Another question

[pebbles04]

Okay is anyone familiar with the details on a case after adoption has been achieved. I have not had a chance to research it so at this point I am not quite sure. I figured that if anyone would know that it would be you guys so I am here to ask. I know that my son probably has A LOT of unanswered questions since the whole thing took place. I dont know what to do though. I keep writing him letters just to let him know that I still care. Nothing to tell him that the things that happened were messed up. I am so tempted to send those to him, but I didnt know the requirements.

My mom had looked into some things and she found out (now dont quote me on where she found this nor whether it is different from state to state), but she found some info that said that you can write kids in the system. That it is at the parents discretion whether or not to give it to them. So I am kind of confused. Is it up to them whether they can accept them to give to them. Also someone told me that if you send them in to the proper place that you can have letters placed in the file for when he is 18 so that he can look at it and read the letters I had put in there for him. Does anyone know about this and whether that is true.

What would happen if I sent a letter to the adoptive parents house? I havent done so, but I figured I would ask someone first. The reason being is they cant say I am stalking them or anything of that nature. Hell her husband was ALL over the news shortly following the adoption and so was their address right along with it. Not that it matters I knew it anyways.

Can someone shed some light on this for me? I really want to be able to write my son a letter. Well all of my kids, but my oldest is only 6 years away from turning 18 at this point so I wanted to ask about him. Please someone any assistance you can provide would be great. Links if you have any would also be beneficial.

[Marina]

.

Go to "Code of Virginia" and do a search for "adoption."

Also search "Virginia Administrative Code."

Also search "Virginia Department of Social Services."

Even "Virginia government" website.

.

[Momoffor]

Here is some info that I found for you that might help

http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/ ... termin.cfm

I read the details one one site that stated ' once there is a TPR the birth parent losses all legal right to contact that child". BUT, have you thought about writing a letter to the adoptive 'people' and asking permission to write to your him?

My best advice in this matter would be to contact an attorney that specializes in matters concerning TPR. There is one in the Norfolk/VA bach area. I no longer havehis contact info, but I believe that I sent it to you some time ago. (hope you might still have it)

[pebbles04]

I probably dont have it. I realize that I dont even have all my posts up on here either. I guess they did some deleting. If you sent it to me in my personal box then I might still have it, but if it was sent to the actual forum I noticed a lot of stuff wasnt there anymore.

[Momoffor]

Look up adoption under the code of Virgnia. I found in there that 6 months after an adoption has been finalized it cannot be attacked in any way. I also read that the commissioner can investigate when someone has made false statements for the sake of adoption.

I cant remember the name of the lawyer sorry. It was on the board but older stuff poofed at some point.

Good luck

[Jessie's Aunt]

I second the recommendation that you write to the adoptive parents, not their son. The previous post was right about TPR'd parents losing any and all rights to have contact. It's not like an adoption following a voluntary relinquishment where there might be varying degrees of "openness" that would allow letters, phone calls, or even visits with their family.

I wouldn't send letters to DSS, either. They would not relay them to the adoptive family and anything could happen to your letters while you're waiting for his 18th birthday.

Just tell the parents that you are concerned that he may still be disturbed about the case and you think you can help him to understand what happened. If they say he's not disturbed or too young to understand, you can ask them to hold the letters in a safe place for him to read later when he's mature enough. I guess it's just about a certainty that they will read your letters so be very careful what you say and how you say it.

I would write only once because technically you are not supposed to even know their whereabouts. If you deluge them with requests for contact, they just might report that you're stalking them. If they don't answer, then save your letters for the future when he will come looking for you. I hope you'll also resist the impulse to hang out around his home or school hoping to see him or speak to him. That would probably get you an immediate meeting with a cop.

[eyeq181]

You should be able to write.
I gave a child up for adoption 8 years ago.
I can write, but I have to drop the letter and pictures off at the adoption agency.
By the a certian age thet already knowhat is going on.
Keep a copy of your letters that you write, just incase they don't give him the letters. So later on you can prove that you wrote.
I got lucky, my adoption was done on my terms. But yet still never easy.
I write to my child once a week, and the parents write me back. And send pictures. I got lucky,
I would also write to the adoptive parents, expressing your true intentions, and that your not infringing on thier writes as thier adoptive parents. That you are just letting your child know that someone else still cares and loves him too.
Adoptive parents fear that the natual parents will come in and take thier child back, or even just disappear with them. I would express that it's not your intention.
It might work.