The indignity of having your child taken away

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Lysander
Posts: 58
Joined: Fri Jun 12, 2015 8:15 pm

The indignity of having your child taken away

Postby Lysander » Sat Aug 29, 2015 10:08 am

Look around, and you can see that just about any white trash is allowed to raise their own kids. Therefore, perhaps the worst indignity, and the harshest insult, is to be told by the state that you're unfit to raise your kids. Basically, when that happens, the government is saying that all the people you see in various public places, who are yelling at their kids, telling them they're pieces of shit, physically assaulting them in retribution for disobedience, etc. are superior to you. They're considered better examples for the next generation to follow.

In light of this, I can see why my first wife decided to kill herself shortly after her kid was taken away. I can't think of any moment that more represents hitting rock bottom than being told that the child you produced and nurtured with your own body, and whom you love more than anything, you deserve to have removed and given to others. It's the ultimate slap in the face from society.

Also, one of the most common arguments people raise when someone says they're thinking of killing themselves is, "You can't be so selfish. You have to think of your family!" What happens when the government takes your family away? Then you are released from your obligation or responsibility to remain alive, that you took upon yourself when you brought children into this world. The government has said, "You aren't needed (or wanted). We can find better caregivers for your children."

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family_man
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Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2010 8:02 am
Location: TX

Re: The indignity of having your child taken away

Postby family_man » Sun Aug 30, 2015 6:07 pm

There are better ways to fight the system than taking your own life. I am very sorry that this is the path taken by your wife, and I am glad that you remaining in the fight.
Disclaimer: I am not an attorney, and this is not legal advice.

Lysander
Posts: 58
Joined: Fri Jun 12, 2015 8:15 pm

Re: The indignity of having your child taken away

Postby Lysander » Sat Sep 12, 2015 3:41 pm

family_man wrote:There are better ways to fight the system than taking your own life. I am very sorry that this is the path taken by your wife, and I am glad that you remaining in the fight.


One of the hazards of killing yourself is that those left behind will tell the story as they see fit. People now say that her suicide proves that the state was right to take away her kid, given her mental and emotional instability. But I am pretty confident, given the timing, that it was their taking her kid away that caused her to despair and think that life no longer had anything to offer her.

mimirose
Posts: 4
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2016 11:55 am

Re: The indignity of having your child taken away

Postby mimirose » Wed Jun 15, 2016 11:43 am

I am sorry for your loss. I think you understood her true pain.

Giving birth to my child was the best thing that ever happened to me, and the reason why I finally mustard enough courage to leave my abusive husband of 8 years. Now, not only do I have to live with the shame and stigma of being a victim and work to over come my mental health issues (depression, anxiety, ptsd because of dv) but I now have to live with the shame I feel because my child was removed. You are right, cps makes you feel like the lowest of low. They tell you to be patient and that they are busy and must understand. Trust me if I didn't care about my kid I will not be calling/emailing you every day! They don't take into consideration how grueling and devastating it is to keep "living your life", proving your worth as a parent, all while you cannot see your kid. How can I live my life when my whole life was my child? How it just elongates the pain and suffering for parent and child. How they examine and record your parental interactions and discipline with your toddler who has been out of home for 9 months, and only see for 4 hours a week. When they make you take parenting classes where they teach you the developmental stages of children and show you the kind of attention and structure that child needs, yet you cannot provide at this important stage. It feels like a slap to the face indeed.

I endured much abuse in my life. Nothing aches more than not being able to kiss him every day. Holidays, family gathering, seeing other parents hold their kids, it kills me inside. His empty room, untouched. I understand the "rock bottom" you are talking about exactly.

I really hope you can heal someday. That we all can.

[email protected]
Posts: 11
Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2016 5:37 am

Re: The indignity of having your child taken away

Postby [email protected] » Thu Jul 07, 2016 6:02 am

I agree, it is humiliating to have your interactions with your own children scrutinized and recorded, as if you are the subject of some kind of horrible human behavior experiment that you didn't submit to willingly. Also it is a catch 22 that they teach you parenting techniques and limit the opportunity you have to practice them. My caseworker and her supervisors treat me as if I am a perpetrator, when I never abused my children or exposed them to harm. The allegations against my husband and me are completely false, yet CPS has labeled us unfit just because they have biased opinions and they don't have to submit proof of anything. I have 5 children in custody, and one 7 month old who by God's grace is still in my custody, and I cringe when people ask if my son is my only child. There is no good way to explain that he has 5 siblings who were removed by CPS. Coworkers, people we meet at church, the director of my son's daycare, everyone that asks simple, everyday questions about our family all make me feel so degraded when I try to give answers that don't disclose too much. It's a unique and terrible situation that parents like us have to endure. God bless all of you going through this. Prayers for all of you suffering. Don't give up.
Keep having faith

Tburgesn
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2016 5:41 am

Re: The indignity of having your child taken away

Postby Tburgesn » Mon Aug 01, 2016 11:18 am

My obligation to my kids has grown stronger. Don't get me wrong I spent 5 days in ICU on a respirator after a suciade attempt. If I'm gone what do my kids do at 18. No one will be getting a check for them then. Most of their lives are lived after 18. What is someone tries taking there kids....I am experienced in this area. I'm waiting I want to see the day they have a choice....the day they choose me....I don't want to miss that.


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