Will in Tennessee

[w_woody]

My case began 2 years ago in 2005. My live in girlfriend of 8 years and fiancee' of a year left me and married another man in the same day. Leaving behind everything she owned, including our 4 year old son. After about 3 weeks she and her new husband split up and she moved in with her parents. We began with an equal cutody arraingement, that she quickly broke when she found out I was dating again. A few months later she and her husband are getting divorced and we are still sharing equal custody when I met the woman who would later become my wife. Fearing retaliation I didn't introduce my son to my new girlfriend for almost 2 months. When my ex found out about my new relationship she made the first report to CPS, claiming i molested my son by giving him a supository. After a 2 week investigation the case was dropped and I was allowed to visit with my son again. After several more months I called and told my ex that me and my new girlfriend where moving in together. My son's behavior immidately changed, even after being around my new girlfriend for months. Two weeks later my son threw a huge fit during dinner refusing to eat his spagetti, kicked the table, threw his spoon and demanded a "pop tart" I told him no and that if he didn't stop I would spank him. After about 20 minutes I tried to get him to taste the food again and instead of swollowing it he spit it in my face. So I spanked him. Which caused him to bruise almost intantly in the soft tissue of his right knee bend. My heart sank I knew I handn't spanked him that hard. I was in shock. I tried to call his mother but the number was blocked (she wouldn't allow me to call my son when she had him) The next day I took him to his grandfather and explained what happened and told them I don't understand why he bruised. My ex and her parents took my son directly to the hospital and CPS was called again. This time I was charged with child abuse and had to be bound over to a grand jury. My co-parenting time was illiminated down to 2 hours 1 day a week supervised vists. I took anger management and Parenting classes immidiately so I could get my son back. It took nearly 7 months to get the charges against me placed on diversion...and I even got an apology from the judge because he called the incident" an incident, I don't even think a crime was commited." So by this time I have married my new girlfriend (my son wasn't allowed to come) and we had a child of our own. 10 months go by before my ex calls me and allows me to see my son again, (the same day my baby came home from the hospital). I even recorded her telling me that she knew the other spanking incident was a one time thing that would never happen again. I began to see my son regularly every weekend for a few months, however, now I have a court date finally scheduled to get everything put right in my life...and once again CPS has been called on me. I'm not even sure what for yet, because I told them I would only meet with them with my attorney present so they put it off a week or so until a CPS attorney could be present as well.

I know my ex called because she dosen't want to go to court and allow me back my son. It's been over a year now since I've had anykind of standard visitation...but I'm not giving up. If I have to go to jail for wanting to be a father to my son...so be it.

Any thoughts, prayers, help, opinions or anythng else would be appriciated.

Thank you,

Will

PS: I've tried to get CPS to turn over my case file...CPS posts it's policies and SOP online and I know that the worker who investigated me for abuse didn't do half of what she was required...the department refused. Citing vairous legal reasons...I've not had the oppertunity to research them and prove otherwise. I've also not gotten a copy of my son's medical recors which I've asked for numerous times...which I think prove he suffers from a vitamin diffiecency which would expalin why he bruised so eaisly.

[debbiescalese]

Oh Will, we are singing the psycho ex wife blues over here too! My boyfriends ex has called cps on us I lost count how many times for the sole purpose of gaining custoy of her daughter that she left with my boyfriend to run off with anohter man. You have a comon problem and your not alone. Links to help
crispe.org
childwelfare.gov
http://blog.ussharedparenting.com

google father's rights with your state.

It seems that cps loves to get involved in divorce custody issues. They also love to side with the mother even when they know they are dead wrong. They just hide the fact that the mom is an incomp nut case and hide any evidence of perjury, lying, false statements they can. Also if in any way they threaten the rights to your new child call the FBI. Tape them when they come around to back up what they said.

[w_woody]

Now, I have met with CPS and had my hearing for me to regain custody of my son was reset to January 3rd. My attorney wants time to deposition everyone in the case.

The CPS Case manager indicates that during the last unsupervised visit on September 14th thru the 16th that my son came home with bruises on his legs again. Yet there is no way because I didn't spank him while I had him and the report wasn't even made until the 19th. 3 days after I dropped him off.

My ex and her attorney said during court that it was my son's counciler who made the report but I had already called and spoke to her and she knew nothing about it. I think my ex made the call and then blaimed the counciler even lying to her own attorney because she knew the accusations where unfounded.

I don't know what's going to happen now. I'm back to supervised visits until we go back for my hearing on the 3rd. CPS case is still open as far as I know, but I don't know how they can say I put marks on my child when I have going out of my way to adopt other "alternitive" forms of disipline on my son.

It all boils down to my ex doesn't disipline my son at all. Allowing him free reign at their home, and he's only five. And when I try to set some rules and boundries for him, she says I'm over bearing and treating him like he's 12 or 13. I don't understand. She says that at her house that the entire family watches what he wants to on television and I'm a bad parent for making him go to his room to watch cartoons. That I expect too much out of him. Is it to much to expect my son to take a time out for hitting, kicking, throwing things, backtalking, and temper tantrums?

[debbiescalese]

Like I told you before we have that same problem with the ex. This is the conclulsion we have come to. The ex wants controle, she is willing to use her son to controle you, the only way to tame the beast is to feed it what it wants. What I mean by this is your ex does not really want this child she proved that when she walked off to go with another man and left the two of you behind. In this current game your never going to win you don't know the rule of how to play the game so you have to change the game and make up your own rules. think about it if you gave this woman full custody does she really want it . Probably not she just wants to fight for custody and bash you. Sounds to me like she is letting this child get his way and he is smart enough to know it so of course he likes living with mommy. As this kid gets worse and worse in the behavior department she will get more and more fustraited with the situation next thing you know the kid will be on your doorstep with mommy behind him with big old tears in her eyes saying "I can't take this anymore you handle him" and you have won. You stripped her of her power over you by not fighting back let her have the kid, then the game isn't so fun to her anymore, now she is left with the consequesance of her actions this uncontrolable child and she can't handle it. So tell cps I'm not beating my child and if this woman is going to be insistant on this and your going to back her the kid is all your's and when she can't handle this kid anymore I'll be more than willing to fix the damage she caused and you supported because I love my son but I cannot put up with my ex and her tricks or yours.
We are basically at that point now and we are confering with the lawyer over this. Since my boyfriends ex left him to presue a lifestyle where she could go out drinking and parting and sleep withvarious men having full custody of this child is going to throw a wrench into her plans plus this child is a behavor problem she cannot and will not handle. We figure it won't take long for her to just give her up since she walked away so easy in the first place. It is a case of I dont want this kid but I don't want you to have this child either.
read this and think about it. It may be a viable option
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,44833,00.html
What your going through is extreemly common and cps knows this so they simply take advantage and keep the fight going. Once you say I'm not fighting any more they will jump in with but your son loves you, etc. Well you love your son too and how much you love him should make you not want to see him used as a wepon in the mommy arcinal. Now this is just my opinion and what we plan on doing at this point because we feel this is the easiest end to this whole mess. The quickest way to get the kid back.

[yellernboyz]

I THINK GIVING OVER YOUR CHILD SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO PLAY THE GAME IS JUST GOING TO SHOW YOUR CHILD YOU DON'T CARE ENOUGH TO FIGHT, AND IN THE LONG RUN IT WILLTEACH THE CHILD TO USE THE SYSTEM. IF I DON'T LIKE IT AT MOMS AFTER A WHILE, GO TO SCHOOL AND SAY SHE HIT ME, THEN I GET TO GO BACK TO DADS ETC. ALSO LIVING WITHOUT BOUNDARIES WILL DESTROY THE CHILD. SOME DAMAGE IS NOT REPAIRABLE.

[w_woody]

The number of people who have told me to give up and let her have him is staggering. I can't understand why anyone would willingly stop fighting for their kids. I love my son so much...that I will go to prison for him. I love my son so much that I will not let her take him and send him to live with her parents in Virginia while she stays behind with her new husband...that's her long term plan. I know it.

Although the stiuations sound the same, letting her have him would only do more damage...as I've said...she already has a substitute in her parents who do almost all of the care giving now and will end up taking him if I where to let him go.

I am working now on getting depositions from his counciler...if she isn't doing the best job she should be for my son...I'm going to pay out of my own pocket for him to see a child psychologist. Hopefully someone can get through to my child and get to the truth and these half lies will stop.

I can't imagine leaving him with her. I can't, because every single day he's with her is weeks worth of damage she's doing to mine and his relationship.

[debbiescalese]

Yellernboyz, we really had to think this one through here were our choices 1) let the kid be used a wepon be forced to say bad things about dad and his family with all the pain and trauma that goes along with that. Plus also cps keep interfereing with visits she sees him for a few months then no visits then visits again etc. So instability. or 2) step away let the kid figure out what mom is doing and just how she is being used just how manipulated she is.
For one thing she knows her dad loves her and that he has been though a lot for her and has always been there for her. she may be told "Daddy didn't want to fight for you anymore" but she will know daddy just lost the battle. See in my case and many other nasty custody battles I've read about it isn't about the kids it is a power struggle nothing more. Should a kid be stuck in a power struggle between parents?
You also stated that living without boundaries will distroy the child and you are 100% correct. I totally agree. But if this guy is going to be constantly accused of abuse the kid will end up with mom and if cps keeps up thier nonsence eventually they will move to TPR his rights to the child then any future children he has will be mixed up in this mess. Depending on the state he lives in the laws can vary from any child of a parent who had a tpr previously automaiclly is taken away to he has a chance to redeem himself if cps makes him jump through enough hoops.
this plan really depends on the situation for it to work. It depends on the ex and if she is just out to hurt the dad, the child and how smart they and if they can figure out what position they are being placed in. Some damage is not reversable but much of it is. It depends on how long it goes on. In my case I guess with in 6-12months the mom will have had enough she won't be able to hold out. You got to remember too this child in this case is with mom now and how much damage is going on as we speek.

[yellernboyz]

THIS IS A VERY TOUGH CHOICE. I SPANKED MY ELDEST NOW 16 YR OLD IN 2000 AND WENT THROUGH THE WHOLE 2 YEAR CPS PROCESS,AFTER THAT, ANY TIME HE DIDN'T GET HIS WAY, HE STARTED MAKING UP STUFF TO TEACHERS SO THEY WOULD CALL CPS AND HE JUST WANTED TO GO LIVE WITH HIS DAD, THEN THE SAME THERE, AND BACK TO MY HOUSE. THIS LAST TIME, I DID NOT WANT HIM MAKING STUFF UP AN INVOLVING MY THREE OTHER CHILDREN SO I LET HIM GO BACK TO DADS. THAT WAS 2 YEARS AGO AND I HAVENT HEARD FROM HIM SINCE. HE NOW SAYS AWFUL THINGS TO AND ABOUT ME HIS FATHER HAS TRAINED HIM TO HATE ME.

[w_woody]

I think the hardest part for me in all this is that I feel I am in the wrong. I am beginning to see myself as a bad parent and a failure as a father. I honestly don't think that I did anything wrong...at any point in time, I was only doing what I could do for my son. Yet, now as the days go on I feel I've let my child down.

I have honestly become afraid to take care of or keep my infant daughter. Whever she cries when I have her I hand her to her mother and walk away, afraid I've done something wrong. When I was with my ex and my son was an infant, it was the exact opposite I would take him from her and calm him and soothe him.

For years I took care of him and now...I feel I'm at a point where I will have to sever that tie with him...litterally let my son go...in order to save myself. How can I do that? What parent would let their child fall instead of sacrificing their self? I ache now every day...when I wake up I am sad...because I woke up. I know that when I spanked my son and bruised him the last time I was responsible and I blaim myself more and more everyday.

I've met with his counciler several times, but when my son comes in he sits down and bottles himself up, he won't say anything when I'm there. I know he's uncomfortable around me and this woman together, but when I'm alone with him he climbs all over me, tells me he misses me and loves me, but they are telling me his silence is a sign of long term abuse. I have never done anything more then spank that child with my hand prior to the incident over a year ago that left the bruises. Since I have completely changed my disipline to avoid spanking at all costs...but I'm being labled as an abuser. I'm positive my ex is fueling this fire although in 8 years I never struck her once.

I am helpless now. That's how I feel. Helpless.

[yellernboyz]

IT IS ALL JUST A BAD SITUATION MADE WORSE. I TOO FELT LIKE A BAD PARENT. LIKE I WAS NOT CAPEABLE OF BEING A GOOD ONE. THAT IS JUST THE MENTAL ABUSE THAT CPS PUTS YOU THROUGH. THREE YEARS LATER, I HAVE TO JUST REALIZE THAT I AM A VERY GOOD PARENT. I SPANKED MY CHILD THE BRUISE THAT WAS LEFT WAS 1/2 INCH LESS THAN TH SIZE OF A QUATER. I WAS RAISED GETTING SPANKINS' WHEN APPROPRIATE. I NEVER WAS ABUSED AND HAD A VERY LOVING HOME. NEVER ONCE WOULD I HAVE THOUGHT TO CALL CPS ON MY PARENTS OR THOUGHT SPANKING WAS WRONG. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEATING AND SPANKING. NOW MY CHILDREN USE THE "IF I DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU TELL ME TO DO, I WILL CALL CPS AND TELL THEM YOU BEAT ME." THE CHILDREN NOW KNOW THAT THE CONTROL IS IN THEIR HANDS. DO NOT FEEL LIKE A BAD PARENT. PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES AND EVERYTHING YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH WITH THE STATE HAS TAUGHT YOU YOUR LESSON. TRY NOT TO FEEL HELPLESS AND NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR SELF OR YOUR CHILD. MY OTHER KIDS STILL CRY THEMSELVES TO SLEEP SOMETIMES BECAUSE THEY MISS THEIR BROTHER. IT IS LIKE A DEATH TO THEM. THE FIGHT MIGHT BE HARD, BUT YOU HAVE TO DO IT FOR YOUR CHILD.

[Frustrated]

IT IS ALL JUST A BAD SITUATION MADE WORSE. I TOO FELT LIKE A BAD PARENT. LIKE I WAS NOT CAPEABLE OF BEING A GOOD ONE. THAT IS JUST THE MENTAL ABUSE THAT CPS PUTS YOU THROUGH. THREE YEARS LATER, I HAVE TO JUST REALIZE THAT I AM A VERY GOOD PARENT. I SPANKED MY CHILD THE BRUISE THAT WAS LEFT WAS 1/2 INCH LESS THAN TH SIZE OF A QUATER. I WAS RAISED GETTING SPANKINS' WHEN APPROPRIATE. I NEVER WAS ABUSED AND HAD A VERY LOVING HOME. NEVER ONCE WOULD I HAVE THOUGHT TO CALL CPS ON MY PARENTS OR THOUGHT SPANKING WAS WRONG. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEATING AND SPANKING. NOW MY CHILDREN USE THE "IF I DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU TELL ME TO DO, I WILL CALL CPS AND TELL THEM YOU BEAT ME." THE CHILDREN NOW KNOW THAT THE CONTROL IS IN THEIR HANDS.

Sad but true...every children are using these tools nowdays and gets away with their crimes or get away from being disciplined or punished and they went on committing over and over, not learning nothing from this experience. And yet we have the highest juvenile rate going to prison now. Back in the old days, we never had these problems, but today we have many problems with our children today because the government tells us to leave them alone and yet the Judges now have to deal with them and every citizens have to pay for their food, clothes, and other stuff through taxes. Some gets shipped off to the Army, some ended up pregnant, some ended up on drugs and alcohol, some ended up in Prison, some never finished high school, they don't have a future. That's all because the government took the parents out of the equation and look what happened, now the gov't has to deal with children of today. More of an epidemic of problems than child abuse itself.

[debbiescalese]

w_woody

Your not a bad parent, your just not a perfect parent there is no such thing. You are human and you made a mistake which when I was growing up wouldn't have even been a blip on the cps radar. Things have swung so far in the other direction it is bad. I think when I was growing up (born 1975) the starters of the child protection were trying to get better conditions for children but they carried things too far and we now have the mess we are going through now. Now kids have gone from being punished yet showing respect into children who are never punished and have no respect for anything and when this generation grows up they are in for a rude awaking. i almost feel bad for them simply because they were just never taught right from wrong nor were they taught responcibilty or consequences for thier actions. This country is going to be in a sad state when these kids take over if something doesn't stop. They need to make laws more specific and stop going after people for discipling thier children. Things should be more clear.
In the 1960's my grandmother would chase my uncle down the block with a belt and the neighbors would assume he did something to deserve it and he did. Today you can't even correct your child in the store without a dirty look from somebody. My toddler a few years back took off and I cought up and grabbedher by her jacket causing her to flop on her butt on the floor and some lady said I needed to be more careful with my kid she wasn't a rag doll. Like it would have been better if I just let her run wild in the store and possibly get lost or kidnapped? Hey that is the difference a few decades make.

[w_woody]

Yesterday we depositioned my son's counciler.

She's has a masters in Sociology and a bacholers in psychology both from the university of Tennessee. She's not a child psychologist or a psychologist of anykind she's a social worker with a licence. The office she is in is the first office she has ever worked at and she's been out of school a year and a half. She has been seeing my son for a year, so she was only six months out when she took on the case. The entire case history was provided to her by my son's mother and she has taken everything they have told her at their word. As an example:

My Ex allowed my son to come over for unsupervised visits after my daughter came home from the hospital. My son was very good at first but then turned extremely hostile toward my wife. When I asked him about it he said that if my wife left that his mommy could come home. I asked him where he heard that and he refused to tell me, he told me that he didn't even remember me and his mother ever being together, so I gave him a photo album I had put up for him of all the pictures I had of me and my ex together. Some where taken before he was born, some where taken after he was born. I wanted him to see that at one time me and his mother where together. I didn't tell him why she left I just told him that sometimes people can't live together and it's not his fault.

Okay..

My ex's father told the counciler that I had punished my son for misbehaving by locking him in his room and forcing him to look at pictures of me and his mother together.

The councler was asked if she had ever seen any evidence of emotional abuse during the case and she repeated what my ex's father had told her.

So far everything I have done, right or wrong has been taken and skewed into a twisted version of the truth.

Other interesting facts:

My son's councler admitted she had only seen me interact with my son for about 5-7 minutes total.

She said that she in fact made the call to DCS, not my ex as I previously believed, because 3 days after I took my son home from an unsupervised vist my Ex's father brought him up to her office and he had a quarter size bruise on his hip that my son told her he had gotten when I had spanked him. That's also the day the grandfather told her about the pictures.

The next week I went along with my wife to see my son's counciler and my son was there and had a huge silver dollar size rug burn on his chin that he said came from his step dad dropping him on his face. She gave it no merit.

I'm currently trying to find a child psychologist to help me so if any check this board please send me and email and I'll provide you with all the details.

[eyeq181]

I have see this too, not in my situation but in a friend of mines. Well if she keeps trying to nail you they will eventually catch on and she will be the one in trouble. Here is the catch you will have finished everything in your safety plan. So you will become the safe parent and she will become the physco. I wouldn't give up, hell no, not ever. I would beat her at her own game though, and not let in. When you son is running around your house the day you drop him off. Take pictures of him playing. Stay inside and have him were shorts so that they can see that he had no bruises, A camera such as one that shows the date in the lower corner. Have them on hand, for such instances. See a bruise on him when he is in your custody or a mark. As questions even when caseworkers are presence, demand answers promptly. Swich spanking with time outs, this will show that your learning something, and improving in thier eyes. Don't tell them what you already know, bite your tongue for the time being. Treat everything as if it's major when it comes to any minor injury. And ask has that been check out by a doctor, don't ask your ex but caseworker that is working on your case.
This will show to them that you are the better parent.
Right now like many have said she is using your child as a bargining chip. To me this is the worst thing anyone can do to a child.
The worse things you can do is, tell the caseworkers that your ex is nuts and so on. Trust me it's hard to do. And they don't figure things out fast enough. Cause then the focus is still on you. And it will be worse, they will take the child from both of you and you don't want that.
When you have to be face to face with your ex. Keep it short. Smile, and be polite. It works. That is how to deal with her game.
Don't worry about what she might do. Enjoy the time you have now. And things will work out. Life will always have it's ups and downs.
I once had to deal with an crazy ex, who tried to sue me for custody of my oldest son for the sole purpose of tax deductions. He told the judge this. He wasn't even his bological son and only been in his life for 8 months at the age of 2. Now only did the judge laugh at him, he orderer him to pay me for the riduculas time and money I has to spend fight him. And awarded me temp. child support that had to be paid in 14 days.

Child phy is easy to find just look in the yellow pages call a phycologist of some sort and they will tell you were to go from there.

Good Luck

[w_woody]

I go to court tommorrow for a final hearing on my son and custody etc. After 2 years of fighting with my ex I finally get a full blown hearing.

Thank the lord for some good news...I hope I don't ruin it by talking about it...but my attorney called me this morning and told me that the allegations made against me by my son's counciler have been ruled to be unfounded and that DCS will have a letter to the fact tommorrow to present to the judge.

Hopefully this will be enough for things to work in my favor because my ex had allowed me unsupervised visits previously but supposedly stopped them due to these now proven "unfounded" allegations. I know I may not get full equal custody back but at least I may be able to get weekends back and maybe eventually he'll be home again. Thank you all for your support during these times and all your heartfelt advice.

I'll keep everyone informed.

[debbiescalese]

You may end up with more than you think. If they are supplying a letter stating that the accusations were "unfounded" and your ex made them... well some judges get a little huffy about that stuff. Really it depends on the judge and thier feelings on the topic but according to most parenting plans one parent using the system to get custody can result in them losing custody. I hope you have a judge that takes offence to this sort of stuff and nails her to the wall!

[w_woody]

Okay so the judge hasn't came back with an answer yet.

Immidately DCS (Department of Children's Services) asked to be removed from the case saying it was a private matter. They presented a letter saying the last allegations made against me where unfounded so now, The Department is officially out of my case.

My attorney cited we wanted equal custody returned to me, citing that previous charges against me where on diversion, I had met all the court's directions, and there where no outstanding charges.

My ex's council wants me to adhere to the opinions of my son's counciler (who made the now "unfounded" allegations) and continue with unsupervised visits for another 6 months minimum then get another 6 months of unsupervised with no overnights. It has already been 17 months. My son's guardian ad litem, cites he wants the court to do what the counciler suggests in the child's best interest.

My attorney cites the counsiler isn't an expert witness. She only has testified in 1 other case similar to this one, she was only out of school 3 months when she began seeing my son. She sees adults, adolecents, and children and is not a child psychologist she only holds a masters in clinical social work. The judge says she's an expert based upon her degree alone. So she can testify.

Okay as I said above we depositioned my son's counciler a week or so ago and she finally turned over her records (upon 4th request). After reviewing her records there where a number of glaring things that stood out to us. The number one thing being everything was "reported" to her (by my ex and her parents)...she "observed" almost nothing to suggest my son had been abused.

My lawyer asked her about when my son was first brought in and his intake evaluation was done what my son's mother had reported had happened. She said my son's mother stated: "He had red marks all around his neck, busted lip, and bruising from his back to the bottom of his ankles." my lawyer asked her to look through my son's Dr. report. It stated "bruising on backs of legs". That's all. My lawyer asked if that doesn't seem a bit overblown and call into question everything my son's mother had told her...she says no, she still thinks she's right.

My son's mother also reported that both herself, her parents, and both her sisters suffer from anxiety and depression. My son's mother had told the counciler I express "Anti-Social" behavior and "pain pills" where on the record but apparently she couldn't remember what that was about. I still want to know the answer to that one.

Another thing she had noted is how happy, excited, and secure my son felt about his previous visit with me, when she saw him on July 12th of 2007. My son spent nearly the entire week of July 4th with me. Staying with me from June 29th thrugh July 1st, and then came back and stayed July 3rd through the 7th. The judge even acknowledged I had testified how much time my son had spent with me that week. My lawyer asked if that didn't appear he needed more time with me not less. My son's counciler seemed perplexed.

She was pointing at me for the cause of my son's anxiety and feelings of being unsafe. My Ex's attorney tried to make it seem like my son only acted up around me that I was the reason he was having all this anxiety and behavior probelms. Yet the judge noted that in my son's counciler's notes that he had seen my son was misbehaving or being described as defiant to everyone in his life. Apparently he's been misbehaving so badly at school over the last few weeks (after being taken away from me again) that the school has contacted his counciler.

The judge even questioned my son's diagnosis by the counciler. She had said my son suffers from:

Adjustment Disorder with Anxiety (with or without depressed mood). When the development of emotional and/or behavioral symptoms occur within 3 months in response to an identifiable stressor. These symptoms and behaviors cause marked distress in excess of that which could be expected and results in significant occupational, social, or academic performance. Once the initiating stressor has ceased, the disturbance does not last longer than 6 months.

The judge said she had been seeing Dillan for over a year and a half and that I had my parenting time taken away for over a year and reduced to only 2 hours a week. The judge even suggested another disorder: Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

I don't know if this means the judge disaggrees with the counciler or if he thinks more is going on. I am still waiting on his opinion after all this is over. Either way I'm never giving up and I'm not going to let this DCS thing go either. They still have me on their books as a person who commited abuse when I know I didn't abuse my son and they didn't even investigate properly. I'm forming a letter now noting every single policy the violated in investigating my case and plan on sending it not only to their nashville office but the FBI as well.

[w_woody]

My son's grandfather told my son's counciler on 2-3 seperate occasions at the beginning of this year (January) that my son's behavior had "improved greatly". On all of those reports he also stated that my son's mother hadn't seen him very much during those times. One stated "Patient hasn't seen mother in one week" and the very next visit stated "Patient hasn't seen mother in two weeks, she's been spending time with new husband."

[debbiescalese]

I think you should go for full custody! And this judge would be stupid if he didn't give it to you. Obviously even the therapist has notes to the effect that the child's behavior is better around you than the mothers. I can see why he is taking his time on this one. Is this judge pro shared parenting or totally anti dad? Depending on his attitude towards dad's you may have won.

[w_woody]

Still no word from the judge. I don't know really what to expect from him. I've heard he can be fair, but I've also heard he can be unfair. It's the same judge who placed that child from here into foster care and then the child died in foster care. He appologized to the mother and insited she sue them it to the full extent of the law. One can never know what kind of things he's thinking.

What kills me about that case is in the paper it listed that the foster dad was disciplining the boy when he died. He was choking the child. When has choking ever been disipline? I spanked my son on his bottom and back of his legs with a belt. The paper listed me as having "Beat his son with a belt until he required hospital treatment."

I feel my entire case was biased based on the use of that single word. The warrant said I admited to "beating" my son. Not that I admited to "Spanking" him. Which is what I did admit to. I can only guess that it was the CPS case worker or ADA who substituted that word in. Think about it. If you had been shown a picture and said he spanked his son vs. he beat his son. Which one is more likely to raise your eyebrows?

Now my son's in therapy and I'm hardly getting to see him. Still, I can't understand why my son's counciler is taking my ex's side and still insists on me being identified as the "stressor" in my son's life.

When reading through her notes it seems to me that everything points to something else going on because his play therapy still points to feelings of helplessness even when I've not been there.

Alot of what the counciler says makes sense, with his play therapy always depicting feelings of hurt or helplessness. Yet, After I really thought back my son has played the exact same games with me, with myself taking on the roll of "Savior". He kept crashing cars off the side of the coffee table and insiting that "spider-man" save them.

When given the choice in his sessions he always wants to be the "dad" or "husband". He pretends the dad or husband is drowning, or falling out windows etc. Again showing these feelings of helplessness.

I hope the judge really looks at everything. Even if he plays it safe and recommends my son see another psychologist or something, I wouldn't mind. I would really like to know where these emotions are coming from. What he needs from me. You know. Again, I'll keep everyone posted.

[w_woody]

It's been 3 months and I've not heard a word from the judge. On the Saturday before Easter I recived a letter forwarded to me by my attorney that my Son's mother is planning on moving to Virginia (165 Miles, 3 hours) away from where I live so she can live with her parents, because she is having some health issues and cannot presently work.

I know they have been planning this for months and now I'm facing my son being dragged to another state near the end of the school year just because my ex's parents want to raise my son as their own. My ex doesn't care she is married to a man who lives here in East Tennessee but he isn't moving with them. If she goes I know she'll leave him there and be back here within three months. I'm hoping that this pushes the judge to my favor and allows me at least the chance to fight to keep my child as mine and not have him raised by his grandparents simply because my ex doesn't want to and doesn't want me too either.

[Momoffor]

Cant you object to taking him out of state?

I know in most states where you have to notify the non custodial parents permission to move to another state, they can object to it with X amount of days and then it will have to go to court to get a court order to stay or allow the move.

[samangjen]

I got this off:
http://www.divorcenet.com/states/tennessee/tn_faq07

If the primary residential parent wants to move out of state with the child, will this be permitted?

Yes, if the move is not motivated by vindictiveness and is in the best interest of the child. Timely notice, however, must be given. Consulting a family law attorney well in advance of moving is advised. A parent seeking to prevent the move may petition for a change of designation of primary residential parent.

If I were you, I'd definitely have your lawyer put in this petition now, before your son is out of state.

I do have one question that is confusing me; why is it taking the judge over 4 months to decide on the case? From my understanding, CPS is no longer involved in this, and all the testimony from both sides has been presented. Shouldn't the judge have made a decision within a few hours or days at most, not months? Isn't there some sort of time limit in which the judge has to decide after the case has been presented?

[w_woody]

Right now as it stands we have another hearing for May the 8th. My attorney filed a petition against the move, but it was already too late. My ex took my son and moved to Virginia the weekend of March the 28th and called me on March the 31st to tell me when we would be changing the visitation to. I told her that she broke the law and didn't give me enough notice she was moving (60 Days advance notice by Tennessee State Law) and according to the law she had to have the courts permission to move before she did. (Also according to TN law.) She said that there was nothing the judge could do about it now, she then offered me money to sign away my parental rights altogether, and when I told her I would never do that, she said she wanted to ask my wife if she would be for it so I would stop having to pay child support.

Well two days later my ex's mother (my son's grandmother) called me and laid a guilt trip on me about how if they had to bring my son for his scheduled visitation that he would have to miss school the next day (yes they had already transferred him schools as well) because it's a six hour round trip. So I agreed to put the visit off until the weekend. Then that very same weekend my son's grandparents tried again to convince me to sign my rights away, saying that I would still get to see my son, but that I would be able to stop paying support because my son's grandfather could adopt him and put him on his Social Security.

Again, we go back to court on May the 8th and still haven't gotten the initial ruling from January. My attorney contacted the judge last week who said he hadn't even looked at it and didn't know that they where moving, even though my son's guardian ad litem had contacted his office asking for a ruling. I don't know what's going on with the whole thing.

[debbiescalese]

Don't believe that you will still get to see your son and not pay child support. 1) you have to pay child support even if you sign away your rights 2) when you sign aaway your rights you have no rights to see the child either yes courts have granted post termination visitation if the parent can prove it is in the best intrest of the child and that the child wants the visits meaning there is a bond. If the child is adoped then child suport is a non issue because legally you bear no responciblity to the child you are a legal stranger.
My guess is if they want you to sign away rights it is becuase they are planning not to let you see the child at first they may let you see him but later they may stop and you probably won't be able to get a judge to grant you any visits.