Just wondering...

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Just wondering...

Postby katgotsteve » Thu Sep 18, 2008 8:12 am

I am just wondering if i handled this situation correctly or if i overreacted...

on 08/25/2008, my niece's father was released from prison for aggravated child molestation. it is a wound that i thought i was over after 11 years, but it opened it up again. my brother was his 14 y/o victim.
last week one of her teachers asked her if she had talked to her daddy, if she missed him, if she has called him or if he called her, etc. i was offended by this for several reason, 1. my niece was 6 months old when he went to prison 2. she doesnt know him as her father 3. the teacher had no right to discuss such a delicate subject with a child 4. my niece is the only one of her siblings/half siblings who does not have any type of mental disorder (bipolar/schzhophrenia) and i want to keep it that way 5. as her legal guardian, it is my choice and my right to allow to visit, i have been responsible for her for the past 6 years of her life and she is a child and doesnt need to think about things that are adult related, she needs to stay a child.

so i went to the school and talked to the principal/assistant principal about the situation. i was still upset. i gave him the whole story. i know that my niece's grandparents often tell people that their son went to prison for an affair with a 16 y/o boy and maybe this teacher had heard that story and thought she was doing right, but it was all a lie. my brother was 14 and a knife was used. i handed him the print out from the internet showing him a registered sexual offender and stated that aggravated child molestion doesnt not happen with consenual sex, that there is a threat of injury associated with this charge and i felt that the only person who had a right to talk to charlie was the school counselor who has been there from the beginning. and that if this teacher would have asked me or the counselor about this issue she would have been informed on the whole situation. he told me that he would take care of it.
i actually broke down and cried, i thought all of my feeling had long been dealt with, but right there i cried.
i wonder if i overreacted or if i should make sure it doesnt happen again.

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Postby samangjen » Thu Sep 18, 2008 11:07 pm

IMO, you are right. the teacher shouldn't have asked such questions out of the blue. The only way that I see any of those questions being okay is if your niece initiated the topic, or your niece had a sudden and drastic decline in the quality of her work that started directly after her father left prison. (The teacher in that case might have been trying to search for a reason why.) Even then, she should have discussed it with you first.

I am sure that it is emotional for you, this man changed your brother's life forever. It can't be easy. And while the guilty party was in jail you could feel at least some justice. Now that he is out, it probably seems like the justice that your brother was receiving has stopped. So this is a new phase of re-healing.

I don't think that you were overreacting. Everyone loves gossip (it seems) and the teacher was probably fishing for some through your niece. (Wow, can you believe that "katgotsteve" actually let her niece talk to a child molester? or in the case of the other story, "Can you believe that "katgotsteve" won't let her niece talk to her father just because he was gay?) It is your job to protect your niece, and that is what you are trying to do.

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