Don't Be Angry With Foster Parents

[tomtomandt]

Hi,

I'm a grandma and also a relative foster care provider. I just want to let you know that every foster parent I know genuinely does their best to care for children in their homes. I get the sense from this website that it is widely believed we foster parents are part of the "evil system". In truth, we have difficulties with CPS ourselves and have very little rights to speak in court or have our side heard by anyone.

I saw this on the home page:

"Fosterers - be aware that for the money you get you are holding much-loved children away from their grieving families while the parents are forced to perform a service plan that is anything but a service to them. I call this hostage holding for the government. This is not kindness - to help misguided government agents destroy family relationships and break loving bonds."

Let me tell you what I get: A whopping $295 a month to care for a 4 year old. That averages out to less than $10 a day. I'm not taking care of my grandson for the money. I know many foster parents and they aren't in it for the money either. Most foster parents spend a lot of money out of pocket to care for the children they foster. Financially I would be better off not to foster my grandson, because I also spend far more than the amount I receive to provide for my grandson's daily needs.

My grandson is in the system because my daughter lives with a boyfriend who uses crack cocaine. My grandson came to me with huge bruises on both eyes. There are reasons why children get removed from their homes! Foster parents have to undergo background checks, home studies, & unannounced visits by social workers and licensing workers. I have had to supervise and transport for visits. I have had to sit and listen to my daughter say I stole her child, when I'm trying to preserve him in our family. I'm never allowed into courtroom hearings, and have to find out all the information from them secondhand from my caseworker. I'm caring for my grandson 24/7 but no one wants to hear anything about what I observe. If my caseworker gets upset with me she could move my grandson for trivial reasons. It's not fun being a foster parent.

Please, in your pain, try to feel some empathy for foster parents. Many of us are relatives. In Illinois, nearly 40 percent of fosterers are relatives. Most of us are just trying to give the children we care for a loving place to stay until they can return home.

[Dazeemay]

I, too am a grandparent, and if I had to take my grandchild in I would be a great foster care giver also. However, there are more fosterers and relative caregivers that do more harm than good.

We had two granddaughters one taken by cps and one by an uncle who duped us into believing he was on our side. We rushed the 2nd granddaughter to him because he said that if we gave him temp. custody he could protect her from cps all the while he was working with cps to take both granddaughters.
Long story short we won both cases in two different states. The one lawyer in the 2nd granddaughters case told us we should press charges against the uncle for "kidnapping". This uncle wanted the money; he was not going to care for the children and it has become obvious to all relatives that he is a money grubber and he had no intentions of caring for them the way our daughter did. He just wanted extra money coming in and was not about to treat our granddaughters as a decent relative would. He has now burned his bridges with all of his family members due to this incident and others.

Our daughter did no harm to our granddaughter. She was simply watching out and caring for our granddaughters illness. She didn't do drugs, she didn't run around partying, she didn't smoke. She was just a single mom caring for her 3 children the best she knew how and yet the system threw our granddaughter into a foster care situation that to this day our granddaughter cannot sleep at night unless she comes and sees that everyone is in bed and she is at home. She does this periodically during the night. This all stems to the fact that cps or the foster mother did not know how to handle her illness and the foster mother called the police and in the middle of the night and the police came in while our 12 yr .old granddaughter was sleeping, handcuffed her and they led her off to a mental institution. All because our granddaughter sat on the foster mother's roof crying because she wanted to go home. This roof could be climbed onto easily because the house was built in such a way that one could climb on it from the ground. It was one of those earth type houses.

We found out many things throughout the years, it has been five, that the foster care mother did, the group home did, the on call foster parents did to her.

I understand what you are going through because cps could turn on you at any moment and take your grandson. We have had many foster grandparents on here who themselves have been victim of the system. But, we are asking foster parents to really look at what is going on with the system. Is the child your fostering truly a victim of abuse by their parent/s or is it that they system is wanting the federal dollars that comes with taking the child/ren. In our case and many thousand like ours it was the federal monies they would get for fostering or adopting out a child/ren.

[Dazeemay]

I also want to add that because of the fostering system thousands upon thousands of children are taken away from their good families under false pretenses(which many of us call "legal kidnapping") thus leaving the child wounded mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

If the foster care system was overhauled or done away with many families like our family would not have to pay thousands upon thousands of dollars to fight to get our child/ren back. Our cost was $70,000.00 plus $10,000.00 given to us by a friend so a total of $80,000.00 to fight and illegal government entity to win our granddaughters back.

This is why Linda wants fosters to realize what they are doing and quit supporting this illegal government entity.

I was overjoyed one day when I watched a news clip about a father who began the process of adopting a young girl. As he listened more carefully to this young girl through the months that she lived with their family he became aware of the fact that she did not seem like a child who had been abused by her family as he was told. He dug deeper and found out her family was an all loving, caring family and that the adoption agency lied about who she was. The girl's family thought that they signed papers for her to get a better education and that by letting her come to this country and live with a family in the U. S. this would happen. They did not know they signed her life away and if it had not been for this loving man who cared enough to listen with his heart instead of his head this young girl would have been forever lost to her real family.

That is the reason for Linda's statement. Fosters please listen to your heart and not the system.

[tomtomandt]

I understand your concerns and I agree that CPS can be very dangerous. My daughter has tried to sabotage my grandson's placement with me and I've seen the stunts they pull and the threats they make. However, until there is a better system, foster care is the only choice we have. I know some foster homes must be bad, but many are doing their very best. Please don't denigrate a whole group of people because of a corrupt system. It's like throwing out the baby with the bath water. The real enemies are the bureaucrats in these institutions trying to make a buck and the courts, lawyers, GAL's and other power players in a corrupt money grab.

One of the biggest problems I see is that there aren't frequent enough hearings. I think there should be monthly reviews. Kids who could go home would be able to get home faster, and for kids who have truly toxic parents, the process could end more quickly so they can go on with their lives.

[LondonMassey]

Funny - you must be living in the wrong state - my parents were offered over $2000/month to foster my 3 children if the case hadn't been found in my favor - as well as my oldest child's social security. In total, they would be receiving over $2700/month. No wonder they posed no "objection" to their placement with them - and no wonder they had "no comment" when it came to questions about how I care for my children. All that money for a couple that was substantiated in another state for ABUSE... Wow! If I had $2700/month handed to me, I wouldn't be the "poor" single mother of 3 that busts her ass at work 24/7 in order to care for her children.

There are foster parents that do care for the children that they take in - unfortunately, those are the ones that seem to become attached and then go after adoption...

[tomtomandt]

Yes, I must be. I live in Illinois. Three children in Illinois for a licensed provider would be just shy of 1200 a month. Maybe I should move....just kidding. I know it must be frustrating for you, but believe me, it is frustrating for me, too. I'm sorry you were so hurt by CPS.

[Marina]

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I am concerned that you probably do not fall under the federal definiton of a foster parent, contrary to what you have been led to believe.

Federal Foster care payments are public knowledge, and I don't think the amount you say you are getting is consistent with federal foster care payment charts listed on gov. sites, which I am guessing would be around $400-$500 per month. Go to your state gov. site and search for foster care payments, or call somebody in the state gov.

I was under the impression that, by federal law, foster parents have to receive legal notice of the court hearings and have the opportunity to be in attendance.

Usually children in foster care are sent to psychologists and diagnosed with some mental condition that doubles the foster care payments to around $1000 per month.

I am wondering if you have informal guardianship, or maybe court-ordered guardianship.

If so, you could probably receive TANF, food stamps, and Medicaid, etc. This would be more consistent with the money you are getting.

If you have informal kinship care, rather than federal foster care, then in some states a formal Foster Care plan and deadline are not required, and the situation could linger for a long time. Even under most Safety Plans, there are not deadlines, and the family could be involved with the Child Welfare Agency and the courts for an indefinite period of time. This may be a good thing to keep the child with family rather than have the child in federal foster care with strangers and adopted by strangers.

Relatives who are foster care givers may not necessarily be favored for being "adoptive" parents under some state laws. In situations where "permanency" is being pushed in the courts, this is something to be concerned about. Have you heard anything about a "permanency hearing?" This is required 12 months after foster care begins.

Review this website to get an overview of how the system works.

http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/ ... ies/state/


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[Momoffor]

Im with Marina.

I understand that you feel attacked as a relative placement for what is said about foster care. I personally do not consider relative placement as foster care. However, in a state like Illinois, where the system is considered one of the bad ones, you are VERY lucky and should count your stars that you did get approved for relative placement. I am sure that if your grandchild were placed in state foster care, your view of 'foster care' would be much different. You are also lucky that CPS is even involved. Typically when it comes to 'real' situations where CPS SHOULD be involved, they dont get that way until something major happens.

There are SOOOOOOOOO many people who get into foster care or even adopting from foster care just for the money that is involved. Or it seems as if many start being foster parents so they can have a 'test period' with children to adopt. By the time parents realize it, CPS is moving for termination, and oh look, the children have bonded with the foster parent and the foster parents wish to adopt. This is after the foster parents have already had the kids start calling them mom and dad, intentionally missing the visitation appointments with CPS blessing and on and on.

I dont think that all foster parents are bad. I dont believe that all relative placements are bad. My brother was a relative placement for one of my cousins children. They were lied to by CPS and told as relative placements, they would go no financial support. My brother paid for that little girls daycare, clothing food, doctors visits ...EVERYTHING ...for 3 months and never got a damn dime from the state.

The words that are mentioned on the site are to raise awareness to those who do have good intentions of what they are doing. Most people are disillusioned that all kids that are put into foster care are abused, neglected, and their parents dont love/care/want them. When in fact, most kids are not placed for those reasons, they are placed because of overzealous case workers, emergency removals that are later deemed not emergencies, but hey we have your kids anyhow, so we are just going to keep them ......It goes on and on.

Im glad that you have stepped up for your grandchild. I am happy to hear that they approved and placed him with you. But also keep in mind what snakes they are, they can come in tomorrow and take him and say that you are no longer a good placement and thats that. It is an evil system. They SHOULD be helping kids who need it. More times than not, they target and go after parents who have NOT abused or neglected their child. If they cant find something, thats ok, they will just make it up as they go.

There are good foster parents out there. Most dont stay foster parents. Either they quit, or they disagree with CPS and get their license revoked.

[tomtomandt]

Thanks for your replies everyone. I am currently getting the unlicensed kin rate, but my licensed has been approved and I will be getting the state "board rate" of $392 a month. That is based on his age, and the amount increases slightly with age. I also understand, all too well, your totally appropriate anger over CPS policies and actions. The agency that handles my grandson's case is overbearing and rude. I've basically been told not to rock the boat or else.....I've ignored them. If I see a problem with the caseworker or the agency, I complain, and have had to go all the way up the line to the Inspector General.

I am a relative caregiver, but I had to go through the same rigorous background checks and training as a traditional foster parent. I have fewer rights in some ways, as well. For instance the 15 of 22 month law does not apply in my case because I'm a relative. I'm also subject to more scrutiny because I think they may feel the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and don't trust my parenting skills, maybe?

What really makes me sad is the adversarial nature of the situation that is enhanced so keenly in relative caregiving. That's the point I'm trying to make.

I'm a member of AFRA as well, and have dear friends on that site. I will never feel that my grandson is safe until his case is closed and out of their hand.

[cambreenellie]

My kids foster parents tried to sabotage any reunification. If I remember correctly they are there to do the complete opposite and encourage reunification. My kids were brainwashed and used for money. The "babysitters" got almost $3000 a month for the care of my children and basically I still had to provide the clothing and the food as well as other expenses while she always carried around a Starbucks and made sure her nails and toes were done.

Days before my children were to be returned she sent a 5 page letter to the judge filled with lies and what she believed. She even stated such things that she put me in jail for a long time. All because she was going to lose her $3000.

At the time she was also fostering a little boy and just recently he was ordered back to his parents and could you believe once again she wrote a letter to the judge begging to keep the child.

Some foster parents just aren't in it for the children but rather the money as you can see from my own experience. Now I'm sure there are some who would rather see children back with their parents but I have failed to see any in my county.

[MaggieC]

I have no doubt that there are good foster parents out there and some well-meaning ones owing to the sheer number of foster parents enlisted by CPS.

However, I venture to say that the majority have other motives than caring for children until reunification.

Many years ago, when my children were young, we were riding a city bus (we live in NYC--most people do not own cars here) returning home from my son's music lesson.

We were seated in the back when a young man, mayvbe 18 years old or so, starting talking with us.

He wanted to "let me in on a good deal" as he put it. He said I should become a foster mother like his mom, that since she has taken in 4 foster kids (we are talking NYC--no one has room for 4 kids, foster or otherwise) that the family is getting a great deal of money.

He proceeded to show me his new (over a $100) pair of sneakers, and other items that his mom paid for with the newly found cash.

I remember his saying, "It's easy. They go to school or daycare all day long. You just have to put them to bed at night".

I wanted to vomit.

Years later when I began to work in the legal profession , I saw much of this.

It is a bloody disgrace.

Mind you, the young man, although college age, was not in college, nor did he have a job. He had said that his mother provided for him, thanks to the foster care payments.

[tomtomandt]

I'm sure there are lousy foster parents out there. The reason: MONEY. But you need to know that every state pays a different rate and only Arizona and the District of Columbia pay approximately what it costs to feed, clothe and house a child per month. Every other state underpays! I spend money out of my own pocket every month for my grandchild. Granted, I'm not a traditional foster parent, but a kinship foster home. I have to go through the same training, background check, licensing, etc. I've said before, and will reiterate that I have only received $295 per month for the past 20 months of caring for my grandchild. I finally got licensed and that rate will increase to the state board amount of $392 a month.

It isn't the foster parents that get rich off this scheme. It's the private agencies and state CPS agencies that keep most of the money. I guess if you have enough kids in your home you could actually have a fairly large reimbursement.

The money trail from the fed to each state's CPS is where the problem lies, period. They make the bulk of their money from adoption bonuses and payments for children with special needs. The foster parent is viewed by CPS as a "babysitter" and not much more. I belong to the National Foster Parent Coalition for Allegation Reform. That is a site you may want to check out. Foster parents go through the same bewildering maze biological parents do with unfounded reports and bullying by CPS workers. If we're hit with a "report" not only our foster children, but our biological children can be removed.

I agree with all of you who think the system stinks. It does! Foster parents have the least rights of everyone in the CPS maze and are often the subject of unfounded allegations just like biological parents are. We don't have the luxury (if you could call it that) of having court appointed lawyers when we're investigated. We would have to provide for our own defense.

Yes, there are bad foster parents. There are good ones, too. We're all in this broken mess and a truly good foster parent supports reunification as they should. I'm so sorry for all of you who have been devastated by that unwelcome knock on your door by CPS. I'm told by my fostering friends that I also need to be prepared for an allegation. As they say, "It's not a matter of if, but when." That's the reason why there probably aren't more good foster parents out there. Many of them were put into the same hell a lot of you have been through, and quit! What's left are a few who have determined to stick it out and the remainder, who are probably in it for the MONEY$$$$$

[MaggieC]

Yeah, you should get ready for the "knock". I hope you have a good attorney standing by.

[MaggieC]

Sorry, let me explain. Both birth parents and good foster parents should always be ready for the "knock" at their door by CPS.

False accusations are rampant. Anyone can call in a claim of child abuse.

And then, you are at the mercy of the CPS investigators.

They often do not follow the law --they often do not, know the law. Parents and/or caregivers are presumed guilty.

That is why I cautioned in my previous post that the orginator of this thread might perhaps want to have a good attorney standing by should he experience, "the knock".

The difference, however, between false accusations against a foster parent and a birth parent must be evident. A foster parent, and I am speaking of the well-meaning of same, will undergo the criminal petitions, and most likely the loss of the foster children but ONLY if that foster parent also realizes the loss of his/her own biological children will they fully understand the absolute pain of a family losing their children to the CPS system.

[Dazeemay]

What really makes me sad is the adversarial nature of the situation that is enhanced so keenly in relative caregiving. That's the point I'm trying to make.

The reason for their adversarial nature is because they are not making any federal money from your case. In their minds you are robbing them of their "precious gold."

Maggie C is right about the"knock at your door." So many grandparents have had cps turn on them and accuse them of wrong doing.