but to who? Do you get copies of those reports? Can you prove them inaccurate, with documentary evidence of some kind?

[greeneyes]

[LindaJM/in
It sounds like the problem is that the parent aide is submitting false information - but to who? Do you get copies of those reports? Can you prove them inaccurate, with documentary evidence of some kind?

They and the FP are submitting false reports to case worker and in summary to judge, not sure who to trust at this point. Yes I have proof, not sure how to get it to correct person. Time is running out. wanted to add that of last two case workers there have been no personal meetings and of those two one has lied ) phone call to her) about what she was going to do to assist in the situation.

[LindaJM]

Did you consider writing a legal document called "Objections and Corrections to the report of the Social Worker" ... (or parent aid, or foster parent, etc.?) That would help if you got the social worker's report to the court and it contains inaccurate statements of the FP or PA or SW. There's a sample document in our legal document library. I'd submit it to my lawyer before court... hopefully a few weeks before court. I'd also make it as short as possible so it would be easy for the lawyers and judge to read. Of course, until you get the SW's court report you wouldn't know what to write.

[greeneyes]

LindaJM

Did you consider writing a legal document called "Objections and Corrections to the report of the Social Worker" ... (or parent aid, or foster parent, etc.?) That would help if you got the social worker's report to the court and it contains inaccurate statements of the FP or PA or SW. There's a sample document in our legal document library. I'd submit it to my lawyer before court... hopefully a few weeks before court. I'd also make it as short as possible so it would be easy for the lawyers and judge to read. Of course, until you get the SW's court report you wouldn't know what to write.

The court summary is how we discovered all the information, some documents were omitted as well. The SW report was not even there. The objections and corrections will be done. they are going for TPR I am sure and there is so much more to question, but due to not knowing who is on site I am afraid to give much detail as it would be recognized. Not good I know but I thought I could find something similar in reading on here, so far nothing really like it.

[heavyaaron]

I most certainly do, I feel all should be on good terms.

Very good.

I am referring to a one sided situation with lies among other things going on with intent to do harm as far as the best interest of the children. I have every respect for FP and others involved in any case, but good FP and aides do not lie.

Obviously.

I have friends and family that have fostered in the past and none have ever conducted themselves in the manner in which these are. I was not grouping all together nor should you.

I'm not sure where I did, but it would certainly not have been my intention to stereotype.

my remark or question was regarding the type of conduct I have mentioned. Just to be clear I am not referring to a working relationship and FP are not Parent Aides.

Obviously, you have the right to disagree with anything stated by the foster parents or the parent aides. It is your original question that I was confused by, as you were asking how to deal with parent aides that are friends with foster parents.

I guess I could have more clearly answered the question as "you deal with them exactly the same way you would deal with them if they were not friends." I don't see how the relationship has any impact at all.

[greeneyes]

Obviously, you have the right to disagree with anything stated by the foster parents or the parent aides. It is your original question that I was confused by, as you were asking how to deal with parent aides that are friends with foster parents.

I guess I could have more clearly answered the question as "you deal with them exactly the same way you would deal with them if they were not friends." I don't see how the relationship has any impact at all.

I am shocked that you don't see a problem with the relationship. FP parents wanting to adopt, PA that are close friends. You don't see the potential for misconduct here? There has been, and I was asking how to deal with it, as they are people who are supposed to be honest and work for the best interest of the children, who do you think SW most likely to side with?

[greeneyes]

By the way, they have pretended to be friendly with me all along did not find out all this until recently.

[heavyaaron]

Obviously, you have the right to disagree with anything stated by the foster parents or the parent aides. It is your original question that I was confused by, as you were asking how to deal with parent aides that are friends with foster parents.

I guess I could have more clearly answered the question as "you deal with them exactly the same way you would deal with them if they were not friends." I don't see how the relationship has any impact at all.

I am shocked that you don't see a problem with the relationship. FP parents wanting to adopt, PA that are close friends. You don't see the potential for misconduct here? There has been, and I was asking how to deal with it, as they are people who are supposed to be honest and work for the best interest of the children, who do you think SW most likely to side with?

First off, how would you even know that the foster parents want to adopt? Certainly some do, but I've had bio parents (falsely) assume that of me before. It's not a given.

But are you suggesting that the parent aide is conspiring with the foster parents to help a TPR so that the children are available for adoption?!? I guess I can grant that's not impossible, but they'd all be taking a heck of a risk:

- perjury
- foster license
- parent aide's job
- personal integrity

Any way, my answer stands. You'd deal with it in exactly the same way you would if they were not friends. You'd challenge their statements through your lawyer, providing whatever evidence you have.