No happy end for us

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No happy end for us

Postby Marina07 » Sun Jun 29, 2008 1:59 pm

I've been here for almost a year, our case is over and done with, but we are financially ruined. We still have caseworkers that have to come to our house, and now we're afraid our kids will get taken for completely different reasons.

We can't afford to pay any of our bills due to paying for lawyers, days taken off work to meet with caseworkers, and now our credit cards are suspended because we can't pay them. I have never been the type to give up, but I think I have. It would have been easier to just say, I abused my child, do what you feel like doing, then to fight it, win, and for what? Our kids are home, but we can't afford to take care of them. We were a middle class family, we always paid our bills on time, even before they were due, our kids always had nice things, now they are turning off our electric tomorrow. We have $35k in lawyer fees. My head constantly hurts from the stress, and I don't know where to turn. You know it's bad when you make $70k between the two of you, and you can't afford a $200 car payment anymore, let alone electric.

And I just found out, that while my boyfriend's kids were in his sister's care, the caseworker asked if she'd like to place them in state care, even though the caseworker KNEW they had a grandmother who would happily take them in. That convinces me even more that they were only out to make money off of us, and that they did. They will get their state funding because they had the children removed for 5 months while the DSS lawyer dragged her feet, which dragged the entire process out to keep the kids away from their HOME even longer. I know I come here a lot to complain, but really, is there anything that can be done to stop this? Our family has been destroyed, in fact, I will probably be moving out soon because my boyfriend and I are angry at eachother, and blaming eachother....they succeeded at breaking apart a once loving, happy family.


Postby MaggieC » Sun Jun 29, 2008 5:56 pm

I am so sorry for your troubles. You have gone through a horrible time. Please don't give up now. Many municipalities offer emergency utility service. Explain that you have young children in the hosue and ask for a payment plan.

Speak to your attorney about a payment plan as well.

Don't dwell on the nice things the kids once had. The nicest thing they have now is that you are all together.

Can you borrow a car from someone to get you to work etc? Can you possibly do without a car for a while? (not sure where you live so this might be difficult)

Don't fight with your boyfriend. They tried to split the family up, don't allow it to happen.

Times will be tough for a while but you have already proven how strong you are, please try to stay strong now. Things will get better. They have to.


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Postby debbiescalese » Wed Jul 02, 2008 4:33 pm

I know how you feel we are in the same boat. We just didn't spend as much on Lawyer fees we in two and a half years spent $3500. I think that is pretty good. Then again we shouldn't have had to pay anything. We shouldn't have had to waist time going through all this court mdt's and oh lets not forget the "services" that were anything but. I'm just angry now. I'm angry they put my kids through it, me through it, for what? Nothing has changed except I'm more paranoid. No change for the better for sure.

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Dear Marina

Postby DesertSkye » Fri Jul 11, 2008 2:02 pm

Dear Marina~
DOn't give up then they will have truly won....we have been where you are....its been 2 yrs since we got Katelynn home and we are still struggling to get on our feet....

But, I can tell you I would do it all over again.....
If you truly love your boyfriend....and he loves you........ don't let this split you apart....or they will have succeeded in that area too....

My mom(dazeemay) and I used to be on the site gave us some peace to try and help others...we have not been on in awhile because she had two heart attacks(she is fine now) and then my husband of 5 months fell and broke his neck and we lost everything and had to move in with my parents.....but I am determined to keep on going because someday I hope between all of us we can bring this beast are needed your knowledge is needed....
Please keep on keepin on/....there are others who haven't been able to bring their kids home yet and they need you too!

Your kids need you!
Hugs Desert
A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more we should ourselves complain.
William Shakespeare

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Postby Marina07 » Sat Jul 12, 2008 7:55 pm

Thanks. Well I did move out, we are no longer together. Our once happy family is broke apart. I told my boyfriend that if we are apart, they win, and he just says, well, they did win. He says because I did have suspicions in the beginning, he can't forget that, and is afraid. He just want it to be him and his kids for now.

Financially, we are not good, at all. We never struggled before, as I said. We both have good jobs, we had a wonderful, perfect life. I will never forgive them for what they did to our family, never.

I am looking into parent advocacy groups, we still could have a lawsuit agains them for the things they did, but we need more information. They flat out ignored when my daughter said that her grandfather did something to her......just kept bringing her back to, no, he didn't do anything, this person did that......because my boyfriend is a non-family member, it was a great case for them. I hate them. The funny thing is, I work for an organization that works against CPS, as we do not agree with ripping families apart.

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Postby trappedinwreakage » Sat Jul 19, 2008 4:03 pm

Wow, I hate to hear about this but have to say Im not surprised. I dont know how any family, in any situation can survive the nonsence. Perhaps being a man I too always felt they won, I felt they won on day one, that it was all over after that, which in our case was true.

Now as you begin to loose things and have electric shut off they will have new reasons to take your children hostage. It seems like they want everyone to end up on welfare. Loose you utilities, your bank account, your car, your job, your desire, your inspiration, then you just wait life out, thats where Im at, Im a real worthless piece of junk now, that cant believe how things have just kept deteriorating for me. The familys done, my daughter is 19 and wandering mostly aimlessly through life, Im of no use to her, her mother who I rarely speak to anymore is of little use to her. All over a stupid little pile of crap.


Postby MaggieC » Mon Jul 21, 2008 6:34 pm

You are NOT a worthless piece of junk. You were dealt a very bad hand. You believed in all that was right, you put your trust in al lthat is right and these bizarre laws that do not abide by our Constitution did you wrong.

But you are still standing.

And you speak out to help others. I would not call that being a worthless piece of junk.

Sometimes the best way to help ourselves is to help others. As the others become strong, so do we.

Your daughter will come around, I am sure of it.

Please stay strong. These laws may have taken away so much, home and family but they can not take away your spirit.

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Postby katgotsteve » Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:22 am

i dont know about yall, but the more they pushed me the more i pushed back. they would often make comments about being in fear from the men they work with, that maybe my husband could become violent, etc....i showed them that it is not man they need to fear. i have pushed a few caseworkers to tears. i can be real bitch, but at that time of the month you had better watch out, a caseworker and therapist had the opportunity to push my buttons on those occassions.
all i knew is they were twisted my life into a perverse place i did not want to be. they took the things that make me a good parent and tried to say things like i am too strict, i dont give my children privacy, i share too much adult stuff with them, etc. anything to make me look bad. i turned it around on them. i interviewed a caseworker who was working with my nieces for 4 years on tape about my parenting, i showed my foster care certification and the paperwork i filled out along with notes from the teachers, i interviewed the school faculty, in fact they came to testify on my behalf, i even recorded conversations with caseworkers that contradicted themselves, it showed after every interview or therapy appiontment how thier opinion changed. i did not get to present it at court, but as my lawyer said it is good to have if they start something, after months of recording, i finally told them what i had and presented transcripts, but did not give them copies, just quotes they really didnt bother me much after that, other than the once a month visit. then the visits were just over once the court order lapsed. they didnt even attempt to renew.
all i am saying is, fight, fight, fight, dont let them win or even know they won. show them by holding your head up high and helping others.

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Postby mommyx3b » Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:51 am

OH hun I know, but I refuse to let them know what its done to me financially. I have found some ways to combat it but if my car was to break down I would S.O.L.
I am growing my own fruits and veggies in my backyard, saving every can and bottle to turn in for recycling, selling anything and everthing I can on e-bay. making use of this site and freecycle and craigslist for needed items. And you would be amazed how freesample from all kids of sites for household goods like soap, deoderant andf cleaning products can add up and save money. You just have to put in the time to do lots of googling the word FREE.
"No Honey, you can't help mommy make cookies for Santa, 'cause it might make a mess, then CPS will take you away 'cause the house isn't spotless." <-----What I should have told my 4 yr old daughter.

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Postby Socialworker » Sat Jul 26, 2008 9:35 am

I would suggest those credit consolidating places for the credit card problem. I have a friend who used it, and it worked out wonderfully. They'll ask that you don't get any more cards, and your cards would still be unusable, but they will contact the companies, can lower your interest, and you would pay them, they would pay the credit cards. You'll also have a "pay off date" written in stone as long as you don't miss payments.

I also agree with coupons. I love, and if you can afford it has coupons that you pay for. You'll pay say 10cents for a 50cent off item. Just as another "extra" you might look into They will save a certain % of everything you buy (money comes from the companies that make the products) for the college funds of your kids.

For bills, private agencies might help. Catholic Charities can help with utilities, and there are others like it. Don't worry about the faith based thing, I know CC doesn't care if you go to church, others might not be like that. Private agencies are different in that they don't report to the state who gets what. If you're afraid to take your kids with you, then don't. When you meet with the case worker there ask what their policies are on children if you're worried. If you don't like it you won't have to use their aid. I don't know where you live, but a phone call to a local shelter might help you get some phone numbers to other private agencies. Just call and tell them you're looking for aid with bills, do they have any resources that you can call.

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Postby eyeq181 » Sun Jul 27, 2008 1:25 pm

I know how you feel. We are there. We even did the pay day loans and borrowed from friends. Between child support, taking off of work for there stupid stuff and attorney fees we can barley eat. And my husband makes $80,000 a year.
Parents spend so much time teaching our kids not to go with strangers or talk to strangers, and no to show your body to strangers. And this is what CPS-DHS is all about.

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