i am so sorry to come here and complain and be depressing but i really need to just express my anger and sadness over what this "agency" also known as CPS has done to my family.
i lost custody of my only child 4.5 years ago. my daughter was taken from me for FTT-failure to thrive. it's long story but basically i called CPS 4 months before they took her from me because i was DESPERATE for childcare as a working single mother and got myself into "the system". fast forward 4 months later and my 1-year old is very sick in the hospital with rota virus for a week. being an extremely stressed out single mother with NO family i had a really bad panic attack during that week and the nurse sent in social workers and i cried about how stressed and overwhelmed i was feeling...they took my daughter the day she was released.
becuase she was under the age of 3 i only had SIX MONTHS to jump thru their hoops - after they put my daughter in foster care i fell apart and started drinking at night to help cope and very stupidly i got a DUI in the middle of my re-unification plan..i worked full-time and took parenting classes, went to not one but TWO psych evaluations, blah blah blah for seven long months-althougi stupidly drank for most of this time before you assume i am alcoholic-drug addict that is NOT the case...i had to randomly drug/alcohol test for 3-4 months during my CPS case and never ONCE did i st positive for anything...long story short-i lost my daughter. she went to live with my father and stepmother hundreds of miles away.
because of CPS and ripping apart my family - my TODDLER was molested in foster care, it's four years later and she STILL has emotional damage from what we went through and being ripped away from me, my father couldn't deal with raising her and committed suicide last year, my mother and her family won't talk to me as they are ashamed of the situation, i lost friends and my then-fiancee, and i have been BEYOND depressed since my daughter and i were first seperated 4 and a half years ago. I don't just mean a bit blue-I mean i have changed so much due to this absolutely devastating loss that i am starting to wonder if i will EVER feel happy again.
these people destroyed everything in my life i loved...i really need some advice and guidance.
am i ever going to be happy again?
Moderators: family_man, LindaJM
Wow, my first hope is that you and your daughter are seeing a counselor or psychologist, as you have both been through so much.
Your situation is so sad, as you were just a single mom, trying to do your best.
You needed a referrel to a counselor, or simply an ear to listen, not CPS.
When my exfiance went through the process, I kept telling him, hold your head high, as it's the moment they take the kids that they wait for you to fall. It is NOT uncommon for those whose children are taken to get a DUI, or face other problems because of the stress of having your children taken. And turning to drugs and alcohol is very common during times of extreme stress, even for the most together of people. And I think being put through CPS is a time of extreme stress. Most people are told that under times of extreme stress, it's normal to fall apart, it's normal to need some kind of help, and it's normal to turn to drugs or alcohol. But CPS believes during the invesigation, you're supposed to be just fine. If you're not, they want you to think you're unstable. They WANT you to think you are a bad parent, but you are not. And don't let that get into your head. Is there any hope of getting your daughter back? Or do you have her back? I wasn't exactly sure.
My best advice would be to get counseling, and find friends who can help. Find ways to fight back. My exfiance and I lost our relationship because of CPS, but they didn't take our will to live, and be happy. We made a goal to rub it in their faces what good parents we are, and I now am an advocate for families (not involved with CPS) but I loooove going down there with a family looking for help (childcare, food stamps, parenting programs, etc), and being their advocate. And knowing that I am working against CPS, to make sure that these parents find the tools they need to avoid being caught in CPS's trap. For your situation, I'd fight back. Become a family advocate so other families never experience what you did. You can't erase what happened, but you can prove to CPS that you are better than them. It's not easy. I still see a counselor, as does my daughter, and my exfiance, and his kids. There is still a lot of pain, but now 7 months after our case ended, I feel like there may be a chance to have a good future, even if it's far from the future I was happy with before this all happened. Hang in there. I love the quote, ""Hold your head high gorgeous, there are people who would pay to see you fall." It reminds me that I can't let them think they won, even if that is how I feel most days. *HUG*
Your situation is so sad, as you were just a single mom, trying to do your best.
You needed a referrel to a counselor, or simply an ear to listen, not CPS.
When my exfiance went through the process, I kept telling him, hold your head high, as it's the moment they take the kids that they wait for you to fall. It is NOT uncommon for those whose children are taken to get a DUI, or face other problems because of the stress of having your children taken. And turning to drugs and alcohol is very common during times of extreme stress, even for the most together of people. And I think being put through CPS is a time of extreme stress. Most people are told that under times of extreme stress, it's normal to fall apart, it's normal to need some kind of help, and it's normal to turn to drugs or alcohol. But CPS believes during the invesigation, you're supposed to be just fine. If you're not, they want you to think you're unstable. They WANT you to think you are a bad parent, but you are not. And don't let that get into your head. Is there any hope of getting your daughter back? Or do you have her back? I wasn't exactly sure.
My best advice would be to get counseling, and find friends who can help. Find ways to fight back. My exfiance and I lost our relationship because of CPS, but they didn't take our will to live, and be happy. We made a goal to rub it in their faces what good parents we are, and I now am an advocate for families (not involved with CPS) but I loooove going down there with a family looking for help (childcare, food stamps, parenting programs, etc), and being their advocate. And knowing that I am working against CPS, to make sure that these parents find the tools they need to avoid being caught in CPS's trap. For your situation, I'd fight back. Become a family advocate so other families never experience what you did. You can't erase what happened, but you can prove to CPS that you are better than them. It's not easy. I still see a counselor, as does my daughter, and my exfiance, and his kids. There is still a lot of pain, but now 7 months after our case ended, I feel like there may be a chance to have a good future, even if it's far from the future I was happy with before this all happened. Hang in there. I love the quote, ""Hold your head high gorgeous, there are people who would pay to see you fall." It reminds me that I can't let them think they won, even if that is how I feel most days. *HUG*
Your child was kidnapped! Call it what it is.
Kali stated on her first post:
Also in another post:
http://www.bullyeq.com/bol/stress/ptsd.htm
Your civil rights were violated.
http://forum.fightcps.com/viewtopic.php?t=5597
The following case is similar to yours:
http://www.cir-usa.org/legal_docs/muell ... amcplt.pdf
page 3
STATEMENT OF FACTS
8. ______ are the natural parents of, and have custody of their ... daughter, ______ ..., and they reside, and have continually resided, at ______, since _______.
9. At approximately ____p.m. on _____, ...brought her
daughter, _____, to ____ Emergency Room ("E.R."), because ____ had a low grade fever. _____ suspected that ____was suffering from the same malady that her entire family experienced that week, ...
page 10
____ temperature was 100.8° F., and she had not nursed well that day. Since ___ was only 5 weeks old, ____ took ____ to the ____ E.R.
page 5
____was not in any imminent danger, ____ Each of the defendants knew or should have known that ____ judgment was reasonable.
...At that time ___ was nursing well...
asked a nurse if he would begin the discharge procedure...
17. Unbeknownst to ___, defendant ____ had called Child Protective Services ("CPS") of the Idaho Health and Welfare Department and was planning to enforce hospital protocol without her permission.
page 6
18. Sometime after ... defendant ___ came in with defendant ___,
who introduced himself to ___. Defendant ___ advised ____ that, although she was not being accused of child abuse, she was endangering her child by ...... ______ attempted to explain to him her reasoning for .... and her view regarding the conflicting dangers involved. Defendant ____ then threatened to declare ____ in imminent danger despite the fact that he knew (or should have known) that she was not.
19. At approximately ....
____ subsequently kept ____ and refused to return her.
20. Neither defendant _____ nor the police officers inquired concerning ______ feeding history.
21. Neither defendant _____ nor anyone else at _____nor anyone associated with CPS nor any of the City Defendants attempted to contact, or did contact, (father) before they interfered with his rights of parental custody.
22. Detective ____ then stepped in front of ____ preventing her access to the telephone and shoved a form "Notice to the Court" (Idaho Code § 16-1613) into her mid-section stating that the child had been seized and removed to a shelter. ____ turned around to see her child being taken away by defendant ____, and she was dragged protesting down the hall by two police officers, defendants ____ and ____.
page 7
23. Although the Notice to the Court under Idaho Code § 16-1613 is supposed to inform the Court of the place to which the child is being taken, the Notice given to ____ did not.
24. In fact, ____ was not taken to a shelter much less "removed" to anywhere, as the Notice stated.
Rather, she was kept in the hospital and forced to undergo medical procedures to which her mother had objected. The statute under which Detective ____ purported to act (Idaho Code § 16-1612) does not authorize transfer of legal custody to the state nor does it authorize the state to make medical decisions for a minor. Because ____ was not in any serious danger, it also did not authorize ____ seizure.
25. While there is a provision of Idaho state law that permits a court to order emergency medical treatment of a child, viz., Idaho Code § 16-1616, no effort was made to comply with that provision. Each of the defendants in this case deliberately avoided using that
provision because it would have required them to justify their illegal actions before a court.
26. Defendant ____ did not have a reasonable belief that ____ and/or ____ legal guardianship of ____ had been properly taken away.
27. ____ demanded that her baby, a nursing infant, be returned to her. She repeatedly asked to use the telephone to call ..., and was continually denied the use of the telephone by the police officers. Instead, the police officers threatened to handcuff her. ____ and ____ invited her to leave and asked her when she was going to go
home. She repeatedly stated and explained to the officers that she could not possibly leave her baby.
page 8
28. Around approximately ..., defendant ___, a social worker
employed by the Department of Health and Welfare, arrived with the Department Consent Form. ____ questioned her regarding the need for consent to anything, since they had already taken
her daughter...
During this time defendant ____ repeatedly threatened to handcuff and jail ____ for being emotional and for trying to use the telephone. She was physically and verbally bullied by
defendant ____. Again, the police officers asked her if she planned to leave the hospital and she reiterated that she refused to leave her child...
Neither ____ nor ____ had authority to sign such forms because the state had never obtained legal custody of ____...
36. Upon information and belief, defendants conspired together, on ____, to achieve the goal of illegally depriving the ____ of custody of ____...
37. Each of the defendants aided and abetted the other defendants in performing the illegal and tortious acts described...
This is a court opinion on a motion on this case.
http://www.cir-usa.org/legal_docs/muell ... pinion.pdf
Kali stated on her first post:
Two social workers and a police officer walked into the hospital room and demanded I hand over my daughter. I absolutely lost it and started crying and refused. They had to forcefully take her from me and I was physically hit by the police officer and handcuffed in front of my now-screaming one-year old daughter...
Also in another post:
when the 2 social workers and the cop walked into our hospital room and demanded i hand over my daughter i didn't believe them! i honestly thought it wasn't real but when they explained that they were there to REMOVE her from me I absolutely LOST it --- I refused to give her to them and when they ripped herr from my arms I attacked them - literally like a mother tiger fighting for her cub - i was hysterical and my daugher was hysterical - the cop threatened to tazer me and i told them that if they took my child away from me i would kill myself --- i cried that she was the light of my life, etc. etc. i didn't mean that i would kill myself - i tend to be very melodramatic --- they handcuffed me and took me to the hospital's psych ward where i was released a couple hours later after telling the doctor what had happened. THAT WAS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE...and that episode i described was the main reason given for why i didn't get my daughter back!!! they made me out to look crazy even though i was released as soon as seeing the shrink.
http://www.bullyeq.com/bol/stress/ptsd.htm
"When the trauma is inflicted by another person, is especially intense, or the traumatized person is extremely close to the trauma, the severity of traumatization may be especially profound"
Robert C Scaer, MD, Author, The Body bears the Burden: Trauma, Dissociation and Disease
Definition
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a natural emotional reaction to a deeply shocking and disturbing experience. It is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation....
Your civil rights were violated.
http://forum.fightcps.com/viewtopic.php?t=5597
The following case is similar to yours:
http://www.cir-usa.org/legal_docs/muell ... amcplt.pdf
page 3
STATEMENT OF FACTS
8. ______ are the natural parents of, and have custody of their ... daughter, ______ ..., and they reside, and have continually resided, at ______, since _______.
9. At approximately ____p.m. on _____, ...brought her
daughter, _____, to ____ Emergency Room ("E.R."), because ____ had a low grade fever. _____ suspected that ____was suffering from the same malady that her entire family experienced that week, ...
page 10
____ temperature was 100.8° F., and she had not nursed well that day. Since ___ was only 5 weeks old, ____ took ____ to the ____ E.R.
page 5
____was not in any imminent danger, ____ Each of the defendants knew or should have known that ____ judgment was reasonable.
...At that time ___ was nursing well...
asked a nurse if he would begin the discharge procedure...
17. Unbeknownst to ___, defendant ____ had called Child Protective Services ("CPS") of the Idaho Health and Welfare Department and was planning to enforce hospital protocol without her permission.
page 6
18. Sometime after ... defendant ___ came in with defendant ___,
who introduced himself to ___. Defendant ___ advised ____ that, although she was not being accused of child abuse, she was endangering her child by ...... ______ attempted to explain to him her reasoning for .... and her view regarding the conflicting dangers involved. Defendant ____ then threatened to declare ____ in imminent danger despite the fact that he knew (or should have known) that she was not.
19. At approximately ....
____ subsequently kept ____ and refused to return her.
20. Neither defendant _____ nor the police officers inquired concerning ______ feeding history.
21. Neither defendant _____ nor anyone else at _____nor anyone associated with CPS nor any of the City Defendants attempted to contact, or did contact, (father) before they interfered with his rights of parental custody.
22. Detective ____ then stepped in front of ____ preventing her access to the telephone and shoved a form "Notice to the Court" (Idaho Code § 16-1613) into her mid-section stating that the child had been seized and removed to a shelter. ____ turned around to see her child being taken away by defendant ____, and she was dragged protesting down the hall by two police officers, defendants ____ and ____.
page 7
23. Although the Notice to the Court under Idaho Code § 16-1613 is supposed to inform the Court of the place to which the child is being taken, the Notice given to ____ did not.
24. In fact, ____ was not taken to a shelter much less "removed" to anywhere, as the Notice stated.
Rather, she was kept in the hospital and forced to undergo medical procedures to which her mother had objected. The statute under which Detective ____ purported to act (Idaho Code § 16-1612) does not authorize transfer of legal custody to the state nor does it authorize the state to make medical decisions for a minor. Because ____ was not in any serious danger, it also did not authorize ____ seizure.
25. While there is a provision of Idaho state law that permits a court to order emergency medical treatment of a child, viz., Idaho Code § 16-1616, no effort was made to comply with that provision. Each of the defendants in this case deliberately avoided using that
provision because it would have required them to justify their illegal actions before a court.
26. Defendant ____ did not have a reasonable belief that ____ and/or ____ legal guardianship of ____ had been properly taken away.
27. ____ demanded that her baby, a nursing infant, be returned to her. She repeatedly asked to use the telephone to call ..., and was continually denied the use of the telephone by the police officers. Instead, the police officers threatened to handcuff her. ____ and ____ invited her to leave and asked her when she was going to go
home. She repeatedly stated and explained to the officers that she could not possibly leave her baby.
page 8
28. Around approximately ..., defendant ___, a social worker
employed by the Department of Health and Welfare, arrived with the Department Consent Form. ____ questioned her regarding the need for consent to anything, since they had already taken
her daughter...
During this time defendant ____ repeatedly threatened to handcuff and jail ____ for being emotional and for trying to use the telephone. She was physically and verbally bullied by
defendant ____. Again, the police officers asked her if she planned to leave the hospital and she reiterated that she refused to leave her child...
Neither ____ nor ____ had authority to sign such forms because the state had never obtained legal custody of ____...
36. Upon information and belief, defendants conspired together, on ____, to achieve the goal of illegally depriving the ____ of custody of ____...
37. Each of the defendants aided and abetted the other defendants in performing the illegal and tortious acts described...
This is a court opinion on a motion on this case.
http://www.cir-usa.org/legal_docs/muell ... pinion.pdf
<i>wow marina - i am crying reading your response to me because you GET IT - my child was kidnapped from me...i have not seen her in nearly 2 years and have not heard her voice in 9 months...THANK you so much for your response - i will never fully recover from this and although i am signed up to be part of Santa Cruz (where this happened to us) County's non-custodial parent massive civil lawsuit - i would rather be MISSING A LIMB or IN A WHEELCHAIR FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE THAN FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO BE RAISING MY CHILD...i have to treat it like the DEATH of a child because i have no choice - i have no access to her since my father's suicide last year...and if i keep wallowing about the fact that she was molested by "someonein foster care i will end up going insane with ANGER that they took my baby from an affectionate, fiercely passionate, dedicated mother like myself and put her in a strange place where shegot drugged to sleep (she screamed for me so much at night that the foster parents admitted to CPS and me they had to give her benadryl every night to get her to calm down - FOR SEVEN MONTHS!!!) and she got sexually molested - a ONE YEAR OLD!!! and all CPS said was they couldn't take legal action because they couldnt prove WHO touched her while in foster care.
i am miserable because my child was kidnapped and this sense of LONGING for my little girl ONLY GETS STRONGER each year rather than fading away so i am sad for myself
but I AM SO ANGRY OF WHAT THIS HAS DONE TO MY CHILD - she was an extremely happy baby when they took her and it has COMPLETELY altered her - she is fearful and has major seperation anxieties...i dont know how these people live with themselves
CPS DESTROYS LIVES -
i am miserable because my child was kidnapped and this sense of LONGING for my little girl ONLY GETS STRONGER each year rather than fading away so i am sad for myself
but I AM SO ANGRY OF WHAT THIS HAS DONE TO MY CHILD - she was an extremely happy baby when they took her and it has COMPLETELY altered her - she is fearful and has major seperation anxieties...i dont know how these people live with themselves
CPS DESTROYS LIVES -
DWELL IN POSSIBILITY
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