Trying to be a Good Dad!

[LovePoet]

This is Christopher Joseph Knowles,

I lost my Fiancé and my family due to an accident. My fiancé left with my mom to Farmers market. I'm a stay at home dad or was. I moved to Walla Walla about 3 years ago. After I lost my son to SIDS in October of 2000. I started over here but was unable to find a job except as a newspaper carrier for the Union Bulletin. Christine Dickerson and I met while she was pregnant with her daughter. Well our daughter is now 2 our son is a few months old. I taught Issabella how to crawl, walk, her first word was Dadda. I read to her from the bible at bedtime. I was even working on potty training her. Most men wouldn't have taken on another man's child and treated them with unconditional love like I have treated Izzy. Right now all I have is memories to hold onto. I was feeding our son Christopher Joseph Knowles Jr. Issabella kept running up an smacking him in the face. She didn't pick it up from her mother or I we don't hit each other. I think it is just a jealousy thing. Well I laid him down on the couch and propped the bottle up so he could eat. WHile I was doing this Izzy grabbed her mothers glass of Kool aid stuck her hand in her wet diaper, then in the glass of kool aid, then was about to put her hand in her mouth. All I could think was oh my god she is going to make herself extremely sick if not worse. So I reacted thinking I was doing the only thing I could do in the limited amount of time I had. I lunged from the couch as fast as I could using my left hand even though I'm right handed I tried to smack her hand. Well my legs hit the edge of the coffee table I fell forward Issabella sat down on her butt probably thinking I was going to spank her which is what I would normally have done if I had enough time to stop her from what she was about to do. My hand missed and caught her right beside her right eye. I felt so horrible I didn't intend to hit her in the face or even very hard. Well I gave my baby a black eye. I was so shook up and feeling completely wretched for something like that I hugged her and told her how sorry I was until she fell asleep for her nap. Hoping that the hand print would go away I kept checking on her. It didn't well not right away. Christine came home and my mom left then when Issabella woke up Christine asked what had happened I still felt really bad as I remembered what I used to go through when I was younger that I mumbled out an answer. I still don't even remember what I told her. Never have I abused my kids or Christine. I swore I would never do to my family what was done to me. Well now I am facing Assault 4 degree I intend to plead not guilty. Christine finally found out what had happened I guess a friend of mine told her what I had told him about what had happened. Nobody believes that I could do that to my child except CPS. Christine tried to drop the restraining order so I could see my Kids and her, they told her if she did they would take our kids from her. She can't even testify on my behalf. I've never been in trouble with the law. No criminal record, my whole life was my kids. Now they are gone. I don't like to see abused children. Yet how do you prove it was an accident? Nobody has even seen me lose my temper with my kids. If I start to get frustrated with them I would tell Christine or I would set them down and tell them Daddy needed a time out. How do you fight the system that is made to protect children? If I had done it out of anger like with what used to happen to me and not trying to protect her. I wouldn't be writing this right now. All of my friends want to go to court for me. They are willing to provide statements about how I treated my kids. They still trust me around theirs. I feel as if I am being persecuted for an accident. Like I'm about to be crucified by CPS. I've tried to explain what happened to them I've heard from friends , since Christine's friends are my friends it's hard not to hear about what goes on in the others life. Christine has tried to tell them I would never intentionally hurt my children. Perhaps this will raise an awareness and help people understand that Accidents do happen. It's no different than your child running up behind you just as you move your arm and your elbow catches them in the eye. Your going to feel terrible. Does that mean CPS will try an cut you out of your children's lives as well? I will have to take anger management classes and yet I am one of the most mild mannered people you will ever meet. Calm, quiet , and polite. Except for lately all I can do is cry as I fall apart as I think of what I could have done should have done. Yet when I seen her putting her hand in her mouth I didn't have a lot of time to think. Nobody knows how they will react under that kind of situation. I'm guilty of trying to be a good dad. If that's a crime then lock me up. I've heard of the abuse that children suffer in foster care I too was a foster child and I remember the things I went through in them, So I can tell people first hand that in some situations the child is better off with their parents depending on the situation. Since she has not seen her daddy, she has quit potty training, she cries for me at night, she cries for me during the day. Please help me. ANy kind of information you can provide would be helpful if not assistance.

"Sincerely"
Christopher Joseph Knowles

Pass this on. Help me raise awareness that accidents can happen.

[Dazeemay]

Lovepoet,

Here is a link to protect the children. If I understand it correctly your fiance still has the children. You need to put your heads together on this one.

http://forum.fightcps.com/viewtopic.php?t=1103

You say you have a lot of friends if you do not have relatives then ask them to do this.

CPS will not be able to take them from you because it is a legal document. The only way they could do it would be to get a court order. But, if they do that then have a second one ready and then they would have to get a court order for that one.

I hope this helps ease your mind about them taking the children.