When does it end?
Posted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 9:53 am
We're still waiting for reports that were due in late September. They won't consider starting re-unification until all the reports are in. We are eight months into our case and they just postponed our next hearing until the case will 10 months gone. We have been nothing but complient and they have been nothing but non-complient. I can't take it anymore.
I am very close to not being able to take anymore. My children were my life. My babies were the reason I lived and breathed. I have one hour of supervised contact with them a week. Now, I'm trusting people who are strangers. People who don't care anything about us or our children. (I'm talking our attorneys, here, I know better than to trust CPS.)
Our youngest is learning to walk. Our older child is being potty trained. Huge monumental milestones in their lives and we get to share in them for an hour a week. They are in kinship care and according to CPS with our relative supervising we can see them as often as we like. Really, we could put them to bed every night. Unfortunately, I didn't know when we chose the caregiver that this person has a serious grudge against me and is basically holding my relationship with my children hostage over it. My husband is being lumped in with me in the punishments coming from the family member because they say that they won't allow one of us to have contact with the children without the other. We don't know anything about our children except what we can figure out in one hour a week.
DH keeps saying that I need to be strong. I need to be strong and believe that our babies are coming home. I want to be, but I don't have it in me anymore. I'm starting to forget what it is to be a mom. I'm starting to forget what they feel like as they are drifting off to sleep in my arms. I'm starting to forget what they sound like when they're dreaming. I keep walking into their bedrooms in the middle of the night and checking on empty beds.
I can't take it anymore. How do you hold on when it feels like it's all gone? I'm tired of beating my head against a brick wall. I'm broken.
All I wanted to be in life as a mom. I was a good mom. I don't understand why this is happening. I don't think I can take much more.
I am very close to not being able to take anymore. My children were my life. My babies were the reason I lived and breathed. I have one hour of supervised contact with them a week. Now, I'm trusting people who are strangers. People who don't care anything about us or our children. (I'm talking our attorneys, here, I know better than to trust CPS.)
Our youngest is learning to walk. Our older child is being potty trained. Huge monumental milestones in their lives and we get to share in them for an hour a week. They are in kinship care and according to CPS with our relative supervising we can see them as often as we like. Really, we could put them to bed every night. Unfortunately, I didn't know when we chose the caregiver that this person has a serious grudge against me and is basically holding my relationship with my children hostage over it. My husband is being lumped in with me in the punishments coming from the family member because they say that they won't allow one of us to have contact with the children without the other. We don't know anything about our children except what we can figure out in one hour a week.
DH keeps saying that I need to be strong. I need to be strong and believe that our babies are coming home. I want to be, but I don't have it in me anymore. I'm starting to forget what it is to be a mom. I'm starting to forget what they feel like as they are drifting off to sleep in my arms. I'm starting to forget what they sound like when they're dreaming. I keep walking into their bedrooms in the middle of the night and checking on empty beds.
I can't take it anymore. How do you hold on when it feels like it's all gone? I'm tired of beating my head against a brick wall. I'm broken.
All I wanted to be in life as a mom. I was a good mom. I don't understand why this is happening. I don't think I can take much more.