Discipline questions

General chat area for anything that doesn't fit in elsewhere.

Moderators: family_man, LindaJM

User avatar
Enchanted*Forester
Posts: 70
Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 9:27 am
Location: Somewhere cold!

Discipline questions

Postby Enchanted*Forester » Tue Mar 24, 2009 8:15 am

My son has severe behavioral problems. He's considered ADHD, but there's more to it that we can't put our finger on. He was removed from us when he was 5 for 8 months. They claimed abuse, but he was just a very accident prone, crazy acting kid. He still is!

The problem is this: He's now 8 and we can't seem to keep him following rules! He talks and acts up in class on an almost daily basis, lies just to lie and basically does whatever he can to get away with things that he want: stealing, cheating, etc. We are out of discipline techniques. My husband has begun having him stand in a corner with his arms held up and using wrist weights (the kind for exercise) until he "gets his head out of his ass." I want to know if this is considered abuse. I can't have another CPS case in my life. I'll just lose it! We don't know what else to do but wait for him to be old enough to attend a wilderness/boot camp. Please...any ideas or suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away...

User avatar
LindaJM
Posts: 3171
Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2004 7:16 pm
Location: Northern California
Contact:

Postby LindaJM » Tue Mar 24, 2009 11:36 am

Child abuse is whatever the social worker decides it is. One social worker might use this against you, but if a foster parent did it, she'd decide it wasn't abusive. There are no hard and fast rules in CPS cases when it comes to describing exactly what abuse is.

You have my sympathy in regards to the difficult child. I had a child that I like to call "challenging"... all you can do is keep taking the child in for therapy and hope for the best.

Could you use restrictions to keep your child from doing bad things? . . . like not letting him see tv or play video games?
Sample Document Library

Please keep in mind that none of us are lawyers and we can't give legal advice. We are simply telling you what we would do in a similar situation. It is to your advantage to get a lawyer.

"Evil flourishes when good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke ... so try to do something to change the system ...

Momoffor
Moderator
Posts: 1307
Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2005 11:17 pm

Postby Momoffor » Tue Mar 24, 2009 4:07 pm

I agree with Linda. You are damned if you do, damned if you dont when it comes to CPS. =/.

I think there was actually a parent that came here a few years back for doing something like that, but to a much older child who reported to the school that he was being 'mistreated'.

Mema
Posts: 116
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2009 2:43 am
Location: New York/am resident Wisconsin
Contact:

Postby Mema » Fri Mar 27, 2009 5:28 pm

I HAVE AN EIGHT YEAR OLD GRANDSON WITH SEVERE ADHD AND WE FOUND EXERCISE THE BEST RUNNING IN PLACE OR SQUAT THRUSTS PUSH UPS WHO CAN DENY A CHILD EXERCISE

User avatar
Enchanted*Forester
Posts: 70
Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 9:27 am
Location: Somewhere cold!

Thank you for your suggestions!

Postby Enchanted*Forester » Sat Mar 28, 2009 3:44 pm

I see how I'm damned either way. I did talk to my husband and we've decided to try yet another road of discipline. We took him off his meds a few weeks ago which may be aggrivating the problem, but we can't afford $300 a month anymore!

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone out there with a difficult child. I will try the exercising to see if it will improve his behavior. We've taken all TV and video games from him. He has REALLY bad attention problems when he's allowed this.

If you hear of any good techniques, please pass them on!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away...

Marina
Moderator
Posts: 5496
Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2006 3:06 pm

Postby Marina » Sat Mar 28, 2009 6:25 pm

Here's is an idea. Try cleaning projects that involve water, such as scrubbing the bathroom or kitchen floor.

Or painting a wall?

Also cooking projects.

Play marches and march around to the music.

Reduce distractions.
Use a desk or small table for homework rather than a large table. This promotes concentration.
Look for projects that are interesting and which promote repetition, such as watercolors.

Get involved in adult-directed 'activities' in order to make adult-directed 'tasks' easier.

I have extensive experience with regular children (long story), so hope you find something useful.

Mema
Posts: 116
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2009 2:43 am
Location: New York/am resident Wisconsin
Contact:

Postby Mema » Sun Mar 29, 2009 11:21 pm

Sometimes if you contact the manufacture of his medication you can get either free or reduced meds for him. I started the diet with my grandson its gluten and casein free diet But not whole heartedly because it is difficult for his dad who only occasionally feeds him But i could see the benefits and its becoming more and more popular. Even cutting out on all chemicals put in most food and eating more natural meat and potato type meals. Research is hinting on an overload of toxins ie. Mercury in vaccines.

Momoffor
Moderator
Posts: 1307
Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2005 11:17 pm

Postby Momoffor » Mon Mar 30, 2009 4:46 am

I agree somewhat with mema. It was what my mother did with me and I try to do with my own ADHD son instead of the meds. I cut out sugars, caffeine, yellow and red food dyes, artificial preservatives ect. HOWEVER, it is hard to monitor him at school!!

I have asked the school to treat him like a diabetic in the lunch line and not let him have added sugar treats ect, to no avail, yet am told that 'they cannot monitor him that closely', but then call me to complain about how he acts after lunch! (He is a glutton for honey buns and root beer)

I also cannot control what he gets from his friends and teachers either. He often buys or trades on the sly with kids at school to get what he wants, but I can always tell because he bounces off the walls when he gets home. In the summer, winter break and spring break, he is much more calm and easier to control!

User avatar
Enchanted*Forester
Posts: 70
Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 9:27 am
Location: Somewhere cold!

Great ideas!

Postby Enchanted*Forester » Tue Mar 31, 2009 1:58 pm

Thanks for all of your tips! I'll try the water use and diet changes. We've cut out a lot of sugar, but not all. I don't think that is one of his issues. I will do some research on ADHD diets and try them for a while. I am also talking with my husband about home schooling. He's not too keen on the idea, yet, but I hope to sell him on it soon. We may do a trial run over the summer to see if we can make any headway with his issues. Just FYI: My son is 8 years old, spent just over 8 months in several foster homes (no one wanted him once they saw what his behavior was like!) This was back in 2005.

You've all been very kind with your thoughts and helpful tips. I can't get this kind of feedback from just anyone. I really need those who have had some kind of brush with the Child Abuse/Prevention (so called) system! All the best to you all!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away...

momomma
Posts: 54
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2006 10:41 pm
Location: Missouri

Postby momomma » Tue Mar 31, 2009 5:33 pm

"Child abuse is whatever the social worker decides it is. One social worker might use this against you, but if a foster parent did it, she'd decide it wasn't abusive"

It absolutely would be considered abuse if a foster parent in the state of Missouri did this.


You could try some research on some behavioral training? I took a behavioral class a couple of times that involved alot of "charting" and rewards but it was so helpful and insightful. I know anything that works is going to take alot of patience, time, and consistency.

Good Luck!

Momoffor
Moderator
Posts: 1307
Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2005 11:17 pm

Postby Momoffor » Fri Apr 03, 2009 10:47 am

Another thing that worked with my son is have a sched. on a chart, and STICK to it. Any deviation in routine throws him out of whack and hes hard to control.

amayabrianna
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2009 7:46 pm
Contact:

Postby amayabrianna » Fri Apr 03, 2009 6:28 pm

although it is 'labor' intensive and time consuming i found with my stepson that having a reward chart is easiest, and something cps cant say anything about. make a chart and give him a sticker every couple hours if he did good. then you can get play money and give him a 'dollar' if he did say 75% good all day. at the end of the week chage the play money for real money and let him buy what he wants with it. it will end up costing you about $10 a week at most including the chart and stickers. you can also ask his teacher(s) to give him a daily progress report. i know that these suggestions may sound right for a younger child but my stepsis 8 now and this has worked wonders for him, it took about a week or two of not gettin all his money to figure it out and change his ways but it worked. hope it helps

eyeq181
Posts: 178
Joined: Thu May 24, 2007 5:22 am

Postby eyeq181 » Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:45 am

Have you had him tested for Autism. Our daughter acts the same way and she has Asperger's. She is not what I thought an autistic child was, but after much reasearch it makes since. With Autism the ADHD meds won't work it will for a short time then bamm it gets worse.

Signs to looks for is

1. Eye contact. They won't look you in in eyes ( if they do it's no for very long)

2. Do your chhild have many friends in school (my daughter would say she had many friends, but truth is they were just in her class, he really only had one friends and it was because he got into more trouble than her.)

3. Does your child make the rules. ( A good test is try playing a simple board game to see if they change the rules on how the game is played.)

4. Does your child see the world as black and white? This means there is no room for if's, and's or but's. It's either yes or no.

5. My child is also very active. She has to run all the time. from one end of the house to the other and can stop.

6. Look for any minor tick. We as parent's seem to over look it. Such as stretching there neck, constantly moving a hand or a leg when sitting down watching tv or reading a book.

7. The lying is also a sign. There world is different than ours. You have to dissect the lie to find the speck of truth. Because in there mind it happened and they are speaking the truth. If you do find the speck of truth in there statement correct it.

8. Destructive behavior - No matter what I give my daughter it is destroyed with in a week at the most.

Autistic children are actually pretty smart too.

My daughter picked up Spanish fluently just in passing. And can understand big words. She as has the ability to memorize stuff, which is not a characteristic of a adhd child.

Have you try asking your child were they learned this behavior? That will tell you a lot. My daughter said it was the voices in her head that were making her crazy.

As far as discipline you might be stuck. My daughter won't stand in a corner either. I have learned to have more of a sense of humor when dealing with her behavior when it's not that bad. And I have to pick my battles with her.

I have to be on top of her more than my other 2 children.

Good Luck, hope all turns out. I would defiantly get your son checked cause DHS does make certain allowances with this diagnoses and over look certain things.
Parents spend so much time teaching our kids not to go with strangers or talk to strangers, and no to show your body to strangers. And this is what CPS-DHS is all about.

Momoffor
Moderator
Posts: 1307
Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2005 11:17 pm

Postby Momoffor » Wed Apr 08, 2009 9:28 pm

eyeq181 wrote:3. Does your child make the rules. ( A good test is try playing a simple board game to see if they change the rules on how the game is played.)

4. Does your child see the world as black and white? This means there is no room for if's, and's or but's. It's either yes or no.

5. My child is also very active. She has to run all the time. from one end of the house to the other and can stop.

7. The lying is also a sign. There world is different than ours. You have to dissect the lie to find the speck of truth. Because in there mind it happened and they are speaking the truth. If you do find the speck of truth in there statement correct it.

8. Destructive behavior - No matter what I give my daughter it is destroyed with in a week at the most.

Have you try asking your child were they learned this behavior? That will tell you a lot. My daughter said it was the voices in her head that were making her crazy.


Eye,

I am not going to say that your child is not on the spectrum in the least, I just want to point out that many of the 'signs to look for' that you listed, do not apply to typical autistics on the spectrum. Not all the same, and they are like snowflakes, no 2 are alike. My son however, is a classic text book example of an autistic.

Rules do not change whatsoever, they are made to follow and its hell to pay if someone deviates from the rules, this also goes with the black and white. There is no room for change or deviation.

My son on the spectrum is not active in the least, he is a bump on the log and too busy doing mathematical equations, engineering concepts, or doing HTML to actually go and do anything physical. When he does have to do physical activity, you would think he was some wounded or dying animal because it physically/emotionally/mentally torments him.

My son does not lie. He lacks an imagination and therefore is incapable of the concept of lying. He has zero tolerance for those who do lie, because that would deviating from the rules. Those who lie to him, are never given another chance to redeem themselves as they are not trust worthy.

My son is not destructive in the least. If he had his way, everything would remain forever unused with tags on in their original condition. He is a hoarder and clean freak who has to have everything organized (repetitive behavior) and reorganized again. He gets highly upset when I go into his room and throw away empty bags, shoe boxes, hang tags from clothing price tags (he has a special drawer where he saves them). His clothing once it no longer fits him, looks the exact same as it did the day we bought it as dirty clothes, faded clothes, anything the color brown, stained or anything 'trashy' is not acceptable. He takes very good care of everything, and everything has to be put back into its package when he is done with it for that moment in time. If he needs it again, he will go get it back out of its package, and then it goes right back again when he is done.

Voices? I have NO bloody idea about voices and this is the first time that I have EVER heard someone say that its a trait of autism. That is typically a schizophrenic trait, but Im no PHD.

My whole point is back to the first line ...no two are alike and what may be typical of your child is not for the next. Its such a tricky little devil with many hats. =/

But it is may be something enchanted may want to explore with her doctor and it may be a good idea to try to explore what else may be going on.


Return to “Round Table”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests