soon to be ex accused me of harming my son

[Dakota2014]

Hello,

This is my first post and I will try and do my best to read as many other posts as well and do what I can to contribute to the forum, and not just come in expecting help and then leaving.

My situation is this. My wife notified me earlier in the year that she wants a divorce. I do not agree with her, but she has obtained an attorney and therefore has forced me to do same. As far as I know the two attorneys have not yet met and neither I or my wife has been asked to do anything accept provide a statement of finances.

Early last month I received a call from our son's counselor that he made an unusual statement at his after school program about being ticklish "down there". The staff reported this to my wife when she picked him up, then she notified my son's counselor. My wife is herself a mental health counselor (has her own business) and is well aware of mandated reporting requirements. So my son's counselor is asking me about why my son would make such a statement. He also tells me he is required to report this to CPS. I called my attorney and let him know what was going on (this is late on a Friday), and he said to sit tight till he has had a chance to talk to my wife's attorney. Well, while this is all going on, apparently CPS had had a conversation with my wife and as a result, I was now the target of the investigation of harming my son. They told my wife to leave the house with our son, which she did.

That was over five weeks ago and I have been in a hotel ever since. I had received a letter from cps that I was being investigated and that it could take up to 60 days. I am in a hotel because I agreed to leave the house so that my son could come back home. Besides the letter from cps I get next to no information as to the status of the investigation. My divorce attorney said that that may be a good sign (no news is good news). I have never touched my son in an inappropriate manner; ever! Due to my wife having mental illness (depression/anxiety) I am the primary caregiver. My son loves to be tickled (like many other children do) and begs me to tickle him nearly ever day. I do tickle him, but have never ever touched him inappropriately. I feel that my wife has taken this opportunity to use against me to gain leverage in the divorce for child custody as does my attorney. I have no history of ever being accused of child molestation or anything even close. I love my son dearly and have cared for him over six years of which the last couple almost exclusively. Because of this my wife resents me which is a big reason she wants a divorce. Now she is using my son and my love and caring for him against me.

I have the resources to obtain another attorney if necessary but my divorce attorney said that by lawyering up will make me look guilty. He suggests just waiting until we get the results of the investigation. I know that cps has interviewed my wife right after the allegation was made, and a week later they interviewed my son. Other than that I have no idea what else they have done to investigate me. I have been nearly paralyzed with fear from day one. I had to endure going through Easter weekend without being with my son which had me so depressed I couldn't think of anything else.

I was really hoping for a finding of baseless earlier on as this whole thing is ridiculous as anyone who knows me and my son would agree, but now I have the feeling that cps is going to keep me in limbo for the whole 60+ days. The waiting is absolutely driving me crazy. I have a good job and work hard and am very stable. My wife and I have a nice house in the suburbs here in the Buffalo NY area and are very fortunate as we have had very little in the way of stress or other life issues until the divorce and now this investigation.

What should I be doing while waiting for the results of the investigation? Should I contact the case worker? I have in past and she just doesn't return my calls. I don't want to be a pest and put myself at a disadvantage with her so I don't call her more than once a week. I keep a notebook with everything written down although there has not been much to write over the past 5 weeks.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I have been trying to research as best I can about the whole process and what some of the possible outcomes could be but when I do that I just get more concerned that I am going to never see my son again. I can't bear the the thought of it and then just get frozen with fear.

[Dakota2014]

just received a call from the caseworker. set up appointment to meet her at her office next week. I am petrified.

[whosechildrenarethey]

Without knowing what State this is happening in it's hard to provide specific insight. Perhaps these links will help:

http://www.massoutrage.com/ma/cps-resou ... non-court/

http://familyrights.us/how_to/fight_cps.html

[Dakota2014]

My wife and I have a nice house in the suburbs here in the Buffalo NY area and are very fortunate as we have had very little in the way of stress or other life issues until the divorce and now this investigation.

Please take the time to read my post before responding. Thanks for the links. I will check them out.

[Dakota2014]

well, attended interview today and cps said that I could not videotape unless I came back with my attorney. I chose not to do that and indicated that I would then write down all the questions & answers. As I do not know shorthand, things went slow and irritated the case worker.

We went down through all the questions on the form which many of which had nothing to do with the allegation. when I questioned this I was told that this form is used for all interviews.

When we were finished the cw informed me that based on information she obtained from my son's interviews, she was going to recommend the case to be indicated. So it really didn't matter much what I said I guess. The only basis they have is my own son's testimony which I am convinced is being twisted to suit their conclusion. CW said she may be interviewing my son at school to rule out the possibility of being "coached" but I feel her mind has already been made up. My son is still in the care of my soon-to-be ex and I feel my wife is using cps to get me out of the house during the divorce proceedings. By the time I finish appealing the determination, the divorce likely will be final and she will have successfully had me voluntarily leave the house which is what she wants. Like I said in my original post, she is a mental health provider herself for many years and knows the system well enough to use it as she sees fit.

[dieharddad]

It has been a while since I first created this post. I forgot my username and password so created another account.

I still have not received the investigation report, however cps has not reached their 60 day limit (June 23).

Out of financial necessity, I had to move back into the house. I notified my wife well in advance of this and the reason why I had to do it. Unfortunately, this displaced her and my son to my sister-in-law's which live the next town over. Within a week of me moving back into house, cps contacted me and indicated that they were intending on seeking an abuse petition against me; which they have since did. Up to this point, my divorce attorney was handling things but I have now obtained the services of an attorney who is more familiar with this type of activity. Needless to say, I have been displaced from my home again, and have secured alternate living accommodations. I have had my initial appearance in court and now have a temporary order of protection against me to stay away from my son, who I have not had any contact with since this who thing started back on March 28th.

I wake up everyday thinking that this has all been a terrible nightmare and that it is not real, but then it hits me like a ton of bricks and I prepare myself for the day. I am due back in court in a few weeks and my new cps/family court attorney seems to be a pretty good guy who knows what he is doing. He has prepared me for the fact that this will take three or more months to get resolved. My son's 7th birthday is next week and I am not allowed to even send him a card. I can't remember a time in my life when I felt so down.

I will do my best to keep this post up to date and share my experience with this as best I can. If anyone has anything they would like to offer, or just words of encouragement, I would be very appreciative.

[monkette31]

I think if the social worker "indicates" you, then you need to appeal that decision via the "review hearing" you are entitled to. You should be getting a notice which will tell you how to appeal that decision. In that circumstance, an indicated status means you will be put on a state child abuse registry, known as CACI (child abuse central index), held by your state's department of justice/ag. Has CPS taken you to children's court?

You have not been convicted of a crime, i think you should have visiting at the very least. Sometimes family court judges believe that one parent is making up allegations in order to gain custody and will punish the reporting parent. Many states are trying to bring nationwide 50/50 custody to divorcing couples from the start of the divorce. Have you seen the movie Divorce Corp? Highly recommended.

[dieharddad]

Yes, that is absolutely what I intend to do when we receive notice that the case has been indicated. CPS has 60 days to issue report which will be in a few weeks and I don't expect them to issue any sooner.

CPS has me in County Family Court when they sought the Abuse Petition, which I am fighting so that process has already begun. I currently have a temp order of protection against me to stay away from my son. Next due date in court is next week (week from today).

Correct, I have not been convicted of a crime (charge pending as result of abuse petition). No criminal charges either at this time and not expecting any unless new evidence is brought to light. As far as visitation, I am hoping that this will be discussed by attorneys/judge next week. I realize it is likely going to be some form of monitored visitation, but up to now I have not had any contact with my son for over two months and its driving me crazy. I am hoping that the fact that the allegation came from my wife, and that she is divorcing me will be considered by judge in my favor, but no way to tell yet.

Son's seventh birthday is tomorrow which of course I will not be able to see him, and it's breaking my heart. He is such a sweet kid and he is being tormented by this whole ordeal as much, if not more, than I am.

[dieharddad]

well, it's been over 60 days since cps began investigating me and I still have no report of whether it is unfounded or indicated. Obviously they are going to/have already indicated my case as they sought and obtained a temp order of protection against me to not have any contact with my son (which I haven't had any contact with my son since this all started on March 28th). My attorney is trying to work out monitored/supervised visitation with the county attorney and the court appointed attorney for my son. Next court date isn't till end of next month so lot of waiting.

If anyone has any comments, questions or just words of support; I'd be much obliged.

[dieharddad]

still don't have investigation report. I've since written a letter requesting a copy of report and all information on my case. My attorney doesn't think I'll get much information that we don't already have.

last court date the co has disclosed that my son has been seeing a child trauma specialist (this woman's credentials are a joke). specialist has diagnosed my son with ptsd after 2 sessions. has recommended no contact with me as it may set him back. they have all these behaviors to back up diagnosis which are either blown out of proportion or likely non-existent. If my son is suffering it is because he has learned that his parents are getting divorced at the same time I was ripped from his life over 4 months ago. My wife is/has always had difficulty with parenting my son, and likely contributing to his behavior issues. Judge has upheld the specialist's recommendation. Next court date is not for another 2 months. The prior appearance the judge had requested that the attorneys work out a supervised visitation but that has been put on hold.

I feel like I'm going out of my mind. Even my family is starting to act squirrelly with respect to this issue. I feel like I am all alone and see this just getting worse and worse. I cry every day and feel guilty if I haven't been thinking about it for 5 minutes. Most people I am around have no idea whats going on although I would imagine a lot of them know I am going through a divorce.

How the hell do I convince the judge that my son is acting out due to being asked for the umpteenth time has your daddy touched your privates? That his daddy did not disappear voluntarily. That his mother is using this to gain an upper hand on the divorce and custody? Some days I entertain the idea of just walking in front of a truck (not that I ever would). Every where I turn I am getting hammered. And I've done NOTHING WRONG! God help me.

[monkette31]

I understand what you're going through, feeling quite alienated and the whole stigma thing with the family. It is really common feelings you have. I see many people like you all over facebook, there's hundreds of groups there with people going through the same type of issues, divorce, parental alienation, persecution by whatever system or individual. Just know that you aren't alone and come find some groups on fb...you might want to get an aka on there at first until you figure it out...but i hear the desperation and just want you to know you are definitely not alone....

[dieharddad]

Thanks Monkette31. I appreciate your kind words and will look into what you have suggested. I also have an appointment with my personal counselor next week and am very much looking forward to that. Again, many thanks

[dieharddad]

back in court tomorrow. six months now that I've not had any contact with my son. sometimes it's really just too much to endure.

[dieharddad]

over seven months away from my wonderful son. Every day is a struggle. Last week my first hearing date set for March 2015. County continues to play keep away with my son. No supervised visitation as there is a childhood trauma specialist who claims my son has ptsd and it would be detrimental to him to see me. The reality is it is causing him great harm in not seeing me. So much so that his behavior in school has taken a turn for the worst and the school is evaluating him for alternate placement. I just can't catch a fucking break. His mother is overwhelmed and is in no position to push back (that was one of my many jobs). Divorce is still proceeding and I've been paying child support/maintenance since September. I'm broke, heart broken and fight to make it through another day. However, come March the county has to put there cards on the table and then see what happens after that. Also, supposed to take a polygraph test from the Dr who is evaluating my son (court ordered). I think it's referred to as a forensic evaluation. Anyway, Dr requested if I would also participate and my attorney felt it would be worth the risk so I've been to see him several times. He's a dick, and I come to find out my son doesn't like him and the Dr is not getting anywhere with my son so he's referring him to his partner (his wife). This system is so self serving it's not even funny. Pre trial is in early Dec. Guess not going to see him for Thanksgiving/Christmas. This year has been one long nightmare.

[scaredparent0135]

I know your struggle and your pain all to well. I have been out of my house since July first and haven't seen my 2 year old since the day i was arrested, August 13. This situation is very tough and there aren't enough resources out there to help. I have been accused of molesting my 7 year old step daughter. I have missed halloween and thanksgiving and many more special days will be missed before this is all finished I'm afraid. I was blessed though to be able to greet my daughter into the world. She was born last week and that was amazing that i didn't have to miss that. Saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Im out of jail on bail, as a condition of my bail Im on house arrest. Another way for them to make more money I guess. But it keeps me on a short leash and this way i won't just go over and see two of my daughters. I am sorry for what you have to go through, but you are not alone

[dieharddad]

Thank you for your reply and I wish you all the best as well. I've not been checking in here as much as I was but certainly am still dealing with this. Next court date in a few weeks and of course the hearing in March.

I read your post and glad you are out of jail. I hope you are able to get the criminal issue cleared up as soon as possible.

[family_man]

Dieharddad: You really need to petition the court to order your son to be examined by an independent psychologist/psychiatrist -- someone who is resistant to the kind of witch hunt you are being subjected to. You need an expert witness who is solidly in your court, who can counter the claims that you inappropriately touched your son, that the trauma he's going through is your fault, and that you are an abusive parent. Without such a witness, all the judge has to go on is the counselor your son is currently seeing, and the word of his mother.

You also need to see the videos of the forensic interviews that were made of your son, to see whether he was led into fingering your "guilt." In my state, all such interviews must be recorded and made available as evidence.

[scaredparent0135]

I haven't seen the videos of my daughter but have read the transcripts if she would start to say daddy the lady would change what she says to my name.
Hope your court goes well in march, I have my family court trial in March. On the criminal side I am hoping to get my motion for indigence granted and that will pay for my expert as well as the private investigator that i need.

[dieharddad]

Just got back from pre-trial. Actually had an appearance last week as well which is unusual as they are typically spaced a month apart. Anyway, the news is that the hearing date scheduled for next month, two days back to back, is still on. There was some concern last appearance that the Co was going to request that the hearing be moved back to early summer. I've been waiting 11 months for my day in court and it is just over a month away and I'm scared shitless. My attorney has begun the process for preparing for trial and I need to come up with character witnesses.

Also found out today that my son was reported to cps again (yesterday) due to having injury on his cheek. Apparently he got into the sewing kit, or at his mom's syringes (migraine meds) and scratched his cheek, and someone reported it to cps.

Trying to not think of the worst but hard not to. Just going to try and take things a day at a time and stay focused on the here and now as best I can.

I will do my best to also provide as much help and guidance to all you as well as this whole process has opened up my eyes to an incredible injustice occurring every day right under the public's noses. I don't know to what extent I can contribute to the cause but I will try to give back the help, guidance and support that has been so freely given to me here at fightcps.

[monkette31]

A referral on the mother to me seems helpful as it doesn't and can't involve you. Did you watch the movie divorce corp yet? I just don't understand why you can't see your son. You're not being criminally investigated and what they have is basically she said crud. I hope you have a better year. I personally know it's hard to live away from your child(ren).

[dieharddad]

The reason that I have been kept from seeing my son is that his mother had him being seen by a child trauma specialist which concluded after one visit that he had ptsd from what allegedly occurred. Now that the hearing is next month it's kind of a moot point.

I have not seen divorce corp. but will look up and see if i can get my hands on the book/movie via the library. Thanks

[dieharddad]

My hearing is scheduled to begin in just over two weeks and I'm kind of freaking out. My attorney may request an adjournment as my son is due to have a few independent evaluations conducted as part of proposed changes in his IEP. My attorney thinks that the evals may provide additional information which will help us. The thought of an adjournment is also scary as I've waited so long to get to the hearing (over a year now). I've provided my character witness list to my attorney but we've not gone through it together yet. Out of my immediate family (mother, 2 brothers, sister) my mother and sister agreed to provide character witness testimony. I am so crushed that my brothers have turned their back on me in my time of greatest need. It's a huge distraction. I guess I need to be thankful for my mother and sister, and put my brother's decision behind me. Ugh! It is so hard to stay focused and keep it together.

[dieharddad]

Pretrial scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Will find out then if the hearing, which is scheduled for next week will proceed. I plan on taking most of next week off no matter what happens to the schedule. I can barely think about anything else.

[dieharddad]

Well, not sure if anyone is interested but I try to keep this thread up to date.

Last week I decided with the help of an independent attorney that the relationship between my attorney and the judge has become poisoned and to seek out a new attorney. This is less than a week to the hearing mind you. They assured me that a new attorney will request an adjournment but even if not granted, they will have time to prepare. I secure another attorney and we are granted an adjournment till late April for the hearing. I have a lot of mixed feelings but hope that this was the right thing to do in the long run. New attorney seems like he's on the ball. God help me. I didn't want to have to wait any longer but just kept getting this nagging feeling that the judge was prejudiced against my attorney for whatever reason. He acknowledged this as well. Hopefully will have all this behind me by this time next month.

[finallyfree]

I am Dakota2014, as well as dieharddad. Why I have three accounts is due to me forgetting password and having the account associated with an alternate e-mail account of which I lost access to. Anyway, I am still here and want to continue to share my tale of woe, as well as offer any support and/or experience to others.

Currently, I have completed all of my menu items (parental training, CD eval, eval for SO treatment) last month (Sept). The worst of it was the eval for SO treatment, which included a polygraph. I'll go into detail on that separately, but it suffices to say I passed (i.e., no deception indicated [NDI]). The final step is supervised visitation, which has yet to begin, but could start as early as next week. Court ordered it to occur minimum once a week for an hour duration. My son's mom is in support of this (at least that is what she says to me) and hopefully after over 18 months, I will finally see my now eight year old son again. He is already aware of this and is thrilled. We are due back in court in early Dec at which time I am hoping that enough supervised visits have occurred that Family Court will grant me unrestricted access.

This has been one nightmare after another for me. First, my wife of over 10 years announces her intentions to divorce me in Jan 2014. Then I am accused of molesting my own son (by his mother) in March of same year and immediately loose access to him. As I fight my way through both of those, my son is identified as emotional/behavioral disturbed and has his placement changed from general education to an alternative school. A deal is struck with County days prior to hearing which drops the sexual abuse accusation but requires me to accept child neglect as well as completion of a menu of items (see above). In May of this year, my mother who has been a huge support (financially, emotionally) suddenly dies of a stroke.

Finally, last month after jumping through the polygraph hurdle, things finally show a glimmer of hope, and bring me to my current situation. There has been much pain, crying, humiliation, sorrow, and has all but ended normal family relations with two of my three siblings. I have had incredible support from some friends and one of my siblings. My son has since been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1, as well as issues with attention deficit. He is on three different medications and although is doing better at his new school, is still displaying many disturbing behaviors which his mother is unable to deal with (even though she is a licensed mental health counselor). I feel and have always believed that much of what he is going through is a direct result of the false allegation and the resultant removal of me from his life for 18+ months. His mother struggles with her own emotional issues (depression/anxiety) and has for many years which I believe also contributes to some of my son's issues.

I have gained much strength from many sources including this site. I will continue to report my progress (ups and downs) as well as try and support others as they fight their way through this broken, corrupt system that we have called CPS.

And finally, just found out that I start supervised visitation this Thur. Court ordered once a week for an hour. I can hardly believe it as it has been so long. Thank God!